The Invitation
Summary: Edward's thoughts before he sends Jacob the wedding invitation.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
I looked down at the invitations that Alice was preparing for the wedding. I was thinking about Bella when she'd announced our engagement to Charlie. She had seemed so happy-strangely so-I had thought at the time. Hadn't she been disgusted by the idea of getting married so young? Even the day she finally agreed to marry me, she had seemed so uncomfortable with it. Now she seemed to have made nearly a complete about-face on the subject. I sometimes wondered even if I could read her mind, it would help me understand her.
She had said she wanted her family to know the best part of her choice. I supposed that she was talking about her choice to be with me forever. I was hugely glad she had decided to tell her family about our wedding. It was wonderful to be able to call her my fiancée and see the ring I had given her on her finger, and her family should at least know how much I loved her even if they could never know how much it cost her to be with me. When she had explained her reasons for saying no in my room that night, I had worried that she did not love me enough to want to tell her family that she was marrying me, but what she had said in the meadow had helped me to realize that she had really made her choice to be with me forever.
It was the most amazing feeling to know that soon I would be able to call her my wife, to think that soon I would be able to hold her and have her with me all the time. She was so beautiful, so caring, and wonderful.
I briefly wondered what she would look like as a vampire. Her skin was pale now, but it would be paler, and her eyes would no longer be brown. It would be strange seeing her red eyes for the first year, but as I pictured her with gold eyes, it seemed like they would fit her perfectly, so warm and showing such emotion. I briefly thought about her with black eyes and laughed at the image that came with of her being angry with me over something silly. I could see the indignant look she would get on her face and it seemed so cute to me.
I knew she was worried about being a blood-crazed newborn and about the family she would be leaving. I would do anything to keep her safe from her worries. I would take her to the ends of the earth to keep her from the pain that I had realized after my rebellion. Nothing could make up for the things I had done, and I wanted to do everything I could to ensure Bella was safe from that. I would do my best to make sure her family was safe so that she would not worry, and I wanted to ensure that Charlie and Renée knew that she was happy with me even if they would never see her again. I wished I knew how to show them how important she was to me and how much I loved her. I wanted them to know that I would always protect her. Charlie hated me because I had left and hurt her, and he liked Jacob so much better for putting her back together when I was not there.
I thought about Jacob then. He had protected Bella when I was not there to protect her. I owed the dog so much. It was an awful irony that I understood so much about him, though I could not stand to be around him. That night in the tent I had been incredibly jealous watching him hold the woman that I loved. I was cold, and I knew that if I had held her, she would have died. He was so much better for her than I could have been. He was warm and more human than I could ever be, and Bella loved him. She could have been happy with him. It would have hurt less to claw out my own eyes than to watch them live and love together for the rest of their lives, but she would have been human and happy with him. She would have had a shot at heaven. If I had any say, she would have a place in heaven anyway, but as much as she argued, I didn't see how I had a shot at heaven. I had done such terrible things in my life, and I wanted to keep her safe from that. I knew Jacob wanted to keep her safe too. I couldn't stand to thing of that dog next to her night after night as she slept, but I knew he felt the same about me. I would have to kill her to be with her forever. I would have to take away her soul and her humanity. I knew Jacob would never accept her decision to die for me. I could only accept it because I was selfish enough to want her forever. Jacob could have protected her and given her a family, something I could never give her. I owed him so much for his part in keeping her safe.
I was not sure if I could find any way of letting him know how grateful I felt for all the times he had protected her. As I stared at the invitations and thought about all of this, I thought about Bella's conditions to Alice: veto power on the guest list. She didn't want to make Jacob feel obligated to come and see her at the wedding. She worried that he would be unhappy seeing her with me. Having seen into Jacob's thoughts, I was fairly certain she was wrong about that. He had never felt obligated to spend time with me before because she asked him to. Jacob was stubborn about us, and I could understand that. I knew what he felt when he saw and smelled me, but I couldn't forget about how indebted I was to him.
I thought about the reasons Bell had for not inviting Jacob. I knew that if I had been in his position, though it would hurt more than I could describe, I would have wanted to go and see her happy in her choice. I knew Jacob would be hurting too, but I felt he deserved to at least see her one last time before she changed. I knew Jacob wouldn't feel obligated if I invited him. If he knew I sent the invitation, he could come and see her and know that she was happy and I would take care of her. Maybe this would let him know how glad I was that he had kept her safe.
I slipped up one of the invitations into my pocket and took it to my room to write.