"Britt?"
You whispered it almost so silently I couldn't hear. You choked on your tears when you said it and I didn't want to answer because I knew what you would say. I didn't want to hear it, so I shook my head and pulled you tighter into my chest. I held you so that my hands were on your shoulders and my fingers grazed your collarbone. I kissed your temple and let the tears fall from my eyes gently, silently so you wouldn't know how hard it was for me to hold you in these circumstances. I lowered my face into your hair and smelled your head, the coconut scent of your shampoo comforting, but not enough so. I peppered kisses into your dark locks and let the seconds go by slowly. I thought if I pretended it wasn't happening, it wouldn't happen. I couldn't have been more wrong.
"Britt, we can't. It'll just hurt more, baby."
Your voice was still wet with tears and you didn't move from your position in my caved body. I cradled you closer.
"Then just stay." I said it in one breath, exhausted after. You could hear my crying then, so you quickly tried to sit up. I pulled you back down before you could, though, and you let me. You laid your face on the pillow across from mine and took my pinkie in yours. You held it tight; the tips of your fingers were really pale. You pulled my hand up to your mouth and kissed every knuckle. You started with my pinkie. By the time you were at my pointer finger you were crying again. You looked down at my hand when you finished kissing my thumb and undid our pinkies.
I wanted to scream.
But then… you grabbed my whole hand in yours. You held my hand and pulled it up to the space under your chin and closed your eyes. I looked at the clock on my nightstand behind you. It was 1:37 AM.
You were staying.