Title: Helping love along
Summary: Gibbs and Tony love each other but what will it take for them to admit it. Okay this is a mushy, sappy, love story. Not something I normally do but the thought came to me and I wrote it done. Hope you enjoy.
Feedback is always welcome and appreciated. Just remember this is completely my own doing this has not been edited.
She felt the sadness and pain long before she approached the basement. His emotions were overpowering in their intensity and depth. She instantly felt the crushing heaviness on her chest and the cramping in her stomach that she always knew would come when she visited him.
He buried his pain so far within himself that it consumed him from the inside out and nothing and no one could reach it. The chains and barb wire he had twisted tightly around his heart refused to be broken. She had tried, three times, thinking she had succeeded only to realize she had failed. Oh they would loosen briefly, giving someone a fleeting glimpse of the love inside. Then whenever anyone got to close they would tighten again, pushing away the one that had dared to infiltrate his defenses. It was easier for him to live in the emptiness and pain than love someone and lose them as he had the others. The others, the two that he mourned endlessly and hopelessly. She sighed. Over the years she had mourned with him for countless souls, had wept with him for the ones that brought him tears, and helped him let go of all of them, except the two. And yet it was those two that he held on to so tightly that longed for him to let them go and move on with his life and love again. They both wanted that for him. In countless dreams they came to him, begging him to let go and move on. And each morning after those dreams he woke up and ignored their pleas.
Looking down at him, she shook her head. He was laying on the boat, his mind and body asleep, but both restless. He always slept in short intervals, an hour here, an hour there, that was if he slept at all. And more and more, sleep was something he refused to accept. He told himself he didn't need it, that he was fine without it. The truth was he was better than most without it, but it still affected him. It made him short and grumpy even with all the coffee he guzzled to stay awake.
She closed her eyes and opened her arms as she reach within him searching his heart for something or someone that could help, someone that could touch him in some way. The images of the two were the first to greet her, as they always were. She pushed deeper, a quick flash of a face, then anger.
Suddenly she was repelled from within him with such strength that she was thrown back. Her eyes shot open as the realization hit her. She had felt it, only for a fleeting moment, but it was there. Someone else, someone locked deep within his heart and soul, someone he longed for, craved, wanted with such magnitude that he was able to hide it, even from her. A part of her rejoiced with the knowledge, even as another part of her was riddled with fear. He had allowed someone into his heart, held them there along with the two, yet it was someone that had no idea how he felt. The love was there, but he refused to accept it, refused to acknowledge its presence or the one who obviously had touched him.
She felt the pull as her time with him reached an end. Touching his cheek, she smiled.
"Sleep, peace, rest." Her voice merely a whisper within his subconscious mind as she slowly drifted away watching and listening as his mind and body calmed somewhat, unwillingly commanded by her words.
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Reaching her second charge, she smiled as his presence lightened her somber mood. He was completely different from the other man. Instantly she was embraced by his warmth and love radiating from every fiber of his being, especially in sleep. He wore his emotions on his sleeve, even when he tried to hide them they were visible on his face and in his eyes. Those eyes, she sighed, they were hauntingly expressive always showing what he was feeling at the moment. Even wounded he was still full of love. He had loved her deeper than he had loved any other before her. But love built on secrets and lies can never survive, even he knew that, it's why he fought so hard not to love her. Still his heart gave in, wanting and needing the love she offered so freely. When it ended abruptly, she had held him through the tears, watched as he struggled to hide the pain from the people around him, only to have them comfort him in any way they could. It was that comfort and caring that helped him through it and healed him without his even knowing it. Although still grieving for the lose, he still wanted and craved to find the love again.
She grinned. It was the craving part that got in the way of his finding the true love he so desperately wanted. He had grown up begging and pleading for the love he needed only to be denied consistently. That was why he now looked for love where ever he could find it, usually in all the wrong places. The child in him still wanted the attention, the love he had never received. She had hoped after the loss, he would change, understand what true love offered and the rewards of letting someone in deeper than on a superficial level. For awhile, she thought he understood, thought he remember how amazing true love could be, but the craving took over again. He gave in to the woman willingly, forgetting the rules, and the friendship that meant so much to him. Even as the new relationship continued he knew it was wrong, knew it was nothing more than something to pass the time and fulfill the craving that drove him. The need for more than the sexual release clawed at the back of his mind, knowing there was so much more out there, so much more someone could offer him and he could offer them.
He stirred in his sleep like with the other she closed her eyes and opened her arms reaching into his heart. Unlike the other man, he accepted her, letting her in willingly. His heart was open as she ventured in, she moved passed the small part that still hurt over the loss of the true love, past the one that was a waste of time, deeper still she moved then suddenly hit a wall. She was taken aback, he had never closed a part of himself off to her. She pushed harder trying to break through the wall only to be rejected again. Pulling back she gently touched his heart, showing him her intention. Again he accepted her, welcoming her and she pushed towards the wall again stopped by its presence. This time however, he let her feel it. The desire, the want, the overwhelming need and finally the love, the true love hidden behind the wall he had for some reason built against her. He had found the true love he wanted, but for some reason would not give her permission to see it, to see who it was he loved.
She sighed as she released him. Her hand touched his chest.
"Accept it, face it, love." Again her voice was nothing more than a whisper to his unconscious mind.
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Tony rushed into the bullpen throwing his backpack behind the desk and sitting down with one minute to spare. Then he looked over and saw the empty desk.
"Where's Gibbs?"
"Director said he took the day off." McGee answered still staring at his computer screen.
Tony's eyebrow went up. "Gibbs never takes a day off and he'd tell us if he was."
"I doubt that." Ziva smirked.
"What is he doing?" Tony looked puzzled. "What does Gibbs do on a day off? I mean a random day off."
"It is none of our business." Ziva looked at Tony.
"Yeah but aren't you curious." Tony grinned. "I mean it's Gibbs. I've been here ten years and Gibbs has never taken a day off. Never."
"Why are you so curious?" Ziva asked.
"Hello." Tony held up his hands. "It's Gibbs."
Ziva rolled her eyes.
Tony made his way over to McGee's desk, bending down and staring at McGee.
"No." McGee snapped.
"I haven't asked you for anything yet."
"The answer is still no." McGee glanced at Tony. "Because whatever it is you want it's something that Gibbs wouldn't want me to do."
"Just check to see if Gibbs' phone is on and where he is." Tony smiled. "That's all."
"No." McGee said again. "Gibbs will know."
"How will he know." Tony rolled his eyes. "The man can barely turn on his computer."
"Tony."
"McGee." Tony leaned in closer. "Do it or I'll tell Ziva you still have that picture of her in the bikini on your phone."
McGee's eyes widened, then he sighed. "If Gibbs finds out-"
"He won't find out." Tony slapped the back of McGee's head. "Now make with the button pushing."
Tapping at the computer screen, McGee punched in Gibbs cell phone number and the information popped up.
"His cells on and he's at." McGee looked at the screen and typed in the address that came up. "Monty's."
Tony gritted his teeth and looked at his watch. "Ouch drinking already."
McGee deleted the search and cleared the screen. "There I'm done."
"Yeah. Thanks." Tony patted McGee's shoulder and walked back to his desk looking concerned.
"So he is at a bar." Ziva shrugged.
"It's never good when Gibbs starts drinking this early in the morning." Tony dropped into his chair. "What's today?"
"June twenty-eighth." Ziva answered.
Tony ran through all the dates he knew were important to Gibbs, twenty eighth not one of them.
"Have to run an errand." Tony said grabbing his backpack and running towards the elevator.
"Tony do not go and talk to-" Tony disappeared before Ziva could finish her sentence.
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Pushing open the door, Tony slipped into the bar glancing around casually. Gibbs was sitting at the bar talking to a very attractive red head. She touched his arm and laughed. Tony's eyebrow went up. Had Gibbs taken the day off to spend it with a woman? He shook his head. Not Gibbs. Tony froze as Gibbs looked over at him. It was a brief glance and then Gibbs turned back to the woman. He whispered in her ear. She smiled and stood up walking away.
Making his way over, Tony sat down in the now empty seat next to his boss.
"My phone didn't ring." Gibbs said never looking over at Tony.
"I didn't call."
"Then why are you here?" Gibbs took a drink from the glass in front of him.
There was no answer.
"Checking up on me?" Gibbs asked.
"No." Tony shook his head.
"What can I get you?" The bartender asking approaching Tony.
"Diet soda."
"Comin up."
"I was." Tony paused. "Concerned."
Gibbs chuckled. "That so."
"Yeah." Tony sighed. "Ten years and you've never taken a day off."
"Then it was about time."
The bartender placed the soda down in front of Tony.
"Put it on my tab." Gibbs nodded at the bartender.
"You got it." He nodded and walked away.
"Thanks." Tony smiled, even though Gibbs still hadn't looked at him.
"I'm fine." Gibbs paused. "So get back to work."
"No."
Gibbs glared over at Tony. "No."
"No." Tony stared back. "You took a day off. It's not even eight thirty, you're at a bar drinking, something isn't right."
Gibbs never looked away as he slid his glass towards Tony.
Tony looked at the glass, then at Gibbs. Gibbs nodded at the glass. Picking it up, Tony smelled it then pulled his head back surprised.
"This is ginger ale."
"Yeah." Gibbs nodded grabbing the glass and placing it back in front of him.
"Okay so you're not drinking." Tony mentally head slapped himself.
"Feel better now." Gibbs shook his head.
Tony took a deep breath. "No I don't" He spun the bar stool and faced Gibbs.
Gibbs sighed.
"Your my boss." Tony paused swallowing the lump in his throat. "And my friend. So when you do something complete out of character like this I worry."
Gibbs turned meeting Tony's stare. His eyes narrowed and he searched Tony's face as if looking for something. Tony never flinched, never looked away, just waited.
"I just-" Gibbs let out a long breath. "needed something."
"Yeah. I know that feeling." Tony nodded.
Turning back to the bar Gibbs took a sip of his ginger ale.
"Your car here?" Gibbs asked pulling some money from his pocket and tossing it on the bar.
"Took a cab."
Gibbs stood up. "Come on."
"Where we going?" Tony had a puzzled look on his face.
"I'm not sure." Gibbs smirked.
Tony grinned. "Sounds good."
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Tony was laughing. "You really told her that."
Gibbs shrugged. "Why not? Is she going to check it."
"You never cease to amaze me." Tony shook his finger. "Never."
Gibbs chuckled. "You're easily impressed."
"No." Tony shook his head. "You are impressive by anyone's standards."
Gibbs smirked then grabbed another slice of pizza.
"Can I get you two anything else?" The tall brunette asked approaching the table and smiling at Tony.
"I'm good." Tony smiled.
"Yeah. Good." Gibbs nodded.
"Okay." Her smile widened as she leaned in closer to Tony. "My names Gina if you need anything. Anything at all."
Gibbs felt the familiar emotion rush through him, felt his muscles tense, and he forced himself not to glare at the woman.
"We're good." Tony flashed a quick smiled and immediately turned back focusing on Gibbs.
Did Tony actually just ignore a woman flirting with him? Gibbs thought to himself, then smirked.
"What?" Tony grinned.
"Nothing." Gibbs shook his head and chuckled. "Just never seen you ignore a woman like that."
"Was she coming on to me?" Tony seemed completely oblivious.
"Yeah." Gibbs chuckled.
Tony shrugged picking up another piece of pizza.
She suddenly found herself looking down at them sitting at the table. One of them had pulled her here, actually dragged her here. A smile played across her face when she felt the wave of love again wash over her. Then it was gone. The complete dissipation of the emotion almost forcing her from the room. She stared at the two utterly confused, still unsure who had dragged her here and why they had suddenly shut off the emotion. It had to be the younger man, she had felt the emotion to strong for it to be the other. Still without it, she could no longer stay and disappeared.
With the pizza almost completely gone, Tony glanced at his watch.
"I should probably get back." Tony forced a smile.
"Yeah your boss is probably looking for you." Gibbs smirked.
Tony grinned. "Probably."
"I could talk to him for you."
"Really?" Tony smiled. "And what would you say?"
Gibbs leaned forward. "That something came up that's more important."
"You are important to me." Tony's green eyes locked on steel blue. "You know that right?"
"Yeah." Gibbs nodded. "I do."
Tony smirked. "Then where to next?"
Gibbs chuckled. "Where ever you want."
Tony's eyebrow went up. "Anywhere?"
"Um, anywhere my car can take use with a half of tank of gas." Gibbs smirked.
"Okay. Let's go then."
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"I tell you we can go anywhere and this is where you wanna go." Gibbs shook his head tossing his keys on the table.
"Yes." Tony smiled. "But only so you can change."
"Change?"
"As in your clothes."
"And what am I changing into?" Gibbs asked.
"Slacks and a nice shirt."
Gibbs nodded. "And just where are we going?"
"It's a surprise." Tony grinned.
Gibbs sighed.
"I promise you'll like it."
A look of doubt clouded Gibbs face.
"Really." Tony took Gibbs arm and pulled him towards the stairs.
Gibbs allowed himself to be pulled, surprised at Tony's action. As if it had suddenly struck him what he'd done, Tony froze.
"Sorry Boss." He let go of Gibbs arm.
Gibbs smirked. "No boss today."
Tony grinned. "Okay then Jethro go change."
Gibbs nodded and smiled heading up the stairs.
Tony watched until Gibbs disappeared up the steps, then he ran to the door. A woman was standing outside holding two large bags.
"Hey thanks." Tony said pulling his wallet out and handing the woman some cash.
"No problem Tony." The woman smiled. "It's been a long time since you planned anything for someone special.
"Um yeah. Right." He took the bags. "Thanks again."
Closing the door he hurried to the living room to set up.
Finally, Gibbs came down the steps staring at Tony. He was leaning against the wall by the living room. Gibbs had changed into black slacks and a light blue dress shirt that made his eyes even bluer. Tony sighed at the beauty of the man.
"What's going on?" Gibbs eyes narrowed.
"Welcome to the DiNozzo private club." Tony waved his hand towards the living room.
Gibbs stepped into the archway and looked at the room. Then smirked. "I know I didn't take that long."
"I had some help." Tony grinned. "Come on."
Tony walked into the living room and Gibbs followed.
Gibbs chuckled and shook his head.
"We have the bar." Tony acted like a model showing Gibbs the two bottles of Bourbon and the beer on ice in a bucket sitting on the table.
"Nice." Gibbs smirked.
"The music." Tony turned towards the fireplace and hit the remote in his hand turning on the iPod attached to portable speakers and a country song started playing.
Gibbs laughed. "Very nice."
"And finally." Tony smiled looking back at the table. "The snack bar."
There was an assortment of bags of snacks beside the drinks.
"Okay."
"And dinner is in the fridge."
"Dinner?"
"Well I know we just ate lunch not too long ago but I like to be prepared" Tony held up a finger. "And I get hungry when I drink."
Again Gibbs laughed. "And dinner is?"
"Sushi from your favorite restaurant." Tony grinned.
"I'm impressed." Gibbs smiled.
"Good." Tony smiled back.
"So the whole needing to change was just so you could put all this together?"
"No." Tony paused. "This is the DiNozzo private club. I require a certain level of dress."
"Right." Gibbs snicker.
"But I'll make an exception for you. If you'd like to go back upstairs and change again." Tony grinned.
"I'm good."
"So a drink?" Tony picked up a bottle of Bourbon and a bottle of beer.
"Bourbon."
"Excellent choice." Tony nodded grabbing two glasses and pouring. Then handed one to Gibbs.
Taking it he sat down in the middle of the couch. Tony dropped down beside him.
"Thanks." Gibbs looked over at Tony and smiled.
"A night without going out." Tony paused. "More your style."
"Yeah it is." Gibbs sighed looking down at his drink.
"You needed this." Tony touched Gibbs shoulder then quickly pulled it away. "I could tell."
Gibbs glanced over at Tony. "You're one of the few people that can read me."
"Sometimes." Tony nodded. "Not always. But today you let me."
"I let you?" Gibbs was puzzled.
"Yeah." Tony smiled. "You let me in, a little bit."
"Yeah." Gibbs took a long swig from his drink.
She hovered above them, the blinking flickers of light dancing around her drawn just as she was to the overwhelming love flowing around them. Only this time it was even more intense magnified a thousand times. It caused her whole body to hum and her mind reeled with happiness. The smile spread across her face glowing with the fuel of the love that filled her. It was at that moment that she was able to comprehend everything and she chastised herself for not understanding earlier. They had both drawn her here with their love for each other. A love so deep, so strong, so endless, and so perfect that even the angels and cupid were captivated by its intensity.
"Thanks for that." Tony sighed.
"You know I'm not good at letting people in." Gibbs swirled the Bourbon in his glass.
"I know that's why I'm glad you let me." Tony paused. "Even if it was only for today."
Gibbs nodded.
The energy dimmed, the blinking flickering lights started to fade away as one of the men put up the wall again. She knew without question out who it was. This was the point where he always tightened the chains on his heart. The moment when he knew he was loved and knew he loved, but refused to accept it.
"I-" Tony swallowed the words.
"You can say anything to me." Gibbs looked at Tony. "You know that."
"Not anything." Tony shook his head fighting back the emotion.
"Yes you can." Gibbs' hand brushed against Tony's.
She felt the love and the fear as the younger man waged a war within himself. He wanted so much to express his love but the fear held him back. The fear of rejection and the fear of losing someone so important in his life. The older man was a mix of emotions. He prayed to hear the words he knew the younger man wanted to speak. Yet he feared hearing them knowing it would change their lives forever and unsure if he would be able to completely accept that change.
Looking up, she asked for something normally not granted but something she felt she needed. It was a sign they would both understand. It took only a moment for her to receive an answer and she moved behind the couch between them. Both men immediately felt the head slap, as they were smacked forward.
Suddenly thrust forward, they came face to face, and instinctively Gibbs hand came to Tony's face. His hand caressing Tony's cheek, his thumb running over Tony's lip. Gibbs' eyes locked on emerald green looking for any sigh of hesitation or doubt. Finding none, Gibbs' lips brushed Tony's. It was so brief, so slight that at first Tony thought he had imagined it. But then again Gibbs' lips touched Tony's this time with more intensity, more need and more want. As Gibbs tried to pull back, Tony's hand snaked around Gibbs neck, grabbing him by the back of the head and holding him there. Deeping the kiss, Tony slid down on the couch pulling Gibbs with him until Gibbs' body laid completely over Tony's. Tony's hands slipped around caressing up Gibbs' back feeling the muscles tighten under his exploration.
"Tony." Gibbs ripping his lips from the younger mans. "We need to stop."
"No." Tony sighed. "No more shutting me out, no more pretending."
"I-"
"You love me as much as I love you and." Tony took a deep breath. "I can't walk away from this anymore. I won't."
The words tugged at the chains around Gibbs heart, begging and pleading with him to let Tony in.
"Don't push me away." Tony's shook his head. "Please."
Gibbs stared down into those green eyes surprised and overjoyed by the love and devotion he saw within them.
"Jethro." Tony swallowed the fear. "I love you but you have to let me love you."
Without thought Gibbs nodded, his lips dropping to Tony's neck feeding from the man with a new hunger. Tony moaned throwing back his head exposing more of his throat to Gibbs. A soft moan escaped Gibbs' lips as he tore at Tony's throat like a wild animal devouring his prey. Both men were suddenly consumed by the love and desire tearing at each other's clothes wanting nothing more than to feel skin against skin. Even as they lay naked against each other, it wasn't enough, they clawed at each other. Each exploring the other's body, learning the landscape, discovering how the other liked to be touched, and driving each other mad with desire and need.
As they made love the world around them faded away and there was nothing but the two of them. It began as their love had slow, tentative and with an underlying need. Then it turned animalistic and raw as they consumed each other with an unquenchable thirst. Finally it ended possessively, each wanting to memorize every piece of the other until they collapsed into each other's arms.
Both completely spent and trying desperately to calm their breathing, Gibbs arms wrapped around Tony's waist from behind pressing their bodies together, still needing that closeness.
Gibbs lips brushed against Tony's ear. "You realize I can never let you go now."
Tony smiled to himself. "Good because I'm not going anywhere."
"I do love you." Gibbs paused. "More than I can ever say."
Tony let out a contented sigh. "I love you and I wish I could have told you sooner."
"I wasn't ready before." Gibbs dropped a kiss to Tony's shoulder. "I am now."
"We're both ready."
Gibbs pulled the blanket from the back of the couch and draped it over them. Tony settled back against Gibbs body feeling sleep tug at him.
"Thank you." Gibbs whispered.
"For what." Tony asked his voice full of sleep.
"Waiting." Gibbs sighed.
"I'd wait for you forever." Tony sighed as his eyes closed and his mind drifted into sleep.
Gibbs' body suddenly ached, then trembled. Taking a deep breath Gibbs tried to steady himself against the flood of emotions that filled him. It shook him to the core as his heart drummed uncontrollably as if trying desperately to free itself from his chest.
She reappeared along with the flickering lights around her. Looking at the older man she smiled as she reached out to him, overwhelmed when he eagerly accepted her into his heart. The chains, the barb wire, the resistance, completely gone. She embraced his heart helping him to understand and to calm the rapid beating. Slowly, his heartbeat calmed as he comprehended the feelings the emotions that he had denied himself for so long. His eyes closed as he drifted into slumber.
Gently she pulled back, surprised as he fought to hold her there. She was even more shocked when she was forced to struggle to break free of his hold. Once she was free she stared down at the two men consumed and moved by the love that still radiated between them. A connection that now threaded their hearts together. A connection so strong that no human would ever break it.
Suddenly the flickering lights around her took on their true angelic forms, moved to do so by the love the older man now accepted and radiated so brilliantly. The friend so recently lost, the mother to long gone and of course, the two he held so deeply in his heart. They all smiled down on him rejoicing in his happiness. With them were the ones for the younger man. A mother lost to soon but never forgotten and the one he had cared for and watched to easily accept her death to be with the others she called her team And finally, the woman there for both of them, the comrade in arms taken unjustly right before their eyes. Still others in heaven sent their happiness and love to the two men who had fought so hard against the love they both so desperately wanted and needed.
She however, felt not only the happiness but the small twinge of sadness. Her time with them was done, they had found true love, and her task as a cupid was complete. A voice from above whispered in her ear. Words of their fate and their need of her presence in the distant future. She smiled, they would need her again, when another thread was added to their hearts binding them even tighter together.
Slowly the angels drifted away, content in knowing the ones they cared for were finally happy. She held on a moment longer the power of their love allowing her to remain. But then the voice above beckoned her to move on tugging her towards her new charge. Understanding the need to move on she gradually floated away disappearing into the shadows blessed to have been present when true love had been found.