Wendy was calling someone on the phone to babysit her son, Sam, who is now one years old and can now walk but still can't talk.
The reason Stan is not here right now is because he has to visit his mother in the hospital, and Stan told Wendy that Sharon has stage 2 breast cancer and may have to undergo chemotherapy.
Wendy was sad that her mother in law has breast cancer, which is ironic because Wendy was promoting breast cancer awareness at south park elementary school when she was a kid.
This means that Wendy must meet Stan at the hospital, which is, by the way, 4 hours away. Wendy called Bebe, Kelly, Kyle, and Kenny but they said their not available right now.
Bebe is still working while breastfeeding Levy, and Kyle is still in court dealing with a case that involves butters being charged with child molestation because he kept touching his step son's little dong and semen came out of his pee pee.
Kenny is busy performing stunts at a stadium in Denver, Colorado, and Kelly is currently visiting her mother while showing off her twin children.
Wendy has no one to call to babysit but she thought of someone who might but Wendy has doubts at first but he's only one available. She had no choice but to call Eric Cartman. She waited for Cartman to pick up the phone and he did.
"Hey hippie bitch why the phone call?"
" Cartman I need you to watch Sam while I meet Stan at the hospital."
"What's wrong did the pussy's dick break off because your hippie hole is too tight for Stan?"
"God no you cocksucker."
"What ever bitch so where's that little poop machine?"
"It has a name Cartman and he's taking a nap."
"You know I could've called my parents to watch him but my mom is visiting her friend and dad is still at his community meeting in north park center," said Wendy.
"So basically I'm stuck with you as my only choice but we're gonna cover some ground rules Eric Cartman!"
"OK fine bitch what are the rules."
"Here are the ground rules, one: I already made Sam his dinner, it's in the fridge so please feed him his dinner, two: make sure you watch him, don't keep watching TV all day, three: give him a bath but don't leave him alone and make sure that soap or water doesn't get in his eyes, four: when your watching TV with my son, make sure it's nothing inappropriate on TV and I put v chip on the cable box so no violent shows or hentai which is a another I want to talk about."
" Which is?" said Cartman?
"Five: no porn is allowed in this house, Six: his bed time is at nine o'clock make sure he's sleeping in his crib."
Cartman was irritated but said to Wendy,"Is that all I need know?"
"No there's one more thing, if anything happens to my Sammy, I'll chop your dick off and send it to your wife as a gift you hear me fat ass?"
"Yeah I hear you bitch so where's the pooper twin sister?"
"She's at her aunt Shelly's house. Well I'm leaving now so remember Cartman if anything happens to my baby, you can say goodbye to your dick."
Before she was leaving, she picked up Sam and said, "good bye sweetie mommy gonna be back so behave for Mr. Cartman and if he does anything bad to you show mommy your bruises OK sweetie?" Sam was smiling and cooing.
Wendy kissed Sam on his little plump cheeks and put him back in his playpen. "
I'll be back very soon sweetie," Wendy open the door and walked straight to her car and open the door.
She developed concerns where to trust Eric or not, lately Cartman had a certain reputation for being irresponsible with children because he let his son Derick play with a bb gun but she laid the ground rules and Cartman won't risk losing his dick.
Wendy open the car door and drove to the hospital where stan and his sick mother is at.
Cartman was grumbling that he had to watch the little brat.
Sam was making cooing sounds and staring at Cartman for a second then started crying.
"Damn it baby shut up and where's your Binky?" Cartman searched for his Binky, he found but it was on the floor. Cartman cleaned it off and gave it to Sam.
Sam was sucking on and spit it out, he kept crying and bawling.
"What the hell do you fuck want?"
Sam stop crying and said "fu fu fu."
"So you want food brat?"
Sam coos and smiled.
"Alright then I'll get your dinner now."
Eric open the fridge and saw his dinner, green peas, rice and pieces of turkey.
Cartman was carrying it to the table and put it their and he picked up Sam and put him on the highchair. Cartman gave Sam a little spoon and the baby started eating. Cartman picked up the phone and order Dominoes pizza on phone.
" Dominoes, l would like one large pie with pepperoni, meat and extra cheese & some buffalo wings with barbecue sauce. "
"Well sir OK then but what drink do want to go with sir?"
"Oh, I would love a two litter Pepsi please. Where to deliver it, the Marsh residences. OK then thanks."
Cartman put the phone down and notices that the baby had finish his food but made a mess all over his self. His body is stain with green peas and rice. Turkey grease is spread all over Sam's hair.
"Alright poop machine it's bath time and don't make this difficult brat."
Sam was looking at uncle Cartman and Did this, "Damn it Sam," as the baby took a dump in his diaper. Cartman was very angry but calm down a bit and he took off Sam's dirty diaper off, then Eric took off his shirt and put him in the bath tub with his rubber ducky. Eric was cleaning him softly with a rag and a sponge. Sam was splashing water and some of it got on Cartman and it irritated him. Bath time was over and Eric picked up Sam and wrapped him in a towel. Cartman got some clothes from the nursery room and put them on Sam, Sam is now wearing baby shorts and baby size blue t-shirt.
Cartman got a call from Domino's pizza and said there's no delivery today and he have to pick it up by today. Cartman was pissed off and before he went to his car, he called butters who came back from court and asked him to watch Sam for bit while he gets pizza.
Butters tried to explain to Eric that he can't leave, since he's serving 3 months of house arrest for touching Charlotte's son pee pee.
Cartman does not care for what butters said and told him to get his butt over here now.
"Ah shucks, anyway I'm coming Eric and please don't rat me out to the police or Mysterion please?"
"I don't care butters just do this for me."
Butters drove to Stan and Wendy's house and took a look at, Damn it's fine house.
"Butters there you are, get over here and come hold this baby."
"Yes Eric" said Butters.
Butters held the baby and said "that's a cute baby."
"Well don't get use to this, the baby is a monster."
"Oh it's not a monster Eric, it's just a baby."
"Wait and see Butters and you know what I'm talking about."
"Alright I'm getting pizza so don't something stupid like lose the baby or something. Anyway I'll be back very quickly." Cartman said.
A/N- Remember to like, follow, share and review. This is Boi Marsh signing out!