Jenny was watching.
After the events in Pennsylvania, that was all she ever did. Watched herself from windows and doors. Trying to fill the gap she knew was there.
Sometimes she would see a snakeskin. Or a tiny pawprint. Or sometimes – if she was very lucky – a flash of blue, blue sky.
Today, she was watching the world.
Arranging her legs on the grassy hill, she watched Tom take her hand and the flash of his white smile. She saw Audrey's coppery hair flutter and Zach's long-fingered hand rummage through his lunch bag.
Dee smiled, too, and then the whole group started chuckling.
"Come on, sunshine. Laugh a little. It won't kill you," she said coaxingly.
"What? What did I miss?" Jenny glanced around in embarrassment. She met all of their eyes in turn, but no one responded.
"I happened to make a joke," said Michael in a tragic voice. "It could have been wonderful. You might have adored it. But that is not to be. Never! Never!"
"Shut him up," moaned Dee, and Audrey obligingly leaned over and kissed him, effectively stopping his theatrics. A smile spread over Michael's face as he kissed her back.
Jenny felt an empty stab of pain shoot through her. Dee was going on about how she really shouldn't be in her head all the time when Jenny bolted to her feet.
"I… I need to go." Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Tom rise halfway, but she turned and ran as Summer pulled him back down to the ground.
Jenny was out of sight in another minute.
Sprinting through the school hallways. Tears blurring her eyes. She had no idea where she was going. I'm really a mess, Jenny thought, but she couldn't muster the strength to care. Even thinking seemed like too much effort.
She ducked into an empty locker bay and leaned against the wall, tears running down her face. What was going on? She loved Tom. She knew she did. But why did the slightest thing remind her? And why did it hurt so much?
Remembering…
The harsh bell stopped her thoughts, and Jenny sighed with relief. She didn't want to follow that again. She couldn't, not now.
Rubbing her eyes, she slipped into the crowd. With a little luck, she could get to class without seeing her friends and trying to explain herself. So wrapped up in her thoughts that she wasn't watching where she was going, Jenny found herself slipping on the polished floor…
And landing in the arms of a senior boy. She glared at him.
"Hey, Blondie, you don't look too good. You all right?"
"I'm fine," she spat, more irritated with herself than her savior. "Will you let go of me now?"
He balanced her carefully on her feet, allowing his hands to linger a bit too long. She glared. "Let. Go. Now."
He grinned. "Just being friendly. If you ever want to hang out sometime…"
"Thank you, but I believe that won't be happening," said a cool voice from behind her. Seeing Tom's familiar face, Jenny felt oddly tenser. She wasn't ready to speak to either boy at the moment. Tom added a succinct "Goodbye."
As they walked away, Tom tried to put his arm around her. She flinched away, almost without meaning to. Again, Jenny saw a flash of hurt across Tom Locke's face. But he dropped his arm.