Authors Note:
So this is Julian's thoughts when he is hiding in his room, post Ch 25 Dalton. Its semi-inspired by the song "Julien" by Placebo. This is literally my first time trying to write something creative in 5-10 years, and is only posted with some encouragement from a friend. Any feedback would be appreciated. Julian & Logan belong to CP Coulter, Kurt Hummel belongs to the creators of Glee. Now without further ado, the fic/drabble.
If you haven't heard of or read Dalton by CP Coulter I highly recommend it. It can be found on this site at .net/s/6515261/1/
He had to get out.
He had to leave.
Before it all came crashing down.
Before it destroyed him.
But he couldn't
Sitting in the window of his dorm this was all Julian could think about. He was listening to music on his iPod and watching the other students go about campus; wishing he could join them. He was just so tired of it all. The stress was exhausting him.
First there was Logan, who he was in love with, the one who would never see him. Just dealing with him and his obsession with Hummel was enough to send him away. Then there was his stalker, whoever they were. After the gift that was left the night of the fair their intentions had been made clear. He wasn't safe. He couldn't leave. Not if he wanted to stay alive.
He wasn't so sure he cared anymore...
It felt like his life was spinning out of control. He used to have a handle on it. He had Dalton where he could just be another teenager when the stress of Hollywood got to be too much. Then when Dalton, or more specifically Logan, became too overwhelming to deal with he could escape to the glittering lights in California. Go where he was idolized, respected, possibly wanted. It had been a convoluted way of life, a balancing act, but it worked for him.
He heard a knock over the music and jumped, startled. He could hear Logan outside his door. Hear him pounding and shouting.
"Larson! Open this door. What the fuck man. Come on Jules, what's going on? Just let me in!"
He could imagine the prefect at his door, getting more and more frustrated every moment he was ignored. He wanted to go to him and explain what was happening. Instead he just turned up the volume on his music to drown him out, pulling his knees up to his chest, and settling back in the window gazing out.
He felt trapped here. What had once been his safe haven of normality had become his prison because of his stalker. He had even spoken about this all with Kurt, with Hummel of all people! If that wasn't a sign of how bad things had gotten, of how tired he was of it all, he didn't know what was. At this point all he wanted was to walk away from it all. He needed to escape back to Hollywood, this time for good.
But he couldn't. Not yet. It was like he told Hummel. What if his stalker was too close. They already knew where he lived, where he was. What if they went after someone else because of him? He couldn't leave until he was sure he would be the one his stalker would go after. He had quit caring what happened to him. So long as he was the only one who got hurt. So long as there was no one else harmed. So long as Logan was safe. Then nothing else mattered. Then he could leave. But until he could guarantee that he was trapped.
A bittersweet smile graced his face as he gazed out the window listening to the end of the current song:
You can run but you can't hide
Because no one here gets out alive
Find a friend in whom you can confide
Julien, you're a slow motion suicide
A fleeting though crossed his mind as the song changed...how fitting.