So this is just a little one-shot missing moment fic between Karma Police pt. 2 and Zombie pt. 1.
If you guys ever want to talk Degrassi/Eclare/anything my tumblr is plaidcladmartin!
Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or My Fault by Imagine Dragons (although it is a great song for eclare right now and I suggest you listen to it!)
My Fault
"And then- then he said that I was the problem, Alli! You saw what he did, how can he even…UGH!" Clare waved her hands in frustration, annoyed and, admittedly, hurt by the entire situation. She sighed, collapsing against her pillow, which she soon cast aside when Eli's familiar scent engulfed her.
"He was a jerk to you, Clare. It's not your fault. You handled it the only way you knew how!" Alli comforted, offering her another piece of chocolate, which Clare gladly took.
"I'm so pathetic," Clare mumbled, popping the piece of chocolate goodness into her mouth. "This isn't even a break up, he just said we 'need time apart,' whatever the hell that means. I don't know how much time he…we need. Not to sound cliché, but I really hope we don't end like this."
Alli shifted in her chair, reaching out to touch Clare's shoulder. "You're not pathetic, Clare. You and Eli may be a bit..." she struggled for the right word, "dramatic at times, but it doesn't mean this is it. The real question is, are you ready to forgive him?" Clare looked up at Alli, biting her lip. "I'm not sure I could if I had been in your situation. Telling the whole locker room about your sex life? Please."
Clare blushed, suddenly transported to that moment of pure confusion, anger, and embarrassment when Eli had voiced his ridiculous assumption that Clare didn't want to have sex with him because she thought he was "damaged". Where does he even come up with this stuff? She lowered her eyes and considered Alli's question, a topic she had neglected to ask herself. Was she really ready to forgive Eli? She had pretty much forgiven him for the drugs and the shower and the goddamn streaking, but his words had really hurt her. Was it her fault that she thought sex was a bad idea after Cam? Should she have known not to push him into talking all the time? No, she thought. Those were pretty justifiable. Yes, she probably shouldn't have talked to Fiona behind Eli's back, but even still, that wasn't that bad. Eli claimed he regretted what he did (duh), but he didn't actually say he was sorry, really putting all of the blame on her for his drug use. It still stung to think about how bitter he sounded. The fact that he walked away without letting her speak just left her sad and confused.
"I'll be ready to forgive him when he's ready to apologize the right way," Clare responded, and Alli nodded.
"Hey, look on the bright side. I've really missed hanging out like this, just venting." Alli smiled, opening another Hershey's kiss. "Fast-tracking hasn't done much for my social life."
Clare giggled. "No new boy drama to distract me with? That must be a first."
Alli responded with a feeble hit to Clare's shoulder. "Actually…I thought something was going to happen with Dallas," Alli started, inciting an eye roll from her blue-eyed best friend, "but it turns out…he's a dad."
Clare's eyes widened, "Oh my God! He actually has a…a kid?"
"Yeah. His name's Rock, after The Rock, you know…the wrestler," they both laughed. "We were planning on going on a date, and I really, really liked him Clare. But…he told me Rock is his first priority now and I actually respect him a lot for that, even if it hurt me in the end. At least we can keep being friends."
Clare gave her a knowing look, thinking that Alli could never quite stay friends with a guy. Alli didn't want to dwell on what could have happened, so she made an attempt to change the subject. "So how are you going to fill your time without you-know-who at your side 24/7?"
"You can say 'Eli'," Clare chided, but the name tasted strange on her lips now that she wasn't referring to him with an embarrassed smile recalling a sweet memory, or jokingly scolding him for cracking a dirty joke, or…Stop, she reminded herself. A break means a break from thinking about him all the time, too, as much as she could help it.
"You know what I mean! How are you going to show him that you're, well, using this break to its fullest potential?" she said, suggestively raising her eyebrows.
"Alli! A break does not justify doing things with other guys! Technically, we're still together," Clare retorted, crossing her arms over her chest defensively.
Alli rolled her eyes. "I just meant that you have to let him know that you're involved in other things, and that it is his privilege to date you, because it is. You've got to show him that you're too busy to pine over him during your break."
"I'm editor of the newspaper," Clare shot back defensively, trying to keep her best friend from pressuring her into doing something she would really regret.
"And that's great, but you need to do something that says, 'Eli Goldsworthy, after publicly humiliating me, blaming me for your own drug use, and just being a complete asshole in general, I, Clare Edwards, will no longer take any of your shit," Alli finished, and Clare chuckled despite the fact that she didn't want Eli to be looked at as the bad guy- he had been through a lot in the past couple weeks, and Clare knew she hadn't exactly helped him by playing therapist.
"Well, I have been thinking of maybe…running for student body president?" she suggested tentatively.
To Clare's delight, Alli let out a small squeal. "Oh my god, that is just perfect! I can't think of a better candidate than you."
"So you really think I have a chance of winning?" Clare asked, voicing her insecurity, "It's not like I'm exactly the most popular- or for that matter interesting- person at school."
"Hey, you've got tons of people who love you, Clare."
Clare breathed a sigh of relief, thinking she might actually have a shot. "I think I'm going to go for it."
"You should! I could help you with some campaign stuff if you need; Sav coaxed me into helping him with publicity last year, so I guess you could say I have a few connections," Alli joked.
Clare glanced at the clock on her nightstand, realizing they had been talking for so long they forgot about getting something to eat. "Want to head to Little Miss Steaks for dinner? Maybe we could think of some campaign ideas! Or just vent some more," she added with a smirk.
"That sounds amazing right now, I'm starving." Alli pulled out her phone when she felt it buzzing, and inwardly groaned at her calendar notification that her Grapes of Wrath reading had to be done by that night. "Ugh. Sorry, Clare, but I'm actually going to have to bail. I've got a bazillion pages of reading to do tonight. I really wish I could stay."
Clare was a little disappointed their girls' night was ending early, but she had to admire her best friend for working so hard for MIT, even if it meant they would be thousands of miles apart next year.
Once Alli left, Clare sat down on their living room couch, hating the loneliness of the empty house. She reached for her phone, instinctively scrolling to the E's on her contact list before she stopped herself, realizing she couldn't call him. Not yet, at least. A couple tears rolled down her cheek at the thought, and she was glad no one else was home to see her break down like this.
As if on cue, her lanky, goofy, seemingly always high stepbrother waltzed through the door. Clare wasn't sure if he had noticed her, but she quickly wiped her eyes just in case. Not surprisingly, Jake headed straight to the kitchen, only stopping when there was nothing edible within his line of vision. He turned, and their open floor plan made it so that he saw her right away.
"Clare! I didn't think anyone was home. What's up? I thought you and Alli were having a girls' night tonight."
He didn't seem high, but his concern or even acknowledgment of her plans was pretty rare, so Clare sensed something was up. "She went home, she had tons of reading to do so we cut it short."
"That sucks," Jake said, and he sounded sincere. "Homework on a Friday? That's awful." He took out one of Glen's beers from the fridge and Clare crossed her arms, sighing at Jake's complete disregard for their parents' rules. "What? My dad wanted me to tell you that he and Helen are off to another B&B tonight. I guess now that we're both single they know we won't pull anything on them. They've really been taking advantage of the company's success lately, if you know what I mean."
Clare cringed on both accounts, trying to ignore his comment about her being single. "Gross. I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that."
Jake scanned the contents of the refrigerator before crinkling his nose in disdain. "I swear we donate more food to the church than we actually keep for ourselves. I can't even find something remotely tempting. I mean, what the hell do you do with 'edamame'?" Jake held up the package of soybeans Helen had bought for her latest health kick, and Clare burst out laughing. "I'm serious, Clare! You know how I get when I'm hungry!"
She raised her eyebrows at him. "I'm pretty sure you're a whiny asshole all the time," she said through her giggles, and he crossed his arms and leaned against the counter in amusement.
"Oh, don't even get me started on you, Edwards."
Clare's laughing immediately stopped, her eyes threatening with tears at the sound of the familiar nickname. An embarrassing squeak escaped her, and it took all she had not to burst out crying. This is pathetic, she thought. Every stupid nuance can't remind you of him.
Jake seemed to pick up on Clare's immediate change in mood, and rushed to lessen the tension. He rubbed the back of his neck anxiously; Jake always felt awkward when anyone started to cry around him. "Um, I mean…I didn't mean it like that, I…" He ambled over to his crushed sister and wrapped a comforting arm around her, fighting his urge to avoid all emotional encounters.
"Oh god, I-I'm sorry…" Clare said through her tears. "It's just that…E-Eli used to call me that. This is so st-stupid…"
"It's not stupid, Clare. When Katie and I broke up," Jake struggled, "Everything reminded me of her."
"But we're not even broken up! At least, I don't think so. I'm just…I'm not sure whether to be angry, or sad, or relieved, or anything about us and what he did."
"Eli was a jerk to you. But it doesn't mean you should just sulk about it." Clare raised her head at Jake's words, taken aback by his rare bluntness. "Hey, what do you say we go for a drive? Maybe clear your head a little. It always works for me."
She was touched by Jake's proposal to give up his Friday night to make her feel better, but she had a feeling he was just playing the sympathy card. "Thanks for the offer, I really appreciate it, but…don't you have better things to do on a Friday night? I mean, I was just going to catch up on the latest episodes of West Drive." When he didn't respond right away, Clare reached for the remote, but Jake's longer limbs beat her to it, holding it away from her.
"Uh-uh-uh!" Jake teased, "That's classified as sulking!"
She gave in, only agreeing to go get some dinner with him, considering they were both really hungry.
"I'm driving," Clare proclaimed, stealing the keys from Jake's hand and hopping in the front seat. "Anyways, you've been drinking."
"I literally had one sip, Clare. I was too busy trying to help you, if you didn't notice."
"Better safe than sorry!" She retorted, starting the engine. "You coming?"
By the time they got to Jake's favorite pizzeria, Clare had almost forgotten that the purpose of the outing was to get over Eli. She laughed to herself, thinking that one way or another, Jake always ended up being used as a way to get over him.
"Cheese, Clare? Really? You have got to learn to live a little."
She gave him a look of disgust. "I don't even know how you call what you're eating pizza," she said, eyeing Jake's slice with every topping imaginable with an extra heap of barbeque chicken. "You're just as bad as Alli."
Jake began to rebut when the exact person Clare was trying to avoid walked into the restaurant- Eli. He joined the line, and Clare couldn't help but feel heartbroken that on any other Friday night he could be in line picking up a pizza for their movie date. His eyes immediately shot to her, looking sadder than she could remember. She wasn't sure if she was supposed to be furious with him, run and comfort him, or give him a death glare, so instead, she just sat there dumbfounded, bound to her chair. He looked away, clearly debating with himself.
"Clare? Jake asked, turning around to face the black-haired boy that had been the cause of his sister's grief earlier. He felt a sudden burst of anger. He began to stand up to give Eli a piece of his mind, but Clare grabbed his wrist, urging him to sit down with her eyes. He unwillingly backed down.
"Let's just leave," she whispered to Jake, and he nodded, finishing the last bite of his monstrosity of a pizza. Clare brushed by Eli on the way out, and he reached out to touch her fingers automatically. His touch burned in a way that it never had before, and she tore her hand away, appalled that he thought he could do that without apologizing first.
"Clare, I-" Eli tried, looking about as crushed as Clare felt, but she didn't want to hear it.
"Just don't, Eli," she mumbled, unable to look him in the eye. Jake gestured for her to follow him, urging her along.
When they got outside to the parking lot, it was pouring down rain so they ran to the red truck for warmth. For once, Clare was happy about the bad weather because it masked the tears that were running down her face when she saw Eli with his face in his hands in the brightly lit shop.
Clare was certainly going to run for president, because if she didn't, she knew she would never be able to stop thinking about that boy.
Thanks for reading! Review?