Title: Letters
Disclaimer: not mine, never will be.
A/N: Randomly conceived this idea for all of the Scoobies left after some big epic battle (information undisclosed… J) were asked to write letters to Buffy by none other than Giles. Buffy was lost, her own finale, in the battle to save the world yet again. This time, she's truly dead, without any hope of resurrection. And here's what the Scoobies each have to say about their beloved Buffy, and what is going on at the current time with the rest of the gang…enjoy (kinda depressing…)
Buffy,
Giles asked us to do this. Although none of us really know why. I mean, it's kind of a stupid idea, writing a letter to someone who's never gonna get it because, well, you're kind of dead. But he asked us to do it, and it's Giles, so I mean, we're all sitting here writing you letters. I guess he's gonna burn them or something, hoping you can read them in the ashes that float up to heaven. Wouldn't that be nice? Or wouldn't it be even better if you could just come up out of the ground again and be okay? And live with us again, making things right in the world like you always do? But that's not gonna happen either, because, well, you're dead, you got killed in that final battle, but you saved us Buffy. Not like Spike did, but you saved us all, somehow you managed to win it. You make us really proud.
I don't really know what I'm supposed to be writing to you about. I mean, you can probably watch us from where you are, just moseying around like not a lot has changed. Giles is not doing okay. He had really big hopes of you, after Spike and that whole soul issue he thought you'd actually found a companion, one you and we all trust. Poor Giles, I mean, you were like a daughter to him. He wanted you to out live him. He says a lot of times that if he could re-enact what happened, he'd of taken your place, no doubt. I mean, come on, you and Spike were looking at engagement rings! He has shipped off all of his dusty old books to other watchers around the world, says he has no use for them anymore and they just remind him of you. They reminded all of us of you, so we're all kind of glad he got rid of them. (They smelled really funny too.)
Willow's okay. I don't know if I'd be holding up as well as she is after seeing both you die, and Tara die, before you, you know. She's kind of lost her mind a little, she sings a lot, and won't laugh at anyone's jokes. She's taken over the guest room, because Giles took mom's room, since Willow wouldn't go near it after Tara got shot. I'm still in my room, and Xander sleeps on the couch. God only knows what Spike does anymore, we don't see much of him.
Spike's not doing well at all. We see him on occasion when he stops by to ask if you've come back yet. He keeps hoping that he'll see you, and you can see it in his eyes when he hears someone walk down the stairs to ask who it is, but the color always leaves his eyes and he stalks out of the house. I followed him once, found him sitting by your grave, crying so hard his body was shaking. I wanted to go over and sit next to him, but didn't want to disturb him. The next time I saw him I made sure I gave him a hug though. Said it was from you, and that made him smile, the only smile he's had since the day before you died. He won't tell stories anymore, and he just sits in the basement and cries. I've never seen or heard a man cry so much, but Spike makes up for it. He just keeps going and going, he really loved you Buffy. Every night, after he comes in (I think he sneaks off to your grave. Willow wants to make it off limits to him, but no one has the heart) he writes something down in a book he keeps hidden in the basement, and then says "Grace my dreams once more my love, let me save you once again, see your smiling face again, let me let you live again." And then he curls up with Mr. Gordo and cries. I don't think he's slept or eaten anything in a while. It's really sad and miserable. Xander made the mistake one day of telling him to stake himself if he was just that depressed and Willow and I went down to do laundry and found him bleeding from a wound in his chest where he had managed to barely miss his heart with a stake. He laughs about it now, but I think he wishes it hadn't missed.
Xander cried the first few days, and now just mopes around like the rest of us, trying to cheer us up with the Snoopy dance, or some joke, but nothing works. I feel so bad for him, he tries, but we just can't get over the fact that we lost you. We go on patrol three times a week, but don't ever find anything, of course, we wouldn't because you shut off any hellish demons from coming into this universe again. But it still would be nice to see something. It feels so strange not having a vampire to attack. Back to Xander- it's really amusing to see him try to cook. Wish you were here to try his food, some of it's as bad as mine, it just looks better. He does a lot of fixing up of the house. You wouldn't believe it now, it's just had so much work done to it. It's beautiful. Giles said we should sell it, I should move in with Willow, Xander should get a real job, and Spike should just leave, but no one has the heart too. Giles hasn't brought it up again, Xander said there was no way he was leaving the house, after all it's been through, it probably wouldn't stand up without the Scoobies inside of it.
Buffy, we all miss you. Sometimes we wish if we see a fresh vamp grave, that it would be you so that Will could restore your soul and things would be back to normal. But we found that that will never happen. You're grave is covered in flowers, we picked you out a plot overlooking the park. I love to go up and sit there and talk to your headstone. I know you can't hear me, but it's nice to have a big sis who I can talk to and not give me smart ass comments back. But Buffy, I miss you, I wish you were back here with me. I have no clue what to do about boys (and Willow's no help), prom or any of the other high school things I still have yet to experience. I've got this family Buffy, but none of them are you, none of them can give me 'Summers' hugs, or make hot cocoa like you and mom did with the little marshmallows. No one can make Spike act like Spike again, except you Buffy. It hurts so bad to know that you're gone Buffy. It hurts so bad that I don't want to feel anymore. Buffy I miss you so much, you're my sister and my best friend, why won't you come back to me? I love you Buffy, with all my heart.
Love,
Dawn