A/N: I have no idea where this came from...ok that's a lie, I was chatting with HyperKid via Twitter and we started coming up with things Lucifer might have done that caused him to leave. I decided to write it up, because well i got a really funny idea and I wanted to write petulant Lucifer so here it is, 5 cracktastic ways Lucifer didn't actually fall from grace, and the 1 way he did

1. In Which Lucifer Really Doesn't Want A Fiddle

Lucifer looked up at his father eagerly, body slightly vibrating in anticipation.

Today he was getting a gift. The content of said gift remained unknown, but it had to be good, after all he was Dad's favorite.

He was the most beautiful of his brothers, wings a shimmering white with a golden hue, his hair sandy blond, and eyes a stormy shade of hazel, he truly was magnificent, and Daddy loved him best!

Michael, the perfect soldier, could never please Dad, regardless if he followed every order, and he had still been presented with his very own lion's den. Gabriel, who often drove Dad to his wit's end with his crazy antics and whacked out plans, had been bequeathed a sterling silver trumpet, handcrafted by Father's own two hands. Raphael, well who cared about Raph, he was a dick; Dad should have sent him to reform school.

But surely, his gift, would be better, it had to be. He was Daddy's little boy and if his brothers had received such lavished gifts, his would have to be 10 times better…minimum.

"Lucifer, my boy, I've got a special gift for you."

Lucifer most certainly did not bounce in joy. Nor did he beam up at Father, flashing a 1000 watt smile, but rather he coolly nodded and gave a small smile. He really did, don't listen to Gabriel, he was dropped on his head after all.

"Yes Father," his voice was steady, no edge of excitement and definitely no cracks.

Dad reached behind his back and pulled forth…a violin?

"This is a fiddle son, its gold plated, I melded it myself."

Lucifer looked at the instrument dubiously, blinking he moved his gaze between the "fiddle" and his Father's face.

"I don't want it."

"Lucifer, this is a gift!"

Shaking his head, Lucifer backed up. "Nuh-uh, I don't want it."

"Lucifer, take your gift."

"No!"

"Lucifer, I worked very hard on this, now if you don't take it-"

Crossing his arms over his chest, Lucifer shook his head vehemently, "you can't make me!"

"I can," was the cold response as Dad stepped forward to Lucifer. "Now take your fiddle son and go to your room."

"No Dad, I. Don't. Want. It."

"Room now," Dad roared pushing the fiddle forward.

"No!"

"Lucifer, if you want to get out sometime this millennia, I suggest you take your fiddle and go."

Hands clenching into fists Lucifer shook with rage. Face turning red, Lucifer stomped his foot down glaring up at Dad.

"I'm leaving," he cried turning around and marching towards the door.

"What?"

"Leaving!"

"Lucifer, you get back here this instant! Lucifer, do you hear me? You walk out that door and that's it!"

"Still leaving," Lucifer sang marching more determinedly towards the door.

"Don't you dare take one more step!"

"Or what," Lucifer sneered turning around.

"Or…you're cut off!"

Lucifer rolled his eyes, fat chance, "You're going to have to do better than that Dad."

"Lucifer! I'll send Michael after you, don't think I won't."

Lucifer barked out a laugh, "I'd like to see you try."

"Lucifer!"

"Bye," Lucifer called out waving a hand as he walked through the exit. Then stopping momentarily, Lucifer turned around to face his father. "Oh, and you can keep your damn fiddle and shove it," and those were Lucifer's last words in Heaven.

God stood dumbfounded staring at the spot where his second oldest once stood.

"Damn, perhaps I should have gone with the Kazoo like Gabriel mentioned."