Title: Romantic Irony
Author: Kirrae
Pairings: CloudxRiku, RikuxSora (one sided), CloudxLeon (one sided)
Summary: Was it too much to ask for an intelligent best friend who knew without being told?
Disclaimer: Like everyone else on this site, I do not own the characters, they belong to Square Enix, their creator Tetsuya Nomura, and Disney. I only own these words.
Chapter Note: I know that it's a pain to review, and sometimes you can't even think of anything to say. I understand, but I would appreciate it if you could share your thoughts, something creative, if possible. I hope this makes sense to you all. I understand it, but then, I wrote it, so I should be able to. As for the shift into play format, well, it's explained, but the way I saw that scene is as a play. It works as one, and was conceived as an exchange of dialogue, so it remained as just that. It's also a more familiar format for me, as I'm a playwright/screenwriter by trade, and it's been a while since I've worked in short story format.
Riku was pissed. How the hell could Sora not know? Okay, so he'd never told the kid, but really, everyone knew. It practically seeped out of Riku's pores that he was both gay and in love with the idiotic brunette. Even Kairi knew. Stupid bitch and her knowing smirking knowingness... Yeah, Riku thought, that one totally made sense.
Now, there was that stupid dance that everyone seemed to be going to. Some stupid end of semester thing. Riku would rather slit his eyes open and peel them then go to a party where he'd end up alone, ditched by his lovely best friends who were, apparently, now going out. Yeah, they weren't 'dating' or anything, they were still too high school for that. The worst part of it all, though, was that stupid look Sora got on his face when Riku told him he wasn't going. After Sora'd asked the most inane question on the face of the earth.
"Who are you going with, Ri?"
"No one, Sor. I'm not going."
"But-but Riku!"
"Not happening."
Did the kid really expect Riku to go? He had finals damnit. They were actually important, not some stupid dance that was still a month away. A month and Sora'd already asked Kairi. Oh that simpering little- Riku had some issues to work out, that was certain. Issues like a dumb as fuck best friend and an all-knowing bitch for the other. Between the two, he was sure they'd make a good couple, balance each other out a bit. Until then, he'd complain to any god who'd listen that he really didn't deserve this for whatever he'd done in any of his past lives. It couldn't have been that bad, could it? To deserve this?
Honestly, Riku thought he'd have gone crazy if it wasn't for Cloud. And maybe that drinking game with Zack. Which Riku had to remind himself not to do again. Ever. It led to things that, while this time might have been good in the end, could seriously end up fucking up his life. How many times could you get smashed and wake up in the bed of someone you aren't dating before it turns out badly? It should be every time, but for once, the puppy might have actually been right about something.
See, Riku went to one of those colleges that was basically a high school university. Sure, it wasn't as bad as some, where kids went with huge groups from their high school and there was no clique intermingling because, really, why bother with new friends when you don't have to? There were usually a groups of students, three or four, who'd been friends since they were five, and two to three of them would usually ban together. Now, most of them looked back to high school and thought 'oh, wasn't prom just so much fun? We should do something like it, a prom, but not, you know, a prom without the drama' because that was possible. And Sora and Kairi were the sappy type that would go to something like that because, for them, prom was lovely. It was for most high school students. It was only if you were Riku that it sucked, poor gay still-in-the-closet Riku who didn't have a date. Not that he was bitter.
Apparently Squall Leonhart, the guy Cloud'd been best friends with (and crushing on) since he was still in diapers was that kind of sap. So, being the lovely gent he was, he agreed to go with the lovely Rinoa when she'd asked. Yes, that's right, block of ice Leonhart agreed to go to a dance. There was blackmail involved, but the brunette obviously didn't care too much, judging by the barely-there smile on his face.
Needless to say, Cloud was in just as bad of a mood as Riku when they sat together in the back of their pointless history lecture. Pointless for Riku, because if he had a favorite war (if you could ever admit to something like that without sounding like a militant douche bag) it would be WWII. Which just so happened to be their history course. A whole semester of communism, fascism, and the good old tricks of capitalist countries and their advanced film industry. Oh yeah, the Ghost Army was fuckin' awesome shit. The lecture was typically pointless for Cloud as he spent the whole thing writing notes to Riku and doodling- unless he was sleeping that is.
The notes from this lecture that littered Cloud's notebook were as follows:
Shitty day?
Hells yes. Have you heard about that useless-
Yeah. Sora and Kairi, like I didn't see that coming.
HA! Yeah, Squall did the same.
Ask you 'so who are you going with?' 'Cause I got that one.
Nah. He knows better. Sora still doesn't?
His bitch girlfriend does though.
At least he found a smart one. He'll need it. Rox, on the other hand...
How in the hell did neither of them come out with brain cells in tact?
It must be genetic, twins after all.
At which point both pens fell silent. A film. Today was Saving Private Ryan. Now, having a slavophile for a history teacher could be wonderful. It was great for learning about Russian participation in the second world war. A subject typically glossed over, and one that had always intrigued Riku, so really, he enjoyed some of this process of watching hollywood films just for the sake of learning the anachronisms and the utter falsehood of them. Lovely learning experience. Ten films however, and Riku wondered if the man could even teach without visual aid. Really, did people expect them to be accurate? If they were true, they wouldn't need Tom Hanks to play the lead in each and every one. When Riku's flinched as the lights dimmed, Cloud snickered. Full-on hand over mouth mocking laughter, complete with the requisite snarky expression.
Riku's problem with this, besides the waste of time, was simply that it was more effective to talk about what actually happened, rather than show common misconceptions. Because people are seeing what they think happened, they won't change their minds. Who makes a movie that isn't true, anyway? Yeah, right. Believe everything you see. That's the way to live your life.
Sitting through another half of a war film was grating on Riku's nerves. He actually liked the movie, thank you. Tom Hanks, misguided in his intentions as he might be, was a damn good actor. So what if V.E. Day was like, huge in Russia? Riku wasn't in Russia, now was he? He didn't particularly care who the hell ended the Nazi Regime, just as long as it was over, and he could now safely make jokes about a kitler named Adolf and his oven. Honestly. But, the shifting light flitting over Cloud's face was pretty damn entrancing. Who knew the blond could look so good with that look of intense focus on his face? Certainly not Riku. Mabye? Nah, that's just ridiculous. Riku was certifiably in love with one Sora Hikaru. Just as Cloud Strife was undeniably obsessed with his leather-clad god.
It wasn't a slow change that creeped up on them without notice. It was a drunken confession of mutual attraction (with the background of laughter from one immensely proud puppy and his girlfriend) that led to Riku waking up in Cloud's bed with no thoughts other than why the fuck didn't I think of this earlier?
Thursday was the average college student's drinking night. At least those in the non-artsy, non-business professions. Fridays were recitations and the occasional lab for the Arts and Sciences students, which meant that Thursday was the last day of classes. Naturally, this led to most drinking on thursdays and doing god knows what else for the rest of the weekend. For Cloud and Riku this meant that they'd hole up in Cloud and Zack's dorm room, play some idiotic drinking game until both were pleasantly tipsy, then proceed to annoy the living hell out of one Zack Fair in revenge for something that happened five years ago (or so Cloud claimed). Occasionally the violet-eyed student would join them. If he wasn't going on a date with Aerith, that is.
As they walked out of yet another pointless WWII lecture, Cloud turned to Riku and grinned at the other. Now, Riku was quite used to this pattern, and thus responded with his customary wink. No, not that creepy 'I wanna fuck you' wink that he sometimes gave Kairi to scare the shit out of Sora, but the 'I understand completely and I agree' wink. A normal wink. If such a thing exists. So, exiting the lecture hall, the two disgruntled and exhausted students stumbled toward the dorms. Note, Cloud is notoriously clumsy, but only on days starting with 'T,' 'S,' or 'W.'
Now, dear reader, you must understand that all of this pointless drivel is very much necessary, for Riku's life, the poor dear, is entirely composed of such meaningless drivel and narration. Riku likes to narrate his life in the third person with the detached, somewhat british, accent of his Lit professor. Why, you might ask. Why not, is Riku's only response. At this point in our tale, however, Riku would like for you to know that this narration habit only occurs after the fact, and thus, because he would rather not ever think of what is about to happen to him, the following scene will read much as a play. Note the names of the players, for they will preceed every line. Actions will only be denoted with stage directions, and the thoughts of the characters will remain undisclosed. For your reading pleasure, and Riku's own sanity. He thanks you kindly for this acquiescence.
(A dorm room, cluttered with books and clothes. It should be obvious that the room belongs two to men, clean but a complete mess. Band posters and stolen signs decorate the walls. On the floor, three teenage boys sit in a circle. Riku and Cloud each have a shot glass in front them, with a bottle of vodka between them. Zack sits with six fingers held up.)
CLOUD
This is fucking stupid.
RIKU
Whatever, we still get drunk, and we get to torment Zack.
ZACK
Hey! I take offense to that. It's your turn anyway.
RIKU
Aww fuck. Alright. Damnit. Okay, never have I ever drooled over Leon's leather pants.
(Cloud grumbles incoherently and downs a shot, pouring another into his glass. Zack just laughs.)
ZACK
So much for tormenting Zack, eh Spike?
CLOUD
Fuck you. You're not gay. You don't know what it's like.
ZACK
Hey, Ku's never drooled over your leather-god, 'n he's gay as a unicorn.
CLOUD
Stupid fucking piece of mother fucking sailor baby fetus-
ZACK
Uhh, Spike? Your turn.
CLOUD
Bastard. You'll pay for this.
RIKU
Uh, huh. Your turn Chocobo.
CLOUD
Never have I ever eaten any of Aerith's cooking.
ZACK
Wrong. You did. Remember that one time with the fish and the halloween decorations?
CLOUD
Damnit. Was hoping to get both of you for that.
ZACK
As penalty, you've gotta-
CLOUD
I'll take the shot.
ZACK
Nope. You've got to make out with Riku.
CLOUD
WHAT?
ZACK
You dissed Aer's cooking. Besides, I've gotta get back at Riku for that stunt he made me pull.
CLOUD
I can't believe you agreed to that rule.
ZACK
Sounded fair at the time. I've got to remember never to let you two plot against me again.
RIKU
Good luck with that.
ZACK
So, go on.
RIKU
Why?
ZACK
What?
RIKU
Why not let him just take the shot? That is the rule you know. So, if you're gonna break 'em, you better tell me why.
ZACK
I have my reasons.
(He receives a glare from Riku. The 'Jenova Stare of Doom' ©Jediempress)
ZACK
Okay. I just think it's ridiculous that you both find each other attractive, are both good friends, and gay, but you've never considered dating each other. Why the fuck not? It'd have to be better than what you've doomed yourselves to.
(Cloud just shrugs. Riku's glare softens. They turn to each other and proceed to seal their lips together. When Riku ends up on his back under the blonde, Zack gets up, 'hi-fives' his reflection in the mirror, and turns to the door.)
ZACK
Don't have too much fun. I'll be back tomorrow, spendin' the night with Aer.
(Zack leaves. The other two don't notice, too caught up in each other. Blackout.)