(Unraveled and) Entangled (Again)
Chapter 1
The sun is golden, like melting butter or perfectly baked cookies, as it sinks slowly into the hills. Even after it disappears into the horizon, it leaves behind massive explosions of color; the entire sky is lit with crimson, pink, and gold.
Kaneki stares down at the book in his hands, his eyes darting through the words at an almost inhuman speed. Books are everything to him - when he's alone, they are the only thing that can possibly make him forget about the defective world around him.
He lets the words consume him; allows the world around him to fade for just a little while. And then...
"Hey." The voice snaps him out of his thoughts.
He turns around automatically. The source of the voice is one of his classmates - a boy with sunshine colored hair and brown eyes that shine a bit too brightly.
"You're the one who's always alone with a book at school, right?" The boy inquires, grinning.
"I-Is that a bad thing?" Kaneki stutters defensively.
"That's not what I meant." The boy answers, laughing a bit. He takes a seat beside Kaneki, his smile remaining. "I don't have any friends since I just moved here." He leans in closer. "So, wanna be friends?"
Kaneki is surprised by his sudden request, but he nods anyways, "...Sure, I don't mind."
"All right! I'm Nagachika Hideyoshi. You can call me Hide. Nice to meet you!"
"Y-Yeah! It's nice to meet you too, Hide."
They talk for awhile, and Kaneki finds himself smiling for the first time in a long time. It feels good to smile again.
Somehow, even when night falls and the sunlight is gone, Hide's eyes still shine, just as brightly as before. Like liquid sunshine.
That was on the day Kaneki Ken and Nagachika Hideyoshi first met. So much has changed since then.
The day after his mother dies, Kaneki thinks he will never be able to show his face again. The last thing he's clung to in this world is gone; the last thread that pushed him to get out of bed every morning, to continue living at all, has unraveled.
Now, he is empty. Shattered. Broken.
Alone.
On the walk to school, he drags his feet along the sidewalk, keeping his gaze directed at the ground. He's so lost in thought that he doesn't even notice that his best friend is running toward him at full speed... at least, until he's nearly pushed to the ground with a tight hug.
"Hey, Kaneki! How long are you gonna stay cooped up in that house of yours?" Hide demands, his eyes wide. "Do you know how rough it is for me when you shut yourself in?"
Kaneki doesn't quite know why, but those words almost made him start crying again.
For, he's been so convinced that he's alone; he was certain that he had no one left in the world. And yet... he'd been wrong. The truth is, he isn't alone at all.
He has Hide.
When Nishiki threatens to kill Kaneki's best friend, the half-ghoul doesn't know exactly what it is that makes his Kagune come out. But Hide's always been there for him when no one else was, and he wants to help out his friend just this once.
Because if Hide is gone, Kaneki will have no one.
The thought propels him to continue fighting Nishio for a lot longer than he should. Kaneki continues to stab him, over and over again, until the upperclassman is slumped over the metal bridge, unable to move. The skin on Nishio's face is torn to reveal the blood and muscle underneath, and dark red blood trickles slowly down his cheek, like fresh tears.
Part of Kaneki is horrified at what he's just done, but the ghoul inside of him is almost content to see Nishio like this.
'That's right… that's what I'll do to anyone who tries to hurt my friend...'
Right after his fight with Nishio, Kaneki's hunger consumes him, and the last thing he remembers seeing is Hide lying unconscious in front of him. But he doesn't see his friend anymore; all he can see is another meaningless plate of food.
After that, he remembers nothing.
He awakens with a gasp. The memories from the previous day are like pieces of shattered glass scattered throughout his mind - it's impossible to put them back together again. Yet, just like broken glass, each memory has its own razor sharp edge.
Everything hurts.
He places two fingers in his mouth and removes them again, his eyes widening with horror when they come back coated in blood.
'What have I done?'
Seeing that he's awake, Yoshimura states: "Touka-chan brought you back here."
Yet the words don't matter to Kaneki - they barely even register in his mind. All he can think is, 'I've done it. I've killed him. Hide's... dead.'
But, no, he can't always assume the worst. So he asks: "Where's Hide?" His voice is shaking, and he's afraid, almost too afraid to know the answer.
"Come with me," the manager responds.
He stands up quickly, ignoring the dull pain that stabs at his wounds, and follows Yoshimura into one of the spare rooms. Hide is lying on the bed, bandaged and motionless. But he's alive, and for now, that's all that matters.
Kaneki doesn't think he's ever been so relieved.
The manager explains to him that such is the nature of a ghoul's hunger: if he doesn't eat soon, his body's need for food will consume him. And then... he'll act out without thinking, just like he did with his own friend...
"You have to accept who you are," Yoshimura says sternly.
But he doesn't accept who he is. He doesn't accept that he's someone who, a few hours ago, had tried to kill his best friend.
"I don't want to hurt my friend." Kaneki's voice is fragile and shaky, like that of a small child's. "...That's why I can't be around Hide anymore."
It's more a decision than a statement. He decides that it doesn't matter how lonely he gets; as long as Hide is safe, he'll go on without complaint.
It takes hours of torture with Jason before Kaneki finally accepts that he's a ghoul. He's suffered in silence for long enough.
Kaneki Ken is now Sasaki Haise, and Sasaki is someone who can devour humans without second thought... someone who won't hesitate to kill anyone who gets in his way.
Yet, somewhere far beneath his expressionless facade, one question still bothers him.
"If I were to throw away my humanity, would I ever be able to walk next to Hide again?"
It's over.
The war is over.
Neither side has won, but there have been many unnecessary deaths. Too many. On his way back to Anteiku, Kaneki can't walk down a street without seeing a dead body or a completely decimated building.
The streets are like graveyards of chaos - they are the aftermath of everything he has ever fought for. All of these deaths, whether they're ghoul or human... all of them are partially his fault, aren't they?
The thought stabs at him, slowly suffocating him.
Kaneki stumbles into the familiar café and collapses onto the ground. The silence is indescribably comforting, so he lays there for a bit longer than he should. After all, he's exhausted, and the small café almost feels like home.
A few minutes later, he hears the sound of the door opening, followed by footsteps and the clicking and whirring of the coffee machine. But the sounds don't really register in his mind; they just seem like meaningless static to him. Who's there? He wants to ask, but the question gets lost in the depths of his mind; fading, fading, gone.
At some point, his stream of consciousness returns. He pushes himself into an upright position, blinking the darkness from his eyes, and looks around.
His eyes fall upon a single shadowed figure.
...Hide?
He forces the thought from his mind. It can't be. His best friend can't be alive... right?
"It's surprisingly hard to make coffee, isn't it?" The boy inquires. Even now, Kaneki is struck by how familiar - and warm - the voice sounds.
It's Hide, without a doubt.
The blond offers his usual lighthearted smile. "Yo, Kaneki."
"...Hide." his voice is barely more than an unstable whisper.
All of a sudden, the half ghoul realizes what he's gotten himself into. His hand flies up to cover his ghoul eye, but it's too late now. Hide has already seen it.
Kaneki Ken isn't human.
He's a monster.
And now, his friend knows.
"Kaneki," Hide murmurs. But Kaneki can't bring himself to meet his friend's eyes; he's too afraid of what he might see in them. Fear? Hatred? Disgust?
The half ghoul's hand is shaking and he tries to hold it still, but it doesn't stop. Why won't it stop?
"I knew," Hide states.
The trembling hand falls still.
"Yeah, I knew," the blond repeats.
He explains that when Nishio had hurt him so badly that day, he'd faked unconsciousness in order to avoid being injured further. He'd seen Kaneki's ghoul form so many months ago.
Kaneki had tried so hard to hide it from him, yet it was all in vain.
Hide had always known.
Part of Kaneki is relieved, but the other part of him is still afraid - afraid of not being accepted. Afraid that his friend will never trust him again, afraid that Hide will be fearful of him for the rest of his life–
Hot, anxious tears collect in his eyes and slide down his face.
"Kaneki."
He can't reply, he doesn't know how. What can he say? What can he possibly say to make things right?
"Kaneki."
He can barely hear his name being called at all. He's searching for words to fix things, but what if they're already broken beyond repair?
'I'm sorry?' But apologies wouldn't fix anything.
'I won't hurt you?' But Hide would never really believe him.
'It's fine if you hate me?' Liar...
"Kaneki."
The word is spoken with such force that Kaneki's tears stop falling, his frightened protests all evaporating into nothingness.
"Look," Hide states simply.
Slowly, cautiously, Kaneki raises his head to look at the taller boy.
Hide allows his eyes to flicker closed for a split second. Then he opens them again. His left eye is the same as it has always been - dark brown, like melted chocolate. It radiates with a certain, comfortable warmth, just like liquid sunshine. But... the right eye...
The right eye is blood red.
250: ANYONE WHO CAN'T ACCEPT HIDE'S DEATH, join me here on the couch!
He was my favorite character and I just– / /sobs alone in the corner of the room
ANYWAYS, this chapter was mostly composed of rewritten scenes from the anime. The only difference was my style of writing and the last section above. So, I'm really sorry (but totally understand!) if you found it boring.
All I can say is, I tried... ;_; Thank you so much for taking the time to read it! It really means a lot to me.
Should I continue this or no? (I'd be super happy if you could leave a review! Even if it's just you ranting about how much you hate it ;v;)