Set Her Free
Summary: If you love someone, set them free was saying his mom always used to say. So he did the one thing he could do. He set her free. Probably not the couple you think it is, but that's a surprise, so why don't you find out?
He watched as she walked down the hallway, talking to people she would have never talked to before – when they were together. He missed having her next to him, where he still wanted her to be. He missed talking to her – he missed kissing her. But he had messed up and lost her. Not that he would admit any of this to anyone.
He walked around the school, pretending he was fine. That nothing bothered him and that he didn't have a care in the world. But he felt – alone. He had lost the one person who understood him, and it was all his fault.
He still didn't know why he had done what he had. If he stopped to examine it, he guessed it was about the thrills. That rush of adrenaline that surged through his body as he got another girl to go into that van with him. It wasn't really a big deal – all of his friends, even the ones with girlfriends and boyfriends, were hooking up there.
Would he have done it if he had known how much it would hurt Alex? The answer he wanted to say, now that he knew what it was like to lose her – to lose everyone – was that he wouldn't have done it. But, if anything, Jay was honest to himself, and knew he probably would have done it anyway, and would have just tried harder not to get caught. Because he had never once thought about what it would be like to not have Alex around.
So now he was stuck here, going to a school where everyone hated him, and watching her move on without him. He really wanted to go up to her and say something – he didn't know what he would say. He knew she wouldn't listen to him though. He had tried calling her so many times after she had told him off with the tears in her eyes that he knew she would never let fall. She wouldn't even speak to him or listen to him after that day, and eventually he gave up. She was better off without him.
How did that saying go? His mom had used to say it all the time, before she died when he was 8, leaving him motherless and alone with his drunken father. She had always used to say something like "If you love someone, set them free" or something like that. Jay had never understood what that saying meant, until now.
He looked over and saw Alex, sitting alone at a picnic table, flipping through a deck of cards as she waited. He decided to go over to her and talk. Even if he was going to let her go, even he admitted to himself that he still owed her something after all he had done – after all they had been through together.
He sat down beside her, and waited for her to acknowledge that he was there. He knew her well enough to know that ignoring someone wasn't her style, and he was right.
"Hanging out with Spinner must have made you stupid. What part of – I never want to see you again or talk to you again – did you not understand?" Alex spat out, glaring at Jay briefly before turning to flip through the cards some more.
Jay knew that now wasn't the time to say one of the things he usually would have said to her. If there ever was a time to be truly honest with her – this was it. The problem was, he never was any good at saying what he was really thinking or feeling. He had spent so long pretending that he really didn't care about anything at all.
"Alex.." he started, but was interuppted.
"Do I have to spell it out for you? Get the hell away from me!" Alex said, her voice rising in agitation.
"Look, Alex, I'm trying to apologize here, if you could just let me talk for 5 seconds." Jay shouted, causing everyone to suddenly stop talking, and turn to see what was happening.
Alex just looked at Jay in shock. She couldn't believe he was actually apologizing – it was something Jay never did. If they had fought, he wouldn't say he was sorry, he would usually do something completely un-Jay-like that would appeal to that sentimental side of her that she refused to admit she had. But "sorry" was a word she had never heard come from his lips.
Jay looked around, realizing that they were becoming the latest lunch-time source of entertainment.
"Can we go somewhere else and talk for a minute, Alex?" Jay asked quietly.
Alex looked around at the staring students.
"No." was all she said.
"Alex.." Jay started.
"If you want to talk to me, you can do it here. I'm not moving, and I'm probably only going to be listening for about 5 seconds – but even 5 seconds is more than you deserve." Alex said.
Jay sighed. He had known this wasn't going to be easy. One of the things he had always liked about Alex was her "I don't take shit from anyone" attitude. Unfortunately, that attitude he had always admired was now making his life rather difficult.
"I'm sorry, Alex. I was stupid, and I didn't mean to hurt you." Jay said.
"I believe the stupid part, but honestly Jay, how did you think it wouldn't hurt me?" Alex said with a glare. "I trusted you." She said.
"I'm sorry, ok?" Jay said.
"And now that you said "Sorry", I'm supposed to be all like –it's ok, I'll take you back?" Alex inquired sarcastically.
"I'm not trying to get you back or anything Alex. I'm not stupid… I know you deserve so much better than me. I just thought I owed you – for what I did to you." Jay said.
"Good to know that you aren't a complete idiot, Jay." Alex said.
Jay looked at Alex for a moment, saying goodbye in is mind. There was nothing left to say. He really wanted to try to convince her to take him back – he wanted her back. But, he was setting her free – for the first time in his life, he was doing the unselfish thing. He was setting her free – and maybe, someday, he'll find a way to let go.
"See you around, Alex." Jay said, as he got up from the table and walked away.
"See you around." She replied, as she watched him go with a thoughtful and sad look on her face, which was quickly masked when she saw Ellie walking her way.
Ellie kept watching Jay walk away from the table. "What was that all about?" she asked Alex.
"Jay was just…." Alex trailed off, at a loss for words.
"Come on, Alex. What did that creep want? Did he come over here to convince you to take him back or something." Ellie inquired as she sat down at the table across from Alex.
"Or something." Alex said. "He said he was sorry."
Ellie looked over at Alex in shock. "Jay Hogart – Mr. Most Likely to Be a Sociopath – apologized? Did you believe him?" Ellie asked.
"That's the thing, Ellie. I think he was serious." Alex said.
"Wow, Jay Hogart apologized. Never thought I would see the day…" Ellie stated.
"Neither did I." Alex said. "Jay never says he sorry. Never. It was like one of those tough guy rules or something."
"So what are you going to do?" Ellie asked.
"Nothing." Alex said.
"Why? You know you still love him." Ellie said.
"You tell me, Ms. I'm Still in Love with Sean. Would you take Sean back if he came back here and begged forgiveness for leaving you?" Alex asked sarcastically.
Ellie thought for a moment, and sighed. "Yes, I would – because I've been working on the whole trust thing, after SOMEONE once told me that I have trouble trusting people." Ellie said, with a pointed look at Alex.
"Are you saying I should trust Jay?" Alex asked skeptically.
"I don't know the answer to that. I'm just saying you should trust yourself – to know whether or not he's sincere." Ellie said.
Alex didn't say another word the entire lunch, and instead stared into space, thinking about Ellie's words.
Jay didn't see Alex again the whole day, until he was in the parking lot, getting into his car. He saw her over there, in front of the school, as she walked towards him with a purposeful step. He wondered where she was going, up until the moment she came up to his car and stood at the passenger door.
"Can you give me a ride?" Alex said, completely surprising Jay.
"Sure." Jay said, confused. He didn't want to be in the same car with her – he wanted to go off somewhere by himself and try to forget about her – but a ride was the least he could do, after everything he had done.
She climbed into the car, into her old spot in the passenger seat, and Jay remembered the old days – before he had discovered that actions have bigger consequences than he wanted to deal with.
He drove her home in silence, as neither one of them knew what to say. He pulled up in front of her house and waited for her to get out of the car. But she didn't.
"Jay…" she started. He just looked at her. He expected her to start yelling at him or something – he expected her to rant and rave at him about what a creep he was and how she would never forgive him no matter how many times he apologized – but she didn't.
"I'm done with work at 8." She said. "Call me."
He looked at her in shock.
"What?" he said.
"I said call me. We need to talk." Alex said.
"Why?" Jay asked.
"I'm not saying I forgive you or anything, I'm not saying that I'll ever trust you again – I'm just saying I'm willing to talk." Alex said, as she got out of the car.
Jay said nothing, as he looked out the open window at her, standing by the car. Of all the things he had expected Alex to say to him – this wasn't it.
"Call me after 8." Alex said, as she walked away. She turned and looked over her shoulder at him, as she walked toward her apartment building. "And if you ever hurt me again, I'll kill you." She said, as she walked into her building.
Jay smiled to himself, as he suddenly remembered the rest of the saying his mom had ever said. "If you love someone, set them free" was only the first part. "If they love you – they'll come back" was the second part. He peeled away, and laughed. She probably would kill him if he hurt her again, so he'd better not mess it up this time. He liked his head better on his neck, after all.
THE END
A/N Were you surprised? I know I was. I do like Jay/Alex, but I really like both characters separately (since the break-up, I've liked the characters even better). But I wanted to do something different. It was fun – but this is a one-shot. I don't have the time or the muse to carry on with it further, because these two characters are so hard to write believably. I mean, it's tough to write a romance with these two and keep them in character (it's so easy to fall into the making them so romantically fluffy that you completely lose the character trap) and I'm going to admit I'm not up to the challenge of a Jay/Alex centric chapter story. And also, I know I didn't get the saying completely right in the story, but I wanted to make it believable, and do you really think that a character like Jay would remember some romantic saying like that word for word? (Just wanted to put that in to save people from giving feedback saying – you got the saying wrong – it goes like this…") Thanks for reading, thanks for feedback. idontknowanything