This madness is a result of a comment thread in the Shandy Shippers Facebook group that took a satirical turn and the fact that I'm at a bit of a standstill with my other story (but I'm still working on it). If you didn't see the thread, then you're going to think I've lost my damn mind (if you don't think so already, haha). The names for the mythical twins also came from that thread. Also, this is meant to be parody, not a perfect example of the characters being true to the show. And hopefully it goes without saying that I'm aware that nothing from Sharon's dream is possible. I've seen unwarranted nitpicky "corrections" in the reviews of several other stories, so I try to guess where they might happen with mine and prevent them from the beginning. :)

Sharon's phone rang as she was leaving work one day, with the good news that her doctor had secured a heart for the heart transplant she'd need for her condition. "A baby was born with an extra one. That's rare, but his heart is all yours!" Her doctor told her cheerfully. Sharon turned to tell Andy, but she suddenly found herself in the hospital and being prepped for surgery. That was weird. She looked up and saw Dr. Karev from Grey's Anatomy standing over her.

"Dr. Karev?" She asked in disbelief.

Meanwhile, Andy was having trouble sleeping and was sitting up and reading on his phone. He heard Sharon mumble as she shifted in her sleep, and he figured she was dreaming. "Oh...a baby!" She murmured. "Dr. Karev? My heart..." It was Andy's turn to be in disbelief. Was she dreaming about that Karev kid from Grey's Anatomy? Surely not. He'd never thought about her dreaming about other men before, but of course she did. He'd definitely had a few dreams about Meredith since Sharon had started making him watch that medical soap opera that made him worry that the doctors and staff were too wrapped up in love triangles or spats to effectively care for him any time he was in the hospital. But Karev?! If she had to dream about another man, it could at least be Patrick Dempsey. Hell, he couldn't fault her for that. He'd been pissed off as all hell at Shonda when she killed him off.

Sharon woke up from surgery and walked out of the hospital, fully clothed. Wait, that wasn't right. She should've been in a recovery room and wearing a hospital gown. Something else wasn't right...She looked down and realized she was...pregnant?! She turned to go back into the hospital to find out what happened, but had to make a pit stop first. Of course she did, because being pregnant meant she had to pee every damn minute of the day.

Sharon's eyes shot open, and she was relieved that the urge to pee was the only true part of that dream. Where had the heart transplant thing come from? That hadn't even been mentioned so far at any of her doctor's appointments. Some minor lifestyle adjustments had to be made, but her prognosis was good. She drowsily stumbled out of bed and into the bathroom for a different kind of relief, as waking up to go to the bathroom two hundred times a night had been one of several "gifts" of being post-menopausal. She didn't seem to notice that Andy was awake, so he locked his phone and lay back down, not wanting her to realize he wasn't asleep. Sharon got back in bed a minute later and fell asleep again pretty quickly. This didn't happen often, but every now and then, the same dream would continue after she woke up in the middle of it, which was the case with this one.

Sharon tracked down Dr. Karev, who apologetically told her that receiving a baby's heart after menopause had less than a half-percent chance of causing pregnancy with twins, but with the chance being so small and the benefit outweighing the risks, or some such medical garbage, he hadn't mentioned it to her. She knew this was impossible, yet, here she was, absolutely rotund. "I'm pregnant with twins?!" Sharon demanded angrily. "You knew this could happen, and you didn't find it necessary to warn me?! I'm looking at sixty! I don't want jack to do with having twins!"

Andy sat up and started reading again once Sharon had fallen back asleep. "I'm pregnant...Want Jack," she mumbled. Andy looked down at her sleeping form. Wait, what?! Surely, she couldn't be...Could she? No. He'd come home enough times to find the air turned down to 65 to know that her hormones were long gone. (A/N: I'm not referring to hot flashes, as I'm sure she's past that, this just came from the fact that most 55/60+ women I know are always hot. I've heard multiple "stop turning the thermostat down to 65" complaints from their husbands, haha). And Jack?! Was she dreaming about him, too?

Next thing Sharon knew, she was back in a hospital bed with a tiny little bundle in each arm. A boy and a girl. As pissed off as she'd been about being pregnant, she couldn't imagine life without little Maria and Antoine, despite the fact that they'd just been born. But how? She remembered none of it. Her general ass region wasn't on fire, so it couldn't have happened the way she remembered the last time she'd been in a hospital bed with a baby in her arms.

Sharon jerked awake, and she was relieved, yet again, to realize that it had all just been a dream. Andy look down at her. "That must've been some dream," he commented, hoping for a little insight.

Sharon sat up and rubbed her eyes. "Yeah. I dreamed I had to have a heart transplant, and then the heart I got made me pregnant with twins! I don't think I've ever been so happy to wake up from a dream."

Andy nodded. "So...Karev, huh? I would've pegged you for a McDreamy fan."

Sharon narrowed her eyes. "I knew you'd been watching Grey's reruns behind my back! I told you you'd like it!" She turned her lamp on. She didn't think she'd be falling asleep again any time soon. "And he was just the doctor in my dream. I actually liked McSteamy, but he wasn't around for very long."

Andy looked confused. "Who?"

"Keep watching. You'll see."

Andy nodded. "So, uh...You can't, um, really get pregnant, right?" He'd assumed he knew the answer to that, but his knowledge of the female reproductive system was admittedly fuzzy, so he was starting to second-guess himself.

Sharon shook her head. "Not a chance."

"I didn't think so. Just making sure." Andy slipped his hand under Sharon's nightgown and started kissing her with a fervor that could only mean one thing.

"Andy, it's the middle of the night! What are you doing?"

"Not getting you pregnant."

"Hmm...Okay." Sharon knew she'd be awake for a while, anyway, so they might as well have some fun. Something needed to be taken care of first, though, so she gently turned Andy's face away from her. "Hold that thought." She grabbed a small jar from her nightstand and slipped into the bathroom, then washed the remaining substance off of her hands when she was finished. She knew Vaseline wasn't the best option for this, and it wasn't like Rusty to look through her things, but if he ever somehow found anything that was specifically lube, then he would die. So would she, for that matter. She'd actually unintentionally left it on her nightstand not long ago, which led to an uncomfortable, on her end, anyway, conversation with Rusty. While stickier than she would like and harder to get out than the normal kind, it still got the job done (A/N: I can now add "can you use Vaseline for lube" to my list of ridiculous fanfic-related google searches, which is where the above description came from). She quietly crossed the hall and stood outside of Rusty's door for a few moments to make sure he didn't seem to be stirring, then went back to her room and locked both doors.

"We're going to have to do this in the middle of the night more often," Sharon commented after an extended encounter. Andy had lasted longer than he ever had before, which was a little odd. Mornings were usually his best time.

"No arguments, here." Andy pulled her closer and kissed her at her hairline.

Sharon smiled to herself as she remembered a recent conversation with Rusty. "I accidentally left the Vaseline on top of my nightstand not long ago, and Rusty asked about it," she said.

Andy laughed as quietly as he could. "What did you tell him?"

Sharon shrugged. "Just that my lips get chapped in the middle of the night sometimes and that it works better than chapstick. He bought it."

What...Oh, gross! Thought a horrified Rusty. It was bad enough that the conversation he was hearing confirmed his suspicion about the soft creaking sound that had woken him up a few minutes ago, but the truth about the Vaseline was a completely different level of disgusting. His ill-timed trip to the bathroom for a glass of water had left him with an image of his mother no kid should ever have.