Title: Spiritual Cleansing
Fandom: Takahashi mixer – Inuyasha and Ranma ½
Summary: Higurashi Kagome's high school entrance exam results: dismal. The only school willing to accept such poor grades is a school with more than its share of delinquent students and hangers-on – Furinkan High School. InuRanma Crossover.
Notes: Massive. No pairings except for Tofu/Kasumi. I played a little fast and loose with both timelines, so spoilers for most every Ranma character in the anime and a few spoilers for Kagome's miko prowess. I might also have taken a few liberties with Kagome's competence and knowledge of her powers, I hope you don't mind overly much.
Warnings: Maybe a bit of language and one instance of a transformation back in the absence of clothes. Tame yet dense. Good luck.
Disclaimer: No named character is other than the exclusive property of Takahashi Rumiko.
The cheerful sunlight bathing the school grounds would have seemed welcoming to any other student body. It created inviting warmth perfect for relaxing while enjoying a lovingly home-cooked bento, and the ample trees provided isolated pockets in which to enjoy the atmosphere. But this was not just any high school; this was Nerima's Furinkan High School, home of the nation's worst troublemakers and holder of the title for most property damage in a single academic year.
The cause of both said reputational deficits was also the reason the rest of the school's unfortunate population was still inside the school despite the pleasant weather. Saotome Ranma and his entourage du jour were rampaging across the slight hills of the campus and laying waste to whatever unlucky school equipment, buildings, or students stood in their way.
"This is so unfair! There's even a slight enough to cool but weak enough not to distract breeze blowing today!" Randomly-Assigned-Unfortunate-Classmate-Of-the-Unrivalled-Scoundrels #1 lamented sadly, watching the breeze ruffle the grass outside.
There was a near simultaneous nodding of heads all through the second floor classroom, though most were too depressed to verbally give their agreement. RAUCOUS #2 did speak up, "Why do they even bother coming? It's not like they sit through the classes. If only we could get someone to convince them to at least leave us alone during our free time!"
This speech earned muted voiced accord, and even a smattering of applause. Emboldened, the student pointed out the window to the only student who could be seen braving the approaching maelstrom of martial arts, sitting underneath the largest tree on the school grounds and calmly eating lunch. "We should get Higurashi to trash them!"
A collective gasp could be heard throughout the classroom. RAUCOUS #3 felt the need to point out, "You really want to release her on at the school, too?"
"Yeah, I mean, I bet she could do it, but think of the consequences!" RAUCOUS #4 conferred.
"If we had both sides going full-out in a battle here, we might not have a school left to come back to," RAUCOUS #3 explained.
But RAUCOUS #2 was not to be put off. "Your fear is what makes you weak. These impudent marauders have trampled over our valuable campus, high school educations, and even taken some of us out in their fighting. We may not be fighters, but we do have rights. Taking the best foods at the canteen was humiliating but tolerable. Destroying random bits of the school interrupted school activities but we made do. But now they're trying to steal our lunchtime! I, for one, am not going to stand for this any more! Who's with me?"
As crickets chirped in the middle of the day (and classroom, for that matter), the incredulity of the faces in front of RAUCOUS #2 eventually convinced him of how ludicrous his plan was. RAUCOUSes #3 & #4 pointedly turned back to each other and changed the subject. RAUCOUS #1's gaze returned longingly to the splendor of the unreachable panorama before him. The rest of the RAUCOUS group did not live up to their collective name and dejectedly stared at their desks.
It was at this moment that the smashing of the windows of the classroom could be heard. A procession of mid-battle banter and leaping foes in a madcap free-for-all Ranma chase stepped into the classroom, on to the students' desks, and ruined the rest of RAUCOUS #2's bento. That bento had been lovingly made by his steady girlfriend, the loss of which caused angry tears to pool in his eyes.
He awkwardly climbed atop his desk, mindful of the glass, to make a declaration. "The situation is critical! Is no place sacred or safe from these heathens?! I'll convince Higurashi myself!"
The rest of the students were still sporting blank faces, not even having reacted to the sudden intrusion, so caught up were they in cycles of self-perpetuating abject despair.
RAUCOUS #2 would have slammed the door to the classroom behind him shut with finality, but for the fact that it'd already been decimated.
Higurashi Kagome did not like her school. She had to wake up early every morning to catch the train and arrive at school on time, the teachers taught her nothing useful or worthwhile, and she found the required uniform annoyingly constricting. There was also the daily threat of being mashed into a pulp by the insanity that followed one pig-tailed sempai, but she had the ability to protect herself from that.
Whatever the venue, be it the Sengoku Jidai or her high school, there was bound to be trouble. Though there no longer seemed to be any youkai around to eat the villagers in modern times, there was still vanquishable evil. She'd learned her own trade as a miko out of necessity in the past, to her grandfather's jealous dismay. Therefore, she was quite capable of destroying the campus clowns if she so chose, but as they were humans, she was understandably reluctant to do so.
There was one entity that she'd love to annihilate that seemed to ooze jaki (1), however…
She hadn't sensed him in a few weeks and it was making her nervous. But right now, she was meditating and trying to eat her lunch in peace. By unspoken rule, the Saotome gang avoided her whenever possible by virtue of her partial defeat of Saotome's martial arts master upon her first week in the school.
Despite this non-intervention principle, they were not always successful. Today, for instance, Kagome's anxiousness taxed her focus and she was unable to prevent the accidental attack that had flown astray from the general melee. The unknown weapon viciously impacted the tree she was lunching underneath and instantly turned it into toothpicks.
Kagome's eyes snapped open from her meditative state and burned with promised pain to the miscreants that she decided she'd mistakenly let roam free for too long. She packed up her bento box at a deceptively normal pace and unslung her bow. Though her school wasn't a hallowed institution for learning, neither did it deserve such parasites infesting it.
RAUCOUS #2 slumped against the wall in relief. He'd almost been similarly turned into toothpicks as he'd gathered up the courage to sneak across the ground at the exact same time that attack had flown off course. He managed to smile past his soul-consuming terror as he saw Higurashi stand from his vantage point inside the school. Even he, who had no power spiritually or physically to assess danger, could sense the battle aura Higurashi was exuding.
Chuckling darkly, Kagome struck a pose and fired a single arrow with a duel challenge attached to it addressed to Saotome. The spiritual power in the arrow sent it off in an apparently random direction, but Kagome knew that it was tracking the self-styled martial artist. She set off to find him, too; free time was over.
Thankful for the prevention of his own involvement, he scurried back to the remains of his classroom, intent on letting the problem sort itself out.
Mousse generally considered himself unfortunate, and the latest turn of events seemed only to underscore the truth of those thoughts. So far today he'd already had his glasses slapped off by one of Shampoo's more overtly aggressive repudiations and had been forced to clean the restaurant's exterior windows by his scarily strong boss slash tribe Elder, which had resulted in several accidental transformations. Most recently, he had unsuccessfully chased Shampoo, who was in turn chasing Saotome, only to have one of his larger contraptions get deflected.
He was, for once, glad of the thoughtless violence that clung to Saotome, as he'd been similarly spontaneously launched in the direction of his wayward tool. He was still missing his glasses, so without that interference, it was doubtful he would have found it before the vulture-like Nerima natives had stripped it down. Savages, all of them.
On the roof of the school, Tendou Nabiki lowered her binoculars with a frown. She was watching the mostly blind Chinese boy sail fortuitously back towards his equipment with a mental sigh and a curse. She raised the walkie-talkie to her lips, "Stand down, men."
She had to rescind the order to her scavenge team, as the rightful owner of the antique Amazon tribe steel something-or-other that had landed on the oldest tree on campus was on his way to claim it. She felt instinctively that she could fetch a mint for it, despite not being able to describe its proper use.
It was a pity, but her little sister Akane tended to barrel through whatever stood between her and her reluctant fiancé, which like today, very often included Mousse. What Nabiki couldn't figure out this time was why Mousse had been behind Ranma in the first place, as she knew Shampoo was still at the Nekohanten. She slid back into the shadows pondering this development and waiting for her next opportunity to shamelessly exploit the situation.
Mousse, meanwhile, landed very hard on his head yet miraculously escaped serious injury. Somehow, he'd also avoided the massive debris of what remained of the tree. Kagome was a few feet in front of the impact zone. She stood impassively watching him try to pry himself out from the ground was disappointed he'd avoided even a single, painful wood splinter.
The arrival of this particular member of the Saotome fan-group (which was all Kagome could figure the kids following the stronger fighter could be) signaled a distraction to her current mission, namely, giving Saotome-sempai a piece of her mind, and perhaps some of the former tree in a painful and humiliating place. The current groupie's potentially troublesome loyalty, imagined though it was, would mean an extended fight that she frankly would rather skip. Plus she felt some strange unpleasant energy around the boy. She slowly tiptoed past the partially buried boy in an attempt to escape before he noticed her.
Mousse himself, with both legs and arms braced against the earth to gain enough leverage to remove his head from its recently acquired dirt home, finally accomplished separation. Blinking to remove the last stubborn bits of dirt from his eyes, little good they did his vision, he looked around and spotted the blur that his heart told him was his beloved Shampoo. He yelled for her and approached with his arms wide open. "Shampoo!"
This only spurred Kagome to walk faster away from the very mistaken boy. Perhaps if she didn't respond he'd get the message. However, she gave him too much credit for brains and too little credit for his speed, resulting in a glomping from behind. "No, nutcase, I'm not Shampoo!"
He stood up triumphantly and yelled, "Shampoo! You've finally admitted the strength of my love for you! Let me hold you for eternity!"
Kagome was stunned. The boy must be entirely blind, to think her bow was his true love. Its passivity in his grasp was giving him a very false impression, so she tried to correct him and gently pry her bow from his suddenly impenetrable grasp. "My bow isn't either. Right now I need it more than I need to hurt you, but that's subject to change."
"No, Shampoo, don't leave me! You're so beautiful! So thin yet strong, so curvaceous…!"
It was at this point that the wrestling match over her bow started in earnest, as Kagome was not going to allow her precious bow to suffer such abuse. The boy's continued inappropriate touching of her personal weapon made her angrier than she could remember being in a long while, but his physical attachment was secure. Deciding to cut her losses for the moment, she let go and pulled away to think.
A devious plan formed and an equally devious grin formed on Kagome's face. "I'll show you just how strong she is, you blind bat-freak! Like a dog with a frickin' bone." She could tell, as she had lots of experience in the dog and bone area.
Readjusting her renewed grip on the bow, she summoned hidden strength and managed to heft the bow into the air. This forced its passenger to tilt at an angle away from the school, and Kagome adjusted his feet onto the string and pulled it back as far as it would allow. Giving in to her flair for the dramatic, she yelled, "The power of the bow goddess compels you! Begone, demon!"
Strength waning, she released the Mousse-arrow into the air. Panting with red cheeks from exertion and success, Kagome hugged her bow tightly and renewed her vow to never let it go.
The arrow flew away in a forgotten gentle, purple-glowing arch.
Kagome sighed heavily before she straightened and replaced her bow in its proper position. Once again fully armed, she stalked off in the direction of her larger prey.
A panda sitting in front of a shogi (2) board looked up from his game at that exact instant and saw a purple, human-shaped arrow flying over the houses across the street and off into the distance. His mustached shogi partner gleefully took advantage of his distraction to switch the positions of several pieces on the board. If the panda noticed, he uncharacteristically said nothing, staring wide-eyed at the unusual - even for Nerima - flight of whatever poor soul it happened to be.
The sign he managed to heft read only confused dots for well over an hour after his experience of the strange visual phenomenon.
Mousse-the-arrow soared in a graceful curve, and had a realization upon reaching the zenith of his flight. Fact #1, he no longer had the lovely Shampoo in his arms and fact #2, that he was airborne. While neither thought was particularly unlikely statistically, they were an unfortunate reversal of events for an even more unfortunate martial artist. Falling head-first, he wondered where he'd land just as he crashed into the freshly washed front window of the Cat Café.
Once again he was miraculously unscathed, though this time he was also blessedly unconscious. The two current occupants of the restaurant simultaneously blinked in disbelief at their erstwhile servant-turned-projectile. His head was again wedged into the ground and had destroyed several decorative and very expensive tiles of the restaurant's floor while his legs were still in the air, stuck in what was left of the window.
Shampoo's reaction was to be expected. She hmphed and turned her head away, crossing her arms and vowing not to help Mousse clean up the mess he'd made. Thinking only of how to manipulate her great-grandmother into letting her have a day off to chase her Airen, she noticed nothing special about Mousse's arrival other than its unwanted-ness.
Cologne's senses picked up on more of the situation, causing her to raise two ancient eyebrows in disbelief. Though the tiles of the floor were still broken, after being impacted by Mousse's skull, they were spiritually purified, leaving them gleaming to her trained eye. This unintended side effect of Kagome's launching intrigued the Amazon Elder enough to want to pay a visit to the school. Just to check her suspicions, she threw a cup of cold water on the male Amazon, who did not turn into a dazed duck.
Such an occurrence could only mean one thing. Cologne's mind was still boggling over the possibility of a modern miko as she made a small sign. "Shampoo. Close up the shop immediately." An ecstatic Shampoo did as she was bid in record time.
She whistled as was ushered out of the mostly empty ramen restaurant. They threw a 'Closed' sign securely over Mousse's still-exposed human feet as they left to retrace Mousse's flight path.
Back on the roof of the school, Nabiki noted the departure of the tree-destroying relic's owner and relayed a new order to her scavenge team. All it took was patience, she smiled manically. That, and an endless supply of cheap labor. Even with the overtime expenses she'd be forced to pay her team today, it'd still be a day in the black. Sometimes, Nabiki thought, financial success was just too easy.
RAUCOUS #2 had made it back to his classroom in one piece, but it had been a close thing. He'd had to traverse a furious food fight in the cafeteria, side-step several water buckets along the school's hallways, and avoid the razor-happy principal patrolling the lower level. His reemergence into the classroom was met with a few looks of surprise, but mostly with listless stares.
"Any success?" RAUCOUS #3 asked in a mockingly rhetorical way. RAUCOUS #4 snickered.
Bristling, RAUCOUS #2 took the moral high road by ignoring them. Then he remembered something potentially important. "Oh yeah, she issued Saotome a challenge." Ears perked up around the classroom.
RAUCOUS #2 crawled over to the window, fashioned a protective barrier out of a few dismantled desks to observe the scene below from a relatively safe spot. RAUCOUS #1 asked for and gained admission to the modified fort, and for no extra charge, RAUCOUS #2 related his account and predictions for the upcoming epic battle of Girl versus Half Girl. His extended story earned a few interested listeners, and as they listened to his tale they watched Higurashi fire the frequent Chinese school invader off as a glowing arrow. Newly christened RAUCOUSes #5-9 entered the fort and hunkered down for the rest of the show.
Kuonji Ukyo looked up interestedly from her okonomiyaki grill to peer through the window of her restaurant. Across the street, outside the Amazons' ramen shop was a strangely dressed boy with unusually long and silver hair. He wore a baseball cap and seemed to be sniffing the air curiously.
Having lived in Nerima for a while now, Ukyo was used to strange occasional appearances of somewhat powerful yet unsavory folk. But by her estimation, this boy was on par with Ranma for strength, and she also noted his Ranma-comparable looks as he turned around. Someone that good-looking couldn't be entirely evil. She watched with interest as he turned around in circles and even kneeled down to the ground on more than one occasion to presumably test and compare scents. He was following his nose again, and to her surprise, it led him into her store.
"What kind of food do you serve, wench?" he barked out.
Ukyo would have thought the sign on the outside of her establishment, the menus pasted inside, or the several currently cooking dishes on the grill would have given the boy an indication of the type of fare she offered. She shrugged, since she was curious about the unknown hottie's situation. She plated a shrimp-flavored okonomiyaki before serving it with a smile. "Tell me your story, sugar, and this one's on the house."
Inuyasha stared at the plate warily and squinted up into her face. "I'll take it, but don't expect anything in return."
His curtness was perhaps not entirely unexpected, given her earlier comparisons to Ranma. Not just about to let the boy off with her free cuisine without receiving any gossip in return, Ukyo issued him a challenge. "If you can eat my biggest okonomiyaki in less than five minutes, I'll let you go without paying. Otherwise, you work for me for the rest of the day and answer any questions I may have."
"Add in giving me any information I ask for when I win and I'll take your challenge."
Ukyo nodded and pulled out her largest spatula to serve her world record-holding largest specialty dish to the unsuspecting and arrogant boy. He rose to the challenge by taking out the biggest sword she'd ever seen and calmly slicing the dish before tilting the plate back and devouring its contents in a single bite.
Ukyo's eyes widened with each passing second of the boy's meal. More curious than ever, but shocked beyond all coherency, she managed to choke out, "But that shouldn't be humanly possible…?"
A somewhat wolfish grin answered her. "Whoever said I was human? That was lucky. I thought I was going to starve when the ramen place was closed." He decided to make good on her earlier deal and turned to interrogate his chef.
"So first, what do you know about that boy embedded in the window across the street?"
Kagome hadn't realized how large her school grounds actually were. She'd been storming off through the field closest to the school building for several minutes but upon looking behind her to check her progress, she could still see the small wood shavings where the tree had been, meaning she'd barely moved. She tried to rein in her emotions, since her normally bad sense of direction got even worse when she was worked up.
Checking her mental bearings, she recognized that it would still be a while before she was calm enough to continue her pursuit rationally. For this reason, she had mixed feelings upon looking up and seeing the approach of a single member of the Saotome gang, the badly dressed bandana boy with fangs. Those fangs had given her pause before, when she'd wondered if they indicated some non-human ancestry, but he'd always disappeared too quickly for her to determine from his fighting. She could also feel the same ambient evil aura around this boy that the earlier one had had. Intensely scrutinizing him for its source, she was forced to admit defeat.
She now had two choices: she could swallow her pride and ask for directions as he appeared to be on his was to enter the fray as well, or she could pretend she didn't see him, avoiding a potential fight but also increasing the time until she met her destined foe. She also wanted to discover the cause of the bad energy she felt surrounding him.
She sighed before turning around and hailing the traveler. "Which way to Saotome?" she inquired.
He licked his finger and held it up to test in the wind. "This way," he pointed before shuffling off in the opposite direction. Kagome shrugged before following Hibiki Ryoga, unknowingly delaying her fight with Saotome indefinitely.
The observers back in the ruined second floor classroom sweatdropped as they watched their supposed savior follow the perpetually lost boy off into the horizon. As soon as she started off in his wake, they seemingly vanished into thin air.
RAUCOUS #2 set up a rotating schedule to watch for her return. The rest were caught up with the undifferentiated RAUCOUS students in the betting frenzy Tendou Nabiki's arrival at their shattered door had caused. Only RAUCOUSes #2, 5, 6, and 8 betted on Kagome after watching her take leave of her senses. As Nabiki took the bets, carefully noting each sum, she smiled as she literally watched her profit margin shoot through the roof. This class was going to make her rich. Well, richer, she smirked.
An outside observer might remark that the never-ending dust cloud following Saotome Ranma wherever he went resembled a circus act. Kuno Tatewaki, an inside observer, called it troublesome. He had been in the contention for today's Saotome exhibition prize fight, to continue the earlier metaphor, but ended up booted out of the running and the immediate area in a fashion very similar to Mousse's earlier disqualification. His trouncing landed him in the principal's office, where his screaming due to the surprising sensation of flight instantly rose an octave higher in tone due to verifiable fear. Finally running out of breath, his scream ended with an undignified but no less girlish-sounding whimper.
An unnoticed camera flashed several times before settling back into continued silence.
Feeling like he'd landed on the set of a new horror flick, yet also knowing that the gore released here would be real, Kuno took a few halting steps forward. Quickly, he jerked his body around, his eyes frantically searching for the dangerous creature that inhabited this office. He considered this beast far more formidable than Saotome or any of the members of his merry band of fighters, and proceeded to take proper precautions.
After several minutes and no sight of the monster, he began to relax, believing that it was no longer in the office. That conclusion was incorrect. From the darkness of an unseen corner, red eyes glistened in a tan face as the creature awoke from its harmless nap.
Once the screaming died down again and Kuno the younger was securely tied down to his chair in front of the principal's desk, the assignment was finally issued. An unwilling Tatewaki was thus conscripted to help the principal take out Saotome, and in one of the most ridiculous ways he'd ever heard.
Tiredly, he put up a token protest, "You want me to do what?" His only response was the lifting into view of several more ropes and a razor.
Knowing further protesting would only postpone the inevitable, he nodded his comprehension of the plan and prayed for a quick release from the claws of the beast.
Somewhat dazed, Kagome peered over Ryoga's shoulder from behind. She could have sworn they'd just exited a wormhole or something similar, as she was disoriented from the swift, inexplicable travel away from her high school. How had they ended up at St. Hebereke's School for Girls? Kagome somehow knew that all of this was that Saotome's fault. Cursing him under her breath, she turned the corner of the school building with the intent of finding a person to give her a map rather than directions.
A leotard-clad girl had chosen that exact moment to turn the corner from the other direction, having heard whispers of her beloved's name on the undeserving lips of the unknown girl before her, and causing, perhaps intentionally, a collision between the two Ranma-minded girls. The too-'80s side ponytail of the fallen girl caused unkind chuckles to escape the miko, igniting a further rage that insulting Ranma alone had spared the girl in Kuno Kodachi's mind. This is how an unprepared Kagome unwittingly started a fight with a very competitive cheater and poisoner extraordinaire, one Kuno Kodachi. As with any other battle, Kodachi launched her first verbal attack, her obligatory introduction and criticism of the person of her opponent.
Kagome's eyes immediately glazed over from the self-aggrandizement she detected in the gymnast's voice. Looking around for the cause of her current predicament, she found that Ryoga had disappeared during the short interval her eyes hadn't been on him. Kagome didn't particularly care to fight the perceived airhead in front of her, so she turned and headed back to Furinkan while Kodachi was distracted in her monologue. Kagome quite accurately assumed that the girl would be so enraptured by her own eloquence that she would completely miss Kagome's abrupt departure.
With a mock salute, Kagome waved and yelled, "Bye, bye!" to the still-ranting Kodachi.
Twenty minutes later, when Kodachi finally looked up, Kagome's hypothesis was proven correct.
Below the principal's office back in the Furinkan school yard, Cologne had found the remains of the tree where Kagome shot her purifying arrow. She was unable to confirm the miko powers, as there was still a chance this miko arrow had been an extremely lucky and coincidental fluke. Neither could she sense the maybe-miko further. The Amazon Elder headed back to the Nekohanten for lunch and her daily dose of potions. One didn't get to the age Cologne had reached without some kind of magical or chemical interference.
Dumping Shampoo off here to join the Son-in-Law chase during her investigation only underscored the fact that Cologne would likely be able to hide her self-preservation rituals until Shampoo herself either needed the help herself or had passed on. Cologne would make her fight for the knowledge, however. At the rate she was progressing, she'd be lucky to last an entire single half-century. Such ignorance of her surroundings was frankly unbecoming of the Amazons and one of the reasons their extended Japanese vacation was so important. The fact that Shampoo had yet to drag the protesting boy off to the village only cemented Cologne's thoughts on the subject. Shampoo still had a lot more to learn.
She opened the Nekohanten and locked it behind herself to enjoy a leisurely cup of tea.
In the shop across the street, two figures fell silent. Seeing the broken shell of a girl before him, Inuyasha knew that he'd extracted any and all useful facts from the girl. Wiping his hands of his interrogation of Ukyo, he looked back into the street at the great view of the Cat Café's storefront. There, he observed a crone heading back into the store. Wickedly smirking at the prospect of terrorizing his new source of information, Inuyasha headed back to the ramen restaurant, making short work of the lock on the door.
Cologne's admittedly shriveled eyebrows rose in question at the intrusion of the hanyou. She was almost as intrigued by his appearance as she was by the miko's. Inuyasha's manners preceded him, as he yelled out, "Oi! Ramen!" and flipped a coin in the air to the restaurant's ancient matron.
The nerve of the boy tensed Cologne's muscles in anticipation of a fight. He'd only offered ten yen for her famous and delicious ramen. This secret Amazon recipe was several hundred years in the making, and such flippancy was beyond disrespectful. Calming herself, Cologne knew still needed to perform her drugging for the day and glean information both about the reappearances of the supposedly extinct youkai and miko races from the boy. Cologne's devious mind took control of the conversation.
"Kids these days, why you're the second one today to essentially break and enter my store!" she proclaimed, pointing at the still-slumbering Mousse. Cologne placed a bucket of cold water underneath the Chinese boy while he slept. The ill-tempered half-dog demon turned his head away to scoff, "Keh!" but his glinting eye on her gave away his interest in the topic of the human arrow in her window.
Inuyasha had revealed that he had information about the recently appeared miko, and Cologne didn't intend to let him go until he relinquished his hold on it. Mousse, though still asleep, finally belatedly transformed and slid entirely into the bucket of water.
Cologne knew that the easiest way to get information out of sonny-boy was to beat him into submission, and Cologne's excitement over her discoveries and too-long delayed possibility for research gave her energy to burn. She fixed an intent gaze on the boy before issuing her warning. "One more rude word from you, sonny, and I'll neglect to make your ramen, as I will be too busy kicking your baby bones across my humble establishment."
"Baabaa (3), I'd like to see you try," was his unwise response as he cracked his knuckles and launched himself at the relic. Cologne's suddenly quick movement placed her staff in-between them and Inuyasha's eyes registered his surprise in the split-second he had to think before she released a small ki-blast at him, sending him back into the door he'd so brazenly destroyed. "Hoo, someone taught this old dog some tricks," Inuyasha taunted before standing himself up to launch forward once again.
Mousse, awake because of the elevated volume level, saw his chance to escape as Cologne was distracted by a strange silver-haired blob. He flew out the broken window in search of glasses, Shampoo, enlightenment, and true love, though not perhaps in that order.
Cologne was amused by the non-threat posed by the boy, but his battle spirit was impressive. He was the one who needed new tricks. "Sonny, as the only dog on the premises, you should make sure to watch your tail," Cologne stated. It was then she noticed the prayer beads around his neck. "You've been leashed, eh? That appears to be a word-activated rosary. I wonder what your word is."
His progress across the restaurant ceased entirely. Nervously, Inuyasha was pretty sure that only Kagome could activate the beads, but this baa-baa seemed to have other powers he was unaware of. Cologne's eyes slid closed as she brainstormed possibilities. "Heel?" she hazarded a guess.
It didn't work, but the boy's flinching was endlessly amusing. She continued, "Fetch? Roll over? Hmm, tricky." She used her staff to scratch her head and goadingly smirked as the boy got angrier with each guess. "Down, boy!"
Inuyasha raised his arms to inflict pain on the still impassive Cologne who finally guessed right.
"Sit?"
Whining pitifully, Inuyasha face-planted. Getting up, he looked back to see an innocent teacup in his path. Since Cologne knew the word but hadn't caused his accident, Inuyasha stood up and smirked.
"Didn't work, eh? I'll just have to take you out the good old-fashioned way, then. Look forward to it, sonny, it's not often you have this famous Cologne as a teacher." She noted his instinctual flinch and trip at the word anyway. It might come in handy later.
"Don't get any ideas, baabaa. You'll start the decomposition faster if you keep draining your powers." With that semi-intelligent quip, Inuyasha jumped toward the Amazon Elder yet again.
Cologne had time as he approached to twirl her staff crazily around her, creating a small but controlled wind current and filling it with ki. She kept twirling her staff and placed the nexus of the winds on the boy's back, sending him sprawling to the floor as all his forward momentum was replaced by the wind forcing him down.
Inuyasha painfully stood up again. "Teme, (4)" he venomously whispered, as the wind attack appeared to have knocked the breath out of him. He'd underestimated the threat the grandma presented, and so pulled out his heavy artillery by summoning his maken (5) Tessaiga. Unusually mindful of the fighting arena, he moved to take the fight outside. Before he had taken as many as three steps, Cologne removed both the sword and the need for a larger venue by starting her own attacks, resulting in Tessaiga's flight into the kitchen. Her relentless speed allowed her to hit Inuyasha's legs and back repeatedly, and the small amounts of ki she added to each hit damaged the boy further. Adding one last vicious stab to a certain point on the back of his head, Cologne stepped back and let gravity take over.
As long as he had been defending to the best of his limited ability, he had the ability to remain standing from sheer force of will. The granny had won the fight before it had even started, baiting him and allowing him to underestimate her by hiding her power. Once she'd started the actual fight it was impossible to hide her strength from his nose, but by then it had been too late for Inuyasha. From his spot on the floor, his mind felt detached from his aching body and he finally realized he had no control of his body. He tried to scream and failed miserably.
"Hehe, you've been temporarily separated from your corporeal body by ancient Amazon jab techniques. Watch as I milk your brain for information on the miko. Don't worry, I'll put you back in when I'm done." Cologne's madly grinning visage turned from the boy's spirit to his body and she immediately began commanding answers from it. Inuyasha labeled the self-proclaimed Amazon a senile genius taijutsushi (6) until he heard his body giving her the data about Kagome that she'd requested. Frantically, he repeatedly tried to fly back into his body, but each time he was rejected.
Cologne stripped him for information, eventually revealing he wasn't in possession of the miko's current whereabouts. That was quite disappointing, but he had been useful, so she thoughtfully returned his sword to him before launching him out of the broken window vacated by Mousse. Her staff hit the reverse point on his body, so as the rapidly moving body passed through its spirit on their way out of the surprisingly intact restaurant, Inuyasha once again found himself in control of his body.
He celebrated this fact by screaming at the top of his lungs as he sailed away, with Tessaiga in a death grip and images of being tormented for eternity by a staff-wielding shriveled Kaede running through his feebly coping mind. It wasn't every day that Inuyasha was defeated so soundly by a human, after all.
The RAUCOUS students watched Kagome reappear next to the destroyed tree. She appeared angry and was cursing another name besides Saotome's, though his wasn't excluded by any means. RAUCOUS #2 voiced everyone's question out loud, "How can she be a beacon of holy spiritual power with a mouth like that?" The gods seemed to consider this before sending a test to their wayward vessel. Higurashi's entire attention latched on to an enormous incoming tidal wave. There was no way it was natural, she thought.
A crazy laugh accompanied its progress across the school grounds, enabling the students to exhale, "Oh!" in unison. The students would recognize the principal's out-of-control antics anywhere, as he always announced his guilt with that creepy titter of excitement. Higurashi, closer to the wave, noticed a speck of bright yellow among the blue of the water. Kuno Tatewaki, in a pair of ridiculous Hawaiian board shorts, appeared to be surfing awkwardly on the wave.
Unable to pay much attention to his surroundings, he was caught completely off guard by the arrow flying towards his head. His precarious balance was thrown off by his balking at the deadly projectile, causing him to be engulfed by the tide. The observing students wondered how the bow expert could have missed at such point-blank range. RAUCOUS #2's gaze follows the arrow past the tidal wave to a shaded window. When the students noticed Higurashi's smirk, they in turn followed RAUCOUS #2's gaze up and away from the wave.
The arrow reached its intended target and the office seemed to erupt in an explosion of light and sand. The principal's office where the tsunami originated had been temporarily purified.
Kagome, still threatened by the wall of water, pulled out a charm left over from Miroku from her pack. She used it to create a barrier from the water quickly approaching. It flowed around her secure bubble, including a desperately swimming Kuno.
Kagome lowered her hand and continued forward. The students are speechless, but begin to cheer once they've recovered. Conscious of her display, Kagome flashed them a winning smile and matching peace sign. "That's right, Kagome doesn't come to play. Kagome comes to conquer!" Her celebration was short lived, as she tripped over a remaining sliver of the tree. Chuckling sheepishly, she rushed off to find Saotome and regain some face.
"Itterasshai! (7)" Tendou Kasumi yelled after her father. She had sent him off to complete picking up all of the items on an impossibly long grocery list. True, she had borrowed the necessary money from Nabiki and added it to Ranma's tab, but it was for a good cause. Kasumi was off to a rendezvous with her boyfriend Dr. Ono Tofu. She excitedly packed the bentos she had made that morning once the coast was more or less clear.
Being the clever foxes they were, both parties agreed that it would be better to hide their meetings by calling them 'lessons.' He had sacrificed time and precious energy to teach her the important things that a doctor's assistant would need to know like 'anatomy,' 'biology,' and 'chemistry.' Since Tofu had overcome his crippling stupidity in her presence, she had come to see him as a smart, sexy, manipulative man and had completely won her over. Calm and collected Kasumi nearly dropped her purse in her haste as she elegantly ran to her boyfriend's clinic for her next lesson.
"Dr. Tofu!" she yelled as she slid the door shut and removed her shoes. "Lunch!"
A disembodied voice answered her from within the examination room. "We might have a bit of a problem, dear assistant."
"Oh my! What could be the problem, doctor?" Kasumi fixed her nurse-fuku (8) and stepped into the back room. She spotted the doctor sitting on the exam table. "You haven't hurt yourself, have you?" She raised her hand to her mouth in horror at the mere thought.
"My lovely, dedicated nurse. Indeed, I am afflicted due to my own stubbornness." A self-deprecating sigh escaped him, "It's no use trying to hide it. I was reaching for a vase for the flowers I bought you. You can see they've now scattered due to my inattention."
"They're lovely." Kasumi smiled at the rueful look on his face. She tilted his face up to look into hers and teasingly asked, "What seems to be the problem?"
"Well, nurse, my back has given out on me. I have a few books that outline the pressure points necessary to reverse my state, but since I already knew the techniques, I lent them out. There's only one way to heal me without waiting for a week or two."
Kasumi frantically assented. "Whatever I can do, please just instruct me, doctor! I'll do my best to restore you to the peak of your physical prowess!"
"In that case," Dr. Tofu sheepishly admitted, "you'll have to use process of elimination on each point on my back until you find the right pressure point. You don't have to do this, you'll most likely be here all day and night."
Thinking of the list she'd given her father, she did some quick math. "I have enough time. It will be worth it to return some of the kindness you've shown me. But we can't flip you over, can we? It'll be difficult with you already on your back." Her glinting eyes met his. He decided they'd teased enough so he pulled her down to his level where their lips met in a searing kiss.
Akane and Ranma ducked into Dr. Tofu's clinic as a temporary hiding spot from the tenacious group in pursuit. Their reprieve was surprisingly short-lived, as they overheard bits of the conversation ongoing behind a closed exam room door. They identified the voices as Dr. Ono Tofu, Akane's former crush, and Kasumi, her sweet and pure older sister.
"Doctor, I'm moving a little lower now." A masculine groan. "Was that a painful spot? I'll be more gentle now." An exhalation. "The spot's just sensitive. Please, if anything, make it harder." Another groan. "Perfect, you're such a fast learner." A grunt. "Dear, if you're just poking around back there, we really will be here all day and night, and neither of us wants that." Two laughs. "Who am I kidding? That would be fun." A giggle. "If I had known it was so easy to get you on your back I'd have expended a little more effort, because this is quite fun." Ragged breathing and a laugh. "What would I do without you?" A pause. "Well, I imagine lots of spots would be very difficult to reach."
The looks Ranma and Akane gave each other mirrored each other's morbid fascination. For the first time in their acquaintance, they felt they understood the other's feelings. It was a shock then when Akane nicely opened the door to let Ranma out to preserve both the couple's privacy and her own shaky sanity only to find him gone. He was in fact heading in the other direction, closer toward the 'patient' and 'nurse.' As soon as he reached the door, his eyes bugged out and his face flushed.
"BAKA!" Akane thundered, removing her mallet from its subspace pocket and whacking Ranma but good. The twin streams of blood trailing from his nose indicated that he considered the malleting worth the brief show he'd witnessed. His atmospheric reappearance had the unfortunate consequence of giving away their position to their many chasers. A flying arrow took its chance to deliver its payload, zooming at the airborne martial artist at breakneck speed. Ranma invoked is quick-hands technique to snatch the arrow from the air. He had enough time during his descent back to Earth to read and smirk at the challenge. Already making plans to lead his entourage back to the school, Ranma fell back through the clinic's roof. As soon as Ranma landed, he grabbed Akane's hand and they hurriedly left to keep ahead of the vultures on their uncovered trail and meet Higurashi Kagome's challenge.
Kasumi and Tofu stare at each other wide-eyed in their wake. Nabiki, the third sister, entered the shop at just that moment. "Kasumi, about this morning."
Kasumi knew she was referring to her loan and nodded for her to continue. "It's taken care of. You can't imagine the ridiculous amounts of money I've earned in the last forty-five seconds. Because of the long-standing bets out on both your relationship and on Ranma and Akane's relationship, I got the long odds across the board. And it's all thanks to you."
Kasumi and Tofu looked at each other. Nabiki's presence was never a good sign, but she seemed to be on their side for once. Nabiki noted their shared glance and reassured them, "As a token of goodwill and hopefully, your continued patronage, I'm giving you your cut." She handed her older sister a ¥5000 note. "I look forward to doing business with you again soon."
If her sister had earned ridiculous amounts of money, Kasumi thought it odd that her cut, which had ensured the larger part of the gain, was only enough for a new dress. She decided not to push her luck and accepted the bill gracefully. After Nabiki's departure, Kasumi summed up the situation nicely, "Oh my." They then went out for oden since the long-forgotten bentos were cold.
End Part 1
Translations: (1) jaki – demon/ evil stink. Directly taken from Inuyasha anime.
(2) shogi – Japanese chess. Soun and Genma's board game of choice.
(3) baabaa – a quite disrespectful moniker for an older woman. Naruto uses it another way, affectionately with the Fifth.
(4) teme – a slight swear. I think of it as 'jerk,' but it can be invoked with more anger than is used here to warrant a stronger translation of discontent toward someone.
(5) maken – demon sword. Stolen from Kyou Kara Maoh! I figured it could probably be used as a general term.
(6) taijutsushi – (physical) martial arts user.
(7) itterasshai – used when someone leaves. See you, or have a nice day.
(8) fuku – clothing/ outfit. For this one, think Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuuutsu.
Endnotes: This was supposed to be a long one-shot, but once it passed 10,000 words, I decided to post it separately. Part 2, the conclusion should be up within the week.
Sorry about being too lazy to name the students, despite their numerous appearances.
Nabiki had a Demotivators, Inc moment in her first scene. Cologne had an Echizen Ryoma moment up there, too. I tried to suppress it, I really did! That's what I get for doing a crossover, perhaps.
I don't particularly know how Dr. Tofu and Kasumi got together, nor do I care to write it. I just like the pairing and decided that Tofu needed a little lovin' as neglected as he usually is.
Thanks for reading, and I'd love to know what you thought of it if you've got a moment.