Please note that because SNK has the most unholy buttload of fighting characters imaginable, there was bound to be two of the same name eventually. I took a slight liberty so you don't get confused:

HANZOU: SAMURAI SHODOWN

HANZO: WORLD HEROES

There. With that out of the way, please enjoy.

"And welcome to Shinobi Slaughter 2019! I'm your commentator, Chizuru Kagura, and also joining me in the booth toda-"

"IT'S ME! BIG! MR. BIG! I'M THE HOST OF THIS THING!"

"Ugh. Anyways, we have an exciting matchup for you today on this Pay Per View event! Closed captioning is available in English, Spanish, French, Italian-"

"If you speak a language, then it has closed captioning. That's all you need to say, Chiz."

"Alright! God. So without further ado, let's meet our contestants shall we?"

The camera cut to a wide establishing shot of the ninja, all lined up as they walked in unison to the combat zone.

"We shall! And we couldn't have a lovelier lineup of battle-hardened ninjas today, Miss Kagura! Of course, none of them are as powerful, smart and beautiful as myself, but-"

"But this isn't about you, Big. Anyways, yes sir we have quite a roster here today! 8 masters of ninjitsu from different lands, coming together to compete for one grand prize. And what do we have to offer today, Big?"

"I'm glad you asked, Chizuru! The grand prize for the brave ninja who comes out on top is none other than... our very own Baron of Buxom, Maiden of Mammaries, Dean of Desire, Expert of Erotic, Specialist of Sexy... MAI SHIRANUI!"

High-energy music started playing as the live feed cut to a promo, featuring Mai smiling at the camera and striking several seductive poses. Not one angle of her was left unchecked by the envious audience in attendance and the millions of viewers watching at home. The camera would rapidly transition between poses every 3 seconds while the commentators continued to talk.

"Yes that's right, Big! These ninja hunks are battling for the hand of the fair maiden herself, and if you ask me, I'd say the stakes are pretty high here. Mai Shiranui is quite a catch, to put it mildly."

"I would have to agree with you there, Chizuru! I mean hell, she's pretty much... I mean shit, she IS the most desired human being on the planet. Men would probably commit mass murder for her."

"Y-yeah..."

"I mean, just LOOK at her! Look at that f***ing plump little ass! Look at the way it f***ing jiggles!"

"I th-think you've made your point, B-"

"And those tits! I mean, who wouldn't cut off their own hands if it meant they could spend their final moments grabbing ahold of those bad boys?!"

"Big..."

"Hell, I wish I was a ninja so I could get my ass in that ring and fight for the chance to put my dick in tha-"

"BIG! SHUT UP... PLEASE."

At last the promo concluded, and the camera switched back to the an overhead view of the battleground, where the contestants were already in position. The battleground consisted of a large, spacious ring with no solid ground, as it was completely comprised of water. In all four corners of the ring were posts with turnbuckles, and red ropes with a special surprise: an electric charge. As for what was available to do battle on... sticking out of the water were multitudes of high-reaching, slender wooden pillars. They were just big enough to fit four feet on, which meant this would be a true test of their mobility, as well as their balance to stay up there.

"The fight is nearly underway. And take a look at the arena! Have you ever seen a battle venue so sophisticated, Big?"

"I sure as hell haven't, Chizuru. It looks like a true sadist designed this f***ing thing. We got a big-ass lake, with several giant... wooden... poles sticking out of it, which I assume that's for the ninja to leap across."

"Indeed, and for those of you unaware of the special rules, this is a battle of survival. Only the last ninja remaining upright will be declared the winner. If you fall in the water or get KO'd, you're done! So contestants, I suggest you stay light on your feet, stay moving... and avoid those electrical ropes!"

"Yup. I bet my shiny bald head that there's going to be some freshly baked ninjas plopping in the water in the coming minutes. I hope y'all like the smell of burnt ass!"

"Alright, enough of that Big. It's almost underway. Let's cut to the ring for our introductions."

The camera feed switched to the arena, where the fighters were all in starting positions. Just outside the threshold of the soon-to-be carnage, the fiery announcer applied microphone to mouth and let them have it.

"LADIES AAAAAAAAAND GENTLEMEN! WE ARE LIIIIIIVE FOR SHINOBI SLAUGHTER 2019: THE BATTLE FOR MAI SHIRANUI! THIS FIGHT IS SANCTIONED BY THE SOUTHTOWN ATHLETIC COMMISSION, AND SPONSORED BY KAGURA INDUSTRIES, PAO PAO CAFE, LEE PAI LONG PHARMACEUTICALS, AND YAMAZAKI STABBING SERVICE! IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE HIM, FIRST ONE'S FREE!"

The announcer continued, pointing his hand at the ring.

"The rules are simple: 8 courageous ninja warriors have entered the ring, to put their strength, skills, intelligence and heart to the test, in the name of claiming the hand of the most desired kunoichi in all the land. Only one will remain in the end, and that worthy contestant reserves the right to claim the ultimate prize! If you are thrown out of the ring, dropped into the water, knocked out or killed, you are eliminated! Last one standing wins!"

The announcer cleared his throat one good time, thrust his finger towards the contestants... and exploded with gusto.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW! THIS IS THE MOMENT YOU'VE AAAAAAAAAAAAALL BEEN WAITING FOR!"

"Introducing first! Standing 5'7, weighing in at 154 pounds, this warrior hails from Japan! Self-proclaimed sworn enemy of the Kyokugenryu Karate school, he has devoted his life to seeing their downfall. INTRODUCING... EIJI... KISARAGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

The purple-clad ninja folded his arms and scowled. "Only my hand is worthy to recieve Mai's. Together we'll bear many children, and train them to destroy the Sakazakis once and for all!"

"Our next contestant! Standing 5'9, weighing in at 152 pounds, this historical ninja warrior traversed time itself to do battle in the mythical World Heroes tournament! Hailing from Japan, HERE IS... HATTORI... HANZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Clad in a blue garb, with spiky brown hair akin to Joe Higashi's, Hanzo put his hands together and closed his eyes. "I have transcended the boundaries of time once again to prove my worth on this battleground."

"Standing right across from him, this crimson ninja declares himself to be Hanzo's sworn enemy! With a mane of fiery red hair, this Japanese rival clansman stands 5'9 and weighed in at 154 pounds. INTRODUCING... FUUMA... KOTAROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Fuuma, who was Hanzo's opposite in every way, thrust his fist and let loose a mighty roar. "I'm gonna accomplish two things today! Destroying my rival... and claiming that sweet kunoichi ASS!"

"This next ninja hails from the United States of America! Alongside his pet Siberian Husky Poppy, this dashing young man fights for justice with his lightning chi! Standing 5'8 and weighing in at 138 pounds, HERE IS... GALFOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORD!"

The blue-clad ninja ran a hand through his spiky blonde hair before leaning down to pet his dog. "Ready to get a new mommy, boy? We've got this in the bag. Just don't stray from our strategy, kay?"

"WOOF!" Poppy barked in acknowledgement.

"Introducing our next contestant! This legendary warrior was Ieyasu Tokugawa's finest ninja lord! Leader of the fabled Iga Clan, he stands 5'9 and weighed in at 132 pounds! HERE HE IS, IN THE FLESH... HANZOU... HATTORIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

Easily the most intimidating ninja of them all, his black garb was offset by his blood-red scarf. He was heavily reinforced with iron shoulder pads, as well as the chainmail fibers that could be seen peeking from underneath his garb. His mask hid all expression, save for a menacing eye bearing a large vertical scar.

"I am the shadow of Death. To see me is to see your final moments."

"And get a load of THIS guy! Not your average ninja for sure, little is known about this hulking He-Man! Hailing from Japan, this vengeful ninja stands tall at 6'1 and weighed in at 176 pounds. GIVE IT UP FOR... JIN... FU-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

This guy indeed looked less like a ninja and more like a bodybuilder, as he was shirtless and absolutely RIPPED. His shinobi hat and headband could not be denied, however. The man known as Jin Fu-Ha clutched the ominous-looking scar on his chest, while his eyes darted murderously towards a certain purple ninja...

"Eiji Kisaragi... I once looked up to you, you traitorous scum. Now the moment has come for me to seek ultimate vengeance. Not only will I kill you right here and now, I will deal the ultimate humiliation to you by stealing your beloved Mai! You will die knowing the object of your infatuation is possessed by ME!"

"Our next contestant, ladies and gentlemen... does he really need any introduction? Seriously. His presence here is pretty much a requirement. I mean, we're talking about Mai Shiranui here. Why WOULDN'T this guy be involved? He probably has something to do with this whole thing anyway. Ah well, I'm just rambling. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, OUR VERY OWN SON OF SOUTHTOWN! THE BROTHER OF THE LEGENDARY LONE WOLF! WE'RE PROBABLY ALL ROOTING FOR HIS DUMB ASS TO WIN THIS THING! HERE HE IS! ANDYYYYYYYYY... BOGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD!"

Andy looked absolutely like he didn't want to be here right now. His stance and demeanor spoke very little of the language of "combat". With his arms folded, his head hanging low, a glazed look in his eyes as his lip curled with a pout... the biggest mystery in the world right now was why the hell he was a part of this, and how things between him and Mai had even gotten to the point that she would agree to give herself to the winner of a ninja battle royale. All of this pointed to a tremendous failure on Andy's part, as a friend, lover, and definitely as a man. Would his heart even be in this? Could he summon the will to jealously defend the woman who was supposed to be his in the first place? Or would his crushed confidence prove fatal, and cause Mai to slip from his fingers forever...?

"Mai..." was the only word he could solemnly whisper as his head seemed to droop even lower.

"AND OUR FINAL CONTESTANT! He's... well... he's just a boy. He really has no business being here. I don't know what twisted officials would allow this. But, uh... he IS a ninja. He's only 15. A disciple of Andy Bogard himself, this aspiring young kid is looking to make a name for himself! GIVE IT UP FOR... HOKUTOMARUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"

Hokutomaru was chock full of piss and vinegar, bouncing up and down uncontrollably with a wide smile on his face. He seemed not the least bit worried that seven ninja masters stood before him, all versed in the killing arts with hearts of ice.

"YEAH! YEEEAH! YEEEEEAH! This is my chance to further my training! I'm finally gonna surpass you, Master Andy! And uh... sorry in advance for stealing Mai from you, ehehehehehe... it's not personal, I swear."

The audience screeched as the introductions were officially over. All that was left was for the ringside announcer to vacate the area, and he did so with great haste. This was about to become a bloody battleground, after all. With lust and desire in their hearts, these 8 ninja would surely predate upon each other with fangs and claws of flesh-rending proportions.

"Contestants, are you ready? BEGIN!"

DING DING!