AN: This set after episode two and was inspired by the song "I Turn to You" by Melanie Chisholm
Turn to You
Alyx woke with a start, cold sweat dripping down her back, causing her nightshirt to stick to her back. Her breath was heavy and shallow and her eyes brimmed with tears. The moment of her father's death was haunting her dreams. A fiery rage, one like she had never known was building up inside of her; she despised the Combine. The word despise didn't even come close to the hatred she felt for the alien invaders. Their entrance to Earth caused the death of her mother; it was hard enough growing up with war and death at every door step but she always knew her father was there watching out for her. The moment she was old enough she had Barney teach her how to use a weapon and to fight. She wanted to defend her father should it ever come to it. She wanted to be able to protect that which she loved.
The tears soaked the pillow as she buried her face in it; she failed in doing the one thing she promised her self she would achieve. All she wanted was to protect her family; her father, Dr Kleiner and Barney. Those were the people who stood by her and looked after her when they had so many more important things to be doing like building a defence against enemy attacks; but they spent the time with her. They spent the time nurturing her to care for life despite all the destruction facing them.
She sobbed out loud for all she had lost the past week; they had no word from Barney since they departed at the station before the Citadel exploded. She missed him terribly, his jokes and his warm smile every time he looked at her; he was like the brother she never had. She desperately hoped that he was alright, that he and the citizens survived the explosion.
A light knock on her door distracted her from her morose thoughts. She stared through the dark, trying to determine who was entering her room as the door slowly opened. The glint of light that reflected off his glasses and the total silence told her it was Gordon.
"Gordon! You scared me!" she exclaimed as he stepped into the moonlight which shone through her window. She held a hand over her heart, she didn't realise how much it rattled her until relief flooded through her. Ever since she could remember, she was wary on her approached her or who lingered near her. Her father's words cautioning her to be vigilant for all those who would use her to get at her father and the resistance.
Gordon reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder, reassuring her of her safety. She knew she was safe around Gordon, so many time had he rescued her and saved her life, most of the time risking his own in the process. She cared for him deeply; she could feel the stirrings of attraction between them as they travelled together. Just as she though to ask what Gordon wanted she realised why he was here.
"Gordon, I'm so sorry if I woke you." She whispered sheepishly, "I had a nightmare."
"The same one you have had every night for the past week, Alyx." He responded uncharacteristically. She knew he must have been worried about her to even speak, it just wasn't something he did often, except when with her. She also knew it was because it physically hurt him to use his voice, but she liked to think he just chose to speak to her.
"Gordon, this hurts too much. I don't think I can get past this. This – this world is just too foreign to me know, to dark for me to understand." She took a deep shuddering breath, "It wasn't meant to happen like this!" she cried, the pain clearly evident in her voice. "He was always meant to be there, always! I can't imagine my world without my father; I already had to learn to live without my mother." She recalled one of her earliest memories, that of her father sitting her down after driving for what, to her little mind, seemed like years and explaining to her why her mother wasn't with them.
She began to sob again and Gordon sat down on the bed next to her and she immediately turned to him and rested her head against his chest and cried.
Gordon was a little shaken, he had never seen her so emotional before, he always assumed that she hid her feelings very well. He held onto her tightly, silently letting her know that he was there for her. It was hard to see someone he cared about greatly in so much pain. But then again he had learned to live with pain as apart of his everyday life, just as Alyx already had.
"Gordon, I don't know where I would be if I didn't have you with me, really I don't." She stated as she looked up to his face, her eyes shiny with tears. She shuffled on the spot until she could rest on Gordon's lap and there she lay sobbing quietly as Gordon ran his hand gently through her hair. She soon fell into a deep sleep, almost peaceful in the way she knew that Gordon was there to turn to when she needed him, when she couldn't sleep through the lonely night; there for her when nothing seemed to turn out the way it was planned and during those times when there seemed to be no end in sight.
He smiled at the sight of Alyx asleep on his lap and he moved her gently so she was resting on her pillow, when her brow creased and she began to fidget in her sleep. Gordon, after pulling the blanket over her lay down beside her and ran his hand along her arm soothingly. His touch calmed her almost instantly; Gordon was surprised but he found it gratifying that he could be there for her in such a way. He sat there watching over her for hours unwilling to move and disturb the first peaceful sleep she was able to have in quite some time. With the thought that they had each other to turn to in times of need, the world didn't quite seem so hard to bare as he watched the sun slowly rise, the warmth of the light filling his heart as it filled the room.
He smiled contentedly, This, he thought, This….no… she is finally something I can live for.