The Clock Struck

Summary: Will goes to find Magnus in her office late at night and catches her during a private moment of sadness.

Rating: K+

Disclaimer: I do not own Sanctuary. If I did then I'd be cracking on with season 5!

Author's Notes:

Another little scene I felt was missing. I always find the end of Eulogy so sad but then the jump to Hero seems weird afterwards. Even for someone as old and as used to death as Magnus, with the loss of her daughter there should have been more time for her grief to play out I think.

"Magnus?" Will's voice travelled softly down the corridor in reaction to seeing the light spilling from her office door. It was late but he never concerned himself with the idea of Magnus being asleep at such an hour. It did happen but it was rare. If her office door was ajar, it was usually an invitation to disturb her with any queries that may need answering.

Occasionally, they even took this time to just talk. The last time this had happened, Will had listened to her tell the tales of her various conversations with Eric Blair, or George Orwell, as he was better known. She and Eric had discussed both the past and future extensively. He had found her experiences of the past highly useful apparently. He, in fact, became focussed on the idea of someone like herself not existing at all… of the past being erased with no one to question it.

Every one of his talks with Magnus was fascinating and more surreal than the last. In some cases he would come here at this time in the hope that she was in the mood for nostalgia. With so many decades behind her, it was understandable that there were only certain times that the world was quiet enough to allow her to open such a heavy chest of memories.

What he found this evening was far from what he had been expecting.

"Magnus?" He repeated as he stepped lightly into the office.

"Oh, Will." There was some ruffling of papers, a small sniff. For a moment Will couldn't locate her in the space and then spotted her sat on the floor by the couches. Pictures and papers were scattered across the coffee table accompanied by a half empty glass of wine. On closer inspection, the pictures were all of a small, blonde haired child at different ages finally culminating in… Ashley… In her 20s… as she was before…

"Sorry… I wasn't expecting anyone." Magnus stood and pottered a bit, trying to gather the fragments of her daughter's life that lay across the table into some kind of order.

"You left the door ajar." He stated, shuffling slightly towards the door and trying to distract his gaze from both her and the images.

Suddenly, she ceased the fidgeting movements and fell onto one of the couches. Her hand reached out and elegantly swept the wine glass from the table. One look stopped him in his progress towards the door and marooned him in the middle of the office, unsure of what she needed from him.

"Come. Sit." She gestured. Maybe it was a night to share the past.

He made himself comfortable opposite her and for a while they sat quietly, she musing and he waiting patiently. He had seen her furrowed brow and distant look many times. It was like she was mentally filing or rifling through the vast amounts of information she held in her mind. After that, she carefully formed the words that she felt needed to be said.

"I sent her into the Cabal stronghold." More silence. It was something Will had thought about quite a bit. He was already prepared to head her off.

"You can't blame yourself." He responded.

"Why not?" Her eyes made it clear that she didn't want to take any comfort from anything he said but he tried none the less.

"Because it isn't your fault." Her head shook and her eyes dropped, instantly rejecting his statement. "I know you think that's bullshit but it's true."

"How many times did you send Ashley out into the field?" After no response, he continued "What made this time different to any of those other times? You knew she could handle herself. She always had done. Just this time, they got ahead of us. They used the hysteria from Lazarus to distract us."

"Dana used my work against me. Not just once but twice."

"-and that's not your fault." he interjected

"It is Will! Don't you see? First she blinded me because all I could think about was curing the abnormals and stopping a cross species war. Then she offered me Ashley back in exchange for The Sanctuary Network and I still wouldn't be moved from my work. A better mother would have put the life of her child first." Magnus took another few large sips of wine and Will paused. He had been left speechless momentarily. He had had no idea that Magnus had been contacted by Dana and made such an offer. What a choice. She had obviously convinced herself that no one would make such a decision. That wasn't necessarily the case.

"Magnus, you have seen the world change drastically. You have lived through, hell – been part of! – Wars and revolutions. You know the price of these things. You also know that in a modern society, with the kind of weaponry and technology we have, another large scale war would be absolutely devastating. If you had not made Lazarus a priority or if you had handed over the Sanctuary network, there would have been war! Ethnic cleansing to a level that would have made the holocaust seem small in comparison! You could not live forever with that on your conscience and Ashley would not have wanted to live with that either. She would have been the first to sacrifice her life to stop the world being lead down a path to catastrophe. In fact, that is exactly what she did sacrifice herself to prevent."

It seemed this was an argument she had already waged in her head. She was ready with a response.

"I've also lived long enough to know the world goes around in circles. War always comes after peace and peace after war. It's going to happen again because it always does. Was there really any point in sacrificing the life of my daughter to stave it off for just a little longer?"

"Yes." He replied simply. "Everything you have been working for, for a long time, has been to prevent the time of war lasting forever and make each spell of peace longer. Your work gives life to all of us."

"and Ashley –"

"Ashley is not just a by-product or cost of that." He had anticipated her return.

"I was selfish to have her… just because I was lonely"

"I'm sure she would have been the first to tell you she would rather have existed for some time than not at all." He debated with himself before gently adding "You knew that you could outlive her."

"I thought I had time… I thought I could fix that. If I could have just have brought out the dormant powers in her DNA, inherited from myself and John…"

"Then she would have been your companion indefinitely… I see… But what if she didn't want that? You yourself have said it's a burden. I'm sure she would have seen some of the difficulties you had faced because of it. She may have wanted a normal lifespan."

"Then I would have gone too. I would have been ready then… after seeing my daughter live a long, full, happy life… Having had time to set up my legacy… I would have held her hand… We would both have been ready." There was a sadness which had wrapped itself around Magnus' whole body. Her gaze was heavy with it. She didn't cry. This was beyond that.

Will leaned forward and started moving around the images that stared up from the table. There were so many… a whole life in pictures. Biggie had probably been there with a camera at every opportunity. Magnus had done everything with Ashley. There were pictures of her at various ages, playing on the beach, in beautiful fields and meadows. The blonde hair and blue eyes could be seen in pictures of every landmark and wonder of the world that he could have sprung to mind. There were even pictures of what looked like Ashley at the age of 11 or 12 at Disneyland. Her smile was huge and completely carefree.

Will picked up a particular picture with a backdrop which suggested it had been taken on some Greek island somewhere. Ashley looked about 16 or 17; just starting to really blossom. Her skin was slightly browned and she wore khaki shorts and a white strappy t-shirt. The picture was candid, caught as she gazed out over a balcony into a setting sun over water. The scene was stunning enough but the picture had captured Ashley as she was: fierce and passionate but with a great sense of grace.

He handed the picture to Magnus. As she took it, her sadness softened ever so slightly.

"You had a beautiful, brilliant daughter who was a credit to both you and herself. She led a remarkable life that I am sure she would not have wanted any other way. Yes, she was taken far too soon and her absence is felt by lots of people but what she did… who she was… that isn't going to fade. It's a permanent mark on the world… on us. There is no point living in the past and wishing for a second chance to do things differently. You know that. There's not even any point in lamenting a future that is never going to happen. You pick yourself up and keep doing what you have always done – shape the world and remind it that it can be a better place."

"I can always count on you for a pep talk." There was a note of gratitude in her voice. Will knew that, although he had not created a huge impact on her current thinking, he had planted a seed. Hopefully this would grow and help her with this burden of grief, so different to the many instances of it that she had previously experienced. After a long gaze at the photograph, her vividly blue eyes returned to his face "I feel it now." Her voice was small "Ever since the memorial service… I know that she's gone."

Will knew that already. The hope that had been burning in her heart had flickered out. Every sense that had told her Ashley was still alive had faded into nothing. She had come to bury herself in these images, in the childhood paintings and letters, as a way of avoiding a future that would no longer add anything to Ashley's life.

It always seems crazy that the world keeps rushing on, indifferent to the person it had lost. How did it continue without it's heart to beat life through it's veins? This was how he had felt when he lost his mother. For a time, things don't make sense anymore. Psychology, the science of the mind, had been his life raft. It's existence was perpetual, regardless of who was there to study it, and the data was tangible and testable. You could easily bury yourself in it and each time you came up for air, the world was a little less terrifying. The amount that he missed his mother never wavered but his ability to cope with it increased little by little every day.

"There's nothing I can say about grief that you don't know. It has it's stages. Take your time. Work through them. Be kind to yourself. You are pretty impressive but you can't control everything." He shot her a small smile that, for a fleeting moment, she returned. She drained the last of the wine from the glass and placed it back on the table.

"So." She said "What query did you come here with?" She looked at him expectantly.

"It doesn't actually matter. It was just about some paper work."

"Oh, you mean you came here with some terribly dull question in the hope that it would lead us on to more fascinating conversation about my past?"

Some red rose into his cheeks. He was really that transparent. He returned to the shuffling movement towards the door and was just about to plead tiredness and a need to rush to bed when Magnus spoke again, her voice soft and slightly playful.

"Did I ever tell you about the time that Ashley and I met Queen Elizabeth…?"

Thanks for reading!

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