And Then There Was Us
"Either way, me and Kate are going to be together."
Maybe it was the sudden steel of determination in her voice or perhaps the way Rana's eyes never broke away from Kate's but something inside Zeedan seemed to break. He slumped onto the bottom step of the stairs, his arms limp at his sides and his head bowed. Kate felt herself twitch involuntarily towards him. She could feel his pain, hell she'd felt the pain of thinking she'd lost Rana as she'd jumped in the taxi to Devon. He'd been her friend for years, they'd been a tight group and now that was lost. It had imploded with the loss of Luke and the magnetic attraction between herself and Rana.
"Zee.."
He lifted a hand up towards Kate in the universal sign of 'stop, I'm done'.
"Don't, just don't." He took a deep breath and looked up at her, "I get it, yeah, I get it. This.." He motioned with his hand from Kate to Rana, "It's bigger than the both of you. I'm not an idiot, I'm angry, I'm broken but I am not an idiot." Rana brushed a stray tear off her cheek and sat down on the arm of the chair, she was so tired. How on earth she thought that she'd be able to carry off this ridiculous plan for a month let alone a year was dawning on her. Every glimpse of Kate over the last few days had chipped away at the hastily flung up, flimsy wall she tried to build around herself. Watching as she had walked into her bedroom with Sophie close behind had probably been the final straw, she'd thrown caution to the wind heading up to flat after Sophie had 'moved in'. Kate had thrown out, 'she's lovely and I want to love her' but Rana knew. She knew she still held the cards, it was almost like a kind of torture. Knowing she could still elicit a response from Kate but also knowing that she could do nothing about it. She took a deep breath and looked at Zeedan,
"Well? Do you still want to work together and make this deal work?" Zeedan looked at Kate as though he wanted to say something but Rana intervened before he could, "Don't even think about asking Kate to go. This is about her as much as me and you now. Whether you like it or not we're all in this together. I have lost so much of myself over the last few weeks and it stops now. I'm so so sorry for hurting you, I know you don't believe me but it took us both by surprise." Zeedan looked up sharply at Kate.
"Did you pursue her?"
"Her! I am here!" Rana fumed shaking her head, "If anything…"
"Rana, s'alright. Zeedan you should ask what you want, I think honesty has to be the best policy now." Kate's face softened as she looked at Rana and with a small shake of the head she moved forward and sat on the sofa. "No I don't think it would be right to say I pursued Rana, I didn't"
"I kissed her first" Rana mumbled. "That afternoon I went out with Sophie and Rosie I came back and went to Kate's flat and I kissed her. She pushed me away, if anyone did any pursuing it was me." Zeedan's eyes flickered towards the ceiling and he nodded to himself.
"You were jealous of Imogen, I knew you weren't bothered by her and Kate together. I just couldn't work out why you were so off about it. Makes sense now, a lot of stuff makes sense now." Kate sighed this was what had worried her so much for so long. Making Zeedan look like an idiot when he wasn't and hadn't actually done anything wrong. Fresh tears fell down Rana's cheeks and she wiped them away with the back her hand. God she was sick of crying!
"Imogen saw, she recognised it was jealousy before I even knew what it was. After I'd been out with Sophie and Rosie and after I'd kissed Kate we tried to stay away from each other." Zeedan barked a harsh laugh,
"Yeah right"
"We did! Zee I tried, we tried. It's just…" Rana stopped and looked at Kate, she didn't have the words. When she looked at her she knew exactly why she was willing to lose her parents, why she was willing to face the disapproval of the community, why she was willing to embark on a journey that terrified and excited her in equal measures. Kate looked her and knew implicitly that she needed to step in.
"It was just too hard Zee, what we felt and how strongly we felt it. You know what I went through with Caz. I thought I loved her – I really did. I convinced myself I could maybe love Sophie. The truth is when faced with real love, actual painful, heart breaking love there's no contest. I am so sorry that it had to happen like this but I am not sorry that I love Rana, I will never ever be sorry for that. I am sorry we lied, I am sorry we went behind your back but I honestly believe I'm meant to be with her." Rana was sure that anyone looking at her would be able to see her heart beating through her chest. This was why it was all worth it. Zeedan stood up, slowly, as though the weight of the world was on his shoulders and turned to start walking up the stairs.
"We'll have to agree on some things. I'm not going to be able to see you together, you couldn't deal with seeing her with Sophie." He looked at Kate. "Imagine feeling like you do and losing her. None of this is ok, none of this is easy. I'm not a bad person." He glanced at Rana, "I'm not sure there's an easy way to get through a year but I guess 1 miserable person is better than 3." With that he trudged up the stairs and disappeared and Kate released a breath she didn't even realise she'd been holding. She was across to Rana in seconds, wrapping her up in the tightest hug she could.
"I love you, I'm never letting you go again." Rana sighed into her and gripped her tightly.
"You better not, I've got no tears left!" She pulled back and looked at Kate "I know this is still not what you want."
"Stop. You. You're what I want and if I have to wait to share that information with the world then I wait. As long as I know we're together and this is what you want too, that's all I need." Rana nodded vigorously,
"It is, it is. It has been for so long I just wasn't brave enough but you're too important, I love you too much to pretend anymore. But…" Rana bit her lip nervously and looked down.
"But what about Sophie? I know, I'll speak to her tomorrow. She is lovely but she's a mate. I shouldn't have gone there. I'm sorry"
"I encouraged it! Don't be sorry, we should both be sorry. She's more collateral damage isn't she." For a few seconds they both stood quietly contemplating what being together was costing and both silently came to the same conclusion. It was worth it, it had to be.
"You know, in time, when the dust has settled. All those people will see why this had to happen because we couldn't not be together." Kate rested her forehead against Rana's "I better go." She felt Rana's fingers flex briefly against her hips. "You don't need to worry anymore whether this is the last time we'll be together or when the next time will be though." She smiled brightly "probably see you tomorrow – how about lunch?" Rana smiled, the huge megawatt smile that always had Kate weak at the knees. She kissed Rana gently on the lips and pulled back. "I've missed that smile."
"I haven't had much to smile about recently but I am fed up of crying! Lunch tomorrow sounds amazing, I think I might even sleep tonight."
"Not sure I will!" Kate couldn't resist a cheeky wink, which earned her a light slap on the shoulder from Rana.
"And you'll speak to Sophie?"
"Yes as soon as I can tomorrow, I'll just have to tell her it's not working and we're best off as mates. Not sure how she'll take that but it is what it is. Just us now."
"Just us – I like the sound of that."