TITLE: Buffy's Turn 1\?
AUTHOR: Rick
DISCLAIMER: All Buffy stuff belongs to Josh Whedon and others.
E-MAIL: amulet@my-dejanews.com
DEDICATION: There is dedicated to L.S.K., a very complex and wonderful person. She is quite under the weather right now. I hope this can bring a small smile to her face...smile.
ROMANTIC PAIRINGS: Hey, is there any other one, really. B\X in the end. But some B\R, some X\A, some X\Kate, some X\C and some major Riley, Angel jealousy on the way there. Minor Willow\Tara
SUMMARY: After Anya leaves Xander to save him he decides to leave Sunnydale. Buffy has a revalation about him but it is too late I see it going maybe 50 pages or so.
BUFFY'S TURN
CHAPTER: 1- Anya Loves Me But, So What? So does Cordelia.
Xander Lavelle Harris laid on his bed staring at the ceiling. He didn't know which hurt worse, his hip or his leg. Tonight on patrol he tried out a new move he learned from his Akido master. It actually worked but he hit one of the grave stones on the way down. Luckily he was alone when it happened. He didn't need any more criticism for his clumsiness. But, hey, he took out two vamps simultaneously with it. Xander was getting very adept with both his hands and feet. And he hadn't been getting his arse kicked anymore. He still got the bumps and bruises but he had not been seriously hurt in some time. He was beginning to pride himself on that. He was fast losing his buffoon status.
Not that anyone noticed. Xander was on his own for the most part. He didn't want Anya risking her life. Buffy was too busy with Riley to give him anything but a passing notice. Giles was Buffy's watcher again so he has his purpose in life back. Willow was with Tara. Together they were research queens and Witchy experts. Tara was nice but she gave him the creeps, like she was hiding something.
Ever since his 20th birthday things have been different for Xander. He felt a lot more independent. He renewed his commitment to fighting daemons but he didn't know if he belonged in Sunnydale or what. From the bottom of his soul Xander felt that he was the only one who truly understood the slayer. More so than Willow, or even Giles. He was the only one who saw the loneliness deep within her heart. A loneliness which none of her so called soul mates has been able to cure, not even her vamp with a soul, Angel. Riley was a ticking bomb. His past was bound to catch up to him sooner of later. And Xander knew Buffy's heart would be broken again when it did.
The boy was quite weary. No matter who he went with. No matter how many times Anya and he made love something was missing. Anya was so sweet and, as a human, she was quite devoted to him. But what about her past, in some ways even darker than Angel's or Riley's. He had his own ticking bomb. Anya was not completely human and she never would be. Sometimes when he looked deep within her eyes he could see the darkness. It was a shame. Her human persona was so damned appealing. Of course that is why they spent a lot of their free time in a horizontal position.
Xanders biggest problem was Buffy. She has survived all these years only because she had him. That sounds arrogant but it was true and Xander feels he has earned the right to say it. He's the one who risks his life day in and day out to help her with only his wits to defend himself. He has had no other agenda. His role in the Scooby gang has slipped to being the comic relief but his bruises and scars were anything but funny.
But he still watched her back, still thought about her, worried about her. At least he didn't have to worry about the money thing. His Uncle Rory left him a sizable chuck of it, to the dismay of his parents. He was in his own bachelor pad. It was humble as bachelor pads go but it was functional. He had his own miniature gym which he frequented often. Getting himself in shape mentally and physically for the fight against evil was his obsession. He knew he had to toughen up psychically. He was tired of being easy prey for the Dracula's of the underworld. Meditation and yoga helped immensely with that.
The boy was boosting his self confidence by leaps and bounds. That was very important in the daemon fighting world. The bastards always liked to play the terror game, try to scare you to death before they had you for supper. To hell with that. No more games with the creatures of the night. Whenever he could he would turn them to dust. And no more nonsense. If you were a baddie then down you go. It didn't matter any more if you were a baddie with a guilt complex or a neutered evil one. Xander has had enough.
The boy had another problem. He couldn't stand Riley. He tried, he really did. But the man was hard to take. He did that corn-dog routine with Buffy but, with everyone else he was an ex-commando with an identity crisis. He didn't trust him. Xander's concern was for Buffy and there was just something wrong with her relationship with him. Buffy might love him but deep down he was not satisfying her. Xander knew it. At first he thought it was his old jealousy coming back but now he knew it wasn't. The slayer is fast becoming hard and arrogant. This is not good for her in the long run. Part of her edge, part of the reason she lasted so long is because she relied on her friends. But Buffy was becoming frustrated with everything and every body. He could sense this. Her love interests are not keeping her on this side. She has been seeking something which she herself doesn't realize half the time.
All these things rumbled through Xander's mind and heart as he struggled to do his upside down sit-ups. The muscles of his arms strained as he pulled his upper body towards his stomach. His legs tensed at each pull. He might still die in this war against evil but he damn sure was going to take his share of the slimy bastards with him when he goes.
The boy's concentration was broken by the loud slamming of his front door. Anya comes in frantically as if something was chasing her. Xander quickly gathers her in his arms. She is crying, almost sobbing actually. She tries to talk to him between tears.
"Xander, I do love you...very much!"
"Okay, honey, I know you do. What's the matter?"
"Xander I'll always love you."
"Anya, is somebody after you?"
"Just hold me for now."
After a few minutes Anya calms down. Xander questions her.
"Now what's the problem, Anya?"
"It's bad Xander, real bad. They'll catch me...take me from you."
"Who will, Anya?"
Before his girl fried can answer Xander's front door comes crashing in off the hinges. Into his house comes a massive and quite formidable looking daemon with fire in his eyes. He stares menacingly at Xander.
"Is this him? Is this the mortal who has you prisoner?"
Xander immediately jumps into a defensive position mentally remembering where he has the nearest stake and how far away he is from his newly acquired sword.
Anya steps protectively between the monster and her boyfriend but is pushed aside. This is all the time Xander needs to pummel the behemoth with as nasty a roundhouse kick as he can muster. The monster is shocked by this. It gets up.
"You dare to interfere with the will of Lothar? You have defiled his Anyanka and you will die for that!"
Anya gets up again. "He didn't defile me. I love him."
"You will come back with me Anyanka. You will have your powers back."
"No, please, I want to stay with Xander."
As the monster makes a move toward Anya Xander has a different idea. He prepares to face the beast.
"I hate to interrupt your little tirade but Anya stays with me!"
Anya tries to stop him. "Xander, don't he'll kill you!"
The monster reaches past Anya and rips a deep wound to Xander's shoulder. The boy cringes at the pain but has a big surprise for it. He rams a stake chest high into the ugly bastard. When it doesn't burst into ashes he reaches for his sword catching it chin high with an uppercut motion. The head severs from the body in sickening fashion. It explodes into dust but the body doesn't. Xander collapses from his wound. Anya frantically reaches for the phone. The only number she can remember is Willow's.
The Witch contacts the rest and soon the whole gang is there. Very soon Xander is in Giles's car on the way to the hospital. After the check- in the gang gathers in the waiting room. Buffy is really on edge.
"What happened Anya?"
"That daemon was after me. He wanted to kill Xander and take me back home but Xander had a different idea."
"Who beheaded it, Anya?"
"Aren't you paying attention? I told you Xander did it."
Buffy smirks at that idea and is joined by Riley. Even Giles is taken aback by this. Anya gets defensive for her boyfriend.
"Ah, you people have missed a lot."
Buffy answers. "Anya that is a major league looking monster. Xander couldn't..."
"Buffy, where have you been? Xander kills a lot of things. Apparently you haven't noticed."
The slayer looks at Giles. The watcher questions the girl.
"Anya, you mean Xander beheaded that thing without anyone's help?"
"You people make me sick. I don't know why he hangs around with you."
The discussion is interrupted by Xander coming out from the emergency room. His shoulder is heavily bandaged. Buffy runs to him, hugging him.
"Are you all right, Xander?"
"Yea, I'm fine Buff."
The slayer gets a little embarrassed as she realizes she went to Xander even before his girl friend did. She recovers herself, letting him go.
"Xander, we told you to stay out of trouble."
The boy feels a little bit offended by this remark. He feels lucky to still be alive.
"Wait a minute, Buff, I'm glad I got out of this all in one piece. And is staying out of trouble even an option in this town?"
"You know what I mean, Xander."
"No I don't slayer. Why don't you tell me!"
"I can't have you involved in the heavy fighting. I can't be around to protect you all the time."
"Wait a minute here. Did Anya tell you that daemon broke my door down. He was going to get my girl friend and kill me. I didn't have much choice but to fight it."
Buffy sees something in Xander's eyes she never saw before. He wasn't shocked or even scared by having to fight it. She sees a certain strength she never saw before.
"Xander, how did you fight it?"
"What do you mean how did I fight it? How do you fight daemons? How does your commando boyfriend fight them?"
"Xander, get serious will you."
"Look, slayer, some big major domo daemon was trying to steal my girlfriend and kill me. I fought it. I won. I'm sorry if you don't understand it. Would you rather it kicked my ass?"
"No, Xander, I'm sorry. I didn't mean...I mean..."
"Okay, forget it Buff."
Buffy just stares at Xander as Anya and he exchange a warm hug and a kiss.
But she recovers turning her questions to Anya.
"Why was it after you, Anya?"
"My Uncle, he wants me to come back home. He loves me."
"Yea, he has a nice way of showing it. Look, Anya, we have enough going on around here. We don't need any added grief."
Xander is very upset now.
"Buffy?"
The slayer knows Xander didn't like what she said. She looks at him.
"What, Xander?"
"Be cool, will 'ya?"
"Then keep your daemon girl friend in check!"
"Oh, very sensitive of you, slayer. How about last year when we were taking shit for the programmed one over there? That was okay, huh?"
Riley makes a move to confront Xander but Buffy moves in front of him. She grabs his arms.
"Stay out of this Riley!" She turns back to Xander.
"You're out of line here, Xander."
"Why, because I don't like your latest lover-with-a-tragic-past?"
Buffy goes toe to toe with Xander. Giles decides to intervene in this rapidly degenerating conversation.
"Buffy, it is essential that we identify the daemon Xander killed...just in case he wasn't alone."
"Buffy continues to stare at Xander with furrowed brow. The two have clashed before but this time it was different. Xander just got finished defeating a big time daemon. He is not supposed to be able to do that. She was surprised by her own response. Why was she so mad at Xander? He is her friend. He was hurt. She calls to him as he is leaving.
"Xander?"
"What do you want, Slayer? Didn't you get your pound of flesh out of me yet?"
"Xander, I'm....."
The boy grabs Anya's hand and leaves the hospital. Giles heads to the shop for some research. He is followed by Tara and Willow. Buffy is still pre- occupied with Xander. Riley goes to her.
"Are you okay, Buffy?"
"I don't know...I just...what has gotten into Xander?"
Willow hears this. She turns around to address the slayer.
"Buffy, he has been involved with you for the last four years. Some of you rubbed off on him."
"Ah, is that a compliment or a cut-up?"
As they all begin to leave the hospital Riley adds his two cents.
"How did Xander ever manage to stay alive, anyway?"
Giles answers. "He always has had a bit of an edge to him."
Buffy perks up at this.
"He has?"
"Sure, Buffy...despite his penchant for the non-sensical he has always been quite reliable where you are concerned."
"I guess I just never noticed before."
Riley is slowly not liking the direction of this conversation.
"Ah, Buff...he is still just Xander. He's nothing, remember?"
"I never said he was nothing, Riley. I meant he and I..."
She stops in mid-sentence. "Look, lets go do the research thingy."
She grabs Riley's arm as they proceed to the magic shop.
Giles goes right to one of his books.
"I'm almost certain that was a deliverance daemon."
Buffy inquires. "Which means?"
"Just as Anya said, it was probably suppose to deliver her back to her Uncle.'
Buffy asks. "I thought Anya was alone in our world?"
"Apparently not."
"So what do these deliverance daemons do when one of their kind is killed?"
Willow has found something.
"Deliverance daemons are considered the cream of the crop in Daemons. They are only used to retrieve Gods or Goddesses or somebody real important. Ah, oh...and you're not allowed to kill them either."
Buffy smirks at this. "Are we actually allowed to kill any daemon?"
"I don't know but it says woe to anyone who dares to interfere with their mission."
Buffy gets real serious. "Then Xander is in a lot of trouble."
Riley has to comment. "Yea, if he really killed it."
Buffy snaps at her boyfriend. "Look I didn't believe it either but it happened, okay. Deal with it!"
She gets up. "Where are you going, Buffy?"
"To talk to him and that daemon of his. I can't have anybody bringing more heat down on him...I mean us. I have to talk to them!"
Riley starts to go with her. She turns to him.
"Riley, let me do this alone, okay?"
"Why"
"Because you two don't...Riley, I just want to do this alone, okay?"
As the slayer leaves Riley stares at her. He doesn't like Xander. He doesn't even know why but for a split second when he and Buffy were arguing he saw something in Buffy's eyes which disturbed him. It was a passion, a deep passion he has never seen in them before. Like the boy awakened something long dormant within her. Maybe she didn't even notice it but he did.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Xander and Anya do not make it back to Xander's place. They are confronted by at least half a dozen Deliverance Daemons. One grabs Xander from behind but he flips it over his back into the path of three others. He grabs Anya's hand and starts to run as fast as his legs will carry them. Anya starts to pull away from him.
"Xander, its no good. They'll keep coming. They'll kill you."
"Anya, we'll take them one at a time...lets go!"
Anya shakes her hand free. She turns around to face her would be captors. Xander isn't giving up so easy. He lunges at one of them as he goes to grab Anya. He is met with a swift kick in the back by two others. He punches one of them but is securely captured by four of them. He can't get free. Anya tries to intervene.
"If I go back with you voluntarily will you let Xander live?"
"The human violated you he must die. And he killed one of us."
Xander adds to that.
"Yea, and if I get free I'll kill as many of you as I can!"
"Xander, please." She looks back at her captors. "I am not going back without a fight unless you let him live. And my Uncle will have your butts if you hurt me!"
After a brief conference by the two leaders.
"Okay, we will deal with him later."
As Xander struggles to get free the monsters and Anya disappear in a swirl of mist right before his eyes!
"Damn it!!"
As if things were not bad enough now Xander has lost Anya. But, she did it for him. He has to give her that much. The boy doesn't even notice his shoulder bleeding as he picks himself up and heads for home.
Buffy sees him from across the street. She crosses to confront him.
"Xander, I need to talk to you and...where's Anya?"
"Good question."
"Xander, what has gotten into you lately?"
"Look, Buff, I'm not feeling too well right now. What do you want?"
"Xander, we can't have someone in the group we can't trust. I don't know whether she is going to hurt you..."
Xander interrupts the slayer.
"What?"
"Xander, we can't have anyone bringing daemons down on you...us."
The boy has had it with Buffy.
"Buffy, is this a joke? If it is I'm not laughing!"
"Xander, Anya is dangerous for you...she...
"You're telling me you don't trust Anya. Well I don't trust commando boy, either."
"Xander, don't go there!"
"Bullshit, you're talking about trusting someone. Do you think the government is just going to allow a guy like him to just walk away. Don't be naive."
Now the slayer is angry. "Oh, so you have a problem with another one of my boyfriends? And its just strictly noble again I bet? Bullshit, Xander!!
"Oh, conceited much, slayer? The days of me following you around with my tongue hanging out are long over! The man is dangerous, plain and simple. And, while we're on the subject he's no good for you either."
"Oh, now we have Xander Harris the expert on Buffy Summers. I came here to tell you Anya is no good for you. I didn't expect to hear a sermon about Riley."
"Good, you told me now good-bye!"
With the heated argument they were having Buffy didn't notice until now that Xander is bleeding from his shoulder.
"Xander, does it matter to you that you're bleeding all over your shirt?"
Xander looks down. "I seem to be doing a lot of that lately."
Buffy takes a bandanna she had in her hair. She wraps it lovingly around his shoulder to stop the bleeding. She then directs the boy to her house.
"Where are we going Buff. I need to be getting home."
"Xander, you're going to let me patch up that shoulder."
The boy doesn't argue. They go to the slayer's house. As she is bandaging his new wound she notices that his other wound is a scar already.
"Xander, how is that wound a scar already? It just happened."
"I don't know. Can you just stop the bleeding from this new one...please."
"I am, Xander. Where is Anya, Xander?"
This jolts the boy's memory back to what just happened to his lover.
"She's gone."
"Gone, where?"
"I don't know. Back to wherever she came from I guess."
"She got her powers back?"
"No...well I don't know actually. Those things were after her. She made a deal with them. She would go back with them if they didn't kill me. They agreed and, poof, they were gone."
"I'm so sorry, Xander." Buffy reaches her hand to Xander's face. For a brief moment they look deep within each other's eyes. They see something neither has seen before. It makes them both uncomfortable.
"Xander...I...I have to go."
"Yea, you're right."
As Buffy gets up to go Xander calls to her.
"Ah, Buffy...I think we're in your house. I mean I know we're in your house."
"Oh, yea...so we are."
Xander leaves without another word. Buffy just stares after him. She may be in serious trouble here. This interaction really confounded Buffy. She wanders back to the shop. She tells the story. Riley can see something shook the slayer.
"Buffy, are you okay. Did you have to fight any of them?"
"No, why?"
"You seem flustered or bothered by something?"
"It's nothing."
Riley continues to stare. Buffy reacts. "What, Riley, what?"
"Are you going to tell me what you're upset about?"
"Look, Riley, I don't know what's wrong, okay. I think I'm just having a bad day."
"How's Xander?"
"What?"
"Its an easy question. I said how is Xander?"
"I don't know how he is. He's... he's Xander, okay."
Riley looks at Willow who goes to the slayer.
"Buff, lets go for a walk."
The witch ushers the slayer out the front door. After they walk for awhile the redhead looks at her friend.
"What was that all about, Buffy?"
"I don't know Will. There was something about Xander today."
"What about him, Buffy?"
"He has bumps and bruises all over him...his body was all banged up."
"Well yea, Buffy. He gets hit a lot. We all do."
"I just never realized it before. Xander tries to cover my back all the time. And this killing the beast thing."
"I don't understand, Buff. Are you just realizing Xander looks out for you?"
"Yes...I mean no...another thing, you know last night when he got injured?"
The witch nods. "Well its a scar already. Its almost healed."
"That's weird. But, Buffy, do you still love Riley?"
"Of course I do. Why would you ask me that, Willow?"
"You were sort of zoned out there for awhile on Xander. Riley noticed."
"Will, all of a sudden I just...I don't know."
Riley was following our friends. He catches up. Buffy goes to him, giving him a kiss. Willow just looks as they go down the street hand in hand.
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Xander is lost. He's mad at the world. Anya is gone, just like that. But she really did love him, that's for sure. A lot of good that is. Hell, Cordelia still loves him too but she's in LA. He is now officially alone again!
Then it hits him. What does he have left here? His part in the Scooby gang is a joke. Willow is okay. She has her magic...and Tara. Giles is fine. And, Buffy. What can he say about her? He tried with her he really did. She just doesn't need what he has. Maybe she never did. His whole life revolved around her for over four years now. Every breath he took had something to do with her. All his thoughts, his hopes, his dreams.
Buffy Anne Summers, the vampire slayer. The woman with whom he thought he would be intertwined with forever. Their relationship has disintegrated into whatever it was now. Mostly she just never noticed...or cared. He doesn't know what that was today with her but it is just too little too late. She does love him as a friend but only when it is convenient for her. He could do without this whole scene. He wasn't a slayer groupie. Let her have her Scotts and her Parkers and her... Well, Riley does bother him. He is a tragedy waiting to happen. And Buffy will get hurt in the process.
But, as usual she won't listen. He's just tired of it. He'll make his mark elsewhere. There must be somewhere he can put his newly developed physical skills to good use. He had to fight daemons. That much was clear to him. If it was not here then it would be somewhere else.
Xander looks at his meager possessions. His clothes were mostly of the Thrift Store variety. Hey, why get blood stains and ash stains and goo stains all over good clothes? Only the slayer can wear fashion digs and keep them pretty while she slays monsters. Every one he killed left a stain somewhere. This was dangerous business and messy. No way he was wearing designer clothes to do it.
The boy goes to his closet. He pulls out a box with a bank book in it. He was really leaving. He has no idea where but he does know he is heading toward LA. He decides to make one stop before leaving.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy lies on her bed. She starts to think about her last conversation with Xander. The one about Riley. Why does Xander say the things he does? Why is he always in her face about her choice of boyfriends? He always has this sarcastic smirk on his face whenever she talked about Angel or Scott or Riley. What is his damage?
And what has gotten into him lately? Did he love Anya? She was no good for him, really. She might have loved him but Xander needs to be with someone who can understand his life. Oh, well, Anya is gone anyway. And what was Buffy doing thinking about Xander so much for anyway?
But today was the first time she looked that deep within him. He has a seriousness about him she never saw before, a depth she never saw until today. It was remarkable. He seemed to be able to look right into her too. Like he saw something no one else saw. And she saw pain. Like he was expecting some tragedy. Was that directed at her?
He had the same look in his eyes Buffy saw every day when she looked into the mirror. She can't explain it but it has to do with her destiny. Did Xander recognize her destiny at the same level she did? Does he actually feel that deeply with her? She never saw that look from anyone else before not even her vampire with a soul, Angel.
Why didn't she ever look at him before, really look at him? Just as Willow said, he has been there since the beginning. Now, all of a sudden she can't stop thinking about him. Its like a light bulb went off inside her. Riley noticed it right away. He felt her focus go off him and onto...Xander.
But, wait a minute. Two days ago Xander was just her friend. How can she be all of a sudden thinking about him so seriously?
Now that she is, though, other things seem to be more in focus. It seems perfectly natural for her to be involved with Xander. It makes a lot of sense. And she always thought he was handsome. But, does she love Xander? They have never really even had a date. They have never kissed. And what about him? He use to love her but how about now? He did say those days are over. And what about Riley?
Buffy can't help it she begins to cry. Her life is missing something. It always has been. Could Xander give that something to her? His life has always been her, straight and simple. He has no other gig.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Xander has only been to this address once before and that was just to drop Buffy off. Part of him wants to just leave and forget it but he has to do one last thing for the slayer.
He knocks on Riley's door. The former commando answers on the first knock. Xander is the last person in the world he wants to see right now. He knows Buffy's spiritual experience of the last two days has Xander as its source. Buffy couldn't fool him. At that moment he felt her energy pass from him to this person standing on his door step. It was an easy one. Willow caught it too. He wasn't real happy to see him. His voice reflects his frustration.
"What the hell do you want, Harris?"
"Gees, I didn't even say what I came to say and already you're pissed off at me."
"What do you want?"
"Can I come in? I have something serious to say but I don't want to just blurt it out."
"Look, you have already caused me enough trouble. If you have something to say just say it!"
"Okay...you know you're bad for Buffy, right?"
"Harris I can put you on your ass real quick!"
"The government isn't going to let you alone and you know it. They're going to come real hard after you and they're going to take Buffy down with it."
"Get out of here Xander."
"She better not get hurt!"
Riley punches him. Xander jumps right back up. "I'm telling you she better not get hurt."
When Riley swings again Xander grabs his hand and twists it around his back, grabbing hold of his throat with his other arm. But he doesn't push his advantage. He lets go.
This gets Riley's attention. "Why don't you make sure she doesn't get hurt? They say you're her protector."
"I'm not going to be here but that's not the point. Man, you know those Initiative people are not going to let you alone."
"Are you still in love with Buffy, Xander?"
This catches our hero by surprise. "A lot happened before you came Riley. She doesn't want what I have."
Riley realizes Xander hasn't picked up on the slayers conversion if that's what you want to call it.
Xander continues. "Look, I know there is no love lost between us but you have her heart fair and square. I don't belong here. I'm taking off, to LA, maybe. Just watch her back, okay?"
Xander turns and leaves. Riley can't say he is sad. Whatever the slayer may feel for Xander she can't pursue it if he's not here.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy has just fallen asleep. But, something causes her eyes to spring wide open. She is gripped with a tremendous sense of fear. For a few minutes she feels lost, like someone pulled the foundation out from under her. She goes to the bathroom and splashes water on her face to try to clear the fog from her mind and heart. She has never felt this before, never. This is a whole new terror. The feeling partially retreats but leaves a dull and persistent sense of loss within her heart. She goes to the phone to call Riley. The ex commando appears at her door in record breaking time. He finds her crying and shaking.
"Buffy, its okay, honey, I'm here, whatever it is will pass."
He begins to gently make love to her. The slayer tries to lose herself in his touch.
But whatever took hold of her doesn't let go. It doesn't pass. She tries to sink into his arms but the pain doesn't go away, the emptiness does not pass. Riley cannot reach it. This becomes very painfully obvious to the both of them. Riley stops. He sits up straight. Buffy just turns over and continues to cry. After a few minutes Riley gets up. He leans over to her.
"Buffy, I'm sorry. And I know you are too."
As he is leaving, Riley comforts himself with the knowledge that Buffy did love him. It's just that he couldn't reach the depth she needed. It just wasn't to be.
When Riley leaves two eyes follow his path through a pair of binoculars. Someone else speaks through a short wave radio.
"Mark, sir, that is her. He just left. Do we neutralize her, sir?"
"No, not until we determine what she knows. Just keep monitoring them both. Are you sure the other one left town?"
"Yes sir, he and Flynn had a fight and he left. We are on him too, sir."
"Okay, soldier, out for now."
"Over and out, sir.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AUTHOR: Rick
DISCLAIMER: All Buffy stuff belongs to Josh Whedon and others.
E-MAIL: amulet@my-dejanews.com
DEDICATION: There is dedicated to L.S.K., a very complex and wonderful person. She is quite under the weather right now. I hope this can bring a small smile to her face...smile.
ROMANTIC PAIRINGS: Hey, is there any other one, really. B\X in the end. But some B\R, some X\A, some X\Kate, some X\C and some major Riley, Angel jealousy on the way there. Minor Willow\Tara
SUMMARY: After Anya leaves Xander to save him he decides to leave Sunnydale. Buffy has a revalation about him but it is too late I see it going maybe 50 pages or so.
BUFFY'S TURN
CHAPTER: 1- Anya Loves Me But, So What? So does Cordelia.
Xander Lavelle Harris laid on his bed staring at the ceiling. He didn't know which hurt worse, his hip or his leg. Tonight on patrol he tried out a new move he learned from his Akido master. It actually worked but he hit one of the grave stones on the way down. Luckily he was alone when it happened. He didn't need any more criticism for his clumsiness. But, hey, he took out two vamps simultaneously with it. Xander was getting very adept with both his hands and feet. And he hadn't been getting his arse kicked anymore. He still got the bumps and bruises but he had not been seriously hurt in some time. He was beginning to pride himself on that. He was fast losing his buffoon status.
Not that anyone noticed. Xander was on his own for the most part. He didn't want Anya risking her life. Buffy was too busy with Riley to give him anything but a passing notice. Giles was Buffy's watcher again so he has his purpose in life back. Willow was with Tara. Together they were research queens and Witchy experts. Tara was nice but she gave him the creeps, like she was hiding something.
Ever since his 20th birthday things have been different for Xander. He felt a lot more independent. He renewed his commitment to fighting daemons but he didn't know if he belonged in Sunnydale or what. From the bottom of his soul Xander felt that he was the only one who truly understood the slayer. More so than Willow, or even Giles. He was the only one who saw the loneliness deep within her heart. A loneliness which none of her so called soul mates has been able to cure, not even her vamp with a soul, Angel. Riley was a ticking bomb. His past was bound to catch up to him sooner of later. And Xander knew Buffy's heart would be broken again when it did.
The boy was quite weary. No matter who he went with. No matter how many times Anya and he made love something was missing. Anya was so sweet and, as a human, she was quite devoted to him. But what about her past, in some ways even darker than Angel's or Riley's. He had his own ticking bomb. Anya was not completely human and she never would be. Sometimes when he looked deep within her eyes he could see the darkness. It was a shame. Her human persona was so damned appealing. Of course that is why they spent a lot of their free time in a horizontal position.
Xanders biggest problem was Buffy. She has survived all these years only because she had him. That sounds arrogant but it was true and Xander feels he has earned the right to say it. He's the one who risks his life day in and day out to help her with only his wits to defend himself. He has had no other agenda. His role in the Scooby gang has slipped to being the comic relief but his bruises and scars were anything but funny.
But he still watched her back, still thought about her, worried about her. At least he didn't have to worry about the money thing. His Uncle Rory left him a sizable chuck of it, to the dismay of his parents. He was in his own bachelor pad. It was humble as bachelor pads go but it was functional. He had his own miniature gym which he frequented often. Getting himself in shape mentally and physically for the fight against evil was his obsession. He knew he had to toughen up psychically. He was tired of being easy prey for the Dracula's of the underworld. Meditation and yoga helped immensely with that.
The boy was boosting his self confidence by leaps and bounds. That was very important in the daemon fighting world. The bastards always liked to play the terror game, try to scare you to death before they had you for supper. To hell with that. No more games with the creatures of the night. Whenever he could he would turn them to dust. And no more nonsense. If you were a baddie then down you go. It didn't matter any more if you were a baddie with a guilt complex or a neutered evil one. Xander has had enough.
The boy had another problem. He couldn't stand Riley. He tried, he really did. But the man was hard to take. He did that corn-dog routine with Buffy but, with everyone else he was an ex-commando with an identity crisis. He didn't trust him. Xander's concern was for Buffy and there was just something wrong with her relationship with him. Buffy might love him but deep down he was not satisfying her. Xander knew it. At first he thought it was his old jealousy coming back but now he knew it wasn't. The slayer is fast becoming hard and arrogant. This is not good for her in the long run. Part of her edge, part of the reason she lasted so long is because she relied on her friends. But Buffy was becoming frustrated with everything and every body. He could sense this. Her love interests are not keeping her on this side. She has been seeking something which she herself doesn't realize half the time.
All these things rumbled through Xander's mind and heart as he struggled to do his upside down sit-ups. The muscles of his arms strained as he pulled his upper body towards his stomach. His legs tensed at each pull. He might still die in this war against evil but he damn sure was going to take his share of the slimy bastards with him when he goes.
The boy's concentration was broken by the loud slamming of his front door. Anya comes in frantically as if something was chasing her. Xander quickly gathers her in his arms. She is crying, almost sobbing actually. She tries to talk to him between tears.
"Xander, I do love you...very much!"
"Okay, honey, I know you do. What's the matter?"
"Xander I'll always love you."
"Anya, is somebody after you?"
"Just hold me for now."
After a few minutes Anya calms down. Xander questions her.
"Now what's the problem, Anya?"
"It's bad Xander, real bad. They'll catch me...take me from you."
"Who will, Anya?"
Before his girl fried can answer Xander's front door comes crashing in off the hinges. Into his house comes a massive and quite formidable looking daemon with fire in his eyes. He stares menacingly at Xander.
"Is this him? Is this the mortal who has you prisoner?"
Xander immediately jumps into a defensive position mentally remembering where he has the nearest stake and how far away he is from his newly acquired sword.
Anya steps protectively between the monster and her boyfriend but is pushed aside. This is all the time Xander needs to pummel the behemoth with as nasty a roundhouse kick as he can muster. The monster is shocked by this. It gets up.
"You dare to interfere with the will of Lothar? You have defiled his Anyanka and you will die for that!"
Anya gets up again. "He didn't defile me. I love him."
"You will come back with me Anyanka. You will have your powers back."
"No, please, I want to stay with Xander."
As the monster makes a move toward Anya Xander has a different idea. He prepares to face the beast.
"I hate to interrupt your little tirade but Anya stays with me!"
Anya tries to stop him. "Xander, don't he'll kill you!"
The monster reaches past Anya and rips a deep wound to Xander's shoulder. The boy cringes at the pain but has a big surprise for it. He rams a stake chest high into the ugly bastard. When it doesn't burst into ashes he reaches for his sword catching it chin high with an uppercut motion. The head severs from the body in sickening fashion. It explodes into dust but the body doesn't. Xander collapses from his wound. Anya frantically reaches for the phone. The only number she can remember is Willow's.
The Witch contacts the rest and soon the whole gang is there. Very soon Xander is in Giles's car on the way to the hospital. After the check- in the gang gathers in the waiting room. Buffy is really on edge.
"What happened Anya?"
"That daemon was after me. He wanted to kill Xander and take me back home but Xander had a different idea."
"Who beheaded it, Anya?"
"Aren't you paying attention? I told you Xander did it."
Buffy smirks at that idea and is joined by Riley. Even Giles is taken aback by this. Anya gets defensive for her boyfriend.
"Ah, you people have missed a lot."
Buffy answers. "Anya that is a major league looking monster. Xander couldn't..."
"Buffy, where have you been? Xander kills a lot of things. Apparently you haven't noticed."
The slayer looks at Giles. The watcher questions the girl.
"Anya, you mean Xander beheaded that thing without anyone's help?"
"You people make me sick. I don't know why he hangs around with you."
The discussion is interrupted by Xander coming out from the emergency room. His shoulder is heavily bandaged. Buffy runs to him, hugging him.
"Are you all right, Xander?"
"Yea, I'm fine Buff."
The slayer gets a little embarrassed as she realizes she went to Xander even before his girl friend did. She recovers herself, letting him go.
"Xander, we told you to stay out of trouble."
The boy feels a little bit offended by this remark. He feels lucky to still be alive.
"Wait a minute, Buff, I'm glad I got out of this all in one piece. And is staying out of trouble even an option in this town?"
"You know what I mean, Xander."
"No I don't slayer. Why don't you tell me!"
"I can't have you involved in the heavy fighting. I can't be around to protect you all the time."
"Wait a minute here. Did Anya tell you that daemon broke my door down. He was going to get my girl friend and kill me. I didn't have much choice but to fight it."
Buffy sees something in Xander's eyes she never saw before. He wasn't shocked or even scared by having to fight it. She sees a certain strength she never saw before.
"Xander, how did you fight it?"
"What do you mean how did I fight it? How do you fight daemons? How does your commando boyfriend fight them?"
"Xander, get serious will you."
"Look, slayer, some big major domo daemon was trying to steal my girlfriend and kill me. I fought it. I won. I'm sorry if you don't understand it. Would you rather it kicked my ass?"
"No, Xander, I'm sorry. I didn't mean...I mean..."
"Okay, forget it Buff."
Buffy just stares at Xander as Anya and he exchange a warm hug and a kiss.
But she recovers turning her questions to Anya.
"Why was it after you, Anya?"
"My Uncle, he wants me to come back home. He loves me."
"Yea, he has a nice way of showing it. Look, Anya, we have enough going on around here. We don't need any added grief."
Xander is very upset now.
"Buffy?"
The slayer knows Xander didn't like what she said. She looks at him.
"What, Xander?"
"Be cool, will 'ya?"
"Then keep your daemon girl friend in check!"
"Oh, very sensitive of you, slayer. How about last year when we were taking shit for the programmed one over there? That was okay, huh?"
Riley makes a move to confront Xander but Buffy moves in front of him. She grabs his arms.
"Stay out of this Riley!" She turns back to Xander.
"You're out of line here, Xander."
"Why, because I don't like your latest lover-with-a-tragic-past?"
Buffy goes toe to toe with Xander. Giles decides to intervene in this rapidly degenerating conversation.
"Buffy, it is essential that we identify the daemon Xander killed...just in case he wasn't alone."
"Buffy continues to stare at Xander with furrowed brow. The two have clashed before but this time it was different. Xander just got finished defeating a big time daemon. He is not supposed to be able to do that. She was surprised by her own response. Why was she so mad at Xander? He is her friend. He was hurt. She calls to him as he is leaving.
"Xander?"
"What do you want, Slayer? Didn't you get your pound of flesh out of me yet?"
"Xander, I'm....."
The boy grabs Anya's hand and leaves the hospital. Giles heads to the shop for some research. He is followed by Tara and Willow. Buffy is still pre- occupied with Xander. Riley goes to her.
"Are you okay, Buffy?"
"I don't know...I just...what has gotten into Xander?"
Willow hears this. She turns around to address the slayer.
"Buffy, he has been involved with you for the last four years. Some of you rubbed off on him."
"Ah, is that a compliment or a cut-up?"
As they all begin to leave the hospital Riley adds his two cents.
"How did Xander ever manage to stay alive, anyway?"
Giles answers. "He always has had a bit of an edge to him."
Buffy perks up at this.
"He has?"
"Sure, Buffy...despite his penchant for the non-sensical he has always been quite reliable where you are concerned."
"I guess I just never noticed before."
Riley is slowly not liking the direction of this conversation.
"Ah, Buff...he is still just Xander. He's nothing, remember?"
"I never said he was nothing, Riley. I meant he and I..."
She stops in mid-sentence. "Look, lets go do the research thingy."
She grabs Riley's arm as they proceed to the magic shop.
Giles goes right to one of his books.
"I'm almost certain that was a deliverance daemon."
Buffy inquires. "Which means?"
"Just as Anya said, it was probably suppose to deliver her back to her Uncle.'
Buffy asks. "I thought Anya was alone in our world?"
"Apparently not."
"So what do these deliverance daemons do when one of their kind is killed?"
Willow has found something.
"Deliverance daemons are considered the cream of the crop in Daemons. They are only used to retrieve Gods or Goddesses or somebody real important. Ah, oh...and you're not allowed to kill them either."
Buffy smirks at this. "Are we actually allowed to kill any daemon?"
"I don't know but it says woe to anyone who dares to interfere with their mission."
Buffy gets real serious. "Then Xander is in a lot of trouble."
Riley has to comment. "Yea, if he really killed it."
Buffy snaps at her boyfriend. "Look I didn't believe it either but it happened, okay. Deal with it!"
She gets up. "Where are you going, Buffy?"
"To talk to him and that daemon of his. I can't have anybody bringing more heat down on him...I mean us. I have to talk to them!"
Riley starts to go with her. She turns to him.
"Riley, let me do this alone, okay?"
"Why"
"Because you two don't...Riley, I just want to do this alone, okay?"
As the slayer leaves Riley stares at her. He doesn't like Xander. He doesn't even know why but for a split second when he and Buffy were arguing he saw something in Buffy's eyes which disturbed him. It was a passion, a deep passion he has never seen in them before. Like the boy awakened something long dormant within her. Maybe she didn't even notice it but he did.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Xander and Anya do not make it back to Xander's place. They are confronted by at least half a dozen Deliverance Daemons. One grabs Xander from behind but he flips it over his back into the path of three others. He grabs Anya's hand and starts to run as fast as his legs will carry them. Anya starts to pull away from him.
"Xander, its no good. They'll keep coming. They'll kill you."
"Anya, we'll take them one at a time...lets go!"
Anya shakes her hand free. She turns around to face her would be captors. Xander isn't giving up so easy. He lunges at one of them as he goes to grab Anya. He is met with a swift kick in the back by two others. He punches one of them but is securely captured by four of them. He can't get free. Anya tries to intervene.
"If I go back with you voluntarily will you let Xander live?"
"The human violated you he must die. And he killed one of us."
Xander adds to that.
"Yea, and if I get free I'll kill as many of you as I can!"
"Xander, please." She looks back at her captors. "I am not going back without a fight unless you let him live. And my Uncle will have your butts if you hurt me!"
After a brief conference by the two leaders.
"Okay, we will deal with him later."
As Xander struggles to get free the monsters and Anya disappear in a swirl of mist right before his eyes!
"Damn it!!"
As if things were not bad enough now Xander has lost Anya. But, she did it for him. He has to give her that much. The boy doesn't even notice his shoulder bleeding as he picks himself up and heads for home.
Buffy sees him from across the street. She crosses to confront him.
"Xander, I need to talk to you and...where's Anya?"
"Good question."
"Xander, what has gotten into you lately?"
"Look, Buff, I'm not feeling too well right now. What do you want?"
"Xander, we can't have someone in the group we can't trust. I don't know whether she is going to hurt you..."
Xander interrupts the slayer.
"What?"
"Xander, we can't have anyone bringing daemons down on you...us."
The boy has had it with Buffy.
"Buffy, is this a joke? If it is I'm not laughing!"
"Xander, Anya is dangerous for you...she...
"You're telling me you don't trust Anya. Well I don't trust commando boy, either."
"Xander, don't go there!"
"Bullshit, you're talking about trusting someone. Do you think the government is just going to allow a guy like him to just walk away. Don't be naive."
Now the slayer is angry. "Oh, so you have a problem with another one of my boyfriends? And its just strictly noble again I bet? Bullshit, Xander!!
"Oh, conceited much, slayer? The days of me following you around with my tongue hanging out are long over! The man is dangerous, plain and simple. And, while we're on the subject he's no good for you either."
"Oh, now we have Xander Harris the expert on Buffy Summers. I came here to tell you Anya is no good for you. I didn't expect to hear a sermon about Riley."
"Good, you told me now good-bye!"
With the heated argument they were having Buffy didn't notice until now that Xander is bleeding from his shoulder.
"Xander, does it matter to you that you're bleeding all over your shirt?"
Xander looks down. "I seem to be doing a lot of that lately."
Buffy takes a bandanna she had in her hair. She wraps it lovingly around his shoulder to stop the bleeding. She then directs the boy to her house.
"Where are we going Buff. I need to be getting home."
"Xander, you're going to let me patch up that shoulder."
The boy doesn't argue. They go to the slayer's house. As she is bandaging his new wound she notices that his other wound is a scar already.
"Xander, how is that wound a scar already? It just happened."
"I don't know. Can you just stop the bleeding from this new one...please."
"I am, Xander. Where is Anya, Xander?"
This jolts the boy's memory back to what just happened to his lover.
"She's gone."
"Gone, where?"
"I don't know. Back to wherever she came from I guess."
"She got her powers back?"
"No...well I don't know actually. Those things were after her. She made a deal with them. She would go back with them if they didn't kill me. They agreed and, poof, they were gone."
"I'm so sorry, Xander." Buffy reaches her hand to Xander's face. For a brief moment they look deep within each other's eyes. They see something neither has seen before. It makes them both uncomfortable.
"Xander...I...I have to go."
"Yea, you're right."
As Buffy gets up to go Xander calls to her.
"Ah, Buffy...I think we're in your house. I mean I know we're in your house."
"Oh, yea...so we are."
Xander leaves without another word. Buffy just stares after him. She may be in serious trouble here. This interaction really confounded Buffy. She wanders back to the shop. She tells the story. Riley can see something shook the slayer.
"Buffy, are you okay. Did you have to fight any of them?"
"No, why?"
"You seem flustered or bothered by something?"
"It's nothing."
Riley continues to stare. Buffy reacts. "What, Riley, what?"
"Are you going to tell me what you're upset about?"
"Look, Riley, I don't know what's wrong, okay. I think I'm just having a bad day."
"How's Xander?"
"What?"
"Its an easy question. I said how is Xander?"
"I don't know how he is. He's... he's Xander, okay."
Riley looks at Willow who goes to the slayer.
"Buff, lets go for a walk."
The witch ushers the slayer out the front door. After they walk for awhile the redhead looks at her friend.
"What was that all about, Buffy?"
"I don't know Will. There was something about Xander today."
"What about him, Buffy?"
"He has bumps and bruises all over him...his body was all banged up."
"Well yea, Buffy. He gets hit a lot. We all do."
"I just never realized it before. Xander tries to cover my back all the time. And this killing the beast thing."
"I don't understand, Buff. Are you just realizing Xander looks out for you?"
"Yes...I mean no...another thing, you know last night when he got injured?"
The witch nods. "Well its a scar already. Its almost healed."
"That's weird. But, Buffy, do you still love Riley?"
"Of course I do. Why would you ask me that, Willow?"
"You were sort of zoned out there for awhile on Xander. Riley noticed."
"Will, all of a sudden I just...I don't know."
Riley was following our friends. He catches up. Buffy goes to him, giving him a kiss. Willow just looks as they go down the street hand in hand.
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Xander is lost. He's mad at the world. Anya is gone, just like that. But she really did love him, that's for sure. A lot of good that is. Hell, Cordelia still loves him too but she's in LA. He is now officially alone again!
Then it hits him. What does he have left here? His part in the Scooby gang is a joke. Willow is okay. She has her magic...and Tara. Giles is fine. And, Buffy. What can he say about her? He tried with her he really did. She just doesn't need what he has. Maybe she never did. His whole life revolved around her for over four years now. Every breath he took had something to do with her. All his thoughts, his hopes, his dreams.
Buffy Anne Summers, the vampire slayer. The woman with whom he thought he would be intertwined with forever. Their relationship has disintegrated into whatever it was now. Mostly she just never noticed...or cared. He doesn't know what that was today with her but it is just too little too late. She does love him as a friend but only when it is convenient for her. He could do without this whole scene. He wasn't a slayer groupie. Let her have her Scotts and her Parkers and her... Well, Riley does bother him. He is a tragedy waiting to happen. And Buffy will get hurt in the process.
But, as usual she won't listen. He's just tired of it. He'll make his mark elsewhere. There must be somewhere he can put his newly developed physical skills to good use. He had to fight daemons. That much was clear to him. If it was not here then it would be somewhere else.
Xander looks at his meager possessions. His clothes were mostly of the Thrift Store variety. Hey, why get blood stains and ash stains and goo stains all over good clothes? Only the slayer can wear fashion digs and keep them pretty while she slays monsters. Every one he killed left a stain somewhere. This was dangerous business and messy. No way he was wearing designer clothes to do it.
The boy goes to his closet. He pulls out a box with a bank book in it. He was really leaving. He has no idea where but he does know he is heading toward LA. He decides to make one stop before leaving.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy lies on her bed. She starts to think about her last conversation with Xander. The one about Riley. Why does Xander say the things he does? Why is he always in her face about her choice of boyfriends? He always has this sarcastic smirk on his face whenever she talked about Angel or Scott or Riley. What is his damage?
And what has gotten into him lately? Did he love Anya? She was no good for him, really. She might have loved him but Xander needs to be with someone who can understand his life. Oh, well, Anya is gone anyway. And what was Buffy doing thinking about Xander so much for anyway?
But today was the first time she looked that deep within him. He has a seriousness about him she never saw before, a depth she never saw until today. It was remarkable. He seemed to be able to look right into her too. Like he saw something no one else saw. And she saw pain. Like he was expecting some tragedy. Was that directed at her?
He had the same look in his eyes Buffy saw every day when she looked into the mirror. She can't explain it but it has to do with her destiny. Did Xander recognize her destiny at the same level she did? Does he actually feel that deeply with her? She never saw that look from anyone else before not even her vampire with a soul, Angel.
Why didn't she ever look at him before, really look at him? Just as Willow said, he has been there since the beginning. Now, all of a sudden she can't stop thinking about him. Its like a light bulb went off inside her. Riley noticed it right away. He felt her focus go off him and onto...Xander.
But, wait a minute. Two days ago Xander was just her friend. How can she be all of a sudden thinking about him so seriously?
Now that she is, though, other things seem to be more in focus. It seems perfectly natural for her to be involved with Xander. It makes a lot of sense. And she always thought he was handsome. But, does she love Xander? They have never really even had a date. They have never kissed. And what about him? He use to love her but how about now? He did say those days are over. And what about Riley?
Buffy can't help it she begins to cry. Her life is missing something. It always has been. Could Xander give that something to her? His life has always been her, straight and simple. He has no other gig.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Xander has only been to this address once before and that was just to drop Buffy off. Part of him wants to just leave and forget it but he has to do one last thing for the slayer.
He knocks on Riley's door. The former commando answers on the first knock. Xander is the last person in the world he wants to see right now. He knows Buffy's spiritual experience of the last two days has Xander as its source. Buffy couldn't fool him. At that moment he felt her energy pass from him to this person standing on his door step. It was an easy one. Willow caught it too. He wasn't real happy to see him. His voice reflects his frustration.
"What the hell do you want, Harris?"
"Gees, I didn't even say what I came to say and already you're pissed off at me."
"What do you want?"
"Can I come in? I have something serious to say but I don't want to just blurt it out."
"Look, you have already caused me enough trouble. If you have something to say just say it!"
"Okay...you know you're bad for Buffy, right?"
"Harris I can put you on your ass real quick!"
"The government isn't going to let you alone and you know it. They're going to come real hard after you and they're going to take Buffy down with it."
"Get out of here Xander."
"She better not get hurt!"
Riley punches him. Xander jumps right back up. "I'm telling you she better not get hurt."
When Riley swings again Xander grabs his hand and twists it around his back, grabbing hold of his throat with his other arm. But he doesn't push his advantage. He lets go.
This gets Riley's attention. "Why don't you make sure she doesn't get hurt? They say you're her protector."
"I'm not going to be here but that's not the point. Man, you know those Initiative people are not going to let you alone."
"Are you still in love with Buffy, Xander?"
This catches our hero by surprise. "A lot happened before you came Riley. She doesn't want what I have."
Riley realizes Xander hasn't picked up on the slayers conversion if that's what you want to call it.
Xander continues. "Look, I know there is no love lost between us but you have her heart fair and square. I don't belong here. I'm taking off, to LA, maybe. Just watch her back, okay?"
Xander turns and leaves. Riley can't say he is sad. Whatever the slayer may feel for Xander she can't pursue it if he's not here.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy has just fallen asleep. But, something causes her eyes to spring wide open. She is gripped with a tremendous sense of fear. For a few minutes she feels lost, like someone pulled the foundation out from under her. She goes to the bathroom and splashes water on her face to try to clear the fog from her mind and heart. She has never felt this before, never. This is a whole new terror. The feeling partially retreats but leaves a dull and persistent sense of loss within her heart. She goes to the phone to call Riley. The ex commando appears at her door in record breaking time. He finds her crying and shaking.
"Buffy, its okay, honey, I'm here, whatever it is will pass."
He begins to gently make love to her. The slayer tries to lose herself in his touch.
But whatever took hold of her doesn't let go. It doesn't pass. She tries to sink into his arms but the pain doesn't go away, the emptiness does not pass. Riley cannot reach it. This becomes very painfully obvious to the both of them. Riley stops. He sits up straight. Buffy just turns over and continues to cry. After a few minutes Riley gets up. He leans over to her.
"Buffy, I'm sorry. And I know you are too."
As he is leaving, Riley comforts himself with the knowledge that Buffy did love him. It's just that he couldn't reach the depth she needed. It just wasn't to be.
When Riley leaves two eyes follow his path through a pair of binoculars. Someone else speaks through a short wave radio.
"Mark, sir, that is her. He just left. Do we neutralize her, sir?"
"No, not until we determine what she knows. Just keep monitoring them both. Are you sure the other one left town?"
"Yes sir, he and Flynn had a fight and he left. We are on him too, sir."
"Okay, soldier, out for now."
"Over and out, sir.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~