Why These Shrooms are Giving Me Nightmares – An Experience in the Mushroom Kingdom
"Why are we here again?" Naruto asked Kakashi as he walked along the orange brick steps.
Kakashi sighed. "We've already gone through this three times, Naruto. We've been given a mission to find and rescue a princess from the clutches of Bowser."
"We've already gone through seven different castles," Sakura said, annoyed and tired, "All we've got so far are stupid little guys with mushroom hats saying "OOH, sorry but your princess is in another castle!" I mean, what were they doing there in the first place? It's so stupid!"
"You don't usually complain this much, Sakura." Gaara said calmly.
"It's probably because of those mushrooms we tried yesterday." Kakashi said. He then shuddered at remembering the events of yesterday. They were tipped off by a guy dressed in green and with blue suspenders that the mushrooms here gave you extra power and made you bigger. The only problem is, in Mushroom Kingdom, the mushrooms only worked properly on those that were from Mushroom Kingdom, kind of like only people from Mexico can survive from Mexican water. So when Kakashi, Naruto, Sakura and Gaara tried it, they all had different symptoms.
They had all tried it at the same time. Gaara was the first to be affected. "I-is this…what is this.." he had said, "…my sand…it's not sand anymore…why…it's rainbow colored…it's…water?" Gaara reached for Naruto's face. "Those whiskers on your face…" he had said, "They're…they're actually becoming whiskers…I thought they were just painting…or something…but…they're actual whiskers coming out of my face. I mean, your face. Yeah, your face. Wait…they ARE coming off of my face. My whiskers are green…"
The rest of the team was really genuinely concerned with them, but they couldn't help but laugh their asses off anyways. The effects were starting to kick in for the rest of them too. "Dude, Gaara," Naruto had said, "You're high as a kite, dattebayo!" It was at this point where Sakura's mushrooms had started to take effect, and she was sent into a tremendous giggling fit.
"You…Sakura…" Gaara had said, "You look…beautiful when you are giggling uncontrollably…"
Sakura only broke out into full laughter at this.
Kakashi was next in line. "Hey, you guys wanna see a cool trick?" he said to all of them. He took out his Sharingan and made the tomoe on them spin around his pupil. "See, spinning eye!" Everyone laughed.
Naruto lasted a while before it struck him. At this point, Gaara had made a sand bed for himself and was fast asleep, Sakura had come out of her giggling fit and was now just being flat out silly, and Kakashi had fainted from dizzying himself by spinning the tomoe in his Sharingan eye too much.
Inside Naruto's psyche, the Kyuubi was also tripping big ones. "Hey…hey Naruto…" Kyuubi said, "…I dun care what you do anymore…jus…jus…do me a favor, kay?"
"Whadaya want?" Naruto had asked.
"…you remember that Ino chick?"
"…hehehe…yeah why?"
"You should…like…totally go for her and get her in bed, man…"
"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Naruto practically screamed, "Are you CRAZY!"
"Dude, she's hot. Like…bombshell, maan. I want my tails all in that stuff."
"YOU'RE DISGUS-" Naruto stopped abruptly. "Did you just say you…wanted…your tails in her?" he said, trying not to laugh.
"…yeah man…" the Kyuubi replied. Naruto broke into laughter. "Hey, whatchu laughin' about?"
"Just…just…no dude…" Naruto said, "…just no…"
"Well dammit, I want to FAWX with someone! What about that chick with white eyes?"
"You mean Hinata?"
"Yeah man…her…she's pretty fine…"
"hehe…ehehe…you're horny when you're high, Kyuubi…"
"More like…what would the term be…foxy"
"That was…HILLARIOUS!"
Back in the outside world, Naruto was laughing for seemingly no apparent reason. Sakura went over to Naruto, grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him real good. "HEY HEY HEY!" Sakura yelled in Naruto's ear, "I'VE GOT AN IDEA!"
"…ehe-what?" Naruto said, still slightly giggling.
Sakura pulled out a sharpie. "Youuuuu thinkin' what Iiiiiii'm thinkin?" She said to Naruto, eyeing the slumbering Gaara."
"You're not gonna stick that thing up his ass, are you Sakura-chan?"
Naruto got hit hard by Sakura.
"THAT'S DISGUSTING! I WAS TALKING ABOUT DRAWING ON HIS FACE!"
"Oh…that…" Naruto said weakly, favoring his newfound bruise on his everything. He then had a slight flashback. "Hehe…foxy…" Sakura went up to Gaara, brandishing her marker, but before she could get to him, she had fainted as well.
"…I feel so-" Naruto started, but then started to feel himself slip away as well. As he fell to the ground on his back, he finished saying, "-freakin' lonely…"
THUD
!#$%^&*()_+
Naruto was also the first to wake up. "Whoa, what a dream…" he said, "I was...kissing…Lee…" What he had just said took a few seconds to process, but when he did, he had a class A freakout. "EWW! I WAS KISSING ROCK LEE!" He promptly got up, saw that a side effect of this mushroom was apparently triple that of your average Viagra, and rolled over in embarrassment so that Sakura wouldn't see. Perfect timing too, because Sakura, Gaara and Kakashi all woke up from Naruto's shouting.
"You were kissing who now?" Sakura asked, holding her head from the massive headache she now had.
Naruto quickly said, "Huh-ahh no one! I didn't say anything about that, why would I say something silly like that, no one in their right mind would want to kiss someone like me, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" Sakura didn't bother pushing it any farther due to the Great Headache of Fire she had. The others eventually got themselves up and pushed on forward after they had rested up, making sure to NOT eat anymore mushrooms laying around.
~!#$%^&*()_+
Back in the present time…
"Well, this is the last castle in this Kingdom," Kakashi said, "If the princess isn't in here, I don't know where she would be."
"Who hired us to get the princess anyways?" Naruto asked.
Meanwhile…
Mario was in his kitchen, making his own Rotini from scratch. "Oh, how I love to make-a pasta!" he said jovially, "And-a now I don't have to worry about the princess! Ever since Peach moved her Mushroom Kingdom to the outskirts of Shinobi territory, I can just hire-a them to get her for me every time she gets-a captured! I'm-a tired of rescuing that tramp every-a single-a time-a she gets herself-a captured!" Mario heard someone knocking on the door. "a-Coming!" he shouted. He put his Rotini down and answered the door to see Luigi and Peach.
"He-heyyy!" Luigi said happily, "I brought you a present, Mario!"
Back to the ninja, whom during this time crossed treacherous lava pits, lethal Goombas and other various deadly traps and monsters, standing right outside the threshold of Bowser's domain.
"This is it guys," Kakashi said, " Brace yourselves. This is going to be one of the hardest battles we've ever faced. Is everybody ready?" The team nodded in unison, and crossed into Bowser's room.
The first thing they saw was Bowser, battered and beaten badly. "What the…" Kakashi started.
"There's a note over there." Gaara said, picking up the note with his sand and holding it to his face to read. "It reads: Dear Shinobi, I thank you for trying, but I've already rescued the princess. Sorry for making you go through the trouble, but it was Mario's birthday today, and I thought it would be something special. From your good shroomin' friend, Luigi"
Everyone was silent for a moment.
"So what you're telling me," Naruto started, "is that we went through eight different castles, got vivaciously high, crossed through pits of lava, flying fireballs, Koopas, Goombas, Lakitus, Bullet Bills, and a whole bunch of other crap…AND WE DON'T EVEN GET THE PRINCESS!"
"…Essentially…it seems that way." Gaara replied.
"….."
"Naruto," Sakura said, concerned, "Are you okay?"
"Get me another f*****g mushroom."
Later, after the team gets out of the castle.
"I guess we'd better report to Lady Tsunade." Kakashi said, sighing hopelessly. "It's a shame that we did so much and got nothing out of it."
It was at this point Naruto spotted a funny-looking, glowing flower.