She shot Coin. Snow was pulled out by the guards. I locked eyes with her for a moment. They pulled her away from me, and she suddenly broke down into a hysterical fit but still clutching the nightlock pill tightly in her hands.
Haymitch told me she was taken to our old place, the one where we stayed before the Games. Since then, I haven't heard from him about her. I was hoping that she'll be okay again.
I had another meeting with Dr. Aurelius. He let me talk about my feelings towards the people who died recently like Finnick and Prim. I have to admit, I was really saddened. Especially with Prim. It all came back to me again; that I know how much Katniss cares for her. How hard it must be for her to lose Prim. And then I remembered those nights I spent with Katniss. Something that wasn't hijacked, something that reminded me of how much I cared for and even loved her. I tell that to Dr. Aurelius and he told me that it's a good sign. A good sign that I'm returning to my original self again. And in a few days, I can go back home to 12. After that, he sent me back to my room.
Shut the door, turn the light off
I wanna be with you, I wanna feel your love
I wanna lay beside you, I cannot hide this
Even though I try
That night, I thought about her again. I hope I'll still see the same girl I saw on the first day of school, the girl who was my fellow tribute, the girl I loved. As much as I want to be with her right now, I can't.
On the day after the next day, a sober Haymitch woke me up. He said I should come with him immediately to the place where we stayed before the Games. I was reluctant at first but he said it's very important.
We finally got there and Haymitch and I went up to Katniss's room. We saw strangers checking the room. And I saw her, lying on her bed, so still and so peaceful. We went towards her when Haymitch whispers,
"She's gone."
Heart beats harder, time escapes me
Trembling hands touch skin,
It makes this hard girl
And the tears stream down my face
"She's gone." And with those words, my whole world started to crash. My eyes started welling up when I look at her, then back to Haymitch. It was too much for me to absorb.
"What do you mean 'she's gone'?" I ask Haymitch.
"She's dead. They said she found her nightlock pill and took it in and when they checked, it was gone from the drawer beside her. That's when they called me. And I called you because I thought you should know," he tells me, in a surprisingly gentle manner.
I moved towards her and touched her arm. It felt cold and stiff beneath my hands, and that was when I broke into tears. I was on my knees, clutching her lifeless hand. I stayed like that for a few moments, which seemed like days to me. When I looked up to Haymitch, I saw tears threatening to fall from his eyes. I tell him between sobs, begging,
"Is there a way that she could possibly be alive again? Tell me Haymitch, please, tell me."
He just shook his head. I continue begging him.
"There has to be a way, right? There must be a way to rekindle the girl on fire! If they found a cure for my hijacked mind, there could possibly be a cure for a girl on fire who has lost the fire. I'll do whatever it takes, Haymitch," I tell him, the tears in a steady stream.
"I don't think there's a way Peeta," said Haymitch, with a single tear rolling down his face.
With that, I threw a hysterical fit. Guards had to take me out of the room and take me to my own room. I was struggling between them all the time, so they put a handcuff on my hands.
If we could only have this life for one more day
If we could only turn back time
While they were escorting me to my room, my mind was full of thoughts like, It was me who should've died. It was me, the reason why she got into trouble, starting from our first Games. It was me who she risked her life for a few times. Why is it that I wasn't the one who died when I'm the one deserving to? No one needs me now. I don't have a life, especially without her in it. Why does my life have to be so unfair? Or if either of us was really destined to die, why weren't we given another day for us to spend together for the last time, or just turn back time and never let this happen?
You know I'll be your love
Your voice, your reason to be
My love, my heart is breathing for this moment in time
I'll find the words to say
Before you leave me today
She still hasn't completely left me. Almost everything I see reminds me of her. She will never leave me. She's my life.
Close the door, throw the keys
Don't wanna be reminded, don't wanna be seen
Don't wanna be without you, my judgement's clouded
Like tonight's sky
The first thing I did when I got into my room was lock the door. I don't want to see anybody right now. I was just there all day, broken and shattered to pieces, mind unclear and foggy, not knowing what to do with my life anymore. Sleeping is useless, for nightmares of losing her start to haunt me again; so is waking up, for I don't have any reason or anything to do when I wake up.
Hands are silent, voice is numb
Try to scream out my lungs
It makes this harder
And the tears stream down my face
For about 2 days, I stayed in that condition. I can't get a grip on anything. I want to shout all my grief, but I can't. I just end up breaking down into hysterics. That's when I thought of getting a sedative. So I got myself cleaned up, and I went out to sneak some.
Luckily, I sneaked into one of the laboratories and got some sedatives uncaught. I went back to my room, locked it, and shot one to myself. I finally dozed off and got some sleep. The first sleep that I wasn't having nightmares about her.
Days later, I woke up with a start again. Nothing's changed. She didn't come back, as I hoped so. My room feels empty, so is my life. I can't take it anymore, so I decided to go out and find something to do.
Flashes left in my mind, going back to the time
I went back to our place before the Games. It was clean and organized, as if nothing horrible happened in it. I went out to the roof, and sat there for a while. I remember that afternoon before our interview for the Quarter Quell. How we spent the day together, how she looked so peaceful in my lap, and when we watched the best sunset of my life. Sadly, I didn't have the chance to freeze and live in that moment forever. Suddenly, I thought that dying here will feel right. I was in the roof, so I could just jump and die. Before that, I sneaked to the control room and deactivated the force field that surrounds it. After deactivating it, I stepped on the end of the roof and thought about my happiest moments in my life.
Playing games in the street, kicking balls with my feet
I closed my eyes, and see myself playing at school, drawing on the streets. Those were the best moments in my childhood, even if it was hard for me to grow up with my mother so harsh to us.
Dancing on with my toes, standing close to the edge
There's a part of my clothes at the end of your bed
Then my thoughts bring me to the Victory Tour. All those nights I spent with Katniss when I slept beside her, all the dancing in the parties with her in my arms. At least I saved my last dance for her.
As I feel myself fall, make a joke of it all
The last thing that flashed in my mind was when she said she needs me on our last night in the arena. I got a glimpse of the whole Capitol and the sky then closed my eyes and finally jumped. All of it was over.
You know I'll be your love
Your voice, your reason to be
My love, my heart is breathing for this
Moment in time
I'll find the words to say
Before you leave me today
I opened my eyes. I looked at myself to find that I was wearing a white polo shirt and white pants, but barefoot. In front of me was a lush green field of grass, with some flowers like dandelions. I started walking and I see a house just a few yards away. I continued walking and saw Finnick and Prim sitting on a bench, both wearing white clothes, as if waiting for someone. I went and talked to them.
"Finnick, Prim, why are you here?" I ask them.
"Peeta! So you're here now, huh? Guess you haven't stolen my Annie, which is good, though," Finnick tells me with a smile, and I chuckle at his last statement.
"Yes I didn't Finnick, I wouldn't have the heart to do so. Prim, how are you? Haven't seen you in a long time," I tell Finnick, and I turned to Prim.
"I'm fine, but my sister is waiting for you for a long time now, so you should be going. I bet Katniss will be so thrilled if she sees you again!" says Prim to me, cheerily.
"Okay, so I better get going. It's so good to see you guys again. Bye for now, though," I tell them.
"Bye!" said Finnick and Prim, waving their hands. I waved back and continued going.
A few moments later, I saw my family near me. I walked towards them and my father welcomed me with a hug.
"I'm proud of you, son, what you've all been through," he tells me.
"Thanks Dad, but you should know that I really miss you and my brothers," I tell him, and I hugged my brothers. Finally, my mother came beside me.
"Peeta, I'm so sorry if I mistreated you with you were young. I'm sorry if I didn't become the mother you've always wanted to have. I'm really sorry," she tells me with a hug.
"It's okay Mom, we're here now. This is no time for loneliness. We're all okay now," I tell her with a smile on my face.
"Well, you better get going, son. The girl in the red dress on your first day is waiting for you," says my father, smiling at me.
"Okay, Dad. Bye!" I tell them as I hugged each one of them, my family.
I walked towards the direction of the house again when I stopped in my tracks. I saw someone waving at me from afar. I squinted to see who it was, and I guess Prim was right.
It was Katniss who was waving at me.
I ran as fast as I could to reach her. When I did, I wrapped my arms around her and spun her. No word could describe how happy I was at that moment. To my surprise, she was wearing the dress she wore at our first reaping, except that it was white. She was smiling at me, and she never looked this beautiful as she is right now.
"You're here, Katniss. I can't believe it," I pant, getting some air back from all the running I did earlier.
"Well, you should believe it now. That I'm back. And you're with me," she tells me.
I hugged her and told her, "Why did you leave me back then?"
"I didn't leave you, I just forgot to let you join me," answered Katniss, and we both laughed.
"Fine. But I guess we'll be together forever now, won't we?"
"Yes we will. So come on to our home," said Katniss, smiling and laying out her hand for me. I took her hand. As we walked, I ask her, "You love me, real or not real?" and she looks at me and says, "Real." We both smiled and continued to walk towards our home, where we can finally start a new life together again.
The End