A/N: This is the first of a very long series of stories in this Titanic AU. There will be a slight crossing over of the stories, but I will try to keep it minimal. You don't have to read the other stories to understand this, but if you are interested, I intend to publish them very soon! Stay tuned.

If you are expecting a cute, fluffy fic, I'm sorry, but you've come to the wrong place. This story is full of angst and tragedy. If you want fluff, try something that isn't a Titanic AU.

WARNING: Rated M for sexual scenes and language. Contains boy x boy. Don't like it, don't read it. Multiple character deaths. Oops.

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or any of the characters, as nice as that would be.

Don't say you love me

I don't believe it

Don't say the words

If you don't mean it

Don't wanna hear it

Out in the open

Keep it inside

If you don't mean it

"Fratello," the younger Italian called cheerily, "look!"

Grunting, Lovino followed his brother's finger, pointing at the immensely huge ship before them. Feliciano really didn't have to wave his hand so frantically pointing to it. Lovino glowered at it; impressive as it's size was he refused to be amazed by the grandeur of it. After all, it wasn't his idea that they left behind Italy, the only place he had ever called home, and sell everything to buy three tickets aboard the RMS Titanic to live in America. That was his grandfather's doing, and Lovino was dragged against his will to this goddamn island where it was always so cloudy and gloomy and not like Italy at all. The ship was pretty remarkable, but it was exactly where Lovino didn't want to be.

"Feliciano, hold my hand or you'll get lost in all these people!" Grandpa Roma reached out to grab the little Italian by the hand and tug him along.

Lovino glowered even more.

The three of them pushed their way through the mob of people, Lovino trying to keep up with his perpetually cheerful family. Why were they so happy, damnit? They just left behind everything they knew, why were they so willingly boarding the ship? They were laughing and smiling and not even stopping to cast a glance back as Lovino was pushed around in the mob of people shoving him around like they didn't even notice he was standing there. "Hey!" Lovino called to them, but his call was lost in the chatter of everyone around them. "Oi, bastards-"

Lovino was thrown to the ground as another man crashed into him forcefully. He felt the air escape his lungs and he let out a strangled noise. He laid there for a split second before pushing himself up off the ground. "Watch where you're going, you jackass!" He brushed off his shirt and scowled at the man, who looked alarmed but confused, obviously not able to understand Italian. "Tch." Lovino turned on heel from the man and walked off before realizing he had absolutely no idea where he was going. He had lost sight of Feliciano and Grandpa Roma when he fell to the ground, and now he wandered through the masses to find his stupid family. It would be just like them to forget me. He cursed.

Getting a little panicky, Lovino glanced up at the clock. Five minutes, merda. As much as he didn't want to leave Europe, he didn't want to stay here all alone with nobody. He swore and not bothering to think, he ran up the nearest ramp onto the ship.

"Ticket, sir?" The man at the top of the ramp stopped Lovino before he charged onto the boat. Cazzo, right... Lovino just stared at the man in utter confusion. "I need your ticket before you board."

"Uh, you see sir, I have my ticket," Lovino tried explaining very unconvincingly, "it's just, it's already on board. My grandfather has it, and if I could find it and give it to you-" Lovino took a step forward, but the man held him back.

"You are not allowed onto the ship without a ticket." His face clearly said that he didn't believe Lovino one bit.

"I have a ticket, bastard, just not with me!" He tried shoving past the man, but he had considerable size on Lovino and held him back easily. Shouting angrily in Italian, he said, "You ass, I have to see my family!" At the same time the man yelled "Calm down sir or I will have to restrain you!"

"Lovino?"

Lovino froze as he heard the unfamiliar voice call him name. The man he was fighting stopped too, and both of their eyes followed to where the noise had come from. Lovino looked to see a completely unknown man, with messy brown hair, eyes wide in surprise, staring at Lovino, a bright smile on his face. Lovino raised one eyebrow quizzically. He didn't recognize the man, so why...

The man jogged up to Lovino and the man he was tussling with. Lovino took a step back and straightened himself out, fixing his hair and his shirt. "Uhm. Ciao."

"Ciao, Lovi, it sure has been a while!" His Italian sounded slightly off, accented. Lovino didn't understand what was going on, but this man seemed to know him, so he played along. He was well dressed in a suit and tie, with a fedora balancing lopsided on his head, giving him a playful look. He turned to the man and showed him a piece of paper. Speaking in English, he explained, "He is with me."

The ticket collector looked doubtfully between the two men, but he submitted and took a step back to let Lovino pass. "As you say, sir."

Lovino stared in bewilderment at the man, then the ticket collector, then back at the man. He just- he could get Lovino on the ship, just like that? Who was this man? Lovino hadn't moved a muscle when the strange man grabbed him by the hand and yanked him forward onto the ship. Lovino nearly tripped over his own feet and the man didn't let go of his hand.

"Lovi, wow, I haven't seen you in so long, look at you! You've gotten almost as big as me!" He grinned at him, and Lovino placed his accent as Spanish. But still unfamiliar.

Lovino stopped in the middle of the hallway, pulling his hand away from the man. "Er, I'm sorry, I don't recognize you at all." He shifted uncomfortably.

Lovino thought the man would be hurt, or confused, but he just smiled cheerily. "Well, it has been a while. It's me, Antonio!"

Lovino blinked. Who? Then the memories hit him like a freight train. The messy hair, the lilting Spanish accent, the happy-go-lucky attitude... How did he ever forget? "Uh. An... Toni. Oh." He blushed from ear to ear, recalling their childhood... friendship. "Well. You got older." He stared at the man, who he knew as just a small child, and was surprised that he recognized the broad-shouldered man at all. He was still the larger of the two, with a few inches on Lovino, his eyes falling at Toni's lips.

Antonio chuckled. "You did too. It happens." There was a moment of pause. "You're lucky I even recognized you, or else you might not be on the ship." Right on cue, the ships horn went off, signaling it's departure from the port. "What happened to your ticket?"

Lovino shoved his hands in his pockets. "Grandpa had it, but... they left me behind and forgot about me."

"It'd be hard to forget you, Lovi," Antonio promised, with a smile that made Lovino's heart flutter in his chest. "I bet they're looking for you right now!"

"I bet they haven't even noticed I'm gone," he told the floor.

At that, Antonio laughed, a light, cheery noise that seemed to brighten the air around them. Lovino pouted, staring at him. "You haven't changed one bit, have you?"

Lovino was offended. He wasn't a child anymore, he had hoped he had matured quite a bit from the time they had last met. "Excuse me? I have to, bastard, I'm not a cute little kid anymore! I'm an adult now, jackass!"

Antonio was unfazed. "Well, you've expanded your vocabulary."

"Tch." The longer he stayed with this damn Spaniard, the more he was getting pissed off. He wondered what on earth ever possessed him to be friend with him, and his all-too-happy face was getting more annoying by the second. He turned on heel to get away from him.

"Wait, Lovi," Antonio grabbed his hand to stop him. "I'm sorry, that was rude. Could I at least see Feli and Señor Roma?"

He retracted his hand at the contact. "Whatever, bastard." Lovino realized he had no idea which part of the giant ship he was on, and did a double take at the elaborately decorated hall that surrounded him. "Merda, are we in first class?"

"Yes. It's pretty nice, right?" There was a hint of smugness in his voice that Lovino didn't enjoy hearing. He stared at the walls in awe, taking in the background for the first time.

"You're riding first class." It wasn't a question.

Antonio nodded, a smirk on his face. Lovino glared at him, scowling. So. That was where he was all the time he was gone, living in the lap of luxury while Lovino's family was left starving, struggling to pay the rent on their run-down cottage. It wasn't like Lovino was envious- he could care less about being rich- but he was upset with Antonio for disappearing just to live the high life.

"Right. Well, if you want to see them, you might have to lower your standards a bit. Come on."

Summer, 1897

"Fratello, why won't you come play?" The small five year old, Feliciano, asked his older brother.

"Leave me alone, Feli," Lovino snapped angrily. He was outside, sulking in the field behind their small cottage in southern Italy. The grass was lush, soft, and a gorgeously rich green expanse the stretched as far as the eye could see, with similar small homes sprinkled throughout. The cool breeze ruffled their hair, rumpled their clothes. Lovino sat with his knees tucked up to his chin, his hair covering his eyes. Lovino didn't want to go play with Feliciano and all of his friends; he didn't want to see how much more they liked Feliciano than him, how Nonno doted on Feli and paid no attention to him. He would much rather sit right here and sulk where nobody could bother him for the rest of the afternoon.

Feliciano looked hurt, but he didn't press the issue with Lovino. He walked back up the side of the hill alone. That was what Lovino hated the most, the fact that his brother wasn't the guilty one at all. It would be so much easier if he could just blame his brother, and hate his brother, but he couldn't because Feliciano was oblivious to the way everyone fell all over him. Lovino only had himself to blame.

He buried his face in his arms, folding them on top of his knees. He didn't want to admit that all he actually wanted was to play with the kids, but he didn't want everyone to pay attention to his brother or play with Lovino because Feliciano was there, he wanted them to play with him because he was him.

There was a rustling in the grass and light footsteps behind him, and Lovino thought that his brother had come back to pester him, but when he spun around, it was a face of a boy he'd never seen before. He looked a few years older than Lovino, maybe nine or ten. He had a bright smile on his face, his green eyes shining in the early afternoon sun. His tousled brown hair flipped in the wind, his oversized clothes rippling with it. Lovino glared at the boy, but his smile never faltered. instead, he sat in the grass next to Lovino.

Lovino decided he wasn't going to give this boy the time of day. He just ignored him, folding his arms and turning away. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw the boy did the same. Narrowing his eyes, Lovino crossed his legs. The boy followed suit. Lovino touched his head, then his nose, then his shoulder. The boy copied his movements exactly.

"What the heck are you doing, you jerk, are you mocking me?" Lovino demanded, shouting.

The boy seemed totally oblivious to Lovino's anger, and shook his head. "No, mi mamá always says that imitation is the highest form of praise!"

To that, Lovino had no response. He just stared, utterly bewildered by the words that had just come out of the boy's mouth. The... he just complimented him, and they didn't even know each other. Lovino decided he was funny in the head.

But when the boy smiled at him like that, how could he not return it?

A strong hand placed itself on his shoulder and shook him. "Lovino?"

Grumbling, Lovino opened his eyes to see Antonio kneeling next to him. He must have drifted off at the table, judging by the crick in his neck. Alarmed by just how close Antonio's face was to his, he jumped, then angrily cursed in Italian, cheeks pink. Antonio laughed and said, "Looks like you were taking a siesta."

"Vaffanculo" was Lovino's response.

Either not knowing or not caring what that meant, Antonio smiled. "Feli and Señor Roma already went up to dinner. They didn't want to wake you, but I couldn't leave without saying goodbye." His accent was so distracting, Lovino got lost in the words.

"Great, now leave." He dismissed him, standing and moving over to the small couch.

Before he got there, Antonio cut him off. "You should really come up and visit, though."

"I'll see if I can find the time." I could always make time...

Lovino's tone was cold, but Antonio grinned at the idea of potentially seeing him again. There was just no way to break his cheery mood, was there? He slipped a scrap of paper into Lovino's hand, leaning in a little too close to Lovino's ear, feeling his hot breath. He smelled of citrus and an early summer breeze.

He smirked, then in one clean move he picked up his hat from the table and placed it on his head. Tipping it, he said, "Hasta luego," and was out of the room.

Lovino huffed, staring at the door for a few moments before unfolding the wrinkled piece of paper to read the words hastily scrawled on it.

We should talk. Room 201A, mi corazón.

He frowned. He thought maybe he should just toss the note. but something in him moved his hand to his pocket to tuck it away. It wasn't like he was actually going to visit the bastard- why would he, it would be a waste of time, he didn't want to... but, a part of his mind dwelled on to way Antonio lit up when he saw him, his charming Spanish accent...

Lovino sat back down, hit his head against the table, and allowed himself to sleep once more.

Twenty five years old. Lovino found himself shocked at all the time that had passed from the time they were small children. He was even more surprised by how clearly he still remembered the damn Spaniard after all that time. He had done his best to shove the memories to the back of his mind after his sudden departure from their little countryside, even though it had taken months for Lovino to get over it. Most of Lovino wanted to tell Antonio off. It was his right, after all- it was unfair of him to just disappear and break his young heart, only to reappear over a decade later and not explain anything. Lovino cursed his luck. Why did that Spanish bastard have to be here, why did he have to be so charismatic and gorgeous with his tan and that almost longing look he gave Lovino...

But maybe it's fate, the other part of Lovino hoped, practically prayed for. Maybe they were destined to meet again on this ship, so that they could make things right again. There could be no other explanation for why it was Antonio who saw him trying to board the ship, how Lovino was so mesmerized by his emerald green eyes... He was impressed at how much he actually missed the Spaniard, and how he had managed to keep such strong emotion repressed for such a long time... he daydreamed of lazy afternoons in the sun, laying in the grass for hours, a stolen kiss under a willow tree...

Wait. They weren't little kids anymore, Lovino knew that. He was an adult now, twenty-two years of age, not that pouty seven year old anymore. He was different- albeit still a little pouty- and he couldn't- there was no way for a relationship between two grown men could work.

But when he thought of that smile...

Lovino laid in his bed and stared up at the plain white ceiling, rubbing his face as the sunlight poured in through the windows. He had slept in after all those days of traveling with no proper sleep. He propped himself up on one elbow lazily, and scanned the room to see Grandpa and Feliciano at the table, sipping tea with Antonio. Before he could lay back down and pretend to be asleep until Antonio left, he caught his eye and smiled. " Buenas días, Lovi!"

Scowling, Lovino only grunted in return, trying to be cool as his cheeks colored. Having no choice, he threw the blankets off him and climbed down from the top bunk he was sleeping in, trudged over to the table, and plopped himself down in the only available seat next to Antonio. He poured himself a cup of tea as his grandfather said, "How nice of you to join us, Lovino, I was beginning to think you were going to sleep through to the afternoon."

"Tired," Lovino replied sleepily and took a sip of his tea.

Their conversation continued. "Yeah, I traveled all over Europe, I even went to Asia once." Antonio sounded excited to talk about his travels, his voice enigmatic. "The world really is a big place, but I want to see it all. That's what I'm doing here, I figured I'd give the west a try."

"Ah, but shouldn't a man your age be thinking of settling down and having a family?" Roma insinuated.

Antonio laughed. "Life is too short to be thinking about things like wives." He winked at Lovino, who almost choked on his tea. He wasn't sure if he felt hot because of the tea or embarrassment.

Feliciano stared at Lovino, but Grandpa Roma didn't seem to notice. "It's a shame we haven't been able to visit much else outside of Italy."

"We went to Berlin that one Christmas," Feliciano piped up. "It was really pretty, with all the snow and the decorations on the trees and the lights. Lovino didn't like it very much, I could tell because he was always grumbling about how the food was really bad and the people were always so loud."

Antonio smirked at this new information on Lovino, who turned bright red. "Bastard, don't just talk about people who are sitting right next to you!"

"But Lovino, you didn't like Berlin, you were always angry and swearing."

"Damn potato bastards," Lovino mumbled into his tea.

"That was the Christmas right after..." He trailed off and hid his face in his tea.

There was an awkward moment of silence before Antonio spoke up. "Yes, Christmas in Berlin is nice, but if you ever visit Beijing on New Year's..." He went on to talk about the thousands of places he'd visited, all over the eastern hemisphere, visiting Versailles and Amsterdam, and how he even found himself stuck on a pirate ship with his two friends. Lovino pretended to be disinterested, but he couldn't help but be fascinated by all of his crazy adventures while he was away. But he didn't want to hear about it, because while he was off in faraway places, Lovino was sitting on that hill, missing him. If he could travel anywhere he wanted, why didn't he come back to him?

Then it hit him. He probably wasn't even that important to Antonio. He was a silly little childhood crush, nothing more than that. Antonio didn't care; Lovino, that year, it didn't matter at all.

He shot up out of his seat so quickly his knees knocked into the table and he spilled his tea. The whole table stared at him, and Antonio looked worried. "Uh... I- I think I should go, uh, shower. Now." He shoved his chair aside and hastily grabbed some clothes, rushing out the door. He could hear Antonio ask "Lovi?" from the other side, but he didn't respond.

Damn this ship. Damn that Spanish bastard for toying with his feelings like they were a child's playthings. Damn it all to hell. He wished he'd never run into him again, he wished he'd never met Antonio at all.