Merry Christmas!
Holidays are probably the first item on the list of things Beca Mitchell despises. She blames it on the lack of parental steadiness she had as a child and teenager.
The only happy Christmas she remembers was at age five. Her parents were still in love, and her house still felt like a real home. It had been an amazing Christmas, filled with love and happiness.
Then, her parents divorced, and from age six, Beca's Christmases were split between her mom's house in Seattle and her dad's and the step monster's apartment in Atlanta.
After her mom's death, it was exclusively spent with her dad.
From age eighteen, Beca embraced her freshly-acquired independence and decided she would not bother celebrating Christmas anymore.
Well, that was before Chloe Beale barged into her life with those sparkling eyes and dazzling smile. It seems as though the redhead can convince Beca to take part in stuff she'd never thought she'd be doing at one point in her life, ie: singing in front of an audience.
It's like Chloe takes a liking in accepting those challenges.
So it doesn't surprise Beca when the senior shows up on the doorstep of her dorm, two days before Christmas Eve, antlers perched on her head, her arms laden with all sorts of snacks and Christmas movies.
And it doesn't surprise her either when she can't find it in herself to refuse.
(she blames it on her ridiculous crush on Chloe).
She still pretends to be annoyed by it, because she's Beca Mitchell and has a reputation to uphold (or so she believes).
"Ugh, fine," she grumbles, adding a slight eye-roll as she opens the door wider to let the hyper-redhead through. Chloe gives her a beaming grin as she slides past her, and Beca curses quietly under her breath when her heart does that annoying fluttering thing.
When she finally gets a grip on the storm of foreign and unwanted feelings unleashing in her chest, Beca takes a deep breath and shuts the door, counting to three before she turns around. Chloe is already settling on her bed, back against the wall and legs extended in front of her, balancing Beca's computer on her thighs.
With anyone else, Beca would have yelled at them for touching her computer without asking her. But it's Chloe. And Chloe has a way of bringing Beca's defenses down.
She is so screwed.
/
Her second Christmas at Barden is a bit more hectic than the first one.
It's celebrated three days ahead, because everyone is going home on the 23rd. Beca comes back to the house she shares with the Bellas late that day after her shift at the campus radio station, and finds her friends busy cooking dinner, no doubt following Chloe's impeccable organisation.
Stacie is in charge of peeling the potatoes, Flo of cutting them, Jessica and Ashley are making a cake for dessert, CR and Lily are decorating the table, while Amy lounges on the couch eating snacks, claiming that she's doing them a favor by eating them so the other girls don't spoil their appetite.
Of course, they do all of this while belting out fucking Christmas tunes.
Really, this should be Beca's ultimate nightmare.
But instead of fleeing from the disgusting Christmas wonderland, Beca finds herself leaning against the doorway of the living room with a fond smile on her lips as warmth spreads inside her chest.
These girls are her family, something she has lacked of ever since she was five. And it still feels strange, to remind herself that she now has people in her life she can count on.
Slender arms wrap around her waist as she's hugged from the back, pulling Beca out of her thoughts with a startle. She doesn't have to twist her head to confirm they are Chloe's. Her perfume reaches Beca's nostrils and her touch is achingly familiar.
Besides, no one dares hugging Beca the way Chloe does.
Her heart picks up at the proximity (like it does every time Chloe hugs her, and it's starting to become an inconvenience given the frequency of those hugs), but she tries to relax nonetheless.
"Merry Christmas, Bec," the familiar surname, added to the husky tone, sends a shiver along her spine, all the way down to her toes, which curl in the sole of her shoes.
"It's not Christmas yet, dude."
"Mmm," Chloe hums, and Beca feels the strum of her vocal chords against her collarbone. "But it certainly feels like it."
Soft lips press a kiss to the apple of her cheek, and just like that, they are gone, along with the loose hold around her waist as Chloe peels herself away from her to join their fellow Bellas in the kitchen. Beca remains frozen in her spot, the ghost of Chloe's touch burning her skin through her sweater.
Damn crush.
(yes, she is still convinced that it's just a crush, and that it's bound to go away. Besides, she's with Jesse, now).
/
"Are you sure you're going to be okay, Bec?"
Beca looks up from her screen to see a frown deeply etched in Chloe's features, along with her signature pout. She rolls her eyes, focusing back on her mixing program.
"Yes, mom. I think I'll manage not to burn down the house while you're gone."
Chloe sighs and comes to sit by the bed beside her. It's the morning of Christmas Eve on Beca's third year at Barden. Chloe's flight is leaving in a few hours. The rest of the girls all went home yesterday, so Beca had to suffer through Christmas movie night on her own with Chloe.
Suffer being the key word here. Having Chloe curled up next to her with no definition of personal space whatsoever for several hours was agony.
Bittersweet agony.
Beca has been hanging out in Chloe's room for the last few hours while the latter packed her suitcase.
"You know what I mean. I don't like the idea of you spending Christmas alone."
"I'll be fine. Besides, it's not like Christmas is important to me or anything." Beca shrugs. "It's just a holiday."
Chloe's eyebrows knit together like she's about to argue, but she seems to let it go. "If you say so." She reaches inside her open suitcase, toying with a rectangular gift wrapped in striped green and red paper before handing it to Beca. "Do you still accept presents?"
Beca sits up, setting her computer to the side as she gazes down to the package. "I thought we agreed we wouldn't give each other gifts this year?"
By we, she means the Bellas.
"I know. But I think this rule is stupid. And I'm not one to follow stupid rules."
"But..." Beca falters, shoulders slumping. She feels terrible. She wanted to get Chloe something, and had actually found the perfect gift for her, but thought it would be weird if Chloe was the only one she gave a present to. She thought it might give away how she cared for Chloe in some other way than platonically. And she wasn't sure she was ready for that, yet. "I didn't get you anything."
"I know," Chloe gives her that smile that she's grown fond of. Genuine and understanding. It makes Beca's insides crawl with guilt. "I wasn't expecting you to, obviously. And I didn't plan on giving anyone any present. I just came across this and had to buy it for you."
Beca wants to dig herself a hole in the floor and scream.
"Thank you," she says hesitantly instead, reaching for the gift. She starts to undo the wrapping, but Chloe stills her movements by placing a hand on top of hers.
"Open it on the Christmas day?"
Beca nods and sets it aside. Glancing down at her watch, Chloe purses her lips.
"I have to go."
Chloe shuffles until she's on the edge of the bed and bends down to zip her suitcase. Beca stands when Chloe does, slipping her hands into her back pockets while Chloe shrugs on her coat.
"Tell your parents hi for me."
"I will," Chloe opens her arms, and Beca wastes no time in stepping closer until she's engulfed in a warm embrace. She loves Chloe's hugs. They are warm and soothing. "Merry Christmas, Bec."
"Merry Christmas, Chlo."
Chloe departs in a flurry and a shouted 'love you!' rings through the house just before the door slams shut. Beca remains in her spot long after, letting Chloe's words echo against her ribs and squeeze her heart.
"Love you, too."
It's a whisper directed to the empty house, three words that she can never bring herself to say to Chloe, because she knows they will never mean the same to her best friend as they do to her.
Beca manages to keep the tears at bay, until she curls into a ball on Chloe's bed, hugging a pillow that smells like her to her chest.
On Christmas day, she is more excited to open Chloe's present than she is Jesse's.
As she peels the wrapping paper back to reveal an old copy of The Velvety Rabbit, her vision quickly gets clouded with tears. She can't even remember telling Chloe about her favorite childhood book, the one her mom used to read to her when she was a kid. She had lost it at some point while commuting back and forth between her parent's houses.
She realizes then that her heart belongs to Chloe and Chloe only.
She breaks up with Jesse just before New Years. He is heartbroken, and Beca hates herself.
But somehow, she feels lighter. Like she's one step closer to what she wants, even though it still seems so far away.
/
"Bec, it's Christmas!"
Her bed bounces, jolting Beca slightly. She groans, throwing her forearm over her eyes.
"Go away."
She tries not to gasp when, instead of listening to her (who is she kidding), Chloe moves to straddle her hips.
Beca takes a peak from under her arm as she wills her body not to go on overheat.
"Um, what are you doing?"
She realizes Chloe is wearing a Christmas onesie, and it's probably the most adorable thing she's ever seen in her life. Her eyes momentarily freeze over the generous cleavage it offers and Beca swallows, briefly wondering how someone can be so cute and so hot at the same time.
Chloe crosses her arms over her chest, which only pushes her breasts up a bit more. Beca bites back a whimper as she averts her eyes back to Chloe's face.
Big mistake.
She has that ridiculous pout in place, combined with those damn puppy-dog eyes.
"What time is it?"
Chloe seems to hesitate for a beat, and then there's a sheepish look on her face. "Seven?"
Beca grunts. "You're lucky you're cute."
It flies out of her mouth before she can get ahold of it and Chloe flashes her a smile and a wink.
"I made breakfast. Your favorite."
Beca sighs, closing her eyes when Chloe leans down to kiss her cheek.
She wishes she was brave enough to tell Chloe she is in love with her. But losing her best friend is far worse than opening her heart.
So she bites back the words before they can make the leap past her teeth.
She's made it through three Christmases, she can last one more.
/
Christmas in New York is nice. Well, as nice as it can get. The snow certainly adds to the charm.
By December first, Chloe is a ticking bomb of excitement.
"What am I looking at?" Beca asks as soon as she walks through the door after work. Chloe spins around, red hair whipping across her shoulders, eyes wide and sparkling.
"I bought a Christmas tree!"
Duh. The thing is gigantic and takes one third of the apartment. It's also too high, so the tip is bent by the low ceiling.
"They didn't have anything smaller?" Beca voices warily as she slips her stachel off and sets it on the ground. Chloe looks over her shoulder to glare at her.
"Bec. It's our first Christmas in our new home! It has to be a proper one!"
Beca swallows heavily as the weight of Chloe's words wash over her. They make it sound like she and Chloe are a couple.
They make her stomach churn unpleasantly and her skin crawl. She needs to go for a walk and clear her mind.
She tries to ignore the sadness on Chloe's face when she announces she's going out, and somehow, the freezing air that greets her when she steps outside makes her chest ache in another way, giving her heart a small moment of reprieve.
/
For the first time in almost twenty years, Beca is kind of excited about Christmas.
Well, not about Christmas specifically, but about the fact that she's on her way to see Chloe.
Stepping out of the plane, Beca tries to reign in her thumping heart before it beats out of her chest out of excitement. She rounds the corner, and spots Chloe before she sees her. The redhead is holding a sign that clearly spells out her name, with little hearts around it.
Beca rolls her eyes; her girlfriend is a dork.
Oh yeah, Chloe is her girlfriend, now.
She's not quite sure how it happened. One minute she was asking Chloe to be her date at the Grammys, the next, she was sputtering out her feelings for her.
And then Chloe's lips were on hers and everything in Beca's life suddenly made sense.
"Hey weirdo," she greets with a grin, dropping her carry-on on the ground just in time to brace herself for Chloe's bulldozing hug. The force of it both cuts the oxygen from her lungs and allows her to breathe again. Three months without the love of her life is borderline unbearable.
Yes, she is a sap. Yet again, she is many things when it comes to Chloe Beale.
"I've missed you so much," Chloe's warm voice tickles her ear as Beca holds her tighter, turning her head so it's buried in the crook of Chloe's neck.
"I've missed you, too, baby."
On her way to her parents' house, Chloe starts to belt out Christmas tunes as she weaves through traffic. Beca rolls her eyes and pretends to be annoyed, but Chloe's hand is entwined with hers and her thumb is rubbing across Beca's knuckles and that scold is quickly replaced by a fond smile.
She's got Chloe's present in her carry-on, safely tucked in a square velvet box, and Beca, albeit nervous, cannot wait to finally take that step.
She knows this Christmas is bound to be her favorite one, yet. And that the Christmases to follow will be as equally amazing, as long as Chloe is by her side.
Because, after all, she is everything.