AN: Thank you for reading! Since it's crack-ish, Mello, Matt, Near, and anyother DN characters will probably be OOC. Just to let you know. This, despite it's air of finality, will have many sequels, so be on the look out. Review if you're nice!

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note, the characters, site, and if there is an actual fanfiction by the title I will mention, I do not own that.

"Chapter One: An Infamous, Sour Citrus"

March 27, 2013

7:03 a.m

Los Angeles, CA.

The morning was perfectly normal- despite the season, Los Angeles's trademark, smoggy air was still as warm as ever at 62 degrees. Despite the less-than-chilly weather, the spoiled city folk shivered at the slightest cold breeze, many wearing hats or light scarves. Most of them passed a shady looking apartment without a second thought (or glance), unaware of the two popular inhabitants it sheltered, the chaos brewing to a breaking point inside, or the changes in three lifestyles that would occur...Soon enough.

"Alright, Matt, I'm going out, okay?" Mello called into his friend's ear, getting ready to leave said shady, but cheap apartment he and his best friend now inhabited, and although Mello was practically screaming right into his ear canal, Matt still didn't flinch, just nodded vaugly and replied with an appropriate response-"Mmmm...hm."

But it was understandable. Matt was on the internet, and that was almost (not quite) worse than it was when he was playing video games. Mello's eyes flicked up to what his room-mate was googling-"Death Note."

Mello scoffed-the whole Kira Case was top-secret, there was no way Matt would find anything related to the super-natural killing notebook. He pulled on his boots with difficulty, wondering why Matt even bothered- but Mello supposed he had no way of stopping Matt from searching strange, unknown things- just the other day Matt had googled himself, without much success.

He was halfway to the door, still slightly disgruntled about being ignored on his way out, when Matt let out a yell of bone-chilling, complete and utter terror. Mello dashed back to his best friend's side to see what the hell he had found-never mind if he was okay- wondering if it were possible for someone to have leaked information-that Matsuda guy, maybe if he was drinking again, that last time with the hobo on the corner had been close, but even that had been pretty derastic...

Mello's question as to what was terrorizing Matt was quickly answered by simply looking at the title of the link that Matt had, apparently, gleefully clicked on.

"Matt x Mello, intense lemon!" it read, and Mello, blessedly innocent, scrolled down to find out what it was and to read it, still half in shock-still wondering 'who had leaked the case? How could anyone have found out about any of this? And most importantly, why the hell am I paired with MATT, of all people involved in this whole thing...?'

It wasn't long before Mello was screaming right along side Matt.

"Who...would write such a thing?" he whisper-yelled, terrified of the answer. Matt, beside him on the floor, was shaking. His mind was bleeding, he was trying to shove the words that had burned themselves into his eyes to a far-off corner of his mind where he wouldn't venture, his brilliant mind was scarred-more than it had already been, of course...

"...You okay, Matt?" Mello asked with extreme difficulty -having just reading a scarily detailed story about him and his best-friend/best lackey...doing THINGS that he hadn't even heard about in the Mofia, it was very hard to look at him, let alone talk to him.

It took Mello a few more seconds to realize...that Matt was laughing. Hysterically. And silently.

"Y-you...You sicko!" he bellowed, jumping up from his spot on the floor beside his desk, glaring at the still laughing Matt, who got up with difficulty and sat down heavily on the desk chair.

"Sorry, Mels, but it's just so absurd...! Why do people assume...We're gay...When you said you just apologized... because you thought I got killed... because of you...?" he got out, still snorting, then he seemed to be struck with a brilliant idea, because he sat bolt upright, stopped chortling, and a mischeivious smile lit his slightly boyish face.

"Hey Mello... let's look up some Mello and Near fanart!"

It took a while for all of Matt's bruises to disappear.

To be continued in "Fanfiction" chapter two- 'Doujinshi part one'!

Coming soon!