*This is just a little thing that kept popping into my head after the episode where Amara ripped Lucifer from Castiel's vessel.
A Long Time Coming
The bunker was quiet, too quiet, Dean thought to himself as he looked around at the people seated around the war table. You would think that after watching Amara rip Lucifer from Cas and wounding Chuck like she did and disappearing, that the six of them would have plenty to say. However, that was just not the case. Each one of them was lost to their own thoughts.
Rowena was tending to Chuck making sure his every need was meet. Dean figured she was simply doing what she had tried to do with Amara and Lucifer, which was show loyalty to the highest power near her for the sake of protecting her own ass. Crowley was as always losing himself in a bottle of Scotch. Dean rolled his eyes as he picked the bottle up from the table and disappeared up the stairs and out the front door, probably to sulk in the moonlight.
Sam was half ass staring at a book laying out in front of him but Dean noticed the way his little brothers eyes would close for moments and knot up as if trying to get rid of images behind his eyelids. Then there was Castiel. He was seated across from Dean looking back at him. Dean's heart fell at the sight of the angel across from him. He looked beaten down. Not physically, but mentally. He knew Cas well enough to know that he was beating himself up at the choices he had made of late, like letting Lucifer in in the first place. Not to mention, letting the devil drive your meat suit around and having full access to your brain had to do a number on one's mental health.
The memory of watching Amara rip Lucifer from Cas and the pain on Cas' face before falling limp and unconscious caused Dean to shudder and squeeze his eyes shut until the memory passed. Upon opening his eyes he found Castiel's steel blue eyes trained on him hard. Dean tried his best to give him a reassuring smile but he knew he had failed when Cas' eyes only narrowed on him. Dean shook his head slightly, picked up his beer and left the table heading towards the bunkers garage. No one bothered to call after him because they were all in their own worlds.
Upon entering the garage Dean only flipped on one of the many lights in the room. Just one was all he needed to make his way to the back to his beloved Impala. He popped the trunk and retrieved the bottle of Jack Daniels he kept there, slammed the trunk closed and opened the back door and slid into the back seat. He sat in the nearly darkened room surrounded by silence and his ever pressing thoughts of how boned they were when it came to having even the slightest plan on stopping Amara and of course the knowledge that he very well almost lost Cas tonight. Trying to clear his head he leaned over to the front seat and clicked on the radio letting his cassette tape of mixed rock ballads play.
He was over half way through the bottle with his head feeling light and swimming with thoughts and three songs into the tape with Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Tuesday's Gone" playing when he heard the door to the garage open and close. Through the very dim light Dean could see Castiel making his way towards the Impala. He turned the bottle up once more taking a long pull on the burning liquid before setting it back between his legs.
Castiel peered down into the back seat from the open door, "Dean?" He asked in his scruffy voice, "Are you ok?"
Dean managed to smile a bit at the angel's tone before answering, "I'm good man."
This answer didn't seem to appease Cas who tucked into the back seat next to him and proceeded to stare intently at him until Dean sighed and shook his head.
"What do you want me to say Cas?" He asked not meeting the steel blue eyes that stared back at him.
"I know you're troubled, Dean, but we will find a way to defeat Amara." Cas said.
This statement caused Dean to half chuckle, "We?" He said looking to Cas. Castiel seemed confused at the question.
"Y-yes, we." Cas stated .
"No man, see, there is no "we" when it comes to defeating her. There is only me." Dean said before turning the bottle up again.
"I don't understand." Castiel said tilting his head and narrowing his eyes in a way although Dean would not admit to anyone else, he had always found insanely cute.
Dean rubbed the space between his eyes before looking to Cas, "What I'm saying is that we all know we're, Amara and I, are connected. Hell, even she has said it. And I can't explain why I feel the way I feel or even how I feel….." He groaned and drank from the bottle again.
"Dean," Cas said, his voice a little softer than before, "You're not alone in this. We are all standing against Amara. And the so called bond between the two of you is nothing more than the effects of removing the mark and releasing her. It's kind of like a blood tie. Do you honestly think you love her Dean?" Dean half growled and pushed the back passenger door he was leaning against open and stepped out slamming it closed behind him.
"For fucks sake! No!" He snarled making his way to the other side of the car to look in at Cas where he still sat in the Impala. "I know I don't love her love her but none the less I can't seem to fight her either. Whenever she's near me my head becomes all fucking foggy and as much as I know I need to kill her I can't bring myself to do! Which is the fucking problem since no one else can even get close to her like I can. I'm so….so…"
Without finishing his sentence Dean spun and tossed the nearly empty bottle of Jack at the wall shattering it all over the floor. He then turned and gripped the metal table near the wall and tried to calm his breathing and shaking. Castiel stood from the backseat and closed the distance between him and Dean in three short strides.
"Dean," He said reaching out and touching his shoulder, "We will figure this out and I have no doubt that when the moment comes, you will push through whatever spell is making you feel for her and you will accomplish the task."
"You think?" Dean asked turning to look at the angel in the trench coat.
Cas gave his sly smile and a nod before saying, "You're a hell of a man Dean Winchester, I don't think I've ever seen you fail and I know you won't at this. You have too much to fight for, to live for."
Dean reached up and wiped a stray tear from the corner of his eye before looking up to meet Cas' brilliant blue eyes. Maybe it was the Jack Daniels or the threat of the world ending but for some reason he felt the walls he held in place all these years crumble down in an instant. "Yeah I do." He said softly, "And so many things I need to say to you."
They held each other's stares for a long moment before Cas took a hesitant step forward. He was standing so close that Dean could feel the breath from his lips across his cheek.
"What do you need to say?" Castiel asked softly.
"T-that I… I mean do you...about us…Oh forget it." Dean said in a rush before dropping his head and letting out a long sigh.
"Dean? You know you can always tell me anything." Dean squeezed his eyes shut for a brief moment before looking up to Cas.
"I know that, but this, this isn't something I can take back and I don't won't to lose you. Not like I almost did tonight." Dean said holding Cas' stare. "I couldn't bare it. Not again."
Cas huffed and turned to lean against the open Impala door, "Well, whatever it is, you clearly aren't ready to tell me, so I tell you what, if we live through taking down Amara and you decide you finally want to tell me whatever it is you are trying to tell me, tell me then."
"Damn it Cas!" Dean growled and launched himself from where he was leaning against the table to come stand so close to Cas that their chests were pressed up against each other. "I'll never understand how you can be such a pain in the ass and so, so absolutely adorable at the same time." Dean said with a light chuckle. Cas' mouth fell open and he tried to find some words, any words to say but was unable to as he looked into Dean's green eyes.
Dean leaned his forehead against Castiel's, "I'm trying to say that…that watching Amara rip Lucifer from you tonight, it opened my eyes. Well maybe that's not the right words. My eyes have always seen it, my heart too, it was just my head that couldn't catch up."
Castiel breathed in Dean's breathe which smelled of Jack Daniels before placing a hand on Dean's firm chest, "What were they saying? You're eyes and heart?"
"Dean smiled slightly before continuing, "That you're it."
"It?"
"Yes. You're it. Everything." Dean said looking into the angels piercing blue eyes, "I think I've known since, well," He chuckled, "Since forever."
"Are you sure?" Cas asked hesitantly.
Dean raised his hand and cupped Cas' cheek, "100%. I've thought about this so damn much. Wondering if I was really feeling what I was feeling. Then it was trying to argue with myself that I wasn't gay. Which for the record, I hate that word, gay. Because you know what, I've looked at other guys thinking maybe that was it, that I was gay, but nope, nothing. It's you, all you. There is something about you that does it for me and it doesn't even matter that you're a guy, not anymore. It took me years to wrap my head around this and I tried to fight it for years too, but now, being here, at what could very well be the end, I'm realizing I should've acted sooner. Because if I die taking down Amara, my single biggest regret will be you, not showing you I feel about you."
"Well," Cas stated, "In terms of sexual orientation, if it really matters, I could always find a female vess-"
Dean cut him off by pressing his lips hard to Castiel's. Maybe it was the liquor making him bold or maybe he had finally just had enough, unable to stand it any longer. Cas' fingers gripped down on Dean's peck through his shirt as Dean continued to kiss him hard.
Once Dean pulled away he looked into the angels eyes, "Don't you change a damn thing."
"Are you sure?" Cas asked softly, "I only want to make you happy, comfortable. I'd still be me."
Dean placed a soft quick kiss to Cas' lips once more before saying, "No, this is you. The you I love."
Cas sucked in a sharp breath, "You love me?"
There was no chuckle, no charming smile, and no sarcasm when Dean answered, "Yes."
Castiel smiled brightly, "As I you."
That was all it took for Dean to attack Cas' mouth once more. The two stood next to the open door of the Impala wrapped in each other's embrace lost in the moment of having their lips finally moving against the others as the radio played "Take it to the Limit" by The Eagles.
As if knowing each other's thoughts, they both bent and slid into the back seat only letting go of each other to remove their coats and toss them over the front seat before returning to their make out session. Dean leaned into Cas and slowly laid him down on the leather seat while kissing down his jaw. Cas gripped Dean's biceps before wrapping his arms around his neck and pulling him back to his lips. Dean smiled against Cas' lips before slipping his tongue out and licking his lips. This made Cas moan softly which made Dean smile and become bolder. Dean slid his hand down and pulled Cas' white dress shirt up and slipped his hand under to caress the skin there. Cas' skin broke out in goosebumps making him shudder under Dean's touch. Dean lowered himself to lay flush against Castiel. He drew in a sharp breath at the feeling of Castiel's harden member pressed against his own.
"Dean?" Cas said in a husky tone, "Are you sure this is what you want?"
Dean looked down at the man beneath him. Cas' unruly hair was disheveled and wild. His stunning blue eyes were heavy with lust and his lips slightly swollen from Dean's kisses. In that moment a thought accrued to Dean that made him smile.
"What?" Cas asked rubbing his hands down Dean's back.
"I'm amazed at how easy this is." Dean said nuzzling Cas' neck, "As often as I thought about this happening, I was always worried I'd be unable to do it, because I've never thought about a guy like this. I was always afraid I'd freak myself out by doing this, but yet, it's as easy as breathing." He kissed the spot on Castiel's neck where his pulse was beating wildly before looking into those eyes, "This," He said pressing his crotch against Cas', "is exactly what I want." Dean smiled as the words from Styx's "It's You Babe" played through the speakers. He kissed Cas softly before looking back into his eyes and saying, "It's you babe." Castiel smiled widely and pulled Dean into his lips again. Dean reached between them and placed his hand to Cas' hard cock causing Cas to hiss and push up into his palm.
"Cas," Dean said roughly, "I need you, now." Cas licked Dean's lips and proceed to pull Dean's shirt over his head and dropping it to the floor.
Dean undid Castiel's pants and then leaned back on his knees and all the while never looking away from the angels eyes he pulled Castiel's pants down and tossed them out the open door of the Impala. Dean then placed his hands on Cas' thighs and rubbed his thumbs in small circles.
"You're beautiful." Dean said softly as his hands moved up to tease Cas' hips.
"Dean," Cas' said breathlessly, "Your touch…"
The sight of Cas trembling under his touch made Dean smile and he leaned down and kissed his hips and continued to kiss and nip all the way up his chest and neck till he reached Castiel's lips.
"Cloths," Cas said pulling at Deans jeans, "Off."
Dean laughed and quickly stepped out the open Impala door so he could have more room to pull off his boots and jeans. It was when he was standing there in his boxers that he realized how chilly the garage actually was. He held a finger up to Cas signaling him to wait one moment. He opened the trunk quickly and grabbed the old brown blanket that was there. He climbed back into the seat and settled himself back between Cas' legs and pulled the blanket over the two of them. Dean was happy to see that Cas was still just as hard as he was as they kissed and ground against each other as Meatloaf's "Two out of Three ain't bad" was coming to an end on the radio.
"Do you want me?" Dean asked stroking Cas through the material of his boxers.
"Yes." Cas shuddered reaching down to grip Dean's dick through the thin boxers. He smiled as Dean hissed and attacked his mouth harder. "Take these off." Dean licked Cas' lips quickly before awkwardly shimming out of his boxers as Cas did the same.
Once they were both free Dean ran his hands down Cas' hip and thighs before pulling them back up to grab Cas' dick and start to stroke it slowly. Cas moaned loudly and pushed into Deans hand.
"D-Dean." Cas quivered.
"Yes?" Dean said seductively while leaning over to kiss Cas softly.
"Please." Cas said opening his eyes to meet Dean's stare before grabbing Dean's dick also and pumping it to match Dean's pace.
Dean moaned and squeezed his eyes shut, letting the feeling of Cas' strong grip and the words of Bob Dylan's "Knocking on Heavens Door" transport him into ecstasy. Dean placed his two fingers into Cas's mouth and moaned even louder and jutted against Cas' hand when Cas sucked his fingers into his mouth, coating them in his saliva.
Once Dean was sure that if left his fingers in Cas' mouth a minute longer he would explode, he with draw them and reached between them to rub against Cas' puckered hole causing Castiel to bite down on his own lip and grind against Dean's fingers.
"Are you sure?" Dean asked applying pressure to Cas' hole letting one of his fingers slip inside causing Cas to writhe.
"Damn it Dean, yes." Cas said quickly through hooded eyes. Dean smiled slyly and leaned down to take Cas' nipple between his lips while slipping his second finger inside him too.
Cas took advantage of the angle of Deans head and sucked on Dean's ear lobe making Dean shudder against him. Becoming even braver, Cas licked the palm of his hand, coating it, before reaching between them and grabbing Dean's dick and slowly pulling his hand along his length.
"Oh fuuuck." Dean moaned making Cas smile.
Cas pumped Deans shaft as Dean continued to work his fingers inside of him. Both were moaning loudly and attacking each other's mouths. Cas could feel the beads of pre-cum starting to drip down his hands as he jacked Dean off.
"Oh fuck, "Dean mumbled, "I need you Cas, now." Dean pulled his fingers from Cas and leaned back on his knees.
He stared down at Castiel's hand wrapped around his dick for a moment watching himself slide in and out of his hand before pulling back. He reached down and lifted each of Cas' legs, wrapping them around his hips and kissing the inside of his left thigh.
"Are you ready?" Dean asked nipping at Cas' ankle.
"Yes, yes." Cas moaned.
Dean raised his hand to his mouth and spit into his palm before reaching down and stroking his dick with the wetness. He lined himself up with Cas' hole and slowly pushed in causing both men to moan excessively loud. Once Dean was flush with Cas he leaned over and sucked his lip before saying, "Jesus, you feel….I'm not going to last long."
Cas squeezed his muscles around Dean's hard dick which made him feel full and needy all at the same time, "Doesn't matter." Dean began a slow rhythm of pumping in and out till Castiel was completely relaxed around his dick.
Dean kissed Cas' jaw and pulled at his hair as Cas reached down with both hands and grabbed Deans ass making him losing his rhythm for a split second.
"Dean, please." Cas begged.
"Please what?" Dean asked pulling out slowly then slamming back into him, "What?"
"Harder."
Dean obliged and began pumping into Cas harder. He reached down and pulled Cas' right leg a little higher, draping it over his shoulder. This new angle allowed him to go deeper, hitting Cas' prostate with each stroke.
"Oh, shit!" Dean moaned loudly looking down to where they were joined, "Fuck!" Cas had his hands out stretched to grip both the seats and was panting loudly.
"Damn, you feel so fucking good." Cas moaned as he reached down and began to pump his dick in his hand, "harder Dean."
Dean straightened his back causing the blanket to slip off , which he didn't care, and he grabbed Cas by both hips and began to fuck him hard causing the Impala to sway slightly with their movements. Dean could feel his orgasm coming fast.
"Fuck! I'm close! So fucking close! Damn you feel so good!" Dean half yelled, "Are you close?"
Cas was almost wild as he writhe and moaned below Dean. The pleasure Dean was giving him was building up and it felt like the end of his dick might explode in his hand as he pumped it faster and harder to match Deans pace.
"I want you to come with me." Dean said looking into Castiel's eyes. Cas nodded and stroked his dick harder.
"Yes. Just like that Dean!" Cas screamed driving Dean mad with passion. Dean slammed into Cas repeatedly hitting that sweet spot that made Cas feel like he was going to come undone with each stroke.
"I'm ready." Dean said grunting, "I'm ready."
Cas used his free hand to grab the back of Deans head and pull him down to his lips, "Me too Baby, me too."
Dean fucked Cas with abandonment for a few more moments until he finally whispered into Cas' lips, "Come! Come now!"
Dean shuddered and bucked against Cas hard as he emptied himself into his lover. All the while the word "Fuck " falling from his lips. At the same time Cas screamed and released his orgasm onto his stomach causing some to hit Dean's chest as well. They laid like that for a moment, slowing their breathing until Dean collapsed down onto Cas.
"Holy fucking shit." Dean said trembling as he kissed at Cas' chest.
Cas chuckled, " I concur."
They held each other like that for a while. Taking turns peppering each other with soft kisses and strokes against each other's skin until Dean leaned back and pulled the Impala's door closed. He then grabbed his dis-guarded tee shirt from the floor and cleaned both himself and Cas off then dropped the shirt back to the floor board. He leaned back down to nestle himself back between Castiel's legs, resting his head on his chest and covering them with the blanket.
"I do love you Dean." Cas said stroking Deans hair.
Dean smiled and place a kiss to Cas' navel, "As someone close to me once said, I know"
Cas smiled at the memory of Charlie Bradbury.
"I love you too Cas. Always." Dean whispered before locking his hand with Cas' and letting their joined hand rest against Cas leg.
Dean felt his eyes dropping as sleep crept in on him. The last thing he remembered before falling asleep was the sound of Eric Clapton playing on the radio and Castiel's hands moving through his hair.
Dean woke up to the lights in the garage being flipped on, their brightness making their way into the back seat of the Impala. He stretched against Cas, feeling the stiffness in his legs from sleeping in the cramped backseat. He let his hands make their way up to Cas' face and touch it softly before his eyes opened all the way.
"We have company." Cas said matter of factly and nodded towards the backdoor window behind Dean.
Dean turned to look over his shoulder and found Sam, Crowley, Rowena and Chuck all standing there staring at them.
Sam's eyes were wide but his face didn't show any shock. Crowley rolled his eyes and walked away. Rowena smiled big and turned her head away. While Chuck looked into the back seat with a soft smile.
"What?!" Dean said gruffly, "Ya'll got something smart to say? Because I'll knife every last one of you!"
Sam gave his brother a shy smile that Dean knew to be his "I knew it" smile and turned and left the garage.
Dean looked to Cas to see that he was ok. Cas gave him a soft smile which made Dean feel better.
"Yes, Chuck?" Dean said turning back to look at him, "I suppose you're going to tell us that this is wrong huh? Well you know what?" Dean said reaching down to grab Castiel's hand before looking back to Chuck, "You take 'wrong' and you shove it where the sun doesn't shine."
Chuck just smiled and winked before saying, "This has been a long time coming."