AN: Post season 3-AU, not compliant with anything after that. In this story, Captain Swan was never trapped in past Storybrooke, after Zelena was defeated, Emma followed through with her decision to leave. Some characters from season 4 will be featured but their backstories are different as will be explained in the fic itself. Also, Snow and David's son is not named Neal because that was unbelievably stupid.
Emma opened and closed the door behind her in her New York apartment before tiredly leaning against it. Work had been particularly taxing today and she just wanted to crawl into bed. She pushed off the door and turned up the thermostat in the perpetually cold apartment. It was winter now, but the apartment was always cold and quiet. She could remedy the cold, not so much the quiet. It had been 16 months since she left Storybrooke, leaving her parents, her brother, her son and him behind. She had been steadfast in her decision to leave. Her parents' words couldn't convince her, Henry's imploring looks couldn't do it, Regina's threats couldn't sway her, and he couldn't stop her either.
He had said it. In a last-ditch effort to get her to stay, he told her he loved her. She suspected as much, but it was easier to deny it when he wasn't staring at her with those wide, electric blue eyes that betrayed said love to any and everyone. Those three words, the same three she had said in her own desperate attempt to make Neal stay when he first told her he was leaving. Killian didn't say it like she had, with the naivety and hope of a girl who thought she knew how the world worked but didn't. He said it with the weight of a man who spent almost 100 years trying to avenge the woman he loved, only to give it up for Emma. He said it with the knowledge that he was once again putting himself on the line, laying himself bare before her despite his fear that just like most other times before, she would reject him. And she had. She left him standing in the road watching her drive away, Henry and her parents a few feet behind him.
She didn't leave because she didn't care. It wasn't because she didn't understand or accept their love. She wished she could, but they deserved better than her. She was the savior but who had she really saved? Sure, she broke the curse by kissing Henry and managed to slay a dragon, but what had she done since then? She didn't stop Cora, Mary Margaret had. She didn't stop Pan, Gold did that. She didn't stop Zelena, Regina did. She couldn't save Neal either time he needed her and Hook... he nearly drowned because of her. They were better off without her. Her magic was gone, she was useless anyway.
They were fine. Mary Margaret and David had a second chance to raise a child who wasn't damaged. Henry had Regina, who was probably a better mom for him in some ways than Emma. She wouldn't abandon him at least. Emma missed Henry and wished he was with her. She had pleaded with him to come with her back to New York, but he didn't want to leave Regina after he just got her back. He had a chance to have a real family with Regina, Robin and Roland. It wasn't a huge surprise that he had chose that over a life of solitude with Emma and she understood, because that was all she wished for as a child. At least she had done something good for Henry and knew that he was okay, even though she wasn't there. Plus, truth be told, it was getting even more painful looking at Henry with Neal having died in her arms. He looked so much like his father. As for Hook... Killian, he'd be better off without her more than anyone else. He had so much love to give, more than she would ever know what to do with. He could give it to someone who could give it back the way he should receive it. Maybe he could rekindle whatever he had with Tinkerbell.
Emma sighed and silently began preparing a light dinner. Her parents, Leo and Henry had visited five months ago for Henry's birthday. They weren't bound to the town anymore, but seeing as they were from a land of magic and Storybrooke was the only place that sustained magic in this realm, they would rather stay with their own people.
Emma had been happy to see them. The last time she could have potentially seen them was when they called and told her about Elsa freezing over the town. Apparently, someone from the Enchanted Forest named Hans had brought her over so he could exact revenge on Mr. Gold. Emma knew they were hoping she'd offer to come back, but she had just wished them luck and told them to keep her updated. She didn't want to be back in that mess and she was useless to help anyway, she didn't have magic anymore. They had fixed the problem without her. Elsa was just a 13-year-old girl who was being used against her will. She was alone and confused and powerful. They had managed to defeat Hans and reign Elsa in. Last she heard, the girl found her younger sister and was happy living with a foster family since her parents were dead, and Regina was helping her get control of her powers.
When her parents, brother and son visited, they eased right back into being a family as if they were never apart. Emma didn't ask about Killian or anything else related to Storybrooke other than the basics: how everyone was, if they were happy, if they were safe. At any rate, they didn't volunteer any deep information, knowing she didn't want it.
It was bittersweet seeing her baby brother again. She last saw him in person as a newborn and Leo had grown a lot since then. He was an affectionate one-year-old and he immediately took a shine to Emma. He'd seen her through a computer screen on Skype before, but she had feared he wouldn't recognize her and freak out or something. She wasn't as jealous of him as she thought she'd be, but she did feel pangs in her chest whenever she saw her parents doting on him. She only got that from them the first five minutes of her life and the Swans loved her for three years before unceremoniously giving her back.
Her family stayed for two weeks before leaving but Emma could tell from their faces they were hoping she would leave New York and go back to Storybrooke with them. She had wished them a safe ride back and shut the door firmly behind them, then spent the night trying not to cry. She talked to them at least twice a week on the phone and on Skype. It wasn't the same as having them there, but it was better this way.
She silently ate her meal and then took a shower. She got dressed and laid in bed while listening to her voicemails. There were three: one from her landlord telling her the lease was going to be up soon and asking if she wanted to renew it, one from a client thanking her for her service and the last one was from her mother.
"Hey Emma. I guess you're at work. I wanted to remind you that Ruby and Victor's wedding is coming up in a week and if you're going to come, you should probably get here within the next few days. Ruby would really like for you to be a bridesmaid. She already has your dress tailored and ready, but if you don't come, she'll give it to Kathryn. She really is hoping you'll come though. There's nothing horrible happening, no villain to fight, no disaster to contend with, it's just a wedding where you'll be with friends and family and people who would love to see you again. Please, please come to the wedding, Emma. I normally wouldn't beg you or put you out like this, but you can't miss Ruby's wedding. Just... make the right choice, sweetheart."
Emma dropped her phone a little roughly on her nightstand and laid back tiredly in her bed.
Ruby's wedding.
Henry told her about the engagement a few months prior, but it had slipped her mind. Who gets married in winter anyway? But Ruby told Emma through Snow that she had plans for Emma to be in the wedding and no matter what Emma said, Ruby was sure she would come back to town just for the event. Emma wasn't sure she was wrong. But how could she just go back to Storybrooke? She knew as soon as she stepped foot there, the place would lure her back in, try to get her to stay when she knew it was better if she didn't. Then again, she didn't want to think about the disappointment she'd cause her mother and Ruby if she didn't go. Could she do it? Could she go back there? Could she be in the town with those people, with her parents, with her son, with her brother, with Killian and not be sucked back in?
Who says you don't want to be sucked back in? You need it. Her mind whispered to her.
They deserve better than you. That voice, the one that she supposed existed in the mind of every orphan, hissed at her.
No, they deserve you. All of you.
What do you have to offer them?
Nothing. But being there to offer nothing is better than not being there at all.
Emma rolled over, the internal battle of wills exhausting her even more. She grabbed the sleeping pills and water on her nightstand, took two and then laid back down, doing all she could to clear her mind of everything related to Storybrooke. She cleared it of fairytale family members, of little boys smiling up at her, of men with sincere blue eyes and lovers dying in her arms. She turned her mind to work and recounted to herself her latest closed case of a bail jumper wanted for embezzlement. He had hidden under a church to evade Emma, but he wasn't fast enough. It had ended up coming to blows with the guy and her back ached a bit from the fight, but it was a dull ache, one you slept off. Emma's mind began to get fuzzy and hazy on details as the sleeping pills went into effect and she dozed off before she knew it.
She dreamed of what her life would've been like had she stayed in Storybrooke. She dreamed of seeing Henry's face every day. She dreamed of eating her mother's delicious cooking (a product of Mary Margaret, not Snow). She saw herself working alongside her father at the police station then walking into Granny's and chatting with Ruby at the end of the day. She saw herself with Killian, having him by her side, always over her shoulder offering support and faith in her and looking at her with those stupid, sincere eyes.
When she woke up, she ate breakfast, called her landlord and told him to give her two more weeks to decide about the lease. With that taken care of, she packed her meager belongings and hopped in her bug on her way to Storybrooke.