It never occurred to me that our lives, which had been so closely interwoven, could unravel with such speed.
Kazuo Ishiguro
Trigger warning: Mention of Depression/Desire to die

It was ironic that his last disguise should have been Rhett Butler. But Wyatt was no Rhett. He was Scarlet. Stupid, pigheaded, passionate and determined to mess up any good thing that entered his life. There were levels of screw up. He had obviously reached each and every one of them. There had been just enough time when they got back to change clothes. He had taken off the soiled shirt that still bore Rufus's blood and resolved never to throw them away. Despite the pain, it was a well-deserved pain, it was a reminder of his sin, his unimaginable arrogance and pride. It was a reminder that Rufus was dead because of his actions. It must be a thing never forgotten or excused. If it was the last thing on earth he did he would bring Rufus back. If he had to murder Emma's parents he would go back and save Rufus. Fate had been turned back once.
It was that dying wish that kept him from going and doing something desperate. No one else would mourn him if he died. He was a drag on the team, a constant source of anguish to Lucy, and a disgusting reminder to Jiya of his wife's betrayal. A wife who was pregnant. Who had exposed herself to the dangers of time travel without considering the harmful effects on the baby?
He had to save Rufus. Once he did he would leave the team and find some place to go far away from the tangle of his life here. Not that anyone would care if he lived or died because he didn't deserve it. Rufus was the one person he could save. Possibly. There had to be a way. Then his mind slipped back to the baby. The baby was probably better off dead. A Rittenhouse mother who would raise them to be a faithful brainwashed slave. And a screwed up father who abandoned all his principles out of a messed up sense of pride, anger, jealousy and twisted duty. Maybe he could get the baby back and find someone to adopt them? Someone who was normal and loving. A family without the curse of Rittenhouse and a string of terrible decisions. The truth was that there was probably no use thinking all of it. There were no second chances. He had permanently destroyed so many lives.
The whole terrible, rotten mess came over him like a wave. Crushing nausea struck, far worse than anything he had ever faced, and within seconds he was throwing up the remnants of the food he had eaten the day before. The bile burned the back of his throat. Rufus was dead. Really dead. Not just injured. He had actually dug his grave. And Jiya had lost the love of her life. Rufus's family had lost him. The team had lost Rufus. Rufus who had deserved so much better. Rufus who had helped save him at the once darkest time in his life.
There was no absolution. None in this world or in the next. A world he didn't believe in. He washed his mouth out and walked out of the bathroom. He glanced over to the spot where the fan stood in front of the window. That had been where he and Lucy had stood in those last moments of happiness. They had been smiling, laughing and talking. It had also been the spot where he had begun the first fatal steps to this point. The spot where Jessica had once again re-entered his life.
There was a certain loathing when he thought of this Jessica. Her steadfast belief in Rittenhouse and their horrible ideology. Her talk of loving him even while taking Jiya. Her shooting and putting a baby in danger while professing to care about the baby. What kind of woman did that? Perhaps it was brainwashing but even so, she had surely been exposed to something else. The sleeper agent in 81 had been a better person than this Jessica. Why had she returned? Because every time he thought of "his" Jessica he thought of Jessica holding the gun out, of Jessica smiling while contemplating how to betray him, of Jessica saying that it was ok to forgo condoms because she was on the pill. Every moment of his timeline was tainted by her betrayal.
Lucy was sitting in that very spot. She held an ice pack to her cheek and a look of unalterable grief. He hesitated. His presence would hardly bring her any comfort. There was one thing he had to tell her. It was really Rufus's voice echoing in his ear "You idiot. You're in love with Lucy." The pain slashed his heart again. He knew that Lucy would never love him, never could love him, even if she managed to forgive him. But she must know the truth. That he loved her. Not that it would matter. But somehow he had to keep that promise to Rufus.
He sank down beside her on the floor. The tiny cut on her lip was by his own hand. The guilt filtered up again poisoning everything. No, not the guilt. His own terrible decisions.
"This is my fault. All of it." He couldn't look at her. See the look of acknowledgment on her face. The attempt at being nice. "I promised Rufus that I wouldn't let anything happen to him. I was supposed to protect him. And then I messed everything up. Just like I did with us."
"It's true. You did mess us up." Her voice was soft and quiet. The words seemed to have a greater effect than if she had screamed at him. They were far more painful. And all too true. "But Rufus is not on you. We all stood together. He knew the risks. And he accepted them willingly. You brought Jiya home, safe. That's what mattered most to Rufus."
The words were a balm to the pain but he knew she was just being kind. That was Lucy. Lucy Preston had always been kind. She was far too good. A soft, strong transparent goodness that radiated through him. "I love you, Lucy."
The words escaped his lips but he didn't look at her to see the look of disbelief or amusement that he would say it. He didn't deserve to look at her. He stared at the blank, grey wall and let the words flow through him. It would be enough to try to silently help her. To watch her change the world and protect her. To love her knowing that it could never be returned.
"You don't have to say it back. You don't have to say anything. I just should have said it a long time ago, and I didn't, so I'm saying it now. Rufus wanted me to admit it. And I know, wherever he is…if he's watching, He's saying, 'Yeah, it's about damn time."
She didn't say anything. But she didn't get up and leave either or confront him on his completely terrible behavior. They sat there for a long time in silence that was heavy with pain.
"I can't believe he's gone." Her voice was so heartbreakingly sad.
At last, she spoke again, "I think…it's time."
"For what?" Wyatt finally dared glance at her.
"To start fighting back. With everything we have got." Lucy's voice had hardened. "Let them burn."
"I'm down with that," Wyatt replied.
"She's there," Lucy said. Her voice was cool and detached.
"I know. I don't know if I'll ever convince her that Rittenhouse is wrong. I think she's like… she'll proclaim her loyalty to them to her last breath."
"Like my mother," Lucy replied.
"Oh, Lucy…." he whispered. "She's probably pregnant and she traveled through time and will raise that child to be a monster. I may never even see them."
"I hate her. Emma. I'd slit her throat if I could. I had a gun to Emma's head. And I pulled the trigger. But I was out of bullets. So she started strangling me. Then Flynn came." The sound of her rage seemed so alien in Lucy. Lucy Preston wasn't the type of woman to sound like that. The last causality of war was her innocence. Her belief in the goodness of people.
" I feel like she's a vampire or something. Like she stole Jessica away and turned her into a monster. I mean, was she always like this? Was I just too dumb to notice?"
"I don't think so. This Jessica was raised to be a good Rittenhouse girl. Like I should have been." Lucy buried her head in her hands. "I could have been her. With Noah most likely."
"No, you never would have been." Wyatt thought about Lucy in captivity and how she would have rather blown up the Mothership with herself and her mother on board rather than see Rittenhouse win. That was Lucy.

Author's Note: I can't be the only one who was incredibly disappointed by certain aspects of the Season 2 character arc mostly for Wyatt. I thought the Jessica arc was incredibly soapy and I hated it. I had hopes that they would avoid horrible cliches but that sadly didn't happen. So I'm forced to take Lyatt on a very difficult and painful journey.
I'll stay up front this fic is definitely dark, especially at the beginning. Wyatt is in a very dark place. It could be triggering. I will try to put a trigger warning on chapters that are especially difficult but I would advise caution if you are sensitive. Mental illness is definitely not something to play around with. But I can promise that it will end happily. Also, I apologize for torturing the characters, especially Wyatt. Such is the nature of the material I'm working with.
A note on ships: This is a Lyatt fic. If you don't like Lyatt you probably won't like the story. But I did include a few references to Garcy just to keep canon compliant. But this isn't a Garcy story. So don't worry if you don't like that either. I have tried keeping the story in character with the possible exception that Lucy is probably more openly angry than the one in the script/finale. I am kinda tired of martyr Lucy and I think being angry is part of the healing process.