Author's notes: Hi everyone, It's been a long time since I last update a chapter of my stories. Well, I'm recently quite busy with my school work so the progresses of my stories are delayed. Anyway, the fifth chapter of "Never See, Never Know" will be released on 5th August. (two days after my birthday!) This story is a short story about Jin's thinking which I get some inspirations during the work on "Shape of My Soul". I think it would be a little bit confuse about my writing style so:
1st-Italic part is Jin's thinking
2nd-Normal part is his reality
3rd-Bold part is the voice inside his thinking (except for the tittle of this story and the Author's notes) :-D
The edition work on "Change the World" is completed. "The True Heart" is still in the process of fixing.
Well, that's all. Now let's concentrate on the story down here. ENJOY THE STORY!
Sounds within the Calmness
My soul, my life for long time had already been buried under the thickest, coldest layer of ice
I looked around, only to see the emptiness within my heart.
The pitch black shadows that engraved an unbendable gap in my soul
I ran away…
Desperately struggled in the potent grip of isolation
Hopelessly lost in the maze of despair
Why does it have to be me!
Who am I?
…Nothing…
….
-I had nothing—
The buried memories still ached in my head every single day of my lifetime
I could run, run as fast as I could afford…..
But…
I couldn't hide away from it…..
Forever.
I had a brother but someone had stolen him away from me
Why can't I remember a thing?
I tried to dig my brain, just to find anything, even a small piece of memory, that remained in my mind which could tell me about my brother.
The sick smile….
The bottomless darkness with suffocating atmosphere that surrounded me …
The scream echoed painfully and annoyingly in my head….
"JIN! BRING HER AWAY AND RUN"
"Ahhhh! What are you doing, Jin?"
"ARRGGHHH, MY ARMS, IT … GRAAARRHHHH!"
"Hiaaahhahahahah"
The broken sound of the cracking wooden house
The extreme heat…
The burning log fell down from the ruined ceiling
"Congratulation, Captain Kisaragi. You have proven your exceptional skill in combat and more over, with your incredible success on the Ikaruga battle field, the Imperator has decided to give you a promotion to the rank of Major. Everyone, please give him some applauses for his outstanding efforts." The old, white bearded man stood beside me said out loud in the loudspeaker as everyone clapped their hand soundly in the whole hall. I surveyed my bored eyes around the place and found nothing but the noisy crowd of soldiers who raised their arms in the air and felicitated me. I slowly walked down the stage, walked in between the clear path toward the door.
The cheering sounds still faintly reverberated in my ears.
I don't care. As I opened the steel door, the shinning light intruded into the hall, brighten the whole place. I lifted my small palm and covered my eyes from the sudden beam and continued my way to the place I had always been to whenever I stand between the boundary of sanity and insanity.
The light looked so bright and warm
But…
Why can't I feel a thing?
Even the slightest sign of living in it.
All I could sense was a numb coldness and the darkness that cloud away my sight.
I see the same light in the luxurious mansion.
In which, I groggily opened my eyes with the very first intense contact of the loneliness to my soul.
"From now on, you will be a member of the Kisaragi family." A declaration was set. I didn't even say a word. I abandoned my past, threw it into the oblivion and become a new man with a new life. It will start everything over.
The golden medal was lying soullessly on my palm.
Shinned on front of my eyes sarcastically
I asked myself
Why…?
Why…?
WHY?
I held my head agonizingly and growled like a beast in a silent place as I rolled on the cold ground. I knew that no one could hear it. I'm standing in the middle of the solitude.
"Damn you, memories. GO AWAY!" I shouted. The tremendous pain was sneaking into the deepest of my brain as I was on the edge of the sanity valley, where I could fall to the pitch dark bottom of madness easily. I walked slowly toward my little place.
The gap in my heart just enlarged gradually through time
The sear wound from inside
Why does she have to appear in my life?
Noel Vermillion!
That girl with kind soul
Why does your life have to be so warm and simple?
I envied you.
I love your bright smile…
Love your splendid silky-look hair
Love your giggle
Love your angelic soul that is faintly shinned in the corner of mine.
But at the same time
I hate you so much….
Why do you have to have that face…?
That goddamn face of the person who stole my life, my happiness.
Why don't you say anything…?
Not even a thing when I hurt you so bad.
Looked at your crying face…
DAMN IT!
I CAN'T AFFORD TO STRIKE DOWN ON IT.
I WANT TO KILL YOUR FACE!
But why?
Why do I fall in love with that soul of yours?
Why do have to make me feel guilty whenever you yelp in pain?
I panted heavily and swept my hand along my forehead to clean the cold sweat. I arrived at a small pond with some trees near the water. The surface was so smooth as if there was nothing, even a slightest breeze. I sat down on the leafy ground and there was cracking sound of falling autumn came out. It is shady, the sunlight hardly reached the place as the only source of light was the dim beam of the sun sneaked through the thinnest, flattest gap between the dense trees. I closed my eyes and drifted into the calmness.
Listen….
Listen….
I hear something…
Just a gentle sound of a leaf fell down from the tree…
That was the end of circle of life.
I wonder…
What would it like…?
If I live the life of a leaf.
Dance along with the night…
In the background melody of the wind.
I could hear the touch on the surface…
I could feel the ripple…
I could hear a faint sound…
Of a step, even it was so soft.
"Major Kisaragi." An angelic whispering voice reached my ears from the reality.
I opened my eyes and only to see the slim girl with stunning emerald orbs, her delicated blond hair fluttered in the air as the cool breeze skimmed through the place. I stood up and stared at her from head to toe.
"Lieutenant Vermillion." I muttered as the girl walked toward me.
"Why are you here?" She said.
Please give me some time alone
What should I do to you?
I can't do anything in front of you
I hate you so much that I want to get rid of you
Yet…
I love you so much that I can't lay a hand on your beautiful soul
"That ought to be my line. What are you doing here?"
"I'm here to find you. You've been missing for a couple of hours. I-I…I'm worried about you." She said shyly with a blush on her face.
I don't need anyone to worry about me
Who the hell are you to think that I'm a foolish child to have myself lost?
But…
Why do you have to care so much about me?
You deserve to have someone better than me...
Someone who can take care of you…
Someone who won't hurt you like I do…
Someone…
I placed my hand on her cheek. I just wanted to grip it, to squeeze it in anger. No, I can't. I had lost myself in her look.
Her cheeks…
It was so soft…
So … warm
I can feel the embrace of her kindness.
I can feel the heat of life.
The heat that slowly melted the ice wrapped around my heart.
"Major, let me follow you. As long as I'm with you, I dare to jump to the hell fire if I need to do that to help you. Please don't hate me, I just want you to like me?" She sobbed as her small palm reached mine.
"I don't hate you. Because I love…" The burning anguish once again overwhelmed me, everything was seemingly hazy to me.
"Major… Major!"
The words she said…
Full of concern.
I just want to sleep.
I just want some peace.
Her voice…
Is like the faint sound within the calmness
A/N: What do you think about it? I hope you guys like it. Jin is a good guy after all (I believe so). Even if he isn't as good as I thought. I will make him a good guy so that he will be a perfect guy for Noel. Oh, in this story, Jin haven't died yet. He just fainted away due to the pain. He will have his Noel takes a good care of him. So, nothing too bad will happen.
Anyway, thanks everyone for reading it, please review this one.
Cardlover95