Watched kuwabara "death" scene and felt I needed to write something…again
I own nothing
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Fearless.
I don't think that word exists really anymore…not exactly. To stand up against a hundred enemies, when it's just you…I guess that's what you can call fearless. To save someone you don't even know, even though you know you could get hurt or die yourself…yeah you could call that fearless. That's pretty close, I think. Then…if you don't mind me asking...what would you call what I'm about to do?
I'm about to run forward to die.
Yep…to die. Weird isn't it, but it's something I have to do. And not just for Urameshi, but for myself! He means everything to me...and I can't watch anymore. My friend is getting a royal beating out there…and if I go out there…then…I can stop it…and when I'm killed my friend can save the world...well at least all the people here. But I'm sure if we let Toguro live then the world would at one point in time, be lost to this mad creature.
Is what I'm about to do really fearless?
I guess someone must think so.
But I'm shaking in my boots!
I'm so scared that if I had to pee I would have pissed myself not too long ago. I would have soiled myself when Toguro pointed at me. Those words he said to me will never leave me. "How about you Kuwabara?" he asked casually. Asked as if it was an after thought...deciding to kill me...was an after thought to him? His logic behind it was much crueler. "Urameshi does seem to be the most protective of you. Let's see you bring out his true potential." And with that stated he began to walk towards me-he's still walking towards me but Urameshi is doing his best to stop him. I'm a little...floored. Toguro was right, Urameshi is real protective of me...I just...
I just never noticed
I'm honestly afraid of something other then death. Yes, I'm afraid of the pain…that's going to really, really suck. I don't know how Toguro's going to do it, but what ever he's going to do...its going to really...really suck. I'm making my self sick thinking of ways he'll kill me.
Snap my neck? Oi...at least it's quick...
Completely destroy me? That's probably quick too...
Crush my skull in? Not as quick as the others...but I'd probably be brain dead before I could cry out from pain.
Stab me? This death would take the second longest I believe...
A slow torture? Ahh...just Ahh!
Ugh…I am not fearless.
But when you're fearless, you do things that some people just couldn't or wouldn't do. The people around me…Hiei, Kurama, Koenma…well not Koenma…but Hiei and Kurama would do this in an instant. They would lay down their lives and take a little piece of Toguro with them...I just can't. They'd be fearless…they wouldn't be afraid like me. Hiei would probably be scoffing at me if he knew how scared I was.
Chirst…I am so scared.
But I wonder if being fearless means…well…doing things you know will cause you pain…will scare you. But because you're doing them anyway it's okay. I'm not a very smart person according to most…but I like to think…I'm not so bad…I have enough intelligence to understand what's wrong and what's right. I know enough to be able to judge someone fairly, and to know the truth from lies.
I've come to accept that fearless means something other then what it has been intended to mean.
When you're fearless it means you're willing to something that's terrifying…you still have that fear but you'll still do whatever needs to be done.
Therefore I, Kazuma Kuwabara, am fearless.
I better go. My little speech to myself or to whoever is listening up there, is done. He's coming for me now, and I want to run towards it. It's scarier when you're just standing and waiting. This is like a band-aid. I got to do this quick and everything will be over. I hope no one can see me shaking. That'd be…really embarrassing…Kazuma Kuwabara's last moments with him shaking like a leaf. What would Urameshi say? I will die with a brave face before I let him mock me...not that I think he would on this matter...
I got to go…and I've got to go NOW!
I'm running…I'm shaking…my legs are unstable-BUT MY GOD-I am running!
How can I stand when these legs shake so badly?
My sword is in my hand…is it wavering? Is it there...I can't feel anything.
My heart is so loud, my breaths so harsh! What...why am I doing this!? W-
He's gone…where? Where? He's go-
HE'S HERE!
…
…
…
Oh…
…
…
He did stab me…
…
So this is death…
…
…
God…
…
...
God it hurts! I didn't think it would be this bad…I have to say something to Urameshi…I have to tell him. I didn't mean to die. This is not like I'm trying to hurt you like this…I would never try to do that. But, Urameshi I can't go through with this again. Can't let you die…I-I can't.
When you're fearless...
Fearless…
Am I that?
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Yeah kuwa didn't die but I bet he thought he would.