After All This Time

"We should get back to the castle," Severus murmured absently, but made no move to stand; he doubted anything could have made him do so at that particular moment. He was lying in the grass beneath a tree by the lake, his favourite spot on the grounds, watching the sun sink lower in the sky.

"Can we just stay here?" Lily asked sleepily. "I've hardly seen you at all lately... missed you." She moved up to rest her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes.

"I missed you, too," he said quietly. He brushed a lock of hair out of her face and took a moment to contemplate her profile, silhouetted against his robes: there were a few light freckles scattered across her cheeks and nose; he supposed more would appear as spring drifted into summer, and decided he loved them. Her skin was pale, clear and even, her nose straight. Her eyelashes were impossibly long and he noticed a tiny scar underneath her left eyebrow. His fingers left their place at her hairline to touch it, briefly. "What happened there?"

Lily opened her eyes and half-smiled at how concerned he looked; her brow furrowed slightly and she glanced upward as if she were trying to look at it. "I don't remember," she admitted.

Severus wasn't convinced. "Yes, you do."

She grimaced. "Potter thinks he's funny... threw a snowball at me last winter. Well, ice-ball, I guess..." Immediately, Severus wished he hadn't asked.

Lily rolled over, crossing her arms on his chest and resting her chin on them. "Why do you have that look?"

"What look?" His attempt at nonchalance was pitiful even to himself and he winced inwardly.

"Like you've got indigestion or something."

"Indigestion, really?"

"Sev..."

He sighed. No one else called him Sev. He didn't meet her eyes as he said, "I'm just sick of hearing about Potter the golden boy... big Quidditch hero... arrogant git..."

Lily frowned. "That's not fair. You asked, it's not like you have to hear about him because I'm constantly fawning over him or anything."

"I know. Sorry."

"It's okay," she replied and stretched up to kiss his temple – he knew that she knew that he couldn't stay mad when she did that. Severus pushed Potter out of his mind as she settled against his chest again, her face in the crook of his neck.

He couldn't see her, but he could feel her smiling. "What are you thinking about?" he asked and instantly regretted it. Really, Severus?

"You smell really good," she said, and he wondered if that was her answer. Her hand was resting lightly on his chest, and took it in his own, brought it to his mouth to press a kiss to her knuckles. She shifted a little to look up at him, mild surprise written in her features. They had always been close, comfortable, but he was never so affectionate.

"Sorry," he said for the second time in as many minutes, and let go of her hand.

"Don't apologize." She put the hand flat to his chest; looking for his heartbeat through his t-shirt, he supposed. He knew his heart was going a little faster than he'd have liked; she had that effect on him. Lily propped herself up on her elbow to push the hair out of his face this time. Her fingers stilled underneath his ear, cupping his jaw in her palm. There was something in her eyes he hadn't seen before.

"Sev," she began, hesitantly. "Do you think I'm pretty?"

It was a question posed simply and sincerely; none of the whiny, needy tone so often associated with it was present. He looked at her and knew that she had half of Gryffindor house panting after her, that there were things other than "Fancy a shag, Evans?" she'd have liked to hear. Just once, she didn't want to be chatted up or even complimented, she wanted an honest answer from a friend. Her best friend.

"You're perfect," he said, a little hoarsely.

Severus could feel the words hanging in the few inches of space between them – Merlin, she was so close – and inwardly panicked. Why did I say that? She's going to know and things won't be the same and well done, Severus, way to screw up the one thing that's been constant and good in your life...

She was looking at him with an expression he couldn't name, and then to his astonishment, she ducked her head and blushed. "Thanks..."

They lay in contented, lazy silence for a while, watching the sun go down and the stars come out. Lily had taken to tracing one hand, slowly, lightly up Severus's neck to just under his ear and then back down to his shoulder again. He was in agony; she must have known what this was doing to him, but she seemed blissfully unaware. As usual.

"Let's go for a swim," she said suddenly, decidedly. Before Severus had a chance to answer, she was on her feet, unfastening her robes and kicking off her shoes. Having pulled a clip from somewhere she put her hair up haphazardly and then paused, looking over at him. "Come on," she said, and smiled.

After a few moments' unzipping and fumbling out of clothes they were walking toward the lakeshore, grass turning to sand beneath their bare feet. The paint on Lily's toenails was a little chipped and her bra didn't quite match her panties and strands of her hair had already escaped and were falling over her shoulders, not that Severus was staring. Trying not to, at least. He was in a (thankfully clean) nondescript pair of black boxers and he registered that this was the first time they had seen each other like this – for the love of Merlin she was half-naked and he was half-naked next to her and in that moment he knew, he knew what that feeling was that flooded his stomach when she touched him; he was absolutely sure of how he had felt about her all these years.

"Shall we?" he asked, a lot more casually than he felt, and held out his hand. She took it and together they waded out into the water, cursing and laughing as the water hit their skin. It was dark now and while they were only a few feet in – the water came up to his hips and just past her navel – Severus prayed the giant squid wouldn't decide to visit the shallows tonight.

"Shit, it's cold," she whispered, grinning.

He couldn't help but agree; the breeze that ruffled his hair was warm, comfortably so, but the lake was freezing. "It was your idea," he replied, grinning back. He had found that he couldn't stop smiling when he was with her.

"If you get hypothermia, I'm innocent." He was watching the cords in her neck move as she spoke, her hand come up to push a bra strap back onto her shoulder, ripples form in the water as she shifted her weight from left foot to right. Her stomach was flat and dusted with freckles; he thought he saw the glint of a piercing just underneath the surface of the water. He forced his gaze back up to meet her eyes, but too late, she'd noticed him noticing her. They started to speak simultaneously.

"Sorry, I just – "

"Sev, I – "

"Just got distracted, I didn't mean to – "

"It's okay, don't – " She was laughing. "You're a guy, it happens. It's not like I'm not used to it." There was a trace of bitterness in her voice but she smiled still.

"I didn't mean to – " he began. "I mean, I don't think of you like... I just... I'm not Potter," he finished disdainfully. "I know you're more than – "

"I know you do," Lily said, and she kissed him. It took a moment for his brain to start working again and then he was kissing her back, cradling her face in both his hands, finally doing what he'd never thought would actually happen.

The kiss was slow, and sweet, as he'd privately always thought first kisses should be. His hands settled under her ass as she pulled both her legs up to wrap around his waist; she was almost weightless under the water and with the small part of his mind that was still functioning rationally Severus was glad for it. For a while it was quiet except for the sounds of the wind in the trees, the water on the shore and their lips meeting over and over. Severus doubted anything was so easy and natural as kissing Lily Evans – he was drunk on how it felt, the lines of her calves against the small of his back and her chest against his; they were breathing in tandem.

"Back up," she whispered when they broke apart.

He did as he was told, hoping they were on the same page and a little afraid that they might be, trying not to let his imagination run away with the thought of being underneath her in the warm, dry grass. He wrapped his arms more securely around her waist and walked carefully backward as she caught his lips again, praying to whatever deity he could think of that he wouldn't fall. He managed to get to the shore, sand swirling around his ankles and the water knee-deep, before Lily let go of him to stand on the balls of her feet. They separated and she let her hands drift from his neck to skim his stomach and rest on his hips.

"Severus..." No one had ever, ever said his name like that before.

"Lily," he answered; his voice cracked with need.

She kissed him again, and then leaned down to press her lips to his chest once, over his heart, before she dropped to her knees in the shallows.

"What, did you lose an earring?" he said weakly, in case he was wrong about her intentions.

She just shook her head, smirking, her hair tickling his stomach. Hooking a thumb in the elastic of his boxers, she nudged his calf to indicate that he should step out of them.

"Are – are you sure?" he asked, stumbling over the question.

"Don't I look sure?" Her smile was unbelievable.

"Lily – " he tried desperately to keep his words clear, "- is... this... because of what I said before? When you asked if I thought you were – "

"No," she answered, simply and steadily.

He just nodded and she resumed undressing him, tossing his boxers behind him to join the rest of their clothes.

Severus couldn't think straight. His mind was everywhere – from the feel of her around him to the sand underneath his curling toes; the warm wind against his cold skin and the chills that shot from the back of his neck to the soles of his feet; his hands tangled in her hair to the moan that tore from his chest and her fucking laugh when she heard it, low in her throat.

All he could do was say her name; he didn't have the capacity to be embarrassed at how quickly he'd finished, although he knew he definitely would later. As she stood up, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, he considered how he must look: dripping wet and covered in sand, weak-kneed and flushed. She was looking at him with a kind of mix of satisfaction and self-consciousness, and he was looking at her with what he imagined was an expression of slack-jawed amazement. Reaching for her hips, he pulled her toward him and kissed her hard.

"That good, then?" Lily grinned. Severus could only shake his head and smile in disbelief. He didn't think he could trust himself to form sentences.

With lingering touches and fleeting kisses they helped each other dress again and walked back toward the castle together, adjusting hair and clothes and generally trying not to look as though they'd just done what they'd just done. When they reached Gryffindor Tower the Fat Lady blinked herself awake and mumbled, "Password?"

"Frog-spawn," Lily said, but she was looking at Severus. "You've been quiet," she observed. "Are you okay? Was that – did I – " It wasn't often that she looked vulnerable, but she did now.

"I am spectacular," he told her firmly, and couldn't stop himself from grinning like a fool for the hundredth time that night.

"Good night, Sev." She kissed him again, and she tasted like him, and like the lake and chocolate and coffee and something uniquely Lily that Severus didn't think he would ever get enough of.

She shook out her hair, winked at him and disappeared into the Gryffindor common room, the portrait swinging shut behind her.

"I love you, Lily Evans," he murmured, but the Fat Lady had already fallen asleep again and even she didn't hear it.