Pink Spider and the 7 J-Rockers
Once upon a BBQ, there was some pregnant teenager who was doing her make-up like a pop singer. But suddenly, she tripped and fell and some terrible things happened very quickly to her. When she pulled herself up, she saw herself in the mirror and squeaked.
"OMG! This is the most amazing discovery I ever made!" though the girl had never made a discovery in her life. "This is so amazing, I think I'll have my first-born dress like this. Yes, that is so smart. She will have eyes that look like they have never slept, like how this Avril Lavigne look is trying to do, and will wear neon clothes like this raver-style, and have hair that looks like this spider on my nose... Naw, what am I THINKING?" Then the spider moved it's leg
Then the girl started screaming and ran around the room yelling for animal control.
This preppy girl with no culture at all decided she would get married to this dude who ruled all of the land, because it was his fault she was a pre-pubescent whore. (Well it wasn't actually, but I don't really care. I'm a terrible writer anyways) So he reluctantly married the little girl even though he really wanted to be the next member of Morning Musume, and suddenly their child was born(-ed). But the pre-pubescent girl was shocked because the child turned out exactly like her previous anti-pop wish. And it was also a dude. They decided to name him hide because that's what they did with him every time an evil overlord came over for tea.
But it turned out that hide didn't know how to say his name properly, so his mother died of shame. hide's father was so glad she was dead, he imported Ayumi Hamasaki from Japan to BBQland to be his new evil wife. But then he died the next day, and Ayumi decided to put hide to work. Meaning... he had to sing all of the Sex Pistols songs to her every day while playing the guitar piece as well. Because Ayumi was really Steve Jones' stalker and her secret ambition was to make Steve and Sid both Johnny's lovers O_o No one could ever know that Ayumi liked the Pistols or yaoi, or else she would be praised as a fair and gracious queen, when she wanted to be evil.
Ayumi had a magic mic that seemed to know a great deal of things. She would say "Mic, mic on the standee, who is the very, very most dandy?" and every day the mic would say "It is you, oh great evil Ayumi!" And so she was evilly content at being the most dandy person ever. She was so content she became more evil every day and woke hide up every morning with her satanic laugh.
Many years later...
One day, Ayumi walked up to her magic mic and crooned with it for a while. Then she said "Mic. Mic on the standee, who is the very, very most dandy?" The mic didn't answer quite right away. But after a minute it said, "Oh shit."
"WHAT!?" demanded Ayumi. She didn't want the mic to be playing games with her again.
"Ahem. I am very sorry to say, that you are no longer the very most dandy." The mic said quietly. Ayumi stared at the magic mic as if it were Kyo coming out of her sandwich and singing 'Kiss me deadly~!"
"THEN WHO IS, YOU B****ING MIC!?" Ayumi screamed at the mic so that all of BBQland could hear.
"It's hide." The mic whispered. Ayumi was so shocked she fell over like an anime character and really died. But some random dude came in and accidentally dropped a ghostly magic lemon potion on her, and she came back to life. She cackled evilly as if the mic had said "Let's take over the world!" instead of "It's hide."
"Now I have the perfect excuse to get rid of that insolent Pink Spider!" she did that thing with her fingers evilly, while the mic tried to explain you can't change someone's name in the middle of the story. "Now I just gotta hire some idiot to go out and kill him and bring something back..." so she went to the yellow pages of the phonebook and looked up the local assassins.
Meanwhile, hide was playing his guitar in the courtyard of the BBQ castle, and he thought it was so cute that these little birds were ripping each other apart for this lemon that was hide's breakfast, he wrote a song about lemons.
"It's a lemon, lemon, LEMONed I scream~" he sang as all of the birds flew away because hide sounded so terrible at singing because of his cold. So he sat there crooning and sneezing while accompanying himself on the guitar. Suddenly, a convertible with a vanity license plate reading 'XTASY' drove into the courtyard and some dude wearing sunglasses came out. Luckily, his name was Yoshiki and not Charming... which means his parents were sane.
"Hey dude, do you need a kleenex?" Yoshiki handed hide a box of puffs, "A nose in need deserves puffs indeed (and ears in need deserve earplugs indeed...)"
"Why thank-you." hide said as he blew his nose and suddenly his cold had disappeared. Then he started to sing again and it sounded much better. And Yoshiki thought it would be so great if he could steal this song and make millions of dollars off of it, but he hadn't perfected how he was going to do that.
Then Ayumi poked her head out of the window and saw Yoshiki and hide, and was very angry because she wanted to steal Yoshiki and his convertible, he was trespassing (the No Trespassing sign was now flattened against the ground), he was sitting with hide and worst of all, hide was singing some song that wasn't a Sex Pistols song.
"PINK SPIDER! GET UP HERE AND MAKE YOUR BED!!!" she yelled out. hide smacked his forehead because he had cleaned the entire castle 5 minutes ago, and had forgotten to make his bed. So he ran inside while Yoshiki yelled out 'Waiiiiiiit! Come back!" Then Yoshiki was given a restraining order by the birds, and they picked up his convertible and dropped it down the steep driveway.
"NOOOO! MY CONVERTIBLE!!!!" he screamed and chased it down the hill into BBQ Village.
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Notes: Er yeah. If you want to know what compelled me to do this, it was adventuring with some friends (Stepk and Jenny) and making up the story 'Vanderslut and the 3 Punks'. I know I'm insane, thank-you. Also... this story was written for kicks, so the writing quality is... very bad.
Ok, some background info on references: hide and YOSHIKI were from the J-Rock band X-Japan. Sadly, hide died in 1998 ;_; Yoshiki nicknamed hide Pink Spider so uh... title ^^ Yoshiki's license plate actually says XTASY (he has a record label called Extasy I think) or so I've read. Ayumi Hamasaki is a J-Pop singer. No, I don't think she's evil, I actually like her music. Morning Musume is a... very strange and large J-Pop group. The Sex Pistols are... THE punk rock band. Shut-up. And lastly, Kyo is the vocalist of Dir en Grey (J-Rock band) and 'Kiss me deadly' is a line from their song child prey.
Once upon a BBQ, there was some pregnant teenager who was doing her make-up like a pop singer. But suddenly, she tripped and fell and some terrible things happened very quickly to her. When she pulled herself up, she saw herself in the mirror and squeaked.
"OMG! This is the most amazing discovery I ever made!" though the girl had never made a discovery in her life. "This is so amazing, I think I'll have my first-born dress like this. Yes, that is so smart. She will have eyes that look like they have never slept, like how this Avril Lavigne look is trying to do, and will wear neon clothes like this raver-style, and have hair that looks like this spider on my nose... Naw, what am I THINKING?" Then the spider moved it's leg
Then the girl started screaming and ran around the room yelling for animal control.
This preppy girl with no culture at all decided she would get married to this dude who ruled all of the land, because it was his fault she was a pre-pubescent whore. (Well it wasn't actually, but I don't really care. I'm a terrible writer anyways) So he reluctantly married the little girl even though he really wanted to be the next member of Morning Musume, and suddenly their child was born(-ed). But the pre-pubescent girl was shocked because the child turned out exactly like her previous anti-pop wish. And it was also a dude. They decided to name him hide because that's what they did with him every time an evil overlord came over for tea.
But it turned out that hide didn't know how to say his name properly, so his mother died of shame. hide's father was so glad she was dead, he imported Ayumi Hamasaki from Japan to BBQland to be his new evil wife. But then he died the next day, and Ayumi decided to put hide to work. Meaning... he had to sing all of the Sex Pistols songs to her every day while playing the guitar piece as well. Because Ayumi was really Steve Jones' stalker and her secret ambition was to make Steve and Sid both Johnny's lovers O_o No one could ever know that Ayumi liked the Pistols or yaoi, or else she would be praised as a fair and gracious queen, when she wanted to be evil.
Ayumi had a magic mic that seemed to know a great deal of things. She would say "Mic, mic on the standee, who is the very, very most dandy?" and every day the mic would say "It is you, oh great evil Ayumi!" And so she was evilly content at being the most dandy person ever. She was so content she became more evil every day and woke hide up every morning with her satanic laugh.
Many years later...
One day, Ayumi walked up to her magic mic and crooned with it for a while. Then she said "Mic. Mic on the standee, who is the very, very most dandy?" The mic didn't answer quite right away. But after a minute it said, "Oh shit."
"WHAT!?" demanded Ayumi. She didn't want the mic to be playing games with her again.
"Ahem. I am very sorry to say, that you are no longer the very most dandy." The mic said quietly. Ayumi stared at the magic mic as if it were Kyo coming out of her sandwich and singing 'Kiss me deadly~!"
"THEN WHO IS, YOU B****ING MIC!?" Ayumi screamed at the mic so that all of BBQland could hear.
"It's hide." The mic whispered. Ayumi was so shocked she fell over like an anime character and really died. But some random dude came in and accidentally dropped a ghostly magic lemon potion on her, and she came back to life. She cackled evilly as if the mic had said "Let's take over the world!" instead of "It's hide."
"Now I have the perfect excuse to get rid of that insolent Pink Spider!" she did that thing with her fingers evilly, while the mic tried to explain you can't change someone's name in the middle of the story. "Now I just gotta hire some idiot to go out and kill him and bring something back..." so she went to the yellow pages of the phonebook and looked up the local assassins.
Meanwhile, hide was playing his guitar in the courtyard of the BBQ castle, and he thought it was so cute that these little birds were ripping each other apart for this lemon that was hide's breakfast, he wrote a song about lemons.
"It's a lemon, lemon, LEMONed I scream~" he sang as all of the birds flew away because hide sounded so terrible at singing because of his cold. So he sat there crooning and sneezing while accompanying himself on the guitar. Suddenly, a convertible with a vanity license plate reading 'XTASY' drove into the courtyard and some dude wearing sunglasses came out. Luckily, his name was Yoshiki and not Charming... which means his parents were sane.
"Hey dude, do you need a kleenex?" Yoshiki handed hide a box of puffs, "A nose in need deserves puffs indeed (and ears in need deserve earplugs indeed...)"
"Why thank-you." hide said as he blew his nose and suddenly his cold had disappeared. Then he started to sing again and it sounded much better. And Yoshiki thought it would be so great if he could steal this song and make millions of dollars off of it, but he hadn't perfected how he was going to do that.
Then Ayumi poked her head out of the window and saw Yoshiki and hide, and was very angry because she wanted to steal Yoshiki and his convertible, he was trespassing (the No Trespassing sign was now flattened against the ground), he was sitting with hide and worst of all, hide was singing some song that wasn't a Sex Pistols song.
"PINK SPIDER! GET UP HERE AND MAKE YOUR BED!!!" she yelled out. hide smacked his forehead because he had cleaned the entire castle 5 minutes ago, and had forgotten to make his bed. So he ran inside while Yoshiki yelled out 'Waiiiiiiit! Come back!" Then Yoshiki was given a restraining order by the birds, and they picked up his convertible and dropped it down the steep driveway.
"NOOOO! MY CONVERTIBLE!!!!" he screamed and chased it down the hill into BBQ Village.
--------------------
Notes: Er yeah. If you want to know what compelled me to do this, it was adventuring with some friends (Stepk and Jenny) and making up the story 'Vanderslut and the 3 Punks'. I know I'm insane, thank-you. Also... this story was written for kicks, so the writing quality is... very bad.
Ok, some background info on references: hide and YOSHIKI were from the J-Rock band X-Japan. Sadly, hide died in 1998 ;_; Yoshiki nicknamed hide Pink Spider so uh... title ^^ Yoshiki's license plate actually says XTASY (he has a record label called Extasy I think) or so I've read. Ayumi Hamasaki is a J-Pop singer. No, I don't think she's evil, I actually like her music. Morning Musume is a... very strange and large J-Pop group. The Sex Pistols are... THE punk rock band. Shut-up. And lastly, Kyo is the vocalist of Dir en Grey (J-Rock band) and 'Kiss me deadly' is a line from their song child prey.