SPIKE'S TRIP TO CENTRAL FLORIDA: A PARODY

"You know why I hate theme parks?" Spike asked.

"Because you almost got brutally murdered by a psychotic killer in one?" Jet guessed.

"No. I was at Disney's Hollywood Studios standing in line to get Buzz and Woody's autographs. The sun was beating down really hot, and I was dehydrated. Just as I got to the front of the line, they stop posing for photos and waved goodbye."

"This was when you were a kid?"

"No, it was four months ago."

"Oh, yeah, that's right. I remember you being gone now."

"I yelled, 'Hey, where the hell you going, you bastards?' An employee—I mean, a 'cast member', came up to me and pointed to the guide map.

"'Sir, it's illegal to swear on Disney property.'"

"Hey, *#% you!" I said.

"Then at the Magic Kingdom, I was at a designated smoking area with three other men…"

One included Nicholas D. Wolfwood, who was a stranger to Spike but was striking up a conversation. "Yeah, my church boycotted this whole place because they extended medical insurance to life partners of gay employees. But I figure, what they hey, everyone's got have medical care."

Spike looked bored.

Wolfwood continued: "So here I am at Disney, ignoring the boycott. Besides, I can't get enough of 'it's a small world'."

Spike finally joined in. "I like the Haunted Mansion."

"You, too?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna move there soon."

"Yeah, me, too."

The other two men, Sven Vollfied and Ban Mido, looked at each other. "Man, these guys are depressing," Ban said. "Well, I gotta go. Ginji wants to go on Dumbo for a fourth time, and he hates going alone."

Spike continued, "Then, at Epcot, I stood in line for seventy-five minutes for Test Track, just to find out there was a single riders' line, and I could've been on in five minutes. And none of the water fountains would work and I had no money for soda and I knew I was losing it when one of the water fountains started talking back to me. So I wandered off and ended up passing out directly underneath Spaceship Earth. When I woke up, staring up at that big silver ball looking like it was about to crush me, I lit up a cigarette."

However, this was not a designated smoking area.

Beast from Beauty and the Beast threw him out. "Out! Get out! You are not welcome here!"

Spike, sitting on the pavement outside the turnstiles, shook his fist and yelled, "Screw you, Beast!"

"And then I remembered I had forgotten where I parked," Spike related to Jet.
"So it wasn't almost getting brutally murdered by a psychotic killer that caused you to hate theme parks?"

"Well, that didn't help."

"I remember when you came back to the Bebop. I said, 'You bring anything?'"

Flashback to that day:

Spike answered, "Um, a Mickey Mouse backscratcher, some chocolate bars shaped like alligators, a Jimmy Buffet CD I got at Universal CityWalk, some Big Johnson t-shirts I got at three for ten dollars at some tacky gift shop on I-Drive, and a rock lobster I swiped from a tank at Sea World." The lobster was climbing up the seat. "It's fresh!"

From the Swordfish's radio came the sound of the B-52's and Fred Schneider: "It was a Ro-o-ock Lobster!

Faye said, "Jettison the Big Johnson t-shirts and we'll let you back on board."

When Spike came back on board, he discovered Jet's bonsai hobby has branched out into Disney topiary—Mickey, Tigger, Bambi. Spike slapped his forehead and screamed, "Augghh!" in Peanuts style

Back to the present day:

The trio of Red Dragons leaders was advising Vicious on his Disney trip: "There are long lines at this time of year."

"Long lines do not concern me," Vicious said stoically.

"You will have to leave your bird at the kennel."

"D'oh!"

Fin/Fim/The End