Title: The Kids Are Alright
Author: snarkysweetness
Rating: PG
Characters: Skye, Fitz, & Coulson; mentions to Skyeward & Fitzsimmons
Summary: After Trip's 'memorial' Skye and Fitz have some bonding time.
Warnings: Spoilers for the mid-season premiere and lots of tears according to Tiff.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Author's Notes: My sweet, precious babies.
"Are you sure you'll be okay?" Skye pulled her pillow closer and gave Coulson a nod, grateful he'd checked in on her as soon as he'd gotten home. She wanted to ask him how it'd went, but she wasn't sure she could handle that right now. She couldn't risk him finding out what she was, not until she could wrap her head around it. She hated lying to him but after seeing Jemma today…
"Goodnight, sir," she whispered, needing him to leave. Having him around only reminded her that she was keeping something from him and she already felt guilty enough without more of it pouring in.
Coulson smiled down at her sadly, gave her shoulder a squeeze, and turned her lamp off on the way out.
Skye turned onto her back and stared up at the celling. It was nice to be back in her own bunk but she'd had enough lying around. She wasn't tried; not physically at least. Now, emotionally on the other hand…
She closed her eyes, trying to keep her heart-rate under control.
Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to take something, just to sleep easily and give herself a break from trying to decipher whatever was going on within her body.
"Come in," she called, hearing shuffling outside her door. A moment later Fitz poked his head in sheepishly and she gave him a sad smile. "Hi, Fitz."
Fitz slipped in and closed the door behind him. "I made you a new monitor, it's not linked to the system but I thought you might want it. You know, to keep track of your pulse," he whispered, unsure of himself.
Skye sat up and made room for Fitz, giving the mattress a pat to let him know he could join her. Fitz hesitated for a moment, glancing around for any 'girly' items before sitting on the edge of her bed, holding out what appeared to be one of those fit-bits. She took the black band from him and placed it on her wrist, grateful he'd thought of her and even more grateful that he was sticking by her, even with the knowledge of what she'd done.
"Thank you, Fitz; this will help."
They hadn't spoken about it but it was clear her heart-rate was linked to whatever it was going on inside of her.
Earthquakes, she reminded herself. You're causing earthquakes.
It took every ounce of control left in her body not to burst into tears but Fitz had caught on and reached for her hand. Skye realized her eyes were wet and she let Fitz pull her into a hug in the hoped that her tears would stay put.
"I hate lying to them," she whispered. She hated lies. It was part of this job, sure, but secrets were different than lies. At least in her book; and this didn't feel like a secret, it was a lie. She wasn't trying to keep them safe, she was hiding and it wasn't right.
"I know, Skye, but you saw Jemma. I've never…I've never seen her like this. And Mack…I just want to see if they calm down. Give them time to grieve. It's like any of us are in a very good place.
Besides, we don't even know what this is; we don't need anyone jumping to conclusions."
"And talking about killing my kind off?" Skye whispered bitterly, pulling away.
It made her sick. Not everyone with powers was bad. No one asked for them (except maybe Raina) and you could learn to control them.
Jemma was just…
Skye glanced down at her lap, fighting back more tears.
Jemma was having the reaction Cal had warned her about.
But he'd been wrong because Fitz understood. Fitz had deceived his oldest friend, their entire organization, to keep her safe. And Skye knew, deep down, that Coulson and May would do the same and that scared her. Because as much as she loved them she knew that S.H.I.E.L.D. came first, keeping the world safe had to come first, and the thought that they would compromise that for her was just as scary as the changes she was experiencing.
"She'll come around…she has to."
Skye looked at him sadly, finally understanding what he'd been going through for the past year. A small part of her was still angry that Jemma had run when it was so clear he needed her. But it didn't matter, they had each other and Skye wasn't going to abandon him any sooner than he would abandon her.
"Fitz, is there something going on? Something you haven't told me?"
He knew her darkest secret; Skye didn't see the point in not being completely transparent now.
Fitz glanced down and shook his head but Skye knew a lie when she saw one.
"Fitz…please. I've wanted to help for months but I didn't know how and…just talk to me," she pleaded, reaching for his hand.
"It's silly…I mean, Trip's gone, your…it's not important," he muttered, avoiding her eyes.
Skye squeezed his hand firmly and met his eyes. "Yes, it is," she whispered fiercely, wanting him to know how important he was.
"It's Jemma…" Of course it was. "I'm the reason she left. I broke…everything."
"Fitz, that's not true-"
"I told her how I felt." Skye didn't need to ask what that was; anyone with eyes could see how in love with her he was. "And then I forced her to take the oxygen. I couldn't let her die and…it was selfish of me to tell her, to put that on her; I should have kept my mouth shut.
And now…we can't even be alone in the same room.
I know she looks at me and sees how broken I am. She wants me to be the same old Fitz and I'm not the same. I'm different and she…" He shrugged sadly. "And after today…I don't even know who she is anymore."
"Fitz, that's not your fault. You were a hero. You were willing to die so she could live.
And you're right; but it's not just you, none of us are the same anymore. We've all been through too much. She just needs time.
And she doesn't think you're broken, Fitz. I think she feels guilty and she doesn't know how to deal with it."
She'd left because she thought he would get better. She couldn't have known he'd get worse. Skye knew that and deep down so did Fitz.
"I just want my best friend back," Fitz whispered sadly, giving Skye pangs in her chest. "I was never good enough for her and I was lucky to be her friend and I shouldn't have told her…I can deal with her not loving me back but not being her friend? It's even worse than dealing with how broken my brain is."
This time it was Skye hugging Fitz and she squeezed him tightly, never wanting to let him go. "She's an idiot not to love you, Fitz," Skye whispered angrily. He deserved more than to see himself this way. He was brave and wonderful and any girl would be lucky to have him. "And you will be friends again, maybe it won't be the same and it's going to take time but you'll get there. And if you don't…you still have me; for whatever that's worth."
Fitz kissed her temple as he pulled away and smiled. "You're not a bad replacement," he teased and Skye smiled.
"I shot Ward," she admitted with a frown.
"I heard."
She toyed with her monitor with a sigh. "Everyone keeps telling me how brave it was and how he deserved it but…" She shook her head, close to tears again.
"You love him."
She nodded. Shooting the man you love, killing one of your best friends, and getting the power to cause earthquakes all in one day. Skye wondered then they'd make her Lifetime movie.
"I didn't do it because I was mad or because I thought he would hurt me. I know that's what they think but…" she stared down at her lap guiltily. "I knew he'd come after me," she admitted, "try to stop me, to keep me safe. I don't know why I had to go down there, to make sure Raina didn't screw things up, because it was calling to me, because I wanted to be a big damn hero," she shrugged, "but I knew he'd stop me so I made sure he couldn't."
Skye glanced up at Fitz with tears in her eyes. "I could have killed him. What's wrong with me?"
Fitz shook his head. "Skye, you thought the Obelisk would kill millions of people-"
"And we were going to blow up the city!"
"You acted in the moment-"
"Trip died going after me! And I didn't even realize until later that if I hadn't shot Ward-"
"He'd be dead too."
Skye wiped her eyes angrily, the water bottle on her nightstand vibrating. "I was relieved he didn't die too. Then I was so mad at myself because Trip did die. He did what I tried to stop Ward from doing and he died because he wanted to save me. And it turns out I didn't need saving. He died for nothing.
And for all I know Ward is dead somewhere too.
Their blood is on my hands. I can't get rid of that."
She wasn't hysterical this time. She knew she'd screwed up and their deaths were on her and she had to take responsibility for them. And she had to find a way to make it right.
"Skye…if you wanted Ward dead he'd be dead. I don't believe for a second you left him in a condition he couldn't get out of alive. If you had we would have found him. And Trip was a hero. Don't…" Fitz swallowed back tears. "His death meant something. He was doing what he believed to be right. You can't blame yourself for his actions.
Don't cheapen his sacrifice by thinking it doesn't matter. That you don't matter."
Skye pulled her knees to her chest and rested her chin atop them. "I keep forgetting he's gone," she whispered, wiping at her cheeks.
"Me too," Fitz admitted, kicking off his shoes so he could mimic her pose.
"Every time I remember it all comes back. Watching him die, the guilt…Trip deserved better."
"I know, Skye. But this wasn't your fault. It was Hydra. They forced our hand and Coulson's made sure the people responsible have paid for his death. You can't keep blaming yourself, you know what Trip would say-"
"Yeah, yeah," Skye muttered with a smile, reaching out to take Fitz's hand. "'C'mon girl! You know Captain America ain't got jack on me!" She imitated, earning a chuckle from Fitz.
"You forgot 'and I'm better looking too'."
They shared a smile and Skye reached up to wipe away more tears. "I miss him so much I feel like my chest is going to explode. He was the big brother I always wanted. I used to fantasize about having a real family and he was everything I wished for."
Fitz linked their fingers together and squeezed. "I know I'm not as good as Trip but you still have me."
Skye leaned forward and hugged Fitz. "Oh Fitz, you've always been the best brother; he was just the coolest."
"Ice cold," Fitz teased and she smiled, burying her face in his shoulder.
"Are we going to get through this?" She asked through a fresh wave of tears.
Fitz rubbed her back gently. "We're going to try."
That was what she loved about Fitz; he was honest.
"You should try to get some rest. We'll start trying to figure this out in the morning."
Skye pulled away with a nod. "Thank you, Fitz. Most people…you're an angel," she said seriously, wanting him to know how truly amazing he was.
Fitz shrugged. "Family sticks together."
Skye threw her arms around him again, too moved not to. "I love you, Fitz."
"I love you too, Skye."
Skye drew away again, wiped her eyes, and laid back down, feeling slightly better. "Hey Fitz? Do you want to stay? I know…I mean I know you need rest too but every time I close my eyes-"
"You see him?"
Skye nodded and he nodded in understanding. "I still have nightmares about her face when I pushed that button…you might sleep better knowing you're not alone."
"Thanks, Fitz," she muttered as he slipped off his cardigan and climbed in.
Skye wrapped her arms around his back and buried her face in his neck, knowing that as she lay there trying to sleep she'd start crying again. It seemed to be all she was capable of anymore.
"And Fitz? The next time you're about to go be heroic? Give a girl a warning. I was terrified you were off gathering pitchforks."
"What makes you think I wasn't?"
Skye kicked him playfully and closed her eyes. "Whatever, at least I didn't wait until I was dying to tell a girl I liked her."
"Says the girl who's in love with the man who tried to kill me."
Skye scoffed. "You're the one who wanted to give him a second chance."
And they continued bickering until they both fell asleep while Skye hogged the covers.