"Nightmare Moon," she murmurs, because it is her, and because no one else will."
She screams.
It is the only sound, has been the only sound, will be the only sound. The reaffirmation that she is still on the mortal plane is comforting, but the smothering silence that slips into its place chills her to her very core. She screams again, a wordless plea for things to be different to which there will be no answer. It echoes, tapers off, and fades into nothing on the windless planes of her prison.
"Nightmare Moon," she murmurs, because it is her, and because no one else will. The name Luna flits through her mind, but she casts it aside just as quickly in disgust. That is a person dead to her. A weakness she fought with and then ultimately expelled from herself, because it represented everything she so desperately desired not to be. She has been inside herself, an intimate entangle of the two parts of her that were but not are, and cast aside that which needed to be cast aside. The name, small and soft, no longer represents what she is.
She looks up at the planet above or below her. Desperate, she screams again, but there is no answer.
xxx
"Luna-"
What will it take to get it into Celestia's thick head?!
"That isn't my name! It's not my name!" She balks away even knowing that she's already lost, because she knows how powerful the Elements of Harmony are. She used them herself, though now she wishes she hadn't. She wishes she'd betrayed her sister when she'd had the chance, taken Discord up on his offer and ruled Equestria by his side.
No matter what his price, it would have been worth it.
Celestia puts her ears back and looks, just for the moment, as though she is grieving. "I'm so sorry I have to do this."
The pain of her sister's betrayal is nothing compared to the white-hot physical pain.
xxx
Finally she can scream no longer, so she lowers her head and she hums.
This is only her first day here, and already she feels overwhelmed by the quiet and loneliness. She knows she's going to have to accustom herself to it, but she isn't ready to, not just yet, because a part of her is still so young, no matter what she's been through or done.
Some part of her misses her home. How long will she be here? Forever? She won't raise the moon and stars tonight, her sister will- and no one will miss her, and with her gone, there will be no one to admire the beauty of her night.
She feels empty, even for Celestia.
She is repulsed by this sudden show of weakness in herself, even if only to herself, and consciously falls silent.
xxx
They are alone together, and he laughs, but it's almost sad, as if he looks into the future and sees his own demise.
"Oh, you sad, beautiful little filly," he purrs, slipping away behind a wall and reappearing somehow behind her. Her blood boils- she's not some little foal! She's a grown mare, a powerful immortal alicorn, same as her sister! -but even as she tries to protest, he seems not to hear. "How long, truly, do you think it will be before you're me?"
He trails his lion-like paw lightly across her back; he doesn't try to use on her the magic that they both know couldn't so easily overrule her mind like it could the minds of others. She looks up at him, guard lowering slightly as she tries to make sense of his words.
"Really," he continues, his paw trailing down to tilt up her chin, so that he can meet her eyes. "Look at yourselves. She's stronger than you; greater than you. My opposers respect and glorify her, and you? You get painted as her little follower."
"That isn't true!" -but she says it with so much more conviction than she feels.
He seems to sense that, for he laughs. "Let's talk tonight, you and I. Think about it. And let me know what you come up with."
xxx
She is empty for the words of other ponies, for the reassurances of her guards, even for the bitterly soothing touch of Discord's claw-
But not for Celestia. Not for her.
When she thinks of Discord, she laughs, an ironic sound devoid of humor. He tempted her, oh-so-sweet words and touches. Fleeting memories, and she gives herself just for the moment to them. He talked with milk and honey. A promise of the whole world, and she turned him away, ever faithful to her sister.
No wonder she wielded the Element of Loyalty.
Loyalty, Kindness, and Laughter.
She'd wished at times that she could take Discord up on his offer, because even then, before they'd divided up between them night and day and ruled together over Equestria, she still felt so often alone. She knows he was manipulating her, she isn't stupid, but to have someone acknowledge her over her sister had been- still is -a strange and hopelessly warm feeling.
And a part of her felt- or maybe just wished -that he, in his twisted, chaotic way, cared about her too.
Ah, but even he turned to Celestia over her, in the end.
xxx
She knows her connection with one of the Elements of Harmony is broken long before Celestia will. But of course, her sister barely pays her any attention, does she? She and everyone else.
The ties begin to sever before she and her sister even take the throne together. It is when she agrees to take the night that it starts, the defined line between it and day creating the crack that will serve as her destruction's foundation. Is is the celebrations of light and dawn that make her resentful, and it is the fact that her sister doesn't even seem to notice that causes it to strengthen.
There is darkness in her heart, and though she fights it, when she is alone and looking up at the stars the loneliness and emptiness of it all screams at her that it isn't fair, it just isn't fair.
The first Element she loses ties with is the Element of Laughter, for she has no one to share her laughter with.
She moves the statue that is Discord into the castle gardens, and understands, perhaps, why he so loves his namesake.
It is so much easier than harmony.
xxx
Time passes, and she grows accustomed to the quiet of the moon.
It is not the same as the quiet down below, where the wind rustles the leaves and you can hear the world breathe. This is a new and painful kind of quiet, broken only by her hoofbeats against the grey dust.
It fuels her anger against those who have wronged her, and her sister especially. She speaks with the intangible creatures of the stars and the magic of the moon, and learns about her imprisonment. With her own magic, she studies the spell Celestia cast on her.
She is driven by hatred, the knowledge that when she returns, oh, they will pay. Her beloved sister, princess of the sun, will know what it is to be alone. Oh yes, for she is going to feel Nightmare Moon's imprisonment. Her sister will live here, for eternity if she has her say, in the coldness of this beautiful, desolate land, far away from the touch of her precious sun.
When she finally discovers how long it will be take for her to craft her escape, she, for the first time since that first night, screams.
xxx
Resentment burns her, but she says nothing.
Her sister holds receptions during the day, and is visited by dozens or hundreds of adoring subjects, bringing news or problems or diplomacy or gifts to show their appreciation.
She holds her receptions during the night, or she would if there were any to hold. The doors to their castle are forever open to their people, day and night alike, but her time is spent without visitors, staring up at the stars.
When the Element of Kindness slips away from her, she feels it snap in her heart, and she cries.
By the time Celestia has realized something is wrong, her final Element- that of Loyalty -is already waning.
It is too late.
xxx
More time has passed.
By now, she knows every inch of her prison. She cannot sleep, so her time is split between using her own magic to fight the spell that keeps her here- though she knows it will not, cannot yet work -wandering, and thinking of the things she knew.
The thought of imprisoning her sister here is no longer enough to sate her rage. When she thinks of Celestia, though she knows it cannot happen this way, she imagines meeting her here, on the moon. Just the two of them, alone. She imagines fighting her, and winning, and taking her sister's magic as her prize. If Discord could do it, why couldn't she? It would be a perfect punishment- eternity on this cold rock, without her horn or her wings. She wants her to know loneliness and unhappiness and pain and all the things she never did.
At first it's difficult to imagine exactly how, for she's never had a truly sadistic heart, but several hundred years is a long time to seethe, and think about how you want someone to suffer.
xxx
The only one worth loving is herself. She realizes after her ties with the Element of Loyalty are finally broken, shattered like glass when her sister makes her laughable attempt to talk her into falling back into her place alone in the night-
When she is the only person she can even care about anymore, in ways and depths one probably shouldn't care about themselves in-
When she finally becomes Nightmare Moon, and looks in the mirror, and realizes she adores what she sees.
It is nothing like what she was. It is graceful and dark in more ways than one, and handsome, and powerful. It will not betray her like Celestia, or Discord, or her subjects. It is like the moon; it will not turn its back on her, because it is her. She looks in the mirror, and sees the object of her longing. She sees perfection. The night, embodied in a single beautiful alicorn.
Equestria's new ruler, alone.
She feels a rush of excitement.
xxx
The time is drawing near.
Soon she'll be free, back where she belongs, and bathe Equestria in beautiful moonlight. The first thing she'll do is lock her sister in the prison that had been created for her.
The second thing she'll do is smash his statue to pieces.
The time is drawing near, and in a rush of emotion that's something more than desperation and loss, she screams.