"Dude, you are such a fag."
".. says the man to his boyfriend."
The boy on the left waved his hand dismissively. A small red poof-ball hat bounced a bit. "That's not the point here. You're so much.. faggier than me."
"Is faggier even a word?- Wait, no, don't answer that. But do explain, Stan." The smaller redhead peered skeptically up at poof-ball hat. He wondered if he should just laugh or defend his manly pride. The boy named Kyle chose the latter.
"Well, for starters, that lady next to us thought you were a girl."
"Because she's eighty and legally blind. And we were holding hands, which you can't blame on me because you started it." This was why Kyle hated physical contact in public.
"Okay, fine. But what about you just generally?"
"Ahem?"
"Well, you play sports like my sister, you're fucking tiny, and you listen to My Chemical Romance."
"Excuse me? The sister that beat you up every day when we were seven? I'm tiny because I'm a diabetic Jew, damnit, and anyway, Craig motherfuckin' Tucker listens to My Chemical Romance."
Stan decided to ignore the two comments; the second was, sadly, true, and the first was just harsh. "Yeah, well, Craig's banging that Tweek kid, isn't he?"
"Are you suggesting Craig Tucker is girly?"
The taller of the two craned his neck guiltily to see if the school nightmare had heard; apparently he'd taken to hanging around the coffeehouse to see the aforementioned blonde.
"Okay, fine, you win that. But what about your coffee?"
"What about it?"
"Dude, it's like.. cream. Look at it. I'm pretty sure there isn't any coffee in it, just sugar and milk. And you've got one of those tiny girly straws! And you actually drink through them!"
"I fail to see how my choice of beverage detracts from my masculinity."
"Yeah, well, just look at that thing!"
"It's called a mocha frappucino, and I assure you, it is very popular."
"With teenage girls."
".. is that your only argument? I am the girl in this relationship because of my coffee?"
"Well, yeah, you're the girl in this." Stan thought that was pretty obvious; and besides, he still had his trump card.
"I mean, dude, you're bottom."
Kyle promptly slapped him. Then told him to fuck off.
Stan told him only girls slapped people, and even Wendy hit harder.
So Kyle kicked him in the nuts instead.