10 Days.
10 painful days.
10 days until I have to look at him again.
10 days until all those stupid feeling rush back.
10 stupid days.
"Mom, I'll be okay." I said, in the most convincing voice possible.
"Okay, but if you need anything don't hesitate to ask." She told me.
"Okay, Mom. I will. But I have to go. I'll call you tomorrow?" I said into the receiver of my house phone.
"Bye Honey."
"Thank God." I said, turning to my best friend and roommate.
"Ha, your mom aggravating you?" She asked.
"Linds, you have no idea. Just because he's coming home doesn't mean I'm going to have a mental breakdown." I said taking a seat on the floor where my cat laid.
"I don't blame her for being worried, he pretty much fucked you over, ya know?"
Lindsey was right. He did. I moved out to Tampa to pursue a job in cosmetology, not to fall in love and get everything messed up. In all honesty, I lived in a fairytale for the last ten months. I fell hard for a man whose job requires him to leave all too often. It was not a healthy relationship and he just did not have the time for me. Sure, he told me what he did so I knew he would come and go but I never thought he would call me one morning and tell me he was going to on tour for a couple of months and he thought I should move on. Actually, he said, "I'm leaving tomorrow for Australia, so it's over." JERK.
"I'm better now, I'm over his ass. Linds, you know I am."
"Yeah, I know but I also know you He'll come back and ask for a second chance and you'll give in. Everything will be okay for a couple of months then you'll get another call."
"That's not going to happen. I could careless about him. He might as well be dead." I told my friend.
"Jennifer, you're so lying. You still like him and you know it." She answered.
She was right. I just was not admitting it.
"Do you not recall me sending all his stuff to his apartment?"
"Yes, I do. I also recall you sleeping in HIS shirt last night."
"It was the only clean thing I had to sleep in." I argued in my defense. "You know I still haven't got in the routine on doing my own laundry."
"Point being, that shirt should not be in our apartment."
"End of discussion. I'm going to be late for work." I said, getting up from my spot on the floor and slipping on my canary yellow stilettos. "I'll be home around 6 or 7." I said, before leaving the apartment.
9 Days.
9 torturing days.
9 days until I have to see his stupid face.
9 days until my heart explodes in my chest.
9 cursed days.
Ring Ring Ring
It was my cell phone. On the caller I.D. a name flashed.
Dean
"Don't answer that Jennifer." Lindsey said looking over at my phone.
"Note to self, get bigger apartment." I said aloud.
"What? Do you not like sharing a room with me?"
"That was what I was hinting at." I told her.
"You don't need to talk to them. None of them, not him or his buddies. "She said, grabbing my phone and listening to the voice mail Seth had left.
"I appreciate it really, but you're not my mother. I'm 25; I can talk to whoever I want." I said, yanking the phone out of her hand.
"Well…He's too old for you!"
"Idiot, he's 27." I said rubbing the sleep from my eyes.
"Shut up, it's early." She laughed. "Get up, it's 12, we we're suppose to meet with the people about that house."
"Fine." I grumbled.
_
8 Days.
8 unwanted days.
8 days until I can touch him again.
8 days until I lose my mind.
8 unhappy days.
"Eight days." I spoke quietly.
"Yeah eight days." The voice said back.
"I can't wait." My voice was neither hopeful nor sorrowful.
"He really is sorry."
"I know Ro…I heard the voice mail he left me yesterday. I just don't know if I can forgive him… yet." I said truthfully.
"Look, I'll call you tomorrow; I got a match in a half hour so I need to go."
"Alright, I'll talk to you tomorrow then."
"Bye babe."
_
7 Days.
7 unholy days.
7 days until I know how sorry he really is.
7 days until my best friend is back.
7 worried days.
"What do you think about these?" I said, holding up a pair of zebra striped ballet flats.
"I like those." Lindsey said, pointing to a pair of red flats.
"Those don't match my dress." I pointed out.
"Yeah, so what. They're still cute." She laughed.
"Oh, what about these?" I said holding a white pump with lace and a bow near the toe.
"Perfect." She said. "Wait, why did you buy a new dress anyway?"
"Uh, you know…I bought it for things."
"Jennifer. You shouldn't be doing this to yourself."
"I'm not doing anything." I said.
Liar, liar, pants on fire.
6 Days.
6 sweet days.
6 days until I get back with him.
6 days until I piss my family off.
6 aggravating days.
"I hope you know all my friends and family are going to get mad at me."
"So what. You're old enough to decide what you want."
"I'm happy that you're coming home though."
I felt so innocent talking to him, I do not know why, I just did.
"I'm happy I'm coming back. I missed you like crazy. I met so many girls there, but none of them compared to you."
"Aw, you liar. There is nothing special about me. Besides they all have cool accents"
"That might be so, but you have a hold on my heart they don't."
"You're making me blush, stop it."
"It's true. I love you."
Whoa. First time EVER hearing that one.
"Wow, Dean…I love you too."
5 Days.
5 long days.
5 days until I kiss him again.
5 days until we hold hangs again.
5 extreme days.
"Linds, are you really mad at me?" I asked.
"Yes, I am. You need to leave it be. I do not care if he told you he loved you. Jen, he cheated on you before he left. Why else do you think he broke up with you? If he didn't break up with you I was going to tell you that he was with Summer."
"Bullshit. He would not do that. He wouldn't have told me he loved me if he did." I defended.
"Fine, I'm done. This is a lost cause. You will not listen to me. You're just going to sit around and let him fuck you over and over and over again. This is pathetic Jennifer, even for you."
"Pathetic? Really Lindsey? Pathetic? I'm not the one who's obsessed with my best friend's love life because I don't have one of my own." I shouted.
"You know what? You can have this fucking apartment. I am done trying to help you. All I ever wanted to do was help you. You did not and do not see what I see. Dean does not love you. If he did, he would not have fucked around with Summer. But that's okay; you can live your so-called happy life with a guy who could give two shits about you or your feeling because I won't be there when you need me." Lindsey yelled back, slamming our, no MY door.
_
4 Days.
4 agonizing day.
4 days until I feel safe in his arms again.
4 days until I cry myself to sleep.
4 confused days.
"Jen, you know she will come back around."
"I dunno about that. She was really upset."
"Lindsey can't stay mad at you. You guys were friends' way before I even came around."
"I know Dean, it's just…the look on her face. She was so…she just looked so disappointed in me. She's my best friend and there's no way I can just stand here and wait for her to come back."
"You're right. Maybe I shouldn't have called. Or even broken up with you for that fact."
"Yeah…. Well, I have to get ready for work. Call me later?"
"Yeah. Bye babe."
"Bye hun."
Lindsey was my best friend and she was normally right when it came to things like this. She had been there so many times before. It was times like these when I wished I could just listen. My heart told me I loved him. My head on the other hand said leave it.
_
3 Days.
3 undecided days.
3 days until I look into his eyes again.
3 days until we laugh together again.
3 insane days.
Saturday. Three more days until Tuesday. The day HE comes home.
I have a lot to think about. I love him, but my friends and family cannot stand him. For so long I have made up excuses in my head why it was okay to talk to him.
Things between us are not as they were when we first met each other. I miss the days when he would call me just to hear my voice. The days when I would laugh and tell people, "I snagged a professional wrestler." It all seems so long ago, maybe too long ago. I think I am finally starting to realize that I am better off alone than with him. He has made me cry too much. He has broken my heart too many times. I think I might just walk away…maybe.
_
2 Days.
2 hard days.
2 days until I he's here again.
2 days until I wish, he would never come back again.
2 stoic days.
"Two more days and he will be back. Mom, I think I might lose it." I truthfully told my mom.
"I know baby. I just wish I could be there for you. I really don't want you going through this again." She said with a sign.
Yeah, that was right again. When I was, nineteen I moved in with a boy who I thought loved me as much as I loved him. He would tell me how much he loved me, but the reality of that was, he didn't; he was sleeping with one of my best friends.
So here, I am again. No, Dean didn't pull anything like that but he has made me cry so many times. I promised myself that I would never ever put myself back through it.
"Mom, you wanna move to Florida for a couple of weeks?" I joked.
My mom was my best friend and my security blanket. When I moved out to Tampa, it was not the bills that needed to be paid that gave me a headache, it was knowing that my mother was still in Missouri and I was here alone.
"Yeah Jen, I'll hop my happy ass on the first plane there!" She laughed. "You'll be okay, I know you will."
"I hope so. Right now, I am a nervous freaking wreck. How surreal was it when I called you and told you that I met Dean and that I was going out with him?"
"To be honest babe, I thought you were lying. I mean, well you know. You and Lindsey would joke around about it when you were younger and I thought that you were joking around with me."
"Yeah I know. I had to send you a freaking picture via-email because you did not believe me. I still think you did believe me after that." I laughed.
"Well what I am to think when my daughter calls me and says 'I'm dating a famous pro wrestler'? It's not very believable."
"True. However, I wasn't lying. I think you thought I was lying until I brought him to Derrick's wedding."
"I did, but there was no denying it when you and Lindsey walked in with them. Speaking of Lindsey, where has she been?"
"Wow, Linds and I are fighting? Well she is fighting with me. I just kinda told her to stay out of my love life and she flipped out like a fucking psycho. I am going to call her later. I do not really like not talking to my bff. It sucks."
"She called me the other day and told me what happened. I am just glad that you are going to call her. You two are best friends and boys shouldn't come between you."
Lindsey and I are the best friends that call each others parents' mom and dad. We're the best friends that are inseparable. Or were. Lindsey actually introduced me to Dean. She had met them at work; she was hired to take pictures at a NXT taping. She was the one who Seth called his for seven months. She broke his heart. The reason they split? I don't even really know that. All she would say was "He acts like a 13-year-old." Problem with that statement was so does she.
"I know mom. I think I'm going to call her now. So I'll talk to you tomorrow?"
"Alright. Bye hun."
"Bye mom."
I tapped the "end" on my iPhone and sat it on the counter. I had a headache. Dean would be back in less than two days and Lindsey; I still had to call her. Some lovely Sunday I was having.
_
1 Day.
1 gut-wrenching day.
1 nervous day.
1 day until reality smacks me in the face.
1 day until I wish I never met him.
1 dreaded day.
The more and more I thought about Dean's arrival the more nauseous I became. I never thought that I'd have to pick my best friend or love interest. Deep down I knew Lindsey was right, she always was. She never wanted to see me get hurt, but I wouldn't listen to her. Had I listened I wouldn't be in this mess right now.
I stared at the photos on the wall of us for what seemed like forever. I couldn't take it anymore. I needed my best friend. I pulled out my mobile phone and dialed her number. It rang twice then went to voice mail. She rejected my call.
"Hi, you've reached Lindsey. I'm unavailable at the moment, leave your name and digits and I'll get back to you as soon as possible, byyyye." The voice mail beeped signaling it was ready for my message.
"Lindsey, it's…well, you know who it is. You rejected my call. I really just need a friend right now. I'm sorry…please come home?" I left my message then hung up. I didn't know if she's call be back, but I hoped she would.
Hours passed since I called my best friend and she had yet to return my call. I was slowly sinking into a depression. I didn't know if I wanted to be mad or cry. I felt hated and I was ashamed of how I spoke to her days ago.
Finally, my phone rang, taking me away from my thoughts. I looked at the caller ID.
Seth
"Hello, Seth." I said quietly.
"You okay, love? You sound down." He asked. I knew Seth cared. He was always checking up on me after Dean dumped me, even though my best friend broke his heart. It's somewhat ironic isn't it? My best friend breaks his heart; his best friend breaks my heart.
"No Seth, I'm not." I answered trying to fight back the tears.
"Whoa, what's wrong babe?" He asked with worry in his voice.
"Everything, everything is wrong! " I shouted. "Dean's coming back and Lindsey won't even fucking talk to me. Seth, I can't take this shit right now." I was full-out crying now.
"Shhh, it'll all be okay love, it always is. Lindsey will get her head out of her ass and Dean will….well, Dean and you need to work out whatever it is that you guys want."
"Seth, you don't understand. Lindsey has every right to be pissed. I reamed her for telling the truth and trying to help me out and Seth….I don't even know what I want anymore."
"Look, just talk to Lindsey. I know her well enough to know she's compassionate about her friends. She loves you and she'll come back around. I really shouldn't give you any advice about your relationship with Dean seeing as he's my best friend, but I feel like I need to, I can't stand by and watch you get hurt. Dean isn't as truthful as you may think. He's been with several girls since the tour kicked off. Please use your head when he comes back. I know you're a smart girl." Seth said quietly. "Look, we have to do some press before we leave so I have to get off here; our flight comes in around 5."
"Okay, I'll let you go then." I said feeling slightly better considering the news.
"Bye Jenny."
"Seth?" I said, hoping he heard me.
"Yeah?"
"Thank you. I know it's not easy being around sometimes because of Linds, but I appreciate your friendship and honesty." I confessed.
"You're welcome love."
"Bye Seth."
"Bye Jen."
_
1 Hour.
1 hour until he steps foot back in Florida
1 hour until my decision
1 hour until we come face to face
1 hour until everything comes to a head
1 long hour
The clock on my phone said 4:00 pm. I had only one hour until Dean made his return. I still had many mixed feelings. If I took him back how long would it really last? If I didn't take him back would I regret it? The possibilities in my head were endless.
I looked down at my phone again after a while of watching people walk back and forth. The plane was about to land. He was about to land.
My stomach dropped as he made his way towards me. This was it.
"You look beautiful." He said, pulling me into a hug.
"Thanks." I smiled. He released me from the hug and went in for a kiss. "Uh, Dean, wait."
"What's wrong?"
"I have something for you."
"A present?"
"Here." I said, as I pulled his shirt out of my purse and shoved it at him.
He looked at me with confusion. For once, I was in control.
"My shirt?"
"Yup. Take it. I'm done with this relationship and I'm done with you. I don't deserve to be lied to and cheated on." I didn't even wait for a response. I turned on my heels and walked away from him; away the horrible relationship I dealt with for the last several months.
I walked hastily through the crowd of people and out of the airport to the parked vehicle waiting on me.
"It's done." I said as I got in the passenger's seat of the blue Aveo.
"Good. I think this calls for a celebration! Let's go get something to drink!" Lindsey exclaimed as she pulled out of the parking spot.