This is a fic I wrote as a bribe for someone one LJ who's writing I adore (so wonderful and smutty when she feels like it). I really liked it, so I figured I'd post it up over here as well!

I hope you like it! Comments are love :)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything below. Torchwood, the script and the characters all belong to Russel T. Davies and the BBC

No Change There Then

The whole Hub was shaking violently, sending the three remaining members of Torchwood Three sprawling to the floor. Ianto winced as he pulled himself up into a sitting position, looking over to Gwen to see if she was okay. What the hell had happened?

"Woah, what happened? Was it the Rift?" Jack called from his office, rushing to the door to check, asking Ianto's unspoken question and no doubt Gwen's. "Gwen? Ianto? You okay?"

"No broken bones," Ianto muttered, rubbing the back of his head, "a slight loss of dignity…"

...

Ianto was on the raised walkway that headed round to the hothouse, brandishing a steak at Myfanwy. She'd grabbed his jacket from where it had been draped over a banister and was currently chewing on it. He wasn't best pleased.

"Come on, girl, you know you prefer steak to that." He tried to coo, but he was gritting his teeth, his grasp of the situation extremely delicate. As Myfanwy edged closer, he leaned further out, the steak at arm's length. "That's it girl, a little bit further. Just drop the jacket and you can have this-"

He was leaning out completely, stretching as far as he could go, when Myfanwy dropped the jacket with a snap and lurched forwards, lunging at the meat and ripping it from his hand, sending him toppling over the railing. He landed in a pile of bin liners waiting to be put out with a thud and a slightly disconcerting squelch.

Before he could do anything, Jack was racing towards him from his office, concern painted across his face. "Ianto, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, sir," He muttered, trying not to cringe like a teenage girl at the thought of smelling like Torchwood's rubbish. "The only thing I've hurt is my pride."

Jack looked at him, his concern melting away in amusement. He was just about to say something when Ianto shot him a look that clearly said 'There will be a world of pain for you if you mock me, battered pride or not'. Jack didn't mess with Ianto when he was shown that look.

"Gross." Ianto sighed, taking the hand Jack was offering him. With a tug, he was back on his feet and in desperate need of a shower. Jack even said as much and when he made to follow him, Ianto looked at him curiously.

"I could get your back for you?" Jack said, half seductively, half hopefully.

"Wounded pride, Jack, not mental regression." Ianto replied with a wink, leaving the Captain standing in the middle of the Hub looking rather disgruntled.

...

The others had all gone home by the time Weevil sighting was called in. It was just Jack and Ianto sitting in the captain's office, playing a rather heated game of strip snap. Ianto, surprisingly, was winning. He slammed his hand down hard on the pile as two sevens came together and grinned darkly at Jack, who had already lost both socks and his trousers. Ianto had only lost his tie.

"Shirt off." Ianto said with a satisfied hum, sitting back to watch as Jack drew the moment out, pulling the material open button by button. Ianto watched him in appreciation and was just about to start dealing again when the computer in the Hub went off. With a sigh and a growl from Jack, Ianto got up to check it.

"Weevil sighting in the park, sir." Ianto stated, scanning the CCTV footage of the local children's play area. He felt Jack come up behind him, now fully dressed, and turned around to see the captain glaring at the computer over the young man's shoulder. With a roll of his eyes, Ianto followed him out of the Hub to the SUV.

It didn't take them long to get to the park and locate the Weevil. They used a simple blind sight approach, getting as close as possible without it knowing, from two different directions. Ianto edged round behind it, through the trees as Jack took the Playground side. Just as he was about to lunge for it, the Weevil span round and charged into the forest.

With his heart in his throat, Jack broke cover and dived in after it, looking around wildly for the creature. There was a grunt and the hiss of a spray can and Jack headed to his left, finding Ianto sprawled on the floor with an unconscious Weevil on him.

"What happened?" Jack asked, waiting for Ianto to sedate and push the body from him, so he could bear his weight himself.

"I dunno, there were some people a few meters behind me, teenage couple I think." Ianto strained and pushed at the body until eventually, Jack grabbed the back of it's boiler suit and hauled it up. "Thanks."

"Ianto, this is one of the lightest Weevils we've ever had… You okay?" Jack looked at the young man with a mix of concern and amusement. Ianto pulled himself to his feet and brushed himself off, glowering at the floor.

"Asides from you pointing out that obvious physical flaw, I'll survive." Ianto muttered darkly. He skulked off towards the SUV with Jack following him, smiling at the fact that Ianto was one of the stronger people he knew, both physically and mentally. As they broke tree cover, Jack heard him utter to himself again, something about 'dignity' and 'non-existent'.

...

As Ianto approached the huge rolling door, he could hear the loud whoops and cheers as the rest of the team egged each other on. When he stepped through the door, despite the loud siren and the flashing light, none of them really noticed him.

Before he could move past them, something came flying towards his head. Instinctively, he brought his hands to his face and crouched down, curling up as much as possible to minimise the target for what he could only assume was firing at him in that split second.

There was a bark of laughter and a giggle then, telling him that his head hadn't been almost removed by hostile alien attack. In fact, it had been Owen tossing a baseball, hard, to Gwen and he'd managed to get slap bang in the middle of them. Schooling his expression into one of cool disapproval, Ianto stood up, straightening his suit out casually and stalked off to the archives.

He'd only managed to get a few feet down the corridor that began the sprawling maze of the Torchwood records when he felt someone catch him around the waist and pull him close.

"Ianto, I'm sorry about Owen." Jack said with a smile, looking at him sincerely.

"It's not like he's ever been particularly bothered about the location of my head." Ianto said with a shrug, sighing and leaning his forehead on Jack's shoulder with a slight smile. Jack's arms tightened around him and he felt the other man press a kiss to the side of his neck.

"But are you okay?" Jack asked gently after a few minutes of the loving embrace.

"Of course I am." Ianto said with another slight sigh, raising his head to look at Jack with another smile. "It's not a full day's work unless I've managed to make an arse of myself in front of Owen and Gwen. It seems the degradation of my ego is part of the job description."

He kissed Jack briefly before pulling away and heading down in the archives, knowing that there would something, somewhere, to keep him busy for the afternoon whilst he nursed his ego back into shape.

...

Lips met in the usual passionate and haphazard way, both men completely given over to their instincts, wrapped around each other like nothing else mattered. Hands wandered over clothes, tugging at material in a bid to get closer to the other's skin.

Ianto had managed to rip Jack's shirt off him and made short work of his t-shirt before Jack pulled him close again, his hands wandering under the soft purple material and around his waist, tracing the curve of his spine as his lips interrogated the shape of the young man's mouth. Ianto moaned gently, unable to hold it back as Jack moved his mouth to his neck, sucking gently at the soft skin below his ear.

Jack growled and pulled him closer, Ianto running his hands down the other man's back, his nails digging in as Jack continued to tease the sensitive skin of his neck. With a low moan of pleasure mixed with the tiniest amount of pain, Jack pushed Ianto hard against the door, a few feet away. Ianto flinched and drew a sharp breath, making Jack pull back immediately, looking at Ianto with alarm in his eyes.

"Door handle." Ianto muttered, instantly feeling a flush start to creep up on him. He looked at Jack sheepishly and the other man lead him away from the offending article, pulling him towards the middle of the room again, a playful glint in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Yan." He said with a grin, wrapping his arms around Ianto's awkward frame again. Ianto muttered something which Jack couldn't quite hear. "What was that?"

"I said, 'I knew it was too good to be true'." Ianto was quite clearly sulking, which served to make Jack even more amused, but he suppressed the grin he so desperately wanted to show. He just placed a hand on Ianto's chin and tilted his face up for clarification. The young man sighed and his shoulders slumped before he carried on. "It's been a week since I last made an idiot of myself."

Jack couldn't help it then, remembering his lover's line about it being part of his job description. With a deep and deliberate kiss, he pulled Ianto close to him and ran his hands back over the young man's back.

...

"… No change there then." Ianto finished. This time, however, there was no humour in the situation. Something had gone terribly and horribly wrong, leaving them all with an inexplicable sense of foreboding.