A/N: I just had a random idea for this one-shot. Hope you like it.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I wish I did…but I don't.
102 things that Emmett Cullen is NOT allowed to do… :D
1. Emmett Cullen is not allowed to propose to Bella on her wedding day…
2. He can't even propose to Edward…
3. And especially not Charlie…
4. Emmett Cullen is not allowed to call Jacob "Ab-tastic!" or mock him by saying, "look at my bazillion abs muscles."
5. Emmett Cullen is not allowed to assassinate the President of Russia.
6. ….Or the president of America
7….not even the president of China!
8. Emmett Cullen is not allowed to become a ninja.
9….or wear a ninja suit.
10…or touch a sword.
11. He's not allowed to ship Bella to Madagascar while she's asleep.
12. He can't ask Carlisle out.
13. Or Esme
14. Or Jasper
15. Or Edward.
16. Or Alice
17. Or Bella.
18. He can't call Bella an evil elf who is trying to take over the vampires.
19. Or Alice.
20. Or Esme.
21. He can't pretend to melt whenever he's near water.
22. He can't spread lies about having an affair with Edward.
23…Or Jasper.
24. Emmett Cullen is not allowed to dress up as a superhero.
25…no matter how cute he thinks he looks in tights.
26. Emmett Cullen is not allowed to dress up as Dumbledore and walk around saying "I am the real Santa Clause! Fear my mighty beard!"
27…actually he can't dress up as any Harry Potter characters
28. Emmett Cullen is not allowed to sing Hannah Montana.
29…or Madonna
30…actually he's not allowed to sing. AT ALL.
Cullen is not allowed to call the Volvo gay…
32. Emmett Cullen is not allowed to burn Alice's wardrobe…
33….and blame it on Edward.
34. Emmett Cullen is not allowed to jump off the Empire State Building screaming "I'm SUPERMAN!"
35. Run around school singing "I'm a Barbie Girl. In a Barbie World~"
36. Walk around the house in his underwear and sing "It's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes."
37. Spray paint "Emmett Rules!" on Bella's truck.
36…or the Volvo.
37. Steal Bella's sexiest bra…
38…then wear it to school.
39. Refer to Jasper's empathy as "PMS"
40. Tell anyone that he's the real Draco Malfoy…
41….and that he had an affair with Harry Potter
42. Tell everyone that he's pregnant…
43. And the baby's Edward's
44. Paint a mustache on Bella while she's asleep…
45…and then blame it on Edward.
46…Remake the movie Salt
47…and blow up Russia.
48. Sing hot by Avril Lavigne
49. Buy Edward a strip poll…
50…then force him to use it.
51…audition for American Idol
52…and refuse to leave until they send him to Hollywood.
53…then beat up all the security guards.
54. And kidnap Randy Jackson.
55…then force him to go on a diet.
56. Pelt his family members with random fruits.
57. Pretend he's Jack Sparrow…
58…then buy a boat…
59…and scream "Argh! I want me Rum!"
60. Lock Jasper in a room with 60 bipolar pregnant women.
61. Hit on Jacob…
62…and say "Jacob I love your bazillion abs muscles!"
63…then buy him a pink collar for Valentines Day.
64. Go to Italy…
65…and tell Aro he loves him.
66…then beg on his knees saying "Aro! My love! Take me!"
67. Emmett Cullen cannot dress up as a pixie/fairy and walk around saying "Hello. My name is Alice."
68. At Bella and Edward's wedding when the priest says "Is there anyone who has a reason that these two people should not be wed. Please speak now or forever hold your peace." He can't scream, "I have a reason! Edward is my secret lover!"
69. Tell everyone Carlisle is really Voldemort in disguise.
70. Rob a bank…
71. Walk around at Halloween labeling all the kids wannabes
72. Set McDonalds on fire…
73. and steal all the bigmacs
74. Seduce Carlisle
75. or Edward
76. Or Jasper.
77. Cut all of Alice's credit cards…
78….And blame it on Jacob
79. Feed Jacob hot dogs then scream "He's eating Seth! NOOOOOO!"
80. Steal all of Rosalie's magazines and tell her you left them in bathroom.
81. Take Nessie to a strip club.
82. Call Carlisle Doctor Fang.
83. Convince Edward that Bella is having an affair with Mike Newton.
84. Paint Alice's Nails
85….or paint Alice's room.
86. Actually just don't paint.
87. Dye Rosalie's hair blue.
88….and call say she's a mermaid.
89. Go around saying "Come to the dark side…WE HAVE COOKIES!"
90. Play football….
91. Or Basketball….
92…he just shouldn't play sports.
93. Sing in Spanish…
94…with an English accent.
95. Reenact The Rocky Horror Picture.
96. Put on a skirt…
97…and lip gloss
98. Then say he's the female version of Edward.
99. Ask Carlisle if he ever met Dracula.
100. Burn Alice's clothes and tell her she should have scene it coming.
101. And finally! Emmett Cullen is not allowed to take off his clothes in gym class and sing "I'm too Sexy for my shirt" and lap dance Jasper at the same time.
"Hey Emmett! You got more fan mail!" Carlisle called from the living room. Emmett walked in looking irritable and Carlisle waved the list in his face. "More list? I can't do anything fun anymore!" Emmett growled and pinned the list next to the hundreds of others that he has; then walked to the kitchen.
BOOM!
"What the..?" Carlisle walked into the kitchen and stood there gaping.
#102. Emmett Cullen is not allowed to stick fireworks into the toaster.
A/N: Hope you liked it. I blame this on chocolate and sugar. Anyway, review if you want. Thanks for reading!