Whee. This fic will be pretty short, and it's on Erk's reflections. I'll answer questions at the start of it, by editing and updating it. Here we go.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Priscilla and Heath are getting married next week, after being engaged for a year. It isn't as if you care anyway, but I do, and it makes me wish I don't care, because of...... If I cared, I probably wouldn't be talking about this.
Nobody ever told me how much... a broken heart hurts. How it rips you to shreds. It happened to my cousin, and when asked how it felt, he would merely answer "Don't let it happen to you." So I was afraid. Afraid of a broken heart. Afraid of the pain. And when I fell in love with Priscilla, I knew that it would happen sooner or later. So I picked later. And who knows, maybe she did like me. But even if she did, she does not anymore. I don't understand why I didn't try harder. I always wanted her to return my affections, but I knew it would never happen. It would be an insult to her, and her stepparents. Sure, Kent and Wil and the others always called me "Crazy" when I always said that she didn't like me the way I liked her, and I knew, as I know now, that I was right.
I should have... I should have? All the things that I should have done, but I didn't. I always tried to hide that I would die for her, kill for her even. And I did, from her at least. And what has it brought me? Pain. The worst to ever be experienced by a human.
She's happy with him, which is all that matters now. As long as she's happy... I can survive. And for that year, I hid the pain, but that was what could not be hidden from her. And when she came to visit me, I told her that I didn't want to talk about it. Would you want to talk about how you love someone with all your heart and soul, and every fiber of your being when they're engaged, and promised to another? I didn't think so.
Today she gets married. I forced myself to come, and now I'm forcing myself to keep a hold of myself. When they are officially married, and everyone is crying tears of joy, I will be crying tears of pain, disguised as tears of joy. Now Smile. Smile, Erk, you dolt. Hide it all, because she's walking down the isle, looking at you curiously. She doesn't know, and never will.
This will always follow me. This will always haunt me. This will stay with me until I die. This is...
Pain.