You're gone again. You just left. Again. You kissed my cheek goodbye and told me you loved me. But that doesn't make sense, because if you loved me, we'd still be together. Right? But we're not. Or at least that's what I understand. I told you I wasn't even dating someone, not even a guy. But you basically said I could. If I wanted. But then you said you were glad I wasn't dating anyone, but that's confusing too, because then why aren't we together if you want me for yourself? Because I'd be with you again, I would. You just don't want to and I can't figure out why. I mean, yeah we talked about it and we knew it wasn't working. You had an attraction, and that's okay. I get it. Even though it hurt a little and my chest got all heavy and my throat felt like one of those rooms that the walls close in on you, I wasn't mad. It's like, that one time in freshman year that I was at that dog park and took Lord Tubs and I was playing with a cute little puppy with the prettiest eyes I ever saw, and I felt so bad for leaving out Lord Tubbington. He wasn't mad at me though and I was so happy. So, if he wasn't mad at me, it'd be wrong for me to be mad at you. Whoever she was, she was just like that puppy. And that's okay I guess. So I wasn't mad and I'm still not, so I really still don't understand why we broke up if I wasn't even mad. But there are a lot of things I don't understand, so I just nod and smile whenever you say things like that that I don't understand. But I miss understanding you. I used to all the time, everything you said made sense. Remember? Remember, San? I do.
But God, there's so much more.