Selfish

Chapter: 1

Rated: M

By: Celeste Jacobs

Beta: Maria

Disclaimer: HP does not belong to me but the story idea does.

A/N: I am warning you now that this is going to be a very different story. Everything is A/U and the title plays an important role in this story. All the chapters will be long so there will probably be about 1 1/2 to 2 weeks of waiting for a new chapter. That and I'm still working on my other two stories. Selfish will consist of 7 chapters and pay close attention to the first letter of each chapter. If you want to review this story be honest and tell me what you think.

So, this is how it ends for Draco Malfoy. No mystery murder or tragic-life-cut-short accident but a calm descent into the unknown. The one people described as callous and cruel was currently allowing his body to fall to the bottom of the Hogwarts lake. His eyes were closed and his face bore a smile only seen by his mother. With his blonde hair flowing like a crown of gold and arms outstretched, Draco sank further and further into the dark abyss. Normally, a person would be gaping for air but not him. He had learned a long time ago when a person is willing to die, death just becomes another stage to pass. Death can't hurt you if you expect it, it can only hurt you if you fear it. Draco was looking death in the eyes and not backing down.

He allowed his mind to send him through flashbacks of good times and bad. His first scraped knee from a broom accident, his third birthday, his first beating from his father, his mother's crumpled form lying dead at the bottom of manor stairs, and his father's death. He would never forget his father's death. How could he when he had enjoyed it so much?

:Flashback:

"It's so good to you see you again my son," said Lucius.

A year had passed since Harry Potter defeated the Dark Lord and Draco had just turned 17. Lucius Malfoy had been cleared of all charges brought against him due to lack of evidence but that had not stopped the Ministry from seizing all of their assets and dragging the Malfoy name further through the mud. They were poor now, nothing more than a name with only a once-beautiful manor, now falling to pieces. Lucius and Draco were currently in the library, with Lucius sitting in one of the chairs in front of the fire while the other leaned against the door frame.

"I have brought you a bit of comfort. I still don't see how you manage to live in this place when it's all falling down around you," said Draco as he lifted up a bottle of brandy.

Lucius chuckled lightly.

"Ah yes, brandy, that and this manor are all I have now,"

Draco watched as his father struggled to get up. The once proud Malfoy was now reduced to a shaking mass with long unkempt hair.

"Allow me to get the glasses father," said Draco before pushing himself off the door frame.

He walked into the library and headed towards the makeshift bar in the corner of the room. There was a moment of silence between the two before Lucius broke it.

"You know we are a dying breed Draco. The purebloods are starting to intermingle with the mudbloods and soon all magic will be gone. Just like this manor, our world is crumbling,"

"Or maybe the purebloods are just hoping that their children will become the next Harry Potter," replied Draco coolly.

He watched as father's back stiffened.

"How dare you say something like that! Our Lord fought to protect our kind from disappearing!" shouted Lucius.

His outburst caused him to begin to cough. He took his handkerchief out of his pocket and brought it to his mouth while Draco handed him a glass of brandy.

"Your Lord fought only for his own gain and no one else's. I was never on your side or have you forgotten that father,"

Draco watched his father take a sip before setting the glass on a stack a books that acted as a side table.

"No, I have not forgotten. I have also not forgotten the look on your face when you thought Potter was going to die. Your mother had the same look when I killed her lover," replied Lucius.

"I don't know what you speak of," said Draco.

"Oh, you know fully well what I'm talking about. You're in love with the Potter brat and it sickens me" hissed Lucius.

"And you sicken me father," replied Draco coolly.

Just as Lucius was about to reply he felt a sharp pain in his chest. He cried out as his body begin to spasm causing him to fall out of his chair. Draco walked over to his father's writhing body and looked down on him.

"May the Devil have mercy on your soul father" he said before turning to walk out, making sure to take the last of the brandy with him.

: End Flashback:

Draco felt his world go black as the memory faded into oblivion. His body found a new home on the bottom of lake bed and with a smile still on his face Draco's life began to slip away.

Harry knew he was being selfish when he jumped into the lake after Draco. He knew the blonde was there to kill himself and for once Harry should have let the boy have his peace. But he could not seeing how a piece of himself would wither away if he could never see Draco again. As he swam swiftly to the bottom of the lake he realized that he would never admit out loud that he was in love with the Slytherin. If he did, it would reveal that he could be tempted by the dark side. Draco stood for everything that he destroyed in the war two years ago. He could not allow himself to show the feelings that threatened to eat him alive.

Harry paused in mid-swim. He realized that the light of the sun would only lead him so far and now all he had was intuition for a guide. The lake didn't appear to be deep from above the surface but this was a Hogwart's lake and this lake was as deep as the ocean. Harry would have to trust his heart on where to go and he once again begin to swim towards the bottom.

He felt his lungs burning for air but ignored them. Harry was feeling his way through the darkness when his hands made contact with a solid object.

"Draco!" he thought as he took hold of the other boy.

Harry could feel the he was running out of time to get them both to the surface. He would need some kind of lucky charm to get them both out of this mess. He would die with Draco if he could but Harry knew that they would not end up in the same place. Draco would rot in the fiery pits of Hell and Harry would spend the rest of eternity begging God to send him down with his beloved. Desperate to avoid that unhappy future, he kicked faster and just when his lungs threatened to burst, they broke through to the surface.

Harry sputtered and coughed while swimming with Draco to the edge of the lake. He hoisted them both up and collapsed on the bank gasping for air. Harry looked at Draco's wet form before struggling to get up on his knees. He needed to get air into the blonde's lungs before he lost him to death. Harry began performing CPR and prayed with every push that his breath would bring about miracle.

"Come on Draco! Don't slip away from me now!" cried Harry before once again breathing into the boy's mouth.

Just when the panic in Harry's heart began to turn into dread, Draco finally started coughing up lake water.

"Everything is going to be okay Draco," said Harry as he helped Draco sit up.

"You..should..have..let..me..die," gasped Draco between breaths.

Harry was about to reply when Draco fell into him unconscious.

Blaise sat on his bed staring at the bed Draco once occupied for many school years. He had just received the news that his long time childhood friend had passed away. On the outside Blaise's face looked remarkably calm but on the inside he was a tragic mess. He felt sad, angry, and betrayed all at the same time. He could not help but feel a bit lost about the situation and wondered why he never saw the signs. His anger mostly stemmed from the fact that Draco should have confided in him instead of flinging himself into a lake. Blaise got up from his bed and walked towards Draco's. He climbed into it and inhaled the lingering remains of Draco's scent. Blaise always loved the way Draco smelled -- like the air just after a violent thunderstorm with shattering lightning and what seemed like never-ending rain. You couldn't bottle that scent and sell it. The boy was born with it. Blaise clung tightly to a pillow and let the tears flow. He was quiet at first but then the body shaking sobs took over.

"Why!" he cried. "Why did you leave me!"

He would never see Draco again. He wouldn't even be able to tell him the wonderful news.

"Hey love," said a voice.

Blaise looked up to find his boyfriend of three years staring back at him.

"I didn't hear you come in," whispered Blaise before burying his head further into the pillow.

"How are you feeling?"

"I feel like shit Ron. Pure shit.. I just want my friend back," said Blaise.

Ron smiled slightly and climbed into the bed.

"I want him back too. He stood by our relationship when no one else would,"

Blaise nodded his head and allowed Ron to pull him close.

"I was going to tell him today that we were engaged and he was to be my best man. How could he be so selfish? How could he just think about himself and not care about how his friends would be affected?" sobbed Blaise.

Ron pondered the question for a moment.

"I know that was probably a rhetorical question but I'm going to answer it anyway. Yes, Draco was being selfish and I'm sure at the time he was thinking about his own troubles. I too believe that he should have talked to one of us but I can't be selfish myself by wishing I could change time and let him live a miserable life,"

"But I should have seen the signs!" said Blaise angrily.

"Draco was a great actor. He was schooled on perfecting an emotionless mask for his entire life. None of us were able to see through it," replied Ron.

"But I'm his best friend! I should have been able to see through that mask,"

"No you shouldn't. Draco would have never allowed you a world class view of his emotions. It would have hurt your soul too much,"

"Don't you care that Draco died Ron?" flared Blaise. "Why aren't you angry or screaming at the top of your lungs?"

"Because that would make me selfish,"

Blaise sat up from the bed and cradled his head in his hands.

"Am I being selfish?" he whispered.

Ron didn't answer his boyfriend's question right away. Selfishness in itself is a touchy subject that borders so many emotions. It can swallow you whole without you even realizing it and cause others to despise and hate you. In a negative way it can shatter trust, drive you insane, and leave you alone for the rest of your life. But, when it is positive it can work miracles. Being selfish is neither black or white but a stormy rain cloud gray. It is only society that makes it one way or the other. Ron decided that today he would turn his back on society and allow his own mind to answer.

"Yes" he said, "And you have a reason to be,"

Hermione sat in the library studying for the fall's transfiguration class. The glow of the candlelight on her face revealed a smirk due in a large to today's turn of events. Draco Malfoy had been pronounced dead at 8 o'clock and Hermione was reveling in the fact that she would never see his smug face again.

"And here I was thinking that this would be another boring summer at Hogwarts," she thought.

This was her third summer at Hogwart's and this one was turning out to be better than the ones of the past. Last summer the friendship between her, Harry, and Ron had fallen apart. Harry had distanced himself from her and Ron for what she mockingly called a pity fest. She was tired of Harry's secrets and decided that he just did it to grab more attention. What did it matter anyway? While Harry was occupied with himself she used the opportunity to get closer to Ron. Hermione would make sure that she was with Ron at all times and even suggested that they go out a couple of times. However, despite her best efforts, Ron would just smile and shake his head. At first, Hermione thought he was being shy but she found out that wasn't the case at all. She had just left Ron's room after a boring game of chess one night when the truth came to light. She had not even made to the girl's staircase when she heard the Common Room portrait swing open. Hermione watched as Ron walked out and decided to follow him.

Hermione could feel herself getting angry all over again. How could she have been so stupid and blind?

She had followed Ron all the way to the Slytherin dorms and watched as the door opened.

"Do I even get a chance to whisper the password at all?" asked Ron.

Draco chuckled slightly before patting Ron on the shoulder.

"Hey, I can't help it if your boyfriend knows you like the back of his hand,"

"Hmmm..speaking of Blaise how come he isn't greeting me?"

"Am I not good enough for you Ronnikins? You wound me deeply,"

Draco placed his hand on his heart and made a sad face.

"Ha Ha. Very funny,"

"Don't be so sarcastic Ron. It' doesn't suit you. Your dear old boyfriend is currently taking a shower. I'll let you join him if you both promise to keep it down,"

Ron smiled.

"Cross my heart and hope to die if I don't stick a needle in my eye,"

"Why would I want to stick a needle in your eye?" asked a confused Draco

Ron laughed and made his way into the room.

"No, seriously, why would you want me to stick a needle in your eye?"

All Hermione could remember was seeing red and desperately wishing she could snap Blaise's neck in two. He had stolen her Ron away but now he would pay the price. Draco's death, while not part of her plan, was a very pleasant beginning. Soon Hermione would be ready to take Ron back and then she would watch as Blaise—bereft of the people he loved most—self destructed.

"I will destroy you Zabini and revel in your demise," she whispered gleefully before turning back to her studies

Harry stared at the white sheet that covered Draco's body. The Slytherin had been pronounced dead an hour ago and Harry found himself unable to move from the chair beside the bed. Madame Pomfrey had left a while ago but Harry never noticed her exit.

He stood up and pulled the sheet away from Draco's face. He brushed his hand lightly across the still warm cheek. Madame Pomphrey had cast a couple of charms to keep the body from decomposing. Harry felt a burning sensation in his eyes and tried to blink away the tears. He remembered Draco's last words and felt his throat tighten.

"I couldn't let you die because I'm selfish Draco. I'm selfishly in love with you and now you'll never know," he whispered.

"Are you sure about that Mr. Potter?" asked a feminine voice.

Harry snapped his head up to find gray eyes filled with curiosity staring back at him.

"What are you talking about?"

Narcissa ignored him and walked over to her son's dead body. She smiled before pushing the golden bangs back and kissed his forehead softly.

"Do you know why he killed his father?" she asked quietly.

Harry shook his head.

"He killed him for me and for you,"

Her words cut through him and pierced his heart.

"I don't understand Mrs. Malfoy,"

"Please don't call me Mrs. Malfoy. Narcissa will just be fine,"

She sat on the edge of Draco's bed and began to hum a tune as she petted his hair. Harry was about to repeat his statement when she spoke again.

"I have a question for you Mr.Potter and I want you to answer it carefully. Your answer is the key to bringing my baby boy back to this world,"

"You mean...there is a way to bring him back?"

"Of course! This is the wizarding world you are living in and even death's power isn't permanent," she replied.

"What's your question?" asked Harry.

Narcissa smiled a moment before turning away from Draco and looking into Harry's eyes.

"How selfish are you?"

"What?"

"When it comes to my son, how selfish are you?"

Harry played with the bottom of his white polo shirt. It was one of the many articles of clothing that had been borrowed from Ron who had borrowed them from Blaise. His friend hadn't stopped by yet but when one of the house elves appeared with the shirt along with and a pair of jeans and green boxers he was grateful. The note that accompanied it scribbled with Ron's chicken scratch handwriting had almost made him smile.

"Selfish enough to never let him go. Selfish enough to kill anyone who dares to harm him and selfish enough to make him share the rest of his life with me," Harry said fervently looking up to unflinchingly meet Narcissa's gaze.

Narcissa nodded her head and stood up from the bed.

"Then my work here is done. Bring my son back to me Harry and never let him go,"

"Wait! You haven't explained to me how to bring him back to life," Harry protested

Narcissa chuckled.

"Did you know that Draco loved writing poetry? After the war he stopped writing until one day he picked up his notebook and wrote once more. Find that last poem Harry and you will find your answer," she replied cryptically.

Narcissa looked at her son's body one last time before leaving Harry to his thoughts.

Narcissa had just turned the corner when a hand on her shoulder caused her to stop in mid-stride.

"He accepted," she stated.

Severus rubbed the bottom of his chin and let out sigh.

"How are you feeling Narcissa?"

"Interesting that you should ask Sev. I have been crying for my son since the day he was born and now I can't even produce one tear," she mused.

Severus nodded in understanding before leading her to his office.

"I feel so empty Sev," she continued sadly. "I don't know what I will do if Harry can't bring my Draco back,"

"Even though I hate to admit it, we must have faith in Mr. Potter. He is a determined young man and when he sets his sights on something he goes after it with a vengeance,"

"I am worried about Dumbledore," Narcissa confided. "I know that he will try to destroy my son's body with no one looking,"

"Why do you say that?" asked Severus.

Narcissa sighed.

"Draco was always obvious when it came to his love for Harry and I'm sure Harry was the same way. My son represents everything Harry is not and if they are allowed to be together then Dumbledore will lose his pawn,"

"But there is no need for Potter to be a pawn now. Voldemort is gone," reasoned Severus.

"Yes, he's gone but there are still evils out in the world and Dumbledore will continue to use Harry to promote his own gain,"

"Are you sure that Harry can bring Draco back?"

"Yes Severus I am sure,"

Severus pushed a stray hair out of his face and rose from his chair.

"Would you like something to drink?" he asked.

"Firewhiskey if you have it and a lit fireplace would be nice too,"

"I'm not a house elf Narcissa," growled Severus in mock anger.

"Well Severus, since you're already up getting me a drink it shouldn't be too much of a hassle to light the fireplace," Narcissa batted her eyelashes winningly.

Severus rolled his eyes and was about to reach for his wand when Narcissa stopped him with her voice.

"The traditional way is better," she said. "The magical. way leaves out that feeling of comfort"

"You're pushing it" warned Severus but he moved towards the fireplace anyway.

Narcissa just watched him and smiled.