Dear Mom,
I'm writing you this letter so that you may know the truth. I'm not long for this world and my story will no doubt be changed or covered up after my death. You always told me that "you reap what you sow" and boy, I've sown quite a bit. I've made many mistakes, most of which still haunt my dreams at night. But no matter what anyone else tells you, you must not believe what they say. This is what really happened.
I remember it started about 10 years ago. I was a freshman at the time and it was probably the worst year of my young life. Every day I was bullied by a kid named Jared and his gang. He would torment me mercilessly. It started off small, like when he would steal my lunch money or when he would knock the books out of my hands when I passed him in the hallway. But as time went on, he grew more and more violent. One particular instance that I can still vividly remember was when he had two of his friends pin me to a wall while he pounded my stomach with his sledgehammer like fists. He hit me over, and over, and over, until I was coughing up blood. I can still see the grin he had on his face even as he was running away before the teacher showed up. His horrible, sadistic grin. I remember walking home that day, trying to stifle my tears so no one could see. That was when I first met her.
She was sitting on the stoop in front of an old abandoned apartment building. She watched me carefully, almost studying me as I got closer. Her hair was a bright blonde that fell just over her shoulders. She stood up and brushed the dust off of her sky-blue skirt, the kind you would see worn to church. As I grew closer, I noticed her eyes. They were just as blue as her skirt and even more mesmerizing. She looked to be about my age and yet I had never seen her before. It wasn't till I was right in front of her that I realized that I was staring at her so I quickly looked away blushing. She giggled and started walking beside me. "Hi there, I'm new in town, my name is Lilly" she said in a soft, sweet voice. I said nothing at first, partially due to the pain in my still throbbing stomach, but mostly because I was always shy around pretty girls. I finally managed to respond with "My name is Thomas". She smiled, "Thomas huh? That's a nice name" she said very genuinely. We spoke for a while until I reached our apartment. As I turned to go inside I heard her say, "It was nice meeting you Thomas, I hope to see you again." I closed the door and leaned against it for a moment. I was happy for the first time in a long time. I finally had a friend.
I walked home with her every day after school for the next couple weeks. I told her all about Jared and the other bullies that made my life a living hell. I noticed that she had a look of concern in her eyes when I told her about a time that I was left bloody and bruised by them. When I finished my story, she spoke, "Thomas, what if I told you that I could help you deal with these bullies?" I was curious so I asked her how. She said that she could give me the power to protect myself but that I had to promise that in ten years, I had to give her anything she wanted. I thought for a moment then agreed to the deal. I held out my hand in order to solidify our agreement but she shook her head. "No, no, no, this deal needs to be sealed with a kiss." she said and before I could say anything she pulled me into a long, deep kiss. I was shocked at first but I soon relaxed. As I was closing my eyes, I could have sworn that I saw hers flicker gold for a split second but I assured myself that it was just my imagination. She broke off the kiss after about 10 seconds and she smiled. "The deal is struck. In ten years, your soul will belong to me." She said in a voice that was almost menacing then she just walked away. I stood there for a minute or two trying to figure out what she had meant by my soul belonging to her. I decided to put it from my mind for the time being and went home. I remember walking into the kitchen and seeing you passed out at the table with another empty bottle of whisky in your hand. I figured you must have had another hard day at the factory so I half-helped half-carried you up the stairs to your bed. After I made sure you were all set, I went to take a shower before bed. As I stood there enjoying the warm water, I began to think about what Lilly had said and what it could mean. I was starting to get a little freaked out so I again pushed it out of my mind. I got out of the shower and crawled into bed, exhausted. I set my alarm for 6 in the morning. As scared as I was about the comment Lilly had made, I was really excited to finally be able to stop those bastards at school once and for all. I soon fell asleep with a smile on my face.
The next day I woke up before my alarm went off. I shut it off and rushed to the bathroom to see if I looked any different. To my surprise, I looked exactly the same as I always did. I was still the same old short, scrawny, loser I was the day before. I sighed but kept my spirits high. I knew Lilly would be true to her word, though I wasn't too sure how. I got dressed and headed down to the kitchen to find a note you left saying that you had to go in to work early that day and that there was breakfast in the oven. I grabbed a quick bite and headed off for school. Normally I would be dreading going to school like I did everyday but I knew this time would be different. I just didn't know how right I was.
My classes went by slowly as the day dragged on. When the bell finally rang, I ran outside to the flagpole, where Jared and his buddies usually hung out. I wanted to get there before him so I could be ready for our confrontation. Even though I didn't feel any different, I still felt confident that I could take them. I saw Jared walk out and see me then grab his gang. They made a B-line through the crowd of students and right toward me. "I'm surprised you aren't running, bitch. Finally grow some balls?" he said as he shoved me backwards. Without thinking I reared back and punched him in the jaw. He wiped his lip and spit a little blood on the ground. "Why you little shit! You are going to wish you were dead when I'm done with you!" He yelled and grabbed my neck with both hands then lifted me up, strangling me in his massive hands. I started swinging and kicking my limbs frantically trying to get free but it was no use. I was completely at his mercy. He threw me hard on to the pavement and moved to pin me on the ground with his knees. He began punching me in the face repeatedly, each punch delivering more force than the last. Blood gushed from my mouth and now broken nose. One of my eyes started swelling shut and my sight was getting blurry. After what felt like hours, one of Jared's friends grabbed him and pulled him off me yelling, "Come on J, he's had enough. We gotta go!" Jared looked at him for a second then stood up and gave me one last kick to my kidneys before walking away, laughing hysterically. As he was walking away, I held up my hand in the shape of a gun and pointed it at the back of his head. I remember being angrier than I had ever been before. I no longer wanted just revenge anymore, I wanted blood. I remember wishing that I was holding a real gun and how much I wanted to put him down like a mad dog. I then made a shooting motion with my fingers, and to my surprise, Jared's head exploded.
The sound was almost as horrible as the sight. It reminded me of what a watermelon sounded like when it was smashed with a sledgehammer. His body collapsed in a heap as bits of his skull and his vaporized blood began to rain down all over everyone. I was still laying down when I heard one of the onlookers shout "Call 9-1-1!" This managed to drag me out of my stupor. I struggle to get to my feet and did my best to get home through the crowd of students all rushing to get a look of the mess that used to be Jared. I shambled into the apartment and into the bathroom. I looked at my mutilated face and started cleaning it off. I scrubbed my cheeks and watched as my blood streaked the sink. Suddenly, the image of Jared's corpse flashed in my mind and I collapsed on to the floor sobbing uncontrollably. I tried to tell myself that it couldn't have been me that did it, that it was just a coincidence, but it was no use. I knew it had to be Lilly's handiwork. I KILLED Jared. My sobbing turned into shaking as I tried to stand back up. I then stumbled to the toilet and threw up violently before passing out.
I woke up to a loud banging coming from the front door. I stood up and checked my watch and found out that I had slept through the night and until the afternoon the next day. I wiped the dried vomit from my mouth before walking downstairs and opening the door. Two officers were standing on the doorstep. They asked me who I was and when I told them they said I was under arrest in connection with the death of Jared. They cuffed me and stuffed me in the back of the squad car. My heart was racing as they brought me into what looked like an interrogation room, the kind you would see on those cop shows you are always watching. They started grilling me for information about what had happened on the day of the incident. I told them everything except the part where I was the one who actually killed him. They kept telling me that I was the prime suspect due to the fact that witnesses reported seeing me fleeing the scene and because I was the only one with a motive to kill him. I could tell they wanted a confession but I remained silent. Frustrated, the two cops left the room to discuss their next method to draw one out of me. I got up and checked the door, only to realize that they hadn't bothered to lock me in. While they were talking, I snuck out behind their backs and out a side door that lead to a back alley. I thought I had made it free and clear until I heard an alarm go off. I looked over my shoulder and saw 3 officers barreling straight for me. I took off running down alley after alley trying to lose them but I only managed to hit a dead end. "It's all over kid, you're surrounded." one of the 3 said as they closed in on me. Without thinking, I raised my hand and made the same gun shape then pointed it at the closest officer. He stopped for a moment and began to reach for his gun. It was almost out of the holster when I blew a 12 inch hole in the middle of his chest. Blood sprayed the other two as I turned to face the next cop. I shot him in the upper chest, causing his head to fly up in the air and land at the feet of the last cop. He turned and tried to run back down the alley. He screamed "Help me! Oh dear God, Hel-. " was all he got out before he too had a hole in his chest. I stood there for a minute or two trying to catch my breath and stop the shaking. I walked back down the alley and passed the three now dead cops all collapsed in a puddle of their own blood. I felt myself start to retch so I ran from the scene. I ran all the way down to the train station without stopping. I knew my only chance was to get out of town, maybe even the state. I hopped into an open box car and shut the door. As it closed, the train lurched forward and I fell against the back wall. I tried to imagine that I was back at home where I was happy and safe, instead of on a train bound for God knows where.
I spent the next few years moving from town to town, never staying in the same place for very long. I did odd jobs for people in order to provide food for myself. Some of these jobs were normal things like mowing grass or painting fences. Others were more unusual, like when I found myself wrapped up in gang related crimes. I was used as a hit man by a gang out in Cleveland where I must have killed at least a dozen people. At first I hated myself for doing these horrible things, but then I saw the paychecks. After a couple more of these jobs I picked up and moved again. I ended up in a small Jewish community where I stayed for 2 years. I had enough money in the bank to afford a small apartment near a local synagogue, where I spent most of my time. I found the stories they told very interesting and inspiring. That was until I heard the rabbi tell a story about a man who made a deal with a demon where he sold his soul in order to become wealthy. He mentioned that this demon was a beautiful seductress named Lilith. This caught my attention and I began thinking about my situation with Lilly and how I made the same type of deal. Then it hit me, Lilly was Lilith. I sold my soul to the queen of the demons and there was no getting it back. I stood and ran out of the building and back to my apartment. I checked the calendar for the first time in a long time and found that I had been on the run for about 9 years, which meant that I had one year before she came to collect. I punched a wall and began to cry. I couldn't believe how I wasted my life. I was suddenly overcome with guilt over all the lives I've taken over the years. I turned myself in to the police the next day. I was thrown into a high security prison where all of the most dangerous people were sent. The guards put me in a cell with two huge thug looking guys who I could only assume had a rap sheet as long as mine. I remember they tried to do unspeakable things to me all the time. They managed to succeed while we were in the group shower. One of them held me against the wall while the other took me from behind. I'm sure the guards could hear my muffled screams and his steady grunts over the shower, but they didn't come in. I managed to turn slightly and point my finger at his head. He thought it was a sign of submission and he took it into his mouth. And that was the last thing he would ever do. I blew his brain all over the ceiling of the shower room then shot the other guy in the groin. I limped out of the shower with blood running down the back of my legs, just in time for the guards to tackle and handcuff me. They threw me in solitary confinement and I've been here ever since. At first I thought I might be safe from Lilith in here but my confidence has all but faded.
This is the only letter they have even allowed me to write and I've chosen to use it to tell you what actually happened. It's been 9 years and 364 days since I made my deal with Lilly, and I can already hear the hellhounds scratching at the cell door. I know that the next time one of the guards opens it, I'm a goner. Well, I won't give them the satisfaction. I won't die like that. I just feel bad for the guy that has to clean up the mess afterword. I wanted to say I'm sorry mom, for not being the son that I should have been, for making you worry about me, for everything. If I could take it all back and do it differently, I would. Goodbye mom, please try to take care of yourself. I love you.
Your Son,
Thomas