Hey there, this is just a major crack-fic, hatched from literally NOWHERE! Don't ask me where I got the idea :P

Though I'm categorizing it as a PWP story, it actually does have a plot; a very vague and otherwise laughable plot.

I actually RE-WROTE these two chapters, because I like to think that I actually got somewhat better at writing crack stories…lol-that was a joke, if you missed it.

Anyway, hope you enjoy. If not, oh well!

It brings me many laughs at least!

Oh and by the way, if I owned the Zelda franchise, I wouldn't have to write fanfics. I don't own it! Don't sue me!

CHAPTER ONE!

It was yet another beautiful day in prosperous country of Hyrule.

The sun was shining brightly upon the great field below. The wind was blowing softly though the countryside. The water flowed gently about, it's soft gurgling a peaceful sound.

It was an ideal day to rest out in the sun and enjoy its warm brace…

But no one really cared about the dumb sun and its embrace.

So that's why our story doesn't take place outside. Instead, it takes place inside the stuffy, overly-crowded Hyrule Castle.

Everyone (including the Happy Mask salesman) was cooped inside said castle, having a mandatory meeting under the orders of Princess Zelda.

"Where is Link?" asked Zelda as she glanced around the room.

"Great." muttered Ganondorf. "That imbecile is late."

Just as he said that, the doors burst open and Link came running in.

"I'm not late! I've been awake this WHOLE time!" He said, hazardly diving into his assigned seat.

"So what is this meeting all about?" Ruto whined in her annoying fishy-voice.

"I don't know yet," said Zelda "…give me a couple minutes."

Everyone stared at her in disbelieve…Everyone except the Happy Mask salesman of course, for his face was covered by a mask.

"You're telling me that you called ALL the Zelda characters for a meeting and you don't even have a reason?" asked Naburoo.

"I have a reason!" Zelda said frantically. "It's lying around here somewhere…just watch where you step!"

"You're wasting my time, stupid girl." growled Ganondorf. "I have a world to take over."

"Well you can wait! We're having a MEETING!" yelled Zelda, thoroughly frustrated.

"A meeting about what?" Impa interrupted. Usually she's very calm and slow to temper, but she had enough of this foolishness. She had to prepare for the upcoming Sheikah-Showdown, where all the Sheikahs got together and played a very brutal and intense game of Texas hold 'em… though they've never heard of Texas. They thought it was some type of spicy cornbread.

"How about we go party?" asked Link hopefully. Normally he was ignored at these types of meetings, since he was the only one in the room raised by trees… which was a laughable matter. A BIG laughing matter.

"Like, who would want to go party?" Ruto sneered. "Not us princesses, that's for sure…"

"Sure! I'll go party!" yelled Zelda, though there was no need to yell at everybody.

"Hmph!" pouted Ruto. She sat and continued to pout while everybody else got ready to go to the future where they would party at something called a "Night Club".

They didn't know exactly what it was, but they knew it had to be fun because the brochure that just magically appeared out of thin air said so…and the brochure NEVER lies.

When they all came down, they were all clothed in strange human clothing that also appeared out of thin air.

Maybe it was thick air…

They don't really know.

Zelda was wearing a pink Elvis-looking outfit, covered in giant sparkling rhinestones that would have made any be-dazzler jealous (It was rather cute if she said so herself…)

Link was wearing a ridiculous green beanie-hat with jeans under his green tunic (Weird, but it's all the rage in Europe…not that Link knew what Europe was!)

Ganondorf was wearing a horrifying purple and pink super-tight tutu with matching ballerina shoes.

Ruto was what you'd call "in the nude" even though she wasn't going, while Saria garbed in a poofy prom dress (Way too big for her.)

Darunia wore an obese-sized James Bond tuxedo that for some reason came with a free light-saber. Because he had no idea what a light-saber was, he accidentally cut off some of Ruto's excess body-fin.

Malon went in a one-piece bathing suit…She had no idea there would coincidentally be a Jacuzzi in the club.

Everybody else doesn't matter, so we'll forget what they're wearing and skip to the part where they finally leave to go to the night club, which was oddly named "The Legend."

After a long and difficult journey to the drawbridge, they waited for the car to be invented and then hoped in.

Except Nabooru and Impa.

They had to run to the store to get some groceries. They had appetites like a starving wolves and usually ate most of the food in the castle.

Link jumped into driver's seat before anyone could object.

"Link, you don't know how to drive!" said Zelda, worried.

"It's ok! I've got this How to Drive for Dummies pamphlet. It's as easy as 1, 2, and 3!" said Link. "Step one: Put it into drive. Step two: Put hands on wheel. Step three: Skinny pedal on the right. Ok! Here we go!" he said.

They drove for approximately two minutes and crashed brutally into a mailbox. Air bags were deployed.

"Everybody ok?" asked Link nervously. Now his insurance was going to come after him…

"Like Zelda said, you can't drive." said Malon. She was just being pissy because she broke a nail.

"Hey back off! It didn't say anything about dodging mailboxes in the pamphlet!" said Link. He was deeply offended that the pamphlet had let him down.

"That's because they assumed you would stay on the road, you idiot!" retorted Malon.

Their childish argument about mailboxes and cars was suddenly interrupted by a scream!

It was from Saria.

"What's wrong?" everybody in the car asked.

"It's Talon! He's dead! Link, you killed him!"

"Nice job hero. Your inability to drive caused him to die" grunted Ganondorf.

"No, no. It's very clear that he died of global constipation." explained Darunia.

"How do you figure?" asked everyone in the car simultaneously. "And what is that?"

"It doesn't matter! We need to get him to the hospital!" he yelled back for no reason.

So they drove to the hospital, even though Link didn't know how to drive (now he was convinced the mailboxes were out to get him.)

What they didn't know was that Talon was just asleep…

I hope you at least found it slightly amusing. I've ready many fan-fictions, and I've found that crack-fics are somewhat of an art.

Really, not everyone could write a pointless story and have it still be highly amusing and entertaining.

Drop a review...or not :P

ONWARD TO THE NEXT CHAPTER! WHAT'S IN STORE?