Broken And Unloved (ON HOLD)

by MikaylaTalpes

Clare used to have a perfect life,until her parents got divorced.her dad doesnt want anything to do with her&shes not who she used to n a new dark boy help her become who she once was.or will she push him away like everyone else. real summary inside

1. Chapter 1

Broken and Unloved

Chapter 1

Clare's POV:

I jumped when I heard my alarm clock go off in my bedroom. I was currently sitting in my bathroom floor with a blood stained razor in one hand, while the other lay beside me staining the floor a crimson red. I had gotten up earlier than I normally do so I could relieve some of my pain without the constant screaming of my mother's voice. My alarm clock kept screeching and I knew that in just a few moments my life controlling mom would be in here telling me to get up. As much as I wanted to sit here and enjoy feeling the blood run out of my arm, I knew that if my mom found me like this the little bit of freedom that I had would be gone forever. I would have no privacy, and the once a week therapy would become a three times a week thing. I didn't want that to happen so I grabbed a wash cloth and applied it to the cut on my wrist. I pealed myself off of the floor, slapped a band aid on my cut, and hid the washcloth and razor under my sink. I was just turning on the water to my shower when my mom barged into my bathroom.

Mom- "Oh. You're up."

Me-"Yeah, I wanted to have time to take a shower."

Mom-"Well, hurry up. I have to leave early for work, meaning that we have to leave early so I can drive you to school."

Me-"What? No, mom I can walk."

Mom-"I don't think that is such a good idea."

Me-"Oh, come on. And anyways if you have to leave early, that means that I will be stuck at school for an hour before it starts."

Mom-"An hour? Well, that will give you time to catch up with your friends."

Me-"Oh yeah. The friends that I don't have any more are probably still in the bed asleep."

Mom-"Fine. You know what? If you don't want to try to keep any of your friends, that's okay with me."

Me- "Yeah. The stage for trying to keep my so called friends is way over."

Mom-"Well, whose fault is that? If you didn't push people away, you would have someone to talk to. You know like Ali."

Me-"I don't push people away! They just don't get me. And Ali is too busy batting her eyelashes and trying to get Drew's attention."

Mom-"Ok. You know what I'm not going to argue with you."

Me-"Fine!"

She walked out of my bathroom and down the stairs, probably putting her coat on and getting the keys.

Mom-"I left money on the table for take-out, don't wait up."

And with that she was gone. I stripped off my pj's and climbed in the shower. The hot water felt amazing as it worked the stress out of my shoulders and back. I stood there for what felt like an eternity. As soon as I felt cold water hit my body I knew that I had been in there long enough. I shut the shower off, letting the excess water runoff my body. I climbed out of the shower and wrapped the towel around me. I walked into my bedroom just standing there for a few moments, before I walked over to my IPod dock and turned on some Dead Hand. Glancing at the time I quickly ran into my closet to get my clothes. I decided on wearing black skinny jeans, with a black Dead Hand tee-shirt. I ran out of my closet and back into my bathroom to do my hair and put some make-up on. I carefully but quickly applied my make-up especially emphasizing on the black eye shadow and eye liner. I grabbed my IPod from its dock, my black school bag and ran downstairs. I wasn't that hungry but decided to grab and apple from the kitchen table anyways. I grabbed my coat, slipped on my converse and was out the door in no time. I couldn't stand to be in that house. While walking to school I took a couple of bites out of my apple before tossing it into a trash can I passed by. When I got the Degrassi's parking lot, I could see K.C, my ex boyfriend surrounded by a bunch of skimpy cheerleaders, including the one that had stole him away from me back in grade 9, Jenna. Shit. I have to walk pass them. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I was scared of her, I just didn't feel like having to beat her ass today. When I passed them I could see them trying to get my attention but because of the loud rock music blaring from my headphones, I couldn't hear a thing. I closed my eyes and breathed hard through my nose. I didn't need this. I didn't need to listen to what she was saying. I didn't need to beat her ass because then I would end up getting grounded and suspended. Before I realized what had happened I was falling and my ass came in contact with the pavement. I quickly yanked my earphones from my ears. I was looking down to make sure that I wasn't bleeding anywhere, while also trying to untangle myself from my earphones.

Me-"What the hell!"

I looked up to see whose fault this was, but when I did the only thing I could see was a gorgeous pair of emerald eyes. At first I was mesmerized but I quickly snapped out of it. The next thing I saw was the most handsome guy I had ever seen. He had chocolate black hair and side swept bangs. His skin was a creamy light tan color. He had a strong jaw line and perfect lips. I noticed that he was wearing all black clothes, and jewelry that was identical to my gothic emo punk style. Every inch of him was intriguing but the thing my eyes kept wandering back to was his piercing green eyes. The sexiest smirk that I had ever seen was plastered to his lips, and he got this look and his face that looked like he was proud of something. I guess he could tell that I had been checking him out. I decided not to give him the satisfaction and quickly looked down.

Mystery Guy-"I'm so sorry. I must of ran into you when I wasn't paying attention."

Me-"Well, obviously."

It was hard being mean to him when he seemed so sincere and generous. Wait- what am I thinking? He was just another jackass excuse for a guy. I quickly sat up on my knees and began to pick up my belongings that had fallen out of my bag during the fall. He knelt beside me and began to pick up his papers and his binder.

Mystery Guy-"Look, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

Me-"Yeah, as if you could have enough effect on me to upset me."

And with that I grabbed my cell phone that was lying on the pavement and walked straight into the school. I quickly dashed into the girl's bathroom to get myself together. I knew that I had been kind of harsh but I also knew that if I hadn't of left when I did I would have caved and let him in. That wouldn't of helped with my "Stay the fuck away from me" attitude. I mean it wasn't like I didn't talk to people, I did I just didn't let them get close. My new attitude wasn't because I was tired of my friends, or because I thought I was better than them. I guess you could say that my parent's divorce and my dad was the reason I had changed. I had other reasons, but those two were the ones that had affected me the most. It wasn't so much the thought that because my parents couldn't make it with love, that I wasn't going to be able to either. It was more of me thinking about all the pain and heartbreak that I had endured, and that if you don't get close you don't get hurt. I had successfully been doing that for the past year and a half, but now all of a sudden I bump into this boy who makes me want to feel again. I couldn't for the life of me understand why, but the more I thought about it the more my brain hurt. So I came up with the only thing I could…it was unexplainable. The school bell rang breaking my train of thought. DAMNIT! I'll be late for 1st period again.

Mystery boy's POV:

Ok what the actually fuck just happened. Here I am walking through the Degrassi parking lot when all of a sudden me and this girl run into each other causing her to fall down. I bent down to see if she was ok and to apologize but that's when she looked up at me. She had the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. They were big and blue. I couldn't help but to stare into them and when I did it was like I was surrounded by a deep blue ocean. I wish I could of stared into them forever. She just sat there checking me out. Normally I ignore girls in general because of what happened with my ex, but for some strange reason I liked her checking me out. I couldn't help but smirk, and I guess that gave me away because she looked down before moving to sit on her knees to pick up her stuff. I apologized once again because the first time I got a mean reply. But when I told her I was sorry the second time she bit my freaking head off and stormed off into the school. And here I stand not knowing what the fuck just happened. Even though she was mean, I couldn't help but think about her all freaking day long. Her eyes weren't the only beautiful thing on her. Her face, her short auburn curls, her plump pink lips, her crimson cheeks when she blushed, and then her big beautiful eyes. Her body type was just perfect. She wasn't skin and bones, but she wasn't big either. She was just in the middle. And she had curves in all the right places. She rocked her style to. It was identical to mine. She wore black skinny jeans, with a black Dead Hand tee-shirt. They were my favorite band. She was just so sexy and beautiful. She wasn't like all the boney and skimpy girls at Degrassi. She didn't put herself out there, and try to get attention. It seemed to me like she tried to avoid attention at all costs. She seemed like the kind of girl who cared more about her life then what she wears or eats. But it also seemed like she had been scared and hurt. I sat in 3rd period wondering what could have happened to her to make her so protected and insecure. I wondered if it was an ex boyfriend, or a friend. Every possibility ran through my head, but the more I thought about someone hurting her, the madder I got. I couldn't stand the thought of someone hurting her and I wanted to hurt the person who hurt her. My thinking was interrupted when my physics teacher called on me for the answer to a problem, which I passed on. I mentally thanked her. I didn't know this girl at all. I didn't understand why I felt so protective over her. I couldn't get her out of my mind no matter how hard I tried, even when my stomach growled and I got my lunch and sat down outside to eat. She was still in my mind. I guess I had been in her mind too because I quickly received a text from her. The text explained that during her fall this morning our phones had gotten switched. I had hers and she had mine. I knew this since early this morning. I had felt the vibration of her phone go off in 2nd period and not stop ever since. It was some girl named Ali, who seemed to be freaking out at the thought that she wasn't replying. I knew I should have texted her to tell her that I had her phone, but I didn't want to. I figured that if I had her phone, it would give me a reason to see her again. And I know that sounds pathetic and stalkerish but still I couldn't help it. She was like a drug and I was addicted. Her text continued when I told her my name and agreed to meet her outside at the picnic tables to re exchange phones. I was sitting in the corner just talking to my best bud Adam that is until I saw her walk out of the doors and look around everywhere. Now I won't tell her this but when she didn't find me she looked kind of disappointed. I thought for a brief second that maybe she did want to see me but then I thought that maybe she just wanted her phone back. She sent me a text asking me where I was so I sent her one back and walked over to her. She obeyed what my text said to do and turned around. I then found myself connected again to her beautiful eyes.

Clare's POV:

Well, I had survived all the way until lunch. I was currently standing in front of my locker getting the books I needed for 4th period. I was surprised that I hadn't got a "Where are you" text from Ali yet. Maybe my phone got changed to silence during the fall this morning. Oh the fall this morning. I don't know if it was a blessing or a curse. He was so handsome and sexy but I still couldn't get him off my mind. It was impossible, trust me I tried everything. It's just he was so damn sexy. His side swept bangs, his strong jaw line, his perfect lips, and then his green eyes. I couldn't help but imagine what it would feel like to have our lips together. Yummy. I mentally slapped myself back into reality. God, I've got to stop zoning out. I reached into my bag and pulled my phone out unlocking the screen, still no texts. This was odd. Ali was normally texting me like crazy if I was late for lunch. Even though we didn't hang out, and we weren't as close as we used to be, we still had lunch together. I decided to send her a text to see if she was even here today, considering that we didn't see each other at all other than lunch. I pressed the contact button and scrolled down in search for her name but I couldn't find it. Yeah maybe my phone got turned down during the fall but there was no way in hell that Ali's contact got deleted. That's when I noticed that there were two contacts above where Ali's should have been, named Cece and Bullfrog. What they fuck? I didn't know anyone by those names. That's when it dawned on me that this morning when I fell me and the mystery boy must have switched phones by accident. We had the same phone which was an IPhone 4. I had gotten it a few months ago from my dad. He was trying to make up for not spending the weekend with me like he had promised. I pushed the memory out of my head not wanting to think about it. I decided that I would text him and handle this but first I needed to get to the cafeteria and let Ali know I was ok before she got all worried. Ali always got really worried when I didn't text back and not show up. Who could blame her? I mean if your best friend had almost killed herself in the girl's bathroom and year earlier you would be a little paranoid too. I know Ali cared about me and was just trying to give me the space I asked for, but sometimes it was just a little much. I shut my locker and walked off in the direction of the cafeteria. After I had gotten my lunch, found Ali and explained to her why I wasn't answering her texts, I got his phone out and started texting him.

~Text Messages~

Me-"Hey, mystery person whose name I don't know. I don't know if you have noticed but this morning when we bumped into each other we kind of switched phones."

I looked around the cafeteria but didn't see him, so I guessed he was in class. He replied within minutes.

Mystery Boy-"Well, well, well, looks like you're right. My name's Eli. Oh and by the way you have yet to inform me of your name."

I couldn't help but blush, considering that he was trying to flirt with me. I almost sent him a flirty text back but decided not to. I was trying to distance myself from people. Even though I did talk to some people, just talking to him and not getting emotionally connected was impossible. Even though I know I shouldn't, I cared about him too much to just be friends with him. And I knew that if I tried to talk to him, I wouldn't be able to stop this feeling of wanting to be with him, let alone trying to be friends with him.

Me-"Oh ok kool. Well Eli, we're gonna have to meet to give each other our phones back. And my name is Clare."

Eli-"Ok, well I'm at lunch right now."

Me-"Really? Me too. I looked around but didn't see you."

Eli-"Oh, I'm outside eating on the picnic tables."

Me-"Ok. I'll be out there in a minute."

He didn't reply so I took that as an okay. I quickly explained to Ali where I was going and threw my food away. I walked out of the school doors where the picnic tables where at. As soon as I was outside my eyes scanned every table looking for him. After a few moments of looking I gave up and walked over to a nearby table. I waited a few more minutes before I decided to text him.

~Text Message~

Me-"Hey, I came outside and looked but I couldn't find you. Where are you?"

Eli-"Turn around."

I did what the text said and sure enough there he was. He stood there before me looking as handsome as ever.

Eli-"So we meet again."

He was so nice and cute. And it was so hard to be mean to him. He didn't deserve the way I was being to him. But because of the way pain had altered and changed me I couldn't let him close.

Me-"Yeah, and hopefully this will be the last."

Eli-"Well, I figured with the way you stare at me we might see each other more often."

Me-"Yeah, I don't see that happening."

Eli-"Oh really? I know you want to see me again because you like me."

Me-"LOL HA! You're really funny. Yeah like I would actually like some strange guy who knocked me down, gave me bruises on my ass, and took my phone."

Eli-"Ooo…bruises on your ass? Kinky. I like it."

See even though I was being mean to him he was still being nice to me. He wasn't making this easier.

Me-"Wow."

I could tell he was getting tired of my smart ass attitude by the way his facial expression changed.

Eli-"Well, hey the fall this morning wasn't my entire fault."

Me-"Really?"

Eli-"Yeah, really. If you weren't so busy listening to that dumb pop music you girls listen to, you would have been paying attention."

Ok now he was really pissing me off.

Me-"Excuse me? Number one it's not pop its rock and it's called Dead Hand. Number two you know nothing about me, so don't you dare compare me to all the rest of the air brain, bimbo sluts at this school."

Eli-"Yeah, you're right. I don't know anything about you because you keep pushing me away. Based on your attitude and how you've treated me, apparently you push everyone away."

Me-"How dare you! Here just give me my phone, take yours and we'll pretend that we never met."

I handed him his phone and snatched mine from his hand. I went to walk away but his hand on my wrist stopped me.

Eli-"You know, people might like you if you were nicer and didn't push them away."

I didn't understand him one bit. No matter how mean I was he acted like it didn't bother him. But he did give it right back to me. It made me mad to stand there and see some stranger trying to decode me and tell me my problems.

Me-"You don't know anything." I snapped.

Eli-"Well, I know that if you weren't such a cold hearted bitch, you might have some friends."

I couldn't believe what he was saying. I was just so mad and before I realized what I had done my hand came in contact with his face. He was just as shocked as I was because he just stood there with a hand on his cheek and a bewildered look and his face. The longer I stood there the more I became happy about what I had done, and the madder I got at him. He didn't know anything about me, so how dare he try to tell me what I should do to get friends. The only person that had ever called me a bitch was my dad. It hurt. Pain ripped through my heart as I heard his voice replay over and over again in my head. It took me a moment to find my voice. And with tears streaming down my face I let him have it.

Me-"HOW DARE YOU! Did it ever occur to you that I might not want friends! And I'm not a bitch, but because of my past I'm scared as hell to let anyone in! So don't you stand there with your stupid smirk thinking that you know me because of my attitude. You don't know a fucking thing. You're just like every dumbass bastard at this school."

With that I turned around and walked into Degrassi. I could tell that 4th period was about to start so I quickly ran into the bathroom to wipe the tears from my eyes and to freshen up my make-up. I finished and was able to make it to the door of 4th period advanced English when the bell rang. I stepped through the doors and noticed that none other than Eli was sitting at a desk looking down at his phone. He looked troubled and worried, and I couldn't help but feel concerned. Mrs. Dawes called attention to the class and I walked over to the only seat open. I plumped down right behind Eli. Great, this is just fantastic. The one guy in the whole school that I can't stand has to be in this class. And I have to sit behind him. I could tell that this was going to be a long period. Seeing as how this was a new semester, Mrs. Dawes was just going to go through, and talk about what we would be doing. This was boring, so I just sat there with nothing to do. I kept going through my mind trying to figure out why this had happened to me. The one guy in this whole school that I felt something for had to cross the line and call me a bitch. I knew that's not what he really thought about me, considering he tried to flirt with me a lot. And I guess all in all it was my fault, considering how mean I had been with him. I just wish that I was some normal girl who could have all the friends she wanted, let them get as close as she wanted, meet a boy and fall in love, without being scared of getting hurt. I just wanted to be able to open up to him and like him. But no matter how much I wanted that I knew couldn't have it. As I was sitting there zoning out I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I pulled it out to see that it was the last person I wanted to talk to write now. My dad. Me and my dad were having a huge disagreement. You see a couple weekends ago when I went to his house, his step daughter and wife had gotten into a fight. Well, when I left the next morning, that afternoon I got a call from him. He told me that his step daughter had lost her IPod, and asked me if I had seen it. I hadn't seen it so I told him that. Well that little bitch told my own dad that she left it in her room, and that I was the last one in there. She told him that I stole it. She probably got mad while her and her mom were fighting, threw it down, broke it and then gotten rid of it, and blamed it on me to save her own ass. Well ever since then he keeps bringing it up and trying to be good dad, but because he doesn't love me and only cares about his new family, I can tell that he doesn't believe me. I couldn't believe what the text message said and as I read it the uncontrollable tears started streaming down my face.

Dad-"Hey. Just wanted to let you know not to worry about the whole IPod thing. We have a tracker thingy that will track it to find it. I believe you when you say you didn't take it but we are going to track it just to make sure."

Just to make sure? You've got to be kidding me. I knew he didn't believe me and it was a very hard think to deal with. My own father didn't believe his own daughter. He believed them over me. Even though I told him the truth, he was going to use software to make sure I was telling the truth. That's not right. He should believe me, but he doesn't. It hurt a lot and I swear I could actually feel the rest of my broken heart rip into pieces. I didn't even know that it was possible for my heart to break anymore, but I guess I was wrong. The tears where pouring out now and I couldn't stop them. I guess Mrs. Dawes could see me crying because she asked me if I was okay.

Me-"I ….just…need….some….air….please."

She nodded and I grabbed my bag and ran out of there and to the girl's bathroom. As soon as I went into the handicap stall I reached into my bag in a separate pocket and pulled out my razor. I pulled up my coat sleeve and quickly slid the blade over my wrist. I let the blood flow out for a few moments before getting up to get some tissue. There was water on the floor so instead of standing up like I had hoped for, my feet slipped out from behind me and I hit my head on the floor. I only had a moment more before everything went black. Leaving me lying passed out on the floor, and my un bandaged wrist pouring out blood.