Fiction
They call me "jinzouningen".
Artificial human in english.
They could be partly right.
My name is Juuhachi-gou, nothing more, nothing less.
Though I have been incorrectly dubbed "android" on occasion.
You see, I'm a human with robotic enhancements.
Built to destroy.
Though I don't do much of that anymore.
I have a husband, Krillin, and a daughter, Marron.
They mean everything to me.
Touch them, or bring harm to them in any way, and I'll kill you.
I am Juuhachi-gou, and behind my eyes of ice you'd imaging a world of wonder.
Behind my eyes of ice there's a whole different story.
When my eyes turn on, I'm awake.
And then I can go about my "life".
As a human...
Human.
It seems foreign to me.
I bring my hands to my face. Hands coursing with the power to destroy the world. Are these human hands?
I swing my feet over the side of the mattress, feet touching down on the cold hardwood floor. I rise effortlessly, making my way to the closet, careful not to make noise and disturb my husband.
Husband?
Quickly pulling out my favourite pair of jeans and red sweater, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror from the corner of my eye. Turning fully, I gaze in silent contemplation at my reflection.
I have the perfect physique of a human. Able to pass freely amongst them.
But I'm not human.
It's so obvious.
Take one look into my eyes, and you'll notice it.
Nothing.
When you get to the bottom of this charade I fall prey to day after day, you understand the truth. My eyes reflect nothing. I guess you could call that an asset, as I can never show any form of weakness, but sometimes, I wish I could be...
...Weak.
I hate it all. Why must I be deceited with the appearance of a normal person, and yet, be cursed with this - this... Nothingness!
But I stop and correct myself.
There is something down there...
Closing my eyes, I turn away from the mirror. I get dress in haste, wasting no time to think. Because I do know what's down there. And I'm too afraid to look, for I fear I might never surface again.
It's the pull.
That damned, bloody pull. What sets me apart from everyone else.
The desire to kill.
Forever programmed into my being. And I hate. I hate walking outside and seeing the happy smiles of carefree people. Oh, don't get me wrong, I do feel and express happiness, but after it's gone, after the rush, at the end of my subconsious, there's the pull. But I won't give into it. And I've come too far to give up now.
I have a family...
As hard as it is to imagine, I do. My husband, Krillin, and my beautiful, thirteen year old daughter, Marron. I would have never believed it if someone told me that many years ago, that I, a "killing machine", would settle down. Yet it's true, and I wouldn't give it up for anything.
I turn to my right as a sound breaks me out of my thoughts. Krillin's awake, and is staring at me with a concerned look on his face.
"Umm, hun, you okay? You've been standing there now for about two minutes, and you haven't moved an inch," he inquires. That's Krillin for you. I cannot help but grant him a small smile. He cares for me too much, I think.
"I'm fine," I nod, "Just thinking about things." I reply. I watch as acceptance registers on his face, and he smile in return, but not befrore noticing that last glint of doubt in his eye before it's hidden.
"Alright. Oh, Bulma invited us yesterday to a dinner party later tonight. It'll just be for old friends. Wanna go? I know Marron is eager to see Trunks again." He said as he rises, grabbing a towel on his way towards the bathroom.
"Why not? Sounds like fun."
Fun.
"Great! Mind calling her and telling her we'll be there?" He asks before shutting the door. No problem.
No problem at all.
I sit apart from the activites, watching with amusement as Marron runs after Trunks and Goten. Pan in running after her, while dragging Bra along. Vegeta is sitting with Goku, probably discussing some spar or another, while Bulma and ChiChi engage in idle chatter. I move to join them, and we soon begin to talk about the latest gossip. Krillin's over on the grass with Yamcha, Tien, Chaozu, and Master Roshi. Gohan's with his wife, Videl, in an attempt to talk to the reclusive Piccolo. Just an average gathering, you'd say? Sure, you're absolutely correct.
Bulma makes an ironic comment, and we begin to laugh. I almost don't think about about how their laughter seems more pure, or how mine, a beautifully strung note, is laced with frost. I almost don't. Blinking once, I stand, politely excusing myself for a private walk around the Capsule Corp premises. I pause beside Mrs. Briefs' flower garden, silently wafting in the utter beauty of the aroma. Such sweet smelling things, so delicate, almost heartbreaking in their sincerity. They give us such beauty, in return for such little care. I reach out to touch a rose, when I feel a sudden prick on my fingertip. One of the thorns got me. I smile despite myself. Maybe not so delicate...
A voice. To my left.
"Who knew jinzouningen took the time to stop and smell the flowers?"
Vegeta.
Facing him, the curiosity apparent on my features. He leans casually against a tree trunk, observing me. A challenge in his eye, perhaps? I remain intact, not even so much as a flinch offered under his gaze. It is returned equally.
"Who knew princes hung about in stupid gardens?" I return. His smirk as he enjoys this conversation. I wonder how long he's been there? I didn't sense any ki, and didn't notice he had left Goku's side.
"Who says I do?" Vegeta says, regaining his footing, and crossing his arms. He turns his head to his side, giving me view of his profile. What was he waiting for? The "Prince of Saiyajin" doesn't grant you his precious time unless he finds a reason to.
"Why did you come here," I ask, in all honesty. He turns his head again, this time looking at me, staring right past me. God, what is he doing?
I don't move for the few seconds that our eyes locked. Vegeta turns away fully now, the smirk still adjorning his lips.
"Just rememer to wake up, once in a while. Don't forget why you're really here. Tch! Life's a bitch." And with that, he began to walk away.
Slanted eyes of palest blue widened.
For the first time, Juuhachigou was at an utter loss for word.
What does he mean, "wake up,"? What garbage is he spewing forth this time?
And that's when it hit me, full force, enough to make me clutch at the fabric of my shirt.
"Vegeta! What are you talking about?' I call out to him. But it was too late, he was already gone. My body shook with an unknown force; perhaps fear, perhaps something else. All I knew was that I had to get away - NOW.
"Krillin! Marron! Let';s go, we're leaving!" I command as I hurry back to the group. All eyes turn to me in confusion and I scoop my daughter up into my arms from her activites, and take to the air, leaving behind my bewildered husband.
"Honey! Where are you going!?" Krillin shouts after me. Forgive me Krillin, but I'm so lost now. I need to go home, to sort though my racing thoughts, my mind a torrential hurricane of vertigo, threatening to consume every fiber of my being.
I cry as wave after wave breaks against my heart. Krillin sits by my side. I silently thank Kami for giving me this man to support me. Marron is downstairs. There is no need for her to see me like this. A warmth snakes around my middle, and my liquid-blurred eyes take a second to focus on his face. I think he knows...
Almost as if reading my thoughts, he nods his head, sending me painfully into another round of tears.
The cool kiss of the wind feels wonderful against my skin, coursing through my hair. I lean back on the shingles of the roof, drowning in the sunset. So powerful, I let everything inside and around me fall away, like the sifting sands through fingers. I focus on the pigments presented through the sky seemingly lit on fire, and for once, I am at peace.
No worries, no pull, no desires, no "waking up".
Just sweet nothing.
Once I am ready, I let the day unfold before me.
Everything was going perfectly normal until he made those comments.
"Just rememer to wake up, once in a while."
Wake up?
"Don't forget why you're really here."
Why am I here?
"Tch! Life's a bitch."
Indeed.
I know what he means, even though I do not hold the answer to the burning question that has been plaguing me for the past few hours.
How did Vegeta know?
It's what I fear absolutely.
More than the pull?
Drawing my arms around my skin, I notice the sun has passed under the horizon, and the night air has become chilled. I jump down from my spot atop the roof, feeling the tiny grains of sand upon the soles of my bare feet. Wiggling my toes for a few second, I make my way inside the house.
That pervert old man is watching the TV box, some sort of aerobics show on. I grimace as I watch him drool over the stretching girls. He takes no notice of me. Snorting, I climb up the stairs towards my room. Krillin's in there, talking with Marron. After opening the door, Marron's eyes raise to my own and widen.
"Mama!" she calls, running to me and giving me a hug. I smile, returning the embrace. "What happened today? I was worried when we just left Bulma-san's party like that."
She looks so much like me...
"I'll tell you about it later, okay kid? Right now, you need to go to sleep." I ruffle her silky, blond hair gently, before she nods and makes her way out of the room, shutting the door quietly behind her. Leaving the room in tensed silence. I finally turn towards my husband, eyes boring into his own, sitting on th bed, feeling as it gives way slightly to my weight.
"Vegeta knows about coma." I state simply.
"What? That's impossible! How would he know?" Krillin returns, perplexed.
"I have no idea. It's not like I told him or anything." I grind my teeth together as I think. That damned, smart-ass prince. How did he find out about that?
And if he told anyone else?
My eyes trail their way down Krillin's body, stopping at his right wrist. He follows my line of vision and remains silent. He doesn't need to ask. He knows what I'm thinking of.
I blink as that memory returns to me. When I was in that god awful state of being I've named coma, I broke Krillin's wrist. It was a total accident, for I was unaware of what I was doing at the time.
It happened two years ago.
Marron, Krillin and I were watching a movie. I wasn't particularily enthralled as was my family. I was merely there for their company. We were about halfway through when the character said something that peaked my interest.
"You can never be like us!" the female one shouted. The beautiful male said nothing as she spoke.
"What's her problem?" I asked.
"Shh! Mama we're trying to listen!" Marron whispered, eyes glued to the screen. Well, excuse me.
"You're not alive! How could you think to be with me!" the female said. I continued to watch, my mind somewhere else, when the female spoke once again. This time, the effect was more profound. It rocked me to my very core, to say the least.
"You're a machine!"
Kami, could it be true!?
My mind snapped.
Machine!
MACHINE!
You can never be like us!
MACHINE!
You're not alive!
MACHINE!
How could you think t be with me!
MACHINE!
YOU'RE A MACHINE!!!
Machine!
I heard Marron and Krillin screaming my name, but it seemed so far away. I opened my eyes, and was greeted with a world not fit for words. It was nothing, and at the same time it was everything. It was upside down, but upright. This realm was like nothing I had ever experienced.
I screamed.
And ended up in a blue space. Like a small cube, it held me. Yet there were no walls, no ceiling, only a floor. I looked down, and saw my reflection. She was angry, destroying an entire city, killing any human that crossed her path. She was talking to a dark haired young man.
Junana-gou.
I wanted to touch her, tell her everything would be okay, that she didn't have to be like this, killing with my brother. I bent down, fingers hovering above the floor. I made to touch the suface, when my hand slipped through, pulling me through the floor.
I was floating in the air. I was in a different room now. One that made more sense to our three dimensional world. I suddenly realized that I recognized this room. One I had been seeing for so many years...
The old man spoke to us, even as we lay there on the table, deactivated. He was murmuring gentle words to us, how we would "grow to make him proud". He was a fool.
Gero laughe as he stroked our hair, eyes gleaming with insanity. My pull intensified as my hate grew. I wanted to kill this man. He was going to die now.
"Gero!" I screamed as I rushed at him, fist poised and ready to strike. He didn't even hear me. Poor fool. I twisted my body, swinging my fist out as it passed right through his head. My eyes widened in horror. What is going on!?
He rounded on me, eyes alight, laughing at me in his maddened state. I wanted to rip his jaw off to shut him up!
"I've been waiting for you, Juuhachi-gou!" he practically spat.
"Wait on this you bastard!!" I lunged for him once again, kicking and sending a volley of punches to him, watching as the all swept right through his body. I couldn't touch him, no matter how hard I tried. He continued to laugh, which pissed me off even more. Suddently, two beings were standing at his back. Myself and my brother. Good, they would finish off this idiot.
They raised their palms, hands glowing with ki. My eyes widened. They were aiming at me. I looked on as a cruel grin crept up on their lips, and they fired, hitting me square on. I didn't have time to scream as I was flung back, and all I could hear was that man's incessant laughter.
I openned my eyes to total darkness. I seemed to be floating in an abyss. I had no idea of which way way up or down. I looked down at myself. I could clearly make out my own body, as if I was creating my own light, and I was nude. The though never even crossed my mind as to where my clothes had gone.
It was intensely cold, my body was even feeling it. There was a black ocean below me, waves crashing against unknow rocks. How did I not notice the water before? And how could it be darker than this -sky?- I was suspended in, and still be possible to view. It didn't matter, because I seemed to be lowering towards it. I didn't become alarmed until a hand shot out from the water, grabbing my ankle. It yanked me down into the water, pulling down farther and farther. My yell expelled as bubbles, and I kicked my foot, getting myself free. I swam furiously to the, focused on my strokes, as I had no idea where the surface was, or how far I had been pulled down. Finally, I broke from the surface.
I barely had time to take in a breath and fly out of the water before another hand grabbed my arm. I tried to shake it off, but more emerged from the water, long nails cutting my into my skin. I powered up, twisting and trying to fly higher, anywhere to get away, but they only pulled harder.
Soon they were all over my body, on my legs, arms, face... I couldn't fight against them. Where had my strength gone? I struggled as my legs entered the water.
"I can't end like this!" I protested. But there were so many hands, pulling me down...
My torso entered the water.
God, this must be a dream...
I was submerged down to my neck.
No...
I screamed one last time before I was pulled under.
"Juuhachi-gou?"
"Can you hear me?"
"Wake up!"
"Wake up!"
Wake up...
"Juuhachi-gou?"
I blinked.
"Hun?" Krillin continued, eyebrows drawn. I had blanked out.
"Sorry," I whispered. I took his wrist in my hand, examining it. Krillin had told me I'd been out for a week, eyes open, simply staring at the ceiling where they had put me in my bed. When he had touched me at the end of that week, my hand shot out and grasped hiw wrist, squeezing until all the bones shattered. I vaguely remember that, for I was still "trapped in the black ocean". What I don't remeber is feeling sorry for what I had done. Because there's nothing to feel. Perhaps I could have felt remorse, but I just didn't.
Krillin deserves better.
I was taking a walk through a forest. No forest in particular. Just walking, enjoying being outside. I was sporting a rather fashionable off-white leather bomber jacket that was fitting around the waist and quite pretty, matched with simple blue stretch denim jeans. What can I say? I like being in style. It was early morning, so the air was still fresh and crisp, as only morning air can be. I was enjoying my time to myself. Marron was gone to school, and Krillin was working. Leaving me with nothing to worry about.
I tried talking to Vegeta. He never gave me the answers I wished to hear. It still piques my interest from time to time, but I let it go. That's one mystery I'll never solve.
Krillin had told the others that I hadn't been feeling well that day I took off from Bulma's party. I'm not so sure they bought it, but I don't care. It's not their business to know what truly happened.
Sighing, I step out into a clearing. My favourite place on this stupid planet. A cliff that drops thousands of feet. This place has the best view. The land could carry your eyes on forever. I was once under the illusion that I could see the curving surface of the Earth from here. I'm still not positive on that one. But the valley below is beautiful. Far on the left side of the horizon stands a waterfall, dropping from a cliff I assume is as high as the one I currently stand upon. From the falls, a river snakes its way somewhat through the middle of the forest below, curving out of view. I'm glad the humans haven't found this place yet. They would just end up building another damn city.
I come here to think. Here, there is no demand to try to fit in. Here, I can be myself, however that may be. There are no expectations. Another sigh passes from my lips as I tuck loose strands of my blond hair behind my ear, absently flicking at my golden hoop.
"Shoot, now what?" I ask myself, kicking a stone off the edge. I walk over to the very edge of the cliff, and look down. I'm sure if I was human, I'd be quite afraid. If I were to fall as a human, it would be to my death. Good thing I'm not human.
I still feel mechanical, like a robot, not human. And sometimes, it takes everything not to let myself fall back into coma. Combined with the pull, they make a deadly foe, beckoning at me from the back of my mind with promises of sweet release. Though I am finding it easier to ignore this calling.
I come here to escape reailty, because there's nothing else. Is my family nothing else? No, they are my driving force, my sustenance, my safety net I fall back onto when the world seems too much to handle. And I like to know that I help them as well. I think I can say I love them. I never thought I could love, but I do. Is it that warm sensation that spreads through my body when I think of my daughter or my husband, or whenever I am near them? I think it is love. It burns too passionately not to be.
Perhaps one day, I'll regain total control over my body. I hope so.
Until then, I'm stuck with waiting, and hoping.
I will wait.
I will fight off the demon so carefully installed into my being.
I am no android.
I am no killing machine.
I am Juuhachi-gou, and behind my eyes of ice you'd imaging a world of wonder.
Behind my eyes of ice there's a whole different story.
Behind my eyes of ice lies my fiction.
She's lost in coma where it's beautiful.
Intoxicated from the deep sleep, deep sleep.
Do you wonder what it's like,
Living in a permanet imagination?
Sleeping to escape reality,
But you like it like that.
Guilty by design,
She's nothing more than fiction.
She dreams in digital.
'Cause it's better than nothing.
Now that control is gone.
It seems unreal,
She's dreaming in digital.
'Cause it's better than nothing.
Now that control is gone.
It seems unreal,
She's dreaming in digital.
She dreams in digital.
And your pixel army can't save you now,
My finger's on the kill switch.
I remember I used to compose your dreams.
Control your dreams...
And don't be afraid to expose yourself,
Before I shut you down.
You've made some changes since the
Virus caught you sleeping.
Guilty by design,
She's nothing more than fiction.
She dreams in digital.
'Cause it's better than nothing.
Now that control is gone.
It seems unreal,
She's dreaming in digital.
Dreams in digital...
'Cause it's better than nothing.
Now that control is gone.
It seems unreal,
She's dreaming in digital.
Dreams in digital...
She dreams in digital.
Guilty by design...
'Cause it's better than nothing.
Now that control is gone.
It seems unreal,
She dreaming in digital
She's nothing more than fiction.
Fiction...
'Cause it's better than nothing.
Now that control is gone.
It seems unreal,
She's dreaming in digital
Dreams in digital...
- "Fiction (Dreams in Digital)" by Orgy
I would like to give some credit to Sailor Otaku, for it was after reading her story about Juuhachi-gou and "Fiction" that this idea sprang from. Thanks.
Disclaimer: I do not hold any rights concerning the characters of the Dragonball world. The belong to Akira Toriyama and FUNImation respectively. This work was created purely for entertainment purposes only. I also do not hold any rights over the lyrics or title of Ficton, they belong to Orgy and Elementree/Reprise Records respectively.