Don't look at me like that, please. You're only making it harder.

"Why are you leaving? Don't go! I thought we were mates!"

"We still are!" Except best mates don't fall in love with each other.

Best mates don't leave to get married when the other one is so broken inside that they hurt themselves just to feel something other than heartache.

Why don't you understand how much you hurt me? It's not your fault, it never could be. You've always adored her and she finally saw it and I can't blame her. She's so lucky. I wish I was lucky.

There were those first dates – you were so nervous- kept asking me if your hair looked alright and what to wear. 'I've got no fashion sense at the greatest of times!' You'd joked. I cried after you'd gone; because you were so far gone with her, you don't even notice me anymore. You didn't even say anything when you found blood on the sleeve of my favourite t-shirt.

How can you be so blind?

I didn't always like you like this. How can i? You can't just love someone at first sight. I didn't even lust after you. We were always friends though, our arguments didn't last over a day, and even then one of us would need to ask the other something, so the vow of silence would break.

Then, after a while I started to fancy you. That was weird, cos I only fancy girls. Or very pretty boys. You were neither. More handsome, I guess. Prehaps I was living a lie before I met you?

You never understood when I broke up with Laura. You even shouted at me 'cos I'd broken her heart! Sure, she was pretty. Beautiful, with long legs and a tiny waist and long blue hair, but she wasn't you and she was always giggling. So I dumped her. Cold, no. More kind than anything. It's not nice to be led on.

Then it hit me. I actually loved you. I was so scared at first, I started an argument over something trivial, just so I wouldn't have to talk to you. When you caught me crying and I wouldn't tell you why, you assumed it was about Laura and did your best to comfort me. I told you it wasn't that; I couldn't tell you the real reason because you'd hate me.

That's when I started crying myself to sleep. When I started hurting myself. It was a distraction from it all. I thought to myself that I was going mad. That things couldn't get much worse. I was so wrong.

Now we're back at the beginning. You are getting married. I didn't think that first outing with her would go anywhere. Wrong again. This is why I have to get out, don't you see? Because it would break me completely to see you take her up the aisle and promise till death do us part. I'd die from the inside out.

So that's why I have to go. Self preservation (there's really nothing worth preserving anymore) or selfishness. Think what you like.

I'll always love you.