Underlined is said in Hebrew.
Italics is a flashback/dream/memorie.
Chapter one – lost in memorie.
Something didn´t felt right. The people in the squad room only had to breathe out or she snapped at them. She even didn´t know herself why she was doing it. Soon it was time to go home.
Ziva sat down at her couch, reading a book. But for some reason she couldn´t concentrate. She decided to go to bed early. Because reading didn´t seem te bother her much. It was just the moment she stepped in to bed when she saw the flashback in her head.
"I am sorry Ziva, your father… I just" a tear came down her cheek. "I love you" than the woman kissed her on her for head, turned around and walked out the door. Ziva had only been seven years old.
She laid down, how could she forget, today was precisely twenty years ago when she saw her mother for the last time. The last time she ever told someone she loved them. In a way Ziva didn´t mind remembering it, that day was the day she most remembered of her mother. They had gone to the park with the fountain, and had lunch together. She remembered that her mother loved her and hugged her so much that day than she didn´t understand. But it was her mother saying good bye, forever.
On the other hand she didn´t like to see it and live it again, because when her mother had left her life changed for good.
"Mama. Mama please come back" she had screamed when she ran outside and saw the car of her mother drive away. She runs after it, even when she couldn´t see it anymore. She stopped at the park they were that day. And sat down on the edge of the fountain. How long she had been there she didn´t remember. But it was dark, when finally Ari had come to take her home.
That night she only saw her mother' face before her.
The next day when she arrived at work she still wasn't herself. Tony noticed it and came to her desk.
"What's up Zee-vah?" he asked.
"Nothing" she mumbled and looked up. When his gaze got hers Gibbs luckily came in and they had to go. Tony didn't ask again.
The ride home seemed to take hours, why was it bothering her so much. She had lived without her mother for twenty years now, and why did she wanted her mother more than ever right now. Her car slowed down for the traffic lights, and her mind floated to the day of her sixteenth birthday.
Tali sat next to her, Ari on the other side. There was only one other girl from their age, Inara but she was only there because their fathers did business together. She just had her presents, form her father her first gun, handmade, from Ari a holder. Tali said that she would give it her later that day.
It was round two when she got a card, there was no senders name on the back but the handwriting looked familiar. When she opened it she found a letter, Happy birthday, my love, the moment she read it she recognized it, her mother's. Her hands started to shake, she wasn't used that emotions slipped trough. When she run out the door she dropped the letter. Tali picked it up, she also recognized the handwriting, and there wasn't much she remembered. Only four years old was she when her mother had left, when she was about that same age Ziva sometimes told her story's of their mother to help her remember, to keep the memory alive. But she had stopped telling them a long time ago.
Ziva run till her lungs could no longer hold it and she had to stop. Without knowing she had run to the fountain, she broke down on the edge of the fountain. For the first time in eight years really crying.
A horn from a car made her switch back to the present time. She had mist quit some green light with her crazy ninja drive stile as Tony would call it, she drove further to her apartment. The door to her apartment opened and closed again behind her. She just stood there for a while. She wanted to see her mother again but she hadn't even got a picture of her. Her dad had put it away, why was a question.