Disclaimer: Hazzy P isn't mine.
A/N: This is a bonus chapter for my story Chaos, although it can easily be read as a one-shot. This is for all those reviewers who were like 'Bill and Snape? WTF?'
Hope this explains things :D Oh, and I decided to post it as a one-shot because I didn't want to disrupt the flow of the actual story, as this obviously happens so long ago there was no way to fit it in.
Hope you all enjoy it :)
Edit: I revised the ending, hopefully it's funnier now :) The first time I wrote it I was rushed off my feet and not really in the mood. But I'm more relaxed now, so I think it's turned out better now.
Peeves cackled as he swooped down the hallway, causing a few first years to startle and run, terrified, away from him. This was probably a wise thing to do, although to them it had merely been second nature, as Peeves had a plan. It was not a wise plan, nor was it a particularly carefully thought out one, but it was a plan that would, for two people, make sure that this was a Christmas that they would never forget.
A tall red head was humming Christmas songs to himself as he strolled down a fourth floor corridor, on his way to meet a particularly pretty little sixth year in a particularly small little broom closet. He wore black leather trousers and a red knitted sweatshirt with a Christmas pudding on it. A head boy badge was pinned to his chest, though it looked slightly grubby as though it had fallen in a puddle of mud and the owner had not bothered to clean it after. His hair was shoulder length and wavy, and his blue eyes were twinkling with happiness. He would graduate Hogwarts in just half a year, and he had just, that morning, received his acceptance letter from Gringotts, allowing him into their curse breaker program as long as he got the N.E.W.T. grades he was predicted. Altogether, life was good for this particular Weasley, and not even having to stay at Hogwarts for Christmas (his parents were off visiting relatives) could bring his good mood down.
There was, however, something just around the corner that would bring his happiness crashing down around his feet.
With a painstakingly perfected billow of his cloak, a greasy haired man swept up the staircase, intent on reaching the fourth floor and catching the two Gryffindors in the act. Oh, the points he would take off would be enough to put Slytherin in first place. That stupid cat would have to wipe the smug look off of her face, finally. If he hadn't had a reputation to uphold then he would have squealed with delight when one of his fifth year Slytherins came to him with the information (though how she had found out, he didn't like to ask). He had no chance of winning the Quidditch cup this year, not with Charlie Weasley on the Gryffindor team (although that same fifth year Slytherin girl had had some very interesting ideas about bludger accidents and the hospital wing- sometimes he worried about her) but the house cup would be his, goddamnit.
It was with a smirk on his lips and triumph in his eyes that he stormed around the corner.
I would like to say that what happened next would become the stuff of legend, the kind of stuff half the first years know even before they come to the school, even before they have a clue who Severus Snape and Bill Weasley are. But, alas, the hallway was deserted when it happened, and neither party was too keen to talk about it afterwards. They even went so far as to threaten Peeves with the Bloody Baron, and so the story wouldn't come out until the red head drunkenly let slip one night. But that would be years after the incident and by then almost all of the fun was gone out of knowing.
But anyway, back to that fateful corner.
Bill had just enough time to register the excitement in a pair of dark eyes coming towards him before the eyes had crashed into him and he was falling to the floor with a thud. A twin thud from just in front of him told him that the dark eyes had also fallen over, not that this made him feel any better, nor did it make the pain in his newly bruised head go away.
"Weasl-" Snape's yell was cut off by a popping sound. Both men looked up to where the sound had come from and saw a sprig of mistletoe hanging in the air above their heads. They stared at it, confused, for a second before the ghostly form of Peeves began to fade into view. His grin was enormous and toothy as he lay on his stomach in the air, one hand quirked upwards, the mistletoe caught between his finger and thumb. Assuming ghosts have fingers and thumbs that is.
"Well, well, what do we have here? An ickle Weasel and a scary bat. Yes, I think you'll do nicely. Enjoy your day," And with that the poltergeist faded into nothing again, leaving no mark of his presence but for the sprig of mistletoe still hanging innocently in the air. There was deathly silence for a second as the two men processed what had just happened before-
"PEEVES!" The yell came, unexpectedly, from Bill as he jumped to his feet, ignoring the pain in his head for now- he had more pressing matters, after all. Like what did the mistletoe mean, and was he already late meeting that sixth year?
"Mr Weasley, contain yourself. Now, as I was going to say before Peeves interrupted, 40 points from Gryffindor," the glee was barely hidden in Snape's voice but he didn't care. He had wanted to catch the boy in front of him in a broom closet so that he could take off even more points, but no, Peeves just had to interrupt, didn't he. The potions master conveniently forgot that his plan had been ruined before Peeves even came along, and concentrated instead on the mysterious plant above his head.
"But sir!" Bill started, before gulping and quickly restraining his Weasley temper. I'm head boy, I'm head boy, I'm head boy, he chanted to himself. He had been doing that a lot this year, knowing that his mother would probably castrate him if he lost his badge. "Yes, sir. Sorry, sir," He ground out, "What do you suppose that mistletoe means, sir?" Professor Snape gave him a withering glare, telling him silently that he was not fooled by Bill's 'good boy' act.
"Probably some mindless prank of that damn poltergeist," Snape snapped, levelly Bill with one final glare before sweeping around the younger man and storming off down the corridor, his cloak billowing ominously after him. Or, at least, that was what he tried to do. Try as he might, he couldn't move a step away from Bill. With a panicked look, the potions master pulled out his wand and began to cast various revealing spells upon the sprig. After a second's hesitation Bill retrieved his own wand from his back pocket and began muttering under his breath, using all of his knowledge of runes and spell breaking.
But nothing they did made any difference. The sprig of mistletoe stayed where it was, floating above their heads, motionless and taunting them! Bill gave up and let the Weasley temper out, flinging spell after spell at the plant while roaring a battle cry the likes of which Snape had never heard.
"Calm yourself down, boy!" he yelled, grabbing hold of the Gryffindor's shoulders. The red head turned to his professor, a desperate look on his face.
"But Pelly Moon, sir. Pelly Moon! Pelly fucking Moon!"
"Is an insufferably giggly young lady. She is also probably long gone by now, Mr Weasley, and so there are more pressing matters than that to attend to."
"You don't understand, sir! She's gorgeous! She's... I mean... she's Pelly Moon! Half the school openly fancies her and the other half are lying to themselves, and she's waiting in a broom closet for me. Right now, I don't care about points and I don't care about... about anything but getting to that closet." It was clear that Bill was desperate, if he was telling all of this to Professor Snape of all people. Some small part of his mind groaned, knowing that he would regret his outburst, but the main part of his brain, the part that was in control, no longer cared. How was it possible that only twenty minutes ago everything was going right for him?
"If you do not pull yourself together, Weasley, it will be detention for the rest of the year," Snape snarled, sneering at the red head, "Now, if I were a poltergeist what would I find funny?" The professor was so busy thinking he didn't notice when his student's face blanched and he turned, if possible, even paler than he had been before.
"U-Uh, P-professor?" Bill stammered, hoping more than anything that he was wrong, that his professor would make a snarky remark and brush off his idea. But he knew as soon as Snape said those last words, exactly what it would be that Peeves would find funny.
"Yes, Weasley?"
"I t-t-think I might know what we have to do." At this, Bill looked pointedly up at the sprig of mistletoe and within seconds he saw realisation dawn on his professor's face.
"No bloody way," Snape hissed.
The moon was shining down on the grounds, and almost every occupant of the castle was safely tucked into bed. I say almost because there were two men slumped on opposite sides of a certain fourth floor corridor, stubbornly looking anywhere but each other, but most definitely, one hundred percent wide awake. It had been hours since they had been trapped together under the mistletoe both unsurprisingly refusing to do what the mistletoe asked of them.
"Oh, for fuck's sake," Bill suddenly yelled before jumping to his feet and crossing the corridor in one swift stride. He stopped in front of his professor and bent down, laying a quick kiss in the older man's lips. "If you dare take points for that, I swear to Merlin..." the red head trailed off threateningly as he straightened up. Or, at least, as he tried to straighten up. To his shock, his professor had grabbed the back of his head and was kissing him fiercely.
"Wha-eww-fuc-" Bill mumbled as he struggled to get away from Snape's lips. But the potions master was stronger than Bill had thought, and he had no success in escaping until- "GAH-HA!" He yelled as he pushed particularly hard on his professor's shoulders, dislodging Snape's mouth from his own with a disturbing squelching sound.
"WHAT THE FUCK?" The red-head yelled, backing away down the corridor. Snape's eyes widened to enormous proportions as he realised what he had just done.
"Oh-ah-um... IT WAS THE HAIR, DAMNIT!" He finally screamed, also edging backwards, keen to be out of his student's presence.
"My... hair? What is wrong with you?" But Snape wasn't listening, his eyes roving wildly as he stumbled backwards down the corridor, muttering to himself.
"Fucking... red heads...shit... it was just the hair!" Was all Bill heard before he turned and fled, vowing to block the entire incident out of his brain. Unfortunately for him, it would keep resurfacing over the years, haunting his dreams and providing his friends with many laughs.