Disclaimer: I don't own JAG or the sun.
AN: this is meant to be stupid, I was talking to my brother and I said, "I need to read a happy fic", and seeing how he knows me so well, he said this- " Robert, my brother, and I wrote this together, on a very hyper and mindless rampage. No Offence, really.
"The comet will destroy all life on Earth, unless this man, Harman Rabb, can destroy it. His mission: To shoot his load of missiles at the comet, in the hopes that it will destroy the comet."
A voice out of nowhere bothers Harm as he fly toward the monstrous comet entering the Earth's atmosphere on a collision course with the chunk of land we like to call Washington.
"Firing missiles," Exclaims Harm into his radio as he fires 12 missiles. His tomcat speeding at mach 2 toward the comet. The missiles screeching across the sky leaving a trail of smoke and vapor.
TING!
A loud sound as the missiles hit the metal frame of the comet and deflects toward the Whitehouse.
"Bah! SHIT!" said Harm as he watched the powerful missiles pick up speed and slam directly into the oval office.
"Ahhhhh-pshhhhhh!" the sound in his radio as the president and several of the members of the Whitehouse staff has his missiles rammed down their throats.
KABOOM!
The Whitehouse is decimated in a huge explosion as the 12 missiles explode.
"Damn." says Harm as he is left in radio silence screaming toward the comet that is bent on destroying all of humanity in a mere 30 minutes.
"Mission control. Are you there?" he yells into his radio.
"Nice shot asshole," says the mission control dude. "You destroyed the Whitehouse! Idiot!"
"Bah, go boil your head moron!" says Harm, "I would like to see you fly this pile of trash."
"I have a request." Harm tells the people at mission control, "Tell my children. I love them very much." He says.
"Harm, you don't have any children." A voice says over the radio, accompanied by some radio static.
"Just tell them! Tell my children that! I have children you idiots!" says Harm.
"No YOU DON'T!" a bunch of voices yell over the radio at Harm.
"Ahh, screw you all!" says harm, as he gets ready to do something stupid.
The tomcat, veering upward toward the comet, hits the afterburners. Speeding up.
"Alright you alien assholes, in the name of my generation. Upu yours!" says Harm. Quoting a movie he saw the other night.
The tomcat enters the wake of the comet, shaking violently. Harm in all of his stupidity hits the eject button like a moron. His seat flies out of the plane, with him yelling curse words at himself for being such an idiot.
He landed on the roof of a big building with a loud CLUMP!
"Ow!" says Harm.
Then the sounds of a Helicopter flying toward him make him jump.
Later:
....................................
~~~
"Harm, you. you." Admiral Chegwidden yells at Harm. As Harm walks into his office. "You destroyed the Whitehouse! Killed the president! Destroyed a 40 million dollar aircraft!!!!" the admiral screams into Harms face.
"Admiral, it wasn't my fault. I had to. To destroy the comet, it was my only chance!" he pleads.
"Yeah, but then you didn't have to moon the helicopter driver when he landed to pick you up." The Admiral said, he seemed to be calming down now.
"It seemed like the right thing to do.." Said Harm.
"You will go to court for this Harm. If any lawyer can help you in this case, then I will eat my own crap! DISMISSED!" yells Admiral Chegwidden.
"Yes sir!" says Harm as he limps out the door, trying not to put too much weight on his sprained ankle because of the way he landed on the building.
"Admiral Shitwagon." he says under his breath as he closes the door.
"I heard that," Yelled A.J from his office. The office turned to look at Harm.
"Sir, permission to speak freely?" Harriet asked.
"Granted Lieutenant."
"How come you still have your gold wings? I mean, in the time that I've known you, you've crashed two planes, and have been shot down in two planes. Quite frankly sir, I would never get in a plane with you," she said. Harm resisted the urge to get angry with her due to the fact that she was pregnant- again.
"Well, Lieutenant. The NAVY needs more pilots like me, who are willing to take risks," he said self appreciatively.
"Sir, the NAVY would be fresh out of Tomcats if there were more pilots like you."
"RABB," Harm jumped as his name was screamed form across the bullpen. He turned to face a very fried looking George Bush.
"Mister President? I thought I killed you," ol' Georgie was still smoking, and what little hair he had left of his head was standing up on end.
"You failed in your assassination attempts Commander, now get ready for the court martial-"
The next day Harm was sitting behind the defense desk, as the president was behind the prosecutions chair. Harm had Sturgis as his council, and the President had Mac.
"Before we begin today's proceeding's, is there anything the Prosecution would like to say?"
"Yes, your honor there is," Bush began he bent over and began fishing around before pulling up a bundle of fluff, " Look what Rabb did to my poor little pooch, Muffin," rounds of Awwwww's were heard throughout the courtroom.
"I thought I told you yesterday, No dogs in my court room."
"But I'm the president of the United States," he whined.
"So? So, so, so, so, so, so, huh, huh, huh, huh, what are you going to do about it, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh," The judge started to say.
Hours had passed in the courtroom and finally the jury had made a decision.
"Before the jury states their decision I would like to say one thing. Rabb, you suck at flying," Said the Judge. Harm looked like he was about to respond, but Mac beat him to it.
"He does not. He killed that comet. Besides, I love him," She said. She walked over to his side of the courtroom and kissed him.
"Mac, were in court, don't do that here," Harm said embarrassedly.
"I don't care where we are, Harm," She kissed him again, and he pushed her off of him. She looked angry and slapped him in the arm. He slapped her back on her arm, and before they knew it, they were in a full blown slap fight.
"ORDER. ORDER IN THE COURTROOM!!!!!!!!!" yelled the judge while banging his gavel. After a few moments with no response he got down from the stand and began hitting the still slapping Harm and Mac on the heads with the gavel.
Before they knew it, everyone in the courtroom was involved in a tangled up brawl except for Harriet, who was going into labor in the corner of the room, and a little dude named Joe, who was standing by the window.
"YO, EVERYONE!" Joe yelled.
"What?" Asked Harriet.
"Your all a bunch of idiots!" said Joe, pointing at the courtroom.
"What? I am a scholar sir!" an old man stands up from the back of the courtroom.
"Don't call me sir!!!!" yells Joe, as he launches himself at the old man. Many people trying to hold him back.
Just then, a helicopter appears in the window. The pilot gives Harm the middle finger, and moons him. The helicopter takes off with Harm in its wake screaming, "Come back and do that to my face! Wait... yuck!"
Just then Harm jumps onto a motorcycle and starts chasing the helicopter throughout the city.
"Slow down asshole!" a yell from the sidewalk from and old lady directed at Harm. Mac comes out of nowhere and tackles the old woman.
"Go harm! GOOooo!" she yells at Harm. Harm takes off as fast as the motorbike will allow.
3 Hours Later:
Harm is zooming along the freeway chasing this helicopter when suddenly the helicopter starts to bob and weave all over the place. Black smoke starts spitting out of the rotor. The helicopter crashes in the middle of someone's front yard.
An old Canadian woman runs out yelling something really weird.
"Gerroutof mah yard! Ya frikken moronic dickwad!" she starts screaming at the dead helicopter pilot. His pants still down around his ankles.
"HAH!" exclaims Harm as he speeds by giving the dead pilot the finger. Harm, not watching where he was going, hits a ramp and flies high into the air.
"Aghhh!" he yells as his bike flies up 50 feet into the thick polluted air.
His bike, now imbedded in a nearby Wal-Mart, engine still running. The bike kept up by its momentum starts flying through the store. Running shoppers and Wal-Mart staff over as it makes its romp through the bikini section. The bikes short rampage ended after about 20 seconds when the bike slammed into a display of woman's briefs.
Where was Harm during all of this?
Find out next week on..
JAG: Jurisdictional Ass Grabbing.
AN: this is meant to be stupid, I was talking to my brother and I said, "I need to read a happy fic", and seeing how he knows me so well, he said this- " Robert, my brother, and I wrote this together, on a very hyper and mindless rampage. No Offence, really.
"The comet will destroy all life on Earth, unless this man, Harman Rabb, can destroy it. His mission: To shoot his load of missiles at the comet, in the hopes that it will destroy the comet."
A voice out of nowhere bothers Harm as he fly toward the monstrous comet entering the Earth's atmosphere on a collision course with the chunk of land we like to call Washington.
"Firing missiles," Exclaims Harm into his radio as he fires 12 missiles. His tomcat speeding at mach 2 toward the comet. The missiles screeching across the sky leaving a trail of smoke and vapor.
TING!
A loud sound as the missiles hit the metal frame of the comet and deflects toward the Whitehouse.
"Bah! SHIT!" said Harm as he watched the powerful missiles pick up speed and slam directly into the oval office.
"Ahhhhh-pshhhhhh!" the sound in his radio as the president and several of the members of the Whitehouse staff has his missiles rammed down their throats.
KABOOM!
The Whitehouse is decimated in a huge explosion as the 12 missiles explode.
"Damn." says Harm as he is left in radio silence screaming toward the comet that is bent on destroying all of humanity in a mere 30 minutes.
"Mission control. Are you there?" he yells into his radio.
"Nice shot asshole," says the mission control dude. "You destroyed the Whitehouse! Idiot!"
"Bah, go boil your head moron!" says Harm, "I would like to see you fly this pile of trash."
"I have a request." Harm tells the people at mission control, "Tell my children. I love them very much." He says.
"Harm, you don't have any children." A voice says over the radio, accompanied by some radio static.
"Just tell them! Tell my children that! I have children you idiots!" says Harm.
"No YOU DON'T!" a bunch of voices yell over the radio at Harm.
"Ahh, screw you all!" says harm, as he gets ready to do something stupid.
The tomcat, veering upward toward the comet, hits the afterburners. Speeding up.
"Alright you alien assholes, in the name of my generation. Upu yours!" says Harm. Quoting a movie he saw the other night.
The tomcat enters the wake of the comet, shaking violently. Harm in all of his stupidity hits the eject button like a moron. His seat flies out of the plane, with him yelling curse words at himself for being such an idiot.
He landed on the roof of a big building with a loud CLUMP!
"Ow!" says Harm.
Then the sounds of a Helicopter flying toward him make him jump.
Later:
....................................
~~~
"Harm, you. you." Admiral Chegwidden yells at Harm. As Harm walks into his office. "You destroyed the Whitehouse! Killed the president! Destroyed a 40 million dollar aircraft!!!!" the admiral screams into Harms face.
"Admiral, it wasn't my fault. I had to. To destroy the comet, it was my only chance!" he pleads.
"Yeah, but then you didn't have to moon the helicopter driver when he landed to pick you up." The Admiral said, he seemed to be calming down now.
"It seemed like the right thing to do.." Said Harm.
"You will go to court for this Harm. If any lawyer can help you in this case, then I will eat my own crap! DISMISSED!" yells Admiral Chegwidden.
"Yes sir!" says Harm as he limps out the door, trying not to put too much weight on his sprained ankle because of the way he landed on the building.
"Admiral Shitwagon." he says under his breath as he closes the door.
"I heard that," Yelled A.J from his office. The office turned to look at Harm.
"Sir, permission to speak freely?" Harriet asked.
"Granted Lieutenant."
"How come you still have your gold wings? I mean, in the time that I've known you, you've crashed two planes, and have been shot down in two planes. Quite frankly sir, I would never get in a plane with you," she said. Harm resisted the urge to get angry with her due to the fact that she was pregnant- again.
"Well, Lieutenant. The NAVY needs more pilots like me, who are willing to take risks," he said self appreciatively.
"Sir, the NAVY would be fresh out of Tomcats if there were more pilots like you."
"RABB," Harm jumped as his name was screamed form across the bullpen. He turned to face a very fried looking George Bush.
"Mister President? I thought I killed you," ol' Georgie was still smoking, and what little hair he had left of his head was standing up on end.
"You failed in your assassination attempts Commander, now get ready for the court martial-"
The next day Harm was sitting behind the defense desk, as the president was behind the prosecutions chair. Harm had Sturgis as his council, and the President had Mac.
"Before we begin today's proceeding's, is there anything the Prosecution would like to say?"
"Yes, your honor there is," Bush began he bent over and began fishing around before pulling up a bundle of fluff, " Look what Rabb did to my poor little pooch, Muffin," rounds of Awwwww's were heard throughout the courtroom.
"I thought I told you yesterday, No dogs in my court room."
"But I'm the president of the United States," he whined.
"So? So, so, so, so, so, so, huh, huh, huh, huh, what are you going to do about it, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh," The judge started to say.
Hours had passed in the courtroom and finally the jury had made a decision.
"Before the jury states their decision I would like to say one thing. Rabb, you suck at flying," Said the Judge. Harm looked like he was about to respond, but Mac beat him to it.
"He does not. He killed that comet. Besides, I love him," She said. She walked over to his side of the courtroom and kissed him.
"Mac, were in court, don't do that here," Harm said embarrassedly.
"I don't care where we are, Harm," She kissed him again, and he pushed her off of him. She looked angry and slapped him in the arm. He slapped her back on her arm, and before they knew it, they were in a full blown slap fight.
"ORDER. ORDER IN THE COURTROOM!!!!!!!!!" yelled the judge while banging his gavel. After a few moments with no response he got down from the stand and began hitting the still slapping Harm and Mac on the heads with the gavel.
Before they knew it, everyone in the courtroom was involved in a tangled up brawl except for Harriet, who was going into labor in the corner of the room, and a little dude named Joe, who was standing by the window.
"YO, EVERYONE!" Joe yelled.
"What?" Asked Harriet.
"Your all a bunch of idiots!" said Joe, pointing at the courtroom.
"What? I am a scholar sir!" an old man stands up from the back of the courtroom.
"Don't call me sir!!!!" yells Joe, as he launches himself at the old man. Many people trying to hold him back.
Just then, a helicopter appears in the window. The pilot gives Harm the middle finger, and moons him. The helicopter takes off with Harm in its wake screaming, "Come back and do that to my face! Wait... yuck!"
Just then Harm jumps onto a motorcycle and starts chasing the helicopter throughout the city.
"Slow down asshole!" a yell from the sidewalk from and old lady directed at Harm. Mac comes out of nowhere and tackles the old woman.
"Go harm! GOOooo!" she yells at Harm. Harm takes off as fast as the motorbike will allow.
3 Hours Later:
Harm is zooming along the freeway chasing this helicopter when suddenly the helicopter starts to bob and weave all over the place. Black smoke starts spitting out of the rotor. The helicopter crashes in the middle of someone's front yard.
An old Canadian woman runs out yelling something really weird.
"Gerroutof mah yard! Ya frikken moronic dickwad!" she starts screaming at the dead helicopter pilot. His pants still down around his ankles.
"HAH!" exclaims Harm as he speeds by giving the dead pilot the finger. Harm, not watching where he was going, hits a ramp and flies high into the air.
"Aghhh!" he yells as his bike flies up 50 feet into the thick polluted air.
His bike, now imbedded in a nearby Wal-Mart, engine still running. The bike kept up by its momentum starts flying through the store. Running shoppers and Wal-Mart staff over as it makes its romp through the bikini section. The bikes short rampage ended after about 20 seconds when the bike slammed into a display of woman's briefs.
Where was Harm during all of this?
Find out next week on..
JAG: Jurisdictional Ass Grabbing.