A/N: I seem to be doing a lot on one-shot lately…oh well. Here you go.
Ever notice that when you are alone things always seem more bleak and depressing than when you are surrounded? No? Well, I wouldn't expect someone like you to understand. The only people who could possible understand what I am saying are the people who are either loners, orphans, foster children, or people who have lost everything worth living and fighting for. I have.
I'm a loner because when Hermione and Ron learnt that I was gay they completely abandoned me calling me disgusting and a freak. I am an orphan because my parents were murdered when I was only one year of age. I am a foster child because my aunt and uncle like to think that I am not of their blood, just some child dumped on their doorstep that they decided to keep. Last but not least, I have lost all I find to be worth fighting or living for. I had Dumbledore, but he has lost my faith when he refused to tell me what I needed to know. I had Ron and Hermione but they left me. I had the school but they to have deserted me because of my disgusting preferences. I had Sirius but I killed him. Hell, I even had Voldemort but he's gone now as well. I killed him.
My purpose has been served. Last but not least I had my lover, Mike. I met him in London over the holidays after my 5th year. The summer before I killed Voldemort. He left me for someone better. He does deserve better than me. I am worthless, nothing, a whore, and a freak. Do you want to know how I met him? My uncle sold me too him and he decided to keep me. I didn't love him and he didn't love me. Yet, it still hurts that he left me for someone else, probably someone younger. I was fifteen when I met him and he was thirty-three. Yeah, I guess he wanted someone younger and fresher. Not as used. Not as dirty, someone who hasn't already served his or her purpose. I have no use; no one wants or needs me.
This world would be better off without me; all I cause is problems and grief. I have never felt so useless. At least when I lived with y uncle I knew that when I woke up in the morning I would have a job to do. Whether it would be chores, pleasuring him or whoever is brought around I had a purpose. Now I am nothing. Well, I wont be nothing anymore. I will take the burden of my life off of the shoulders of this glorious world/. Everyone is so happy about Voldemort's defeat that they won't even notice that I am gone. I will be better that way.
The only question is how to do it. I could poison myself, hang myself, slit my wrists, slit my throat, shoot myself with a hand gun, a riffle, I could jump from the astronomy tower, I could drown myself, I could bury myself, I could do so many things. I think that I will slit my throat, I have spilt so much blood that it only makes sense that I should spill my own.
I think I'll write my farewell letter to him. No, I'll record it on a muggle tape-recorder. That way the world will be able to hear my voice one last time. I'll have to write him a letter telling him how to use it. Oh well. Let's see what should I say? I know I'll just tell him what I've just told you. A shorter version of course but he'll understand. I have no use, I have no purpose. I am useless. Why am I sending in to him, the bat of the dungeons, the greasy git of Slytherin, the foulest of the foul? He has been the only one who has always felt the same about me through the years. Severus, I hope you understand why I must do this, I really hope that you don't feel that this is your fault, because it isn't. It is my own fault, my problem and my solution. I have always appreciated all you have done for me; you have saved me more times than I can count. All I ask is that you don't save me this time. I don't need saving. I am saving the world with my death. Please don't condemn the world to the burden of caring for me. Please, just let me die.
I think that he'll understand what I am trying to say. Now I just need to do some final preparations before I send him this letter. I will brush my hair; trim my nails, shower, and dress in my best clothes, ECT. Want the world to continue to believe that I am still perfect. Beautiful.
Now that that is done I can sharpen the blade I have chosen. It is very beautiful. It has emeralds encrusted in its hilt. Perfect. Hedwig, take this to professor Snape, only him ok? Good girl. Now that she is gone I can do this. I have placed the blade against my neck and now I am dragging it across. Oh, oops, I sliced my vocal cords. Oh well, it's not as if I'll ever use them again. Oh my, I am beginning to feel very faint. Dark spots and redness is clouding my vision. Everything is tipping and turning. Oh…my…
Foolish boy! What on earth was he thinking! I am running blindly to his room. I hope I am not too late. I couldn't bear it if I was the one he relied on to save him and I couldn't make it. I have tried so hard to keep that boy alive; I will not let him die!
Severus bursts into the room to see Harry lying on his bed with an enormous gash at his neck, blood flowing out of it at a shocking speed. He rushes foreword and heals the wound to the best of his abilities, which is pretty good considering he has been healing his own wounds from the Death Eater meetings for years. The gash closed up leaving an angry scar marring Harry's neck.
Unfortunately, Harry's vocal cords were far too damaged to heal. The poor boy will be mute for the rest of his life. At that moment Severus vowed to care for the boy to the best of his abilities. He will always be there for him, whenever Harry needs him he will be there. A week passed before Harry woke…
Hmm, where am I? Wait, I'm awake that means that I am alive. Tears sting my eyes. I am so useless that I can't even kill myself properly. Useless whore. Fucking freak. Waste of space. Oh look Severus is here; he's looking at me with concern. He's asking how I feel. I feel awful Severus; I can't even kill myself properly I try to tell him with my eyes. I can't talk; I have no more vocal cords left in me. It seems that he has remembered this trivial piece of information. He has given me a note book and a quill. I tell him what I tried to say with my eyes.
He tells me that he will always be here for me. I don't need to leave. If the world doesn't need me than at least he does. I don't know whether or not to believe him. He has never lied to me before but how could he possibly need me? Severus, how can you need me? I am useless.
Oh but I'm not useless, he says, I know for a fact hat you are amazing at potions, I could use your help. Besides, I need you to keep me sane. I have been spying for so long that now I feel as if I have no purpose. Together we can heal ourselves. I can help you and you can help me. Please, he begs, don't leave me. I need you here, with me.
I am too shocked to say…write anything so I just nod dumbly. Somehow all of my stuff has been moved into his chambers. I even have my own bed, but it is in his room so we may keep an eye on each other he tells me. He is starting to teach me ASL of American Sign Language. He has also given me a beautiful journal so I may talk to him even when he isn't here. He has the other copy. When I write something in it the message will appear in his and vice versa. It will vibrate to tell us that we have a message. It is very convenient.
Months have passed. I am getting better. I no longer feel the need to die. We have become closer. We have gone past friendship. We share a bed now and slowly we are coming closer together. I love him and I believe that he loves me too. I have gone from a depressed suicidal teen with no one worth living or fighting for to a man with the most wonderful person to spend the rest of his life with.
Severus proposed to me tonight. I guess I finally have a purpose. Keeping my husband happy. Living has proven to be quite the adventure. I never would have imagined that my life would have turned out like this. Oh the entire world hates us. They don't think that the savior should be gay, never mind marring an ex Death Eater. Well, screw the world. I am happy. I still have the scar on my neck to remind me and I still can't talk but Severus always was and will be here with me to help me through the hard times, as I will be with him.
A/N: I know that the POVs were messed up but I like the way this turned out. Please review and tell me what you think.